Body Blows: Rahman/Toney, How To Judge A Fight, and a Cooties Epidemic.

Columns, News, Results

Do you ever watch a sporting event on TV and as soon as it ends think to yourself, that was a complete waste of time? Much like the 2002 Major League Baseball All-Star Game, last Saturday’s heavyweight showdown between Hasim Rahman and James Toney ended in a draw. Rahman is primarily known for his one-punch knockout of Lennox Lewis in 2001 while James Toney is known for being a really fat middleweight.

The Rahman/Toney draw was not a good outcome for the heavyweight division. This fight was billed under the pretense of an undisputed heavyweight champion and did not deliver a winner. The fight itself was exciting. Rahman landed the harder punches while Toney landed a higher volume of punches. In this case, the fight boils down to the specific judge’s preference to quality vs. quantity. A professional boxing match is judged on four basic factors:

1. Clean Punching – how accurately a fighter hits his opponent.

2. Effective Aggressiveness – how much your punching controls the fight.

3. Ring Generalship – using non-punching skills to dictate the pace of the fight. Agility, forcing your opponent back, and feinting punches are all ways to display ring generalship.

4. Defense – blocking, bobbing and weaving, footwork, and lateral movement.

Quality vs. Quantity

The most important factor to judge is certainly punching. A judge needs to decide which boxer did the most damage with his punches. For example, in the case of quality vs. quantity, a judge needs to decide if four power punches did more damage than eight jabs from the other fighter. There isn’t a rule that states if quality is better than quantity. The deciding factor has to be which fighter did the most damage.

What’s Next For The Heavyweights

Chris Byrd fights Wladimir Klitschko on April 22. This is supposed to be another statement fight for the heavyweight division. The plan was for the Rahman/Toney winner to fight the Byrd/Wladimir winner. Most likely, this will still happen. Rahman and Toney will surely have a rematch and hopefully a winner can be declared this time. The heavyweight division is still a mess but it will still be cleared up. It’s just going to take a little longer than expected.

Results From Last Week

– Middleweight prospect John Duddy knocked Shelby Pudwill out in the first round of the main event at Madison Square Garden.

– Former light welterweight world champion Cool Vince Phillips lost a majority decision to Jesse Feliciano on ESPN’s Friday Night Fights. Phillips has beaten the likes of Micky Ward and Kostya Tszyu but at 42 years old, it seems time for Cool Vince to fade into the limelight.

– Shannon Briggs, the last man to beat George Foreman, registered a fourth round knockout of Dicky Ryan. It would be sweet if Mr. Ryan had the same last name that I do.

– Kevin Payne defeated Ryan Maraldo by split decision. Payne died the following day due to injuries sustained to his brain. Kevin Payne was 34 years old.

– Heavyweight Tony Thompson scored a fourth round TKO over Maurice Wheeler to improve his record to 27-1.

Jockscraps – The Stories They Won’t Tell

Four Students Infected With Cooties During Kickball

An outbreak of cooties ended Mrs. Pearson’s recess well before its scheduled time this past Friday. Her third-grade students were rushed back into the classroom when it was learned that four children in the kickball game had cooties. Vaughndale Elementary never had an epidemic like this in its history so every precaution was taken to ensure that no more students were infected.

“When you are dealing with cooties,” says Mrs. Pearson, “you are dealing with a highly contagious disease. I didn’t want to put any of my students at risk so I ended the game immediately.”

The situation began when Jenny, a girl, rounded second base and accidentally brushed her elbow against Todd, a boy. Todd jumped back and exclaimed that Jenny had cooties, meaning that Todd was now infected with the terrible virus.

Kevin was playing center field and witnessed the entire thing. “I don’t know what he was thinking, but after Jenny gave Todd cooties, he touched Heather. I guess he thought he could just get rid of them, but that’s not how cooties work. Cooties are smarter than that. Once you get cooties, all you can do is spread them to others. The only way to get rid of them is to have a cootie shot. Todd knows better than that but he just lost his head out there. Cooties will do that to you.”

Jeremy, the team leader and roller, tried to calm Heather down after she was infected by Todd. Heather is known to be a drama queen and wouldn’t stop freaking out. As Jeremy closed in on Heather’s tantrum, she thrusted both hands onto Jeremy’s chest, giving their star player cooties as well. This is when Mrs. Pearson had seen enough and sent everyone back into the classroom.

Todd was reached for comment after school and stated, “There is no way Jenny should have been out there playing with cooties. I’m telling you, we need to step up the testing around here. I can’t let my future be put in jeopardy because of someone else’s carelessness. We’re playing dodgeball on Tuesday. That bitch is going down. Right in the head.”

Spit Bucket

The Reverend has your UFC updates.

The first installment of Aaron Cameron et al’s baseball preview is up.

Tom Gubitosi’s Weekly Sports Pulse is required reading.

Fight Night Round 3 reviews are here! Mark B. reviews the XBOX 360 version while Michaelangelo McCullar reviews the regular XBOX version.