Till My Head Falls Off 09.23.02: All I Need

For Your Listening Pleasure

Collider – Physics

Why Freakboy Was Right (Sorta)

Before I dive into this week’s column, I have to give a big shout-out to fellow 411 Music columnist Freakboy who’s X-Factor is likely to be your third favorite column on the site, after Pop Culture Locket and Voice of Reason, of course. Where’s that leave the column that you are currently reading, you ask? I’m happy to settle as your fourth favorite column… that doesn’t mean I have to agree with your shitty taste.

Anyway, back to Freakboy. The kid spent a great deal of time in his 9.13.02 column praising the quality of the “brat-rock” (plural) bands that I’ve been working my ass off to make you question, and he actually likes SR-71. But hey, if he wants to be responsible for the demise of yet another Web site, it’s MY duty to stop him dead in his tracks. Keep reading, and keep sending me feedback, ‘cause those, my faithful readers, are the weapons a columnist like myself needs to continue to improve and ensure that I’m prepared to fight off any negative vibes.

That being said, he makes an excellent point about Bon Jovi. The band is freakin’ underrated. Period. I don’t care what type of music you like – if you’re a hip-hop head, a punk, a Brother of Metal, or chomping at the bit as Kelly Clarkson finishes up her album – you know every word to at least one Bon Jovi song. You may have even made up parody lyrics of your own, back in 5th grade. Don’t deny it.

Because of that, Freakboy completely kicks ass, so go and read his column – and ALL of 411 Music – RIGHT NOW. Plus, I’m totally feeling what Jon, Richie and all those Jersey boys are doing with their record label, finally catching up with the rest of us. Check this out to know what the heck I’m talking about. Not perfect, but a good start – it’s about time these record labels are figuring out that they can win Internet battles without lawsuits and totally pissing off the fans.

All I Need

You know, I have about 500 or so CDs, a couple of shoeboxes full of cassettes, and a couple of dozen 33-RPM LPs. Yes, LPs. Shut up. But I’m always going to a Tower Records or a used CD shop on St. Mark’s Place in Manhattan and finding things “I need.”

– I need to buy this Vines album and hear what all the hype is about.

– I need to get this old Nirvana single, ‘cause “Most Vagina” is the only song I don’t have an “official” copy of.

– I need to get the original “Wrestling Album” because how can my record collection be complete without Junk Yard Dog singing “Grab Them Cakes”?!

My friends seem to have the most to say on this topic. Apparently, my collection is lacking ‘cause I don’t have John Zorn’s The Circle Maker, the Magnolia soundtrack or anything by Emmylou Harris. How is it possible that I’ve shelled out $15 for The Strokes’ album but don’t have anything by the Flaming Lips or the Silver Jews? I get points with some for having Faith No More’s greatest hits album and A Tribe Called Quest’s Low End Theory, but looks of stunned disbelief when it’s found out that I own no Radiohead or Mobb Deep.

This is from people that own every Foxy Brown CD, and claim to have Britney’s latest record “to look at the pictures.” And I’M the one getting scrutinized? Shit.

The Top Ten Albums I Don’t Have

So, I’ve decided to do some research. Taking into account the contents of my closest friends’ and relatives’ CD collections, VH-1’s excellent 100 Greatest Albums of Rock ‘N’ Roll and my own personal “to buy” list, I’ve come up with the Top Ten Albums I Don’t Have. I was going to put a link here where you could go to my Amazon wish list and send me things, but I can’t remember how to. Wait, here it is! Buy me things

10. Primus – Frizzle Fry (1990). “Hello all you boys and girls/I’d like to take you to the inside world/It’s quite an irregular place to be/But never fear you’re safe with me/Well, maybe.” Yeah, I’m not sure what Les Claypool is talking about either, but the drumming and bass on this album is enough to put it on my “to buy” list, despite all the nonsense.

9. Liz Phair – Exile in Guyville (1993). Fuck and run, enough said. Alanis Morissette eat your heart out.

8. James Brown – Funk Power 1970: A Brand New Thang (1970). And to think, my first exposure to the Hardest Working Man in Show Business was in Rocky IV. Little did I know that six years before I was born, James Brown – with the likes of guys named Bootsy, Catfish, Jabo and Clyde backing him up – was making music this hot. I feel like a sex machine just thinking about it. Uhm… now I feel dirty. FUNK yeah!

7. Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin II (1969). If only John Bonham’s son was ½ the drummer he was…

6. Public Enemy – It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988). There was a time when I truly felt that every song EVER ought to include a break featuring Flava Flav and only Flava Flav. I’ve since changed my stance on the matter, but this here’s a record well deserving of its critical acclaim. I still remember the first time I heard “Bring the Noise” and “Rebel Without a Pause” and if I didn’t have the Def Jam anniversary box set, I would have bought this CD a long time ago.

5. Stevie Wonder – Songs in the Key of Life (1976). How do I NOT own this? For those of you who don’t know my musical tastes, let me break it down for ya one time. Great beats, smart lyrics and soulful melodies are the way to my heart. Loud guitars and hot beats are a plus, and definitely my preference. But when you think about songs like “Isn’t She Lovely” and “Pastime Paradise” and a smile comes across your face, as your head bobs and weaves like Stevie’s does when he sings, you’ll understand why this one had to make the list.

4. Prince & The Revolution – Purple Rain (1984). 411’s Ashish is reporting that Prince Rogers Nelson is finally coming out with his first-ever live CD set this year. It’s about time… I wasn’t allowed to watch this “R-rated” movie when it came out, but I still managed to know every song from it.

3. The Rolling Stones – Let It Bleed (1969). I surprisingly don’t own anything by the Stones, surprisingly enough, to my friends’ surprise. Surprised? Not surprising, if Forty Licks wasn’t coming out on October 1, and I had to choose one Stones album to purchase, this would be it for “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” alone. Chilling, bluesy tune right there – enough to make even a bunch of ugly, drugged out assholes appealing.

2. Michael Jackson – Thriller (1982). All of the songs on this pre-freaky MJ album… made History.

1. The Beatles – Abbey Road (1969). Here’s the sappy one. Besides being the best Beatles album ever, and one of the last (I can never remember if Abbey Road or Let It Be was actually the “last”), this is probably the album that I have the fondest memories of. The album hardly left my dad’s record player when I was a wittle boy, and I knew all of the words to “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” and “Octopus’ Garden” by the time I was four. “Something” is my favorite love song EVER, “Come Together” rocks, and Side B is one of those classic “let the record spin and take a nap in the radio station” sides… not that I ever did that or anything.

What do you think?

Here’s where you scroll down, click on that feedback link, and tell me I left something out, included something on the list that only a moron would listen to, and/or share other snotty-to-intelligent thoughts with me. Go ahead, do it. You sex machine, you.

Next week: Smoking One Last Joint w/Bigg Snoop Dogg, the importance of Listening to Music at Work, and My Five Most Embarrassing CDs (Sorta)….

peace. love. moe.

– Matt

Matthew Michaels is one of the original editors of Pulse Wrestling, and was founding editor of Inside Fights and of Inside Pulse Music.