Stuff I Think and Shouldn't Say 47: The Big Slip
by Shawn M. Smith on August 5, 2006

Stuff I Think and Shouldn’t Say 47

This week was a busy one. No, I didn’t get a job, Mom, so those emails can stop.

What more do you want from me?

In IP’s Super Secret Hush-Hush Staff Forums, I talked a lot about an interview I was conducting this past Tuesday, but I neglected to let you all in on it. Now, it’s not because I don’t love you, dear readers. I had to keep it a secret, as Widro and Matthew Michaels wanted me to “kick butt and take names” with Inside Pulse’s Exclusive Interview with Austin Aries. I talked to the Ring of Honor and TNA wrestler for a good hour, of which 40 minutes was recorded and subsequently transcribed.

(Ssquared Note: if you are to transcribe anything, pay someone else or hire an intern. This puppy took almost 7 hours to get as to near perfection as it is.)

One of the nicest people I have ever talked to. He loves his life, he loves his job, and he’s just super cool. I went from being an ardent supporter to huge fan to an ardent supporter/super fan of Austin Aries. Sure, he doesn’t keep up on music like I would have assumed, but not everyone is a nerd. You’d think with all the travel time, he would like to listen to something new, but I digress. Some people have to work out for a living. Others, like me, do…things.

Again, I cannot stress enough how much I would love you if you just listened to the MP3 or read the transcript. Hell, we even talked about music. It also got me a plug from Scott Keith in his blog. Granted, he didn’t link THIS column and make me the quasi-celebrity I yearn to be, but a plug’s a plug.

After a month of bitching about music retail, I don’t want you all to think I hate music. In fact, I love it more than 85% of the world. That’s why I am such a “Douche-y Magoo” when I see how horrible mainstream music is. I don’t need the biggest collection of CDs to be Music’s Greatest Fan. I know better now, even though I didn’t in my youth (read: 3 or 4 years ago.)

Once I had over 1000 discs, I knew it was time for a change. Radiohead at 2004′s Field Day Festival afforded me the chance I was waiting for. I had to unload crappy music, and no one could stop me. Also, I couldn’t afford transportation and tickets to NJ for the show on my sucky salary, so I sold 350 CDs on two different occasions. It was a nice way to make several hundred dollars, and my boss was happy. Why?

Oh, I sold them at my old store.

Sure, I thought these CDs weren’t worth keeping, but there was something for everyone. Every single album went to a good home that week, as the “Just In” Bin was heaping full of my stuff, and not the usual crap you tend to find. I didn’t sell Backstreet Boys and 311 CDs by the armful because I didn’t own any. (That last part isn’t really true. I owned Black and Blue, but that was a gift from an ex. Nice gift, right? Now you know why I dumped her: her taste in music sucked. Oh, and she cheated on me, but that’s for another column. We were talking about Music, right?)

Danzig Thrall: Demonsweat Live was the easiest decision I had to make. I sold that one back without even blinking. At 15, I thought “Mother” was the greatest thing. What a cool song. Hell, MTV told me that, as the video was in heavy, heavy rotation back when MTV meant something to me. Later that same year, Kurt Cobain killed himself and the non-stop coverage his death received made me honestly believe the folks in the production truck thought he might be resurrected. At 22, that album blew and if I was going to be bringing “ladies” home that liked his music, I had bigger fish to fry.

Bitches that love Danzig eat people.

I think I read a study about that.

Honestly, I had so much garbage that I knew I wasn’t going to listen to, it was worth it. If you have a big CD collection, you are either: a rock journalist, a loser, a thief or a DJ.

I honestly didn’t want people to think I stole that many CDs. I worked in a record store, for God’s sakes. If people thought even I didn’t pay for it, why would they? I miss that store. I miss the memories and the friends I made there. I miss the customers and new releases. I think about ordering CDs to stock the sections and opening on Black Friday and getting to be rude to people because, for one day only, I was too busy to give a shit. I even miss doing the paperwork.

But I don’t miss those crappy CDs.

—————————————————————-

.::.Plugging the Bitchin’ $h!t.::.
.:.Columns from the Week that Was!.:.

Greg Wind: Between the Notes
Kyle David Paul: Let’s Rave On
Gloomchen: Totally True Tune Tales
Mathan Erhardt: More Reasons Why Being Deaf Sucks/Rocks

I still love Grut. I got to love him two times this week. Thank you, Grut, and Happy (belated) Birthday.

Mark Neeley presents The NeelDown Video Review: WWE SummerSlam 2003. Even though he is trying to convince me that Jars of Clay are awesome, I will plug his stuff because I like him. Also, he doesn’t believe that Super Mario Brothers can be defeated in 11 minutes, so I am telling him now: go ask Lucard.

I had a friend beat Rygar with his feet, so I still think that anything is possible with enough practice.

—————————————————————-

Ssquared’s Music Pulse Hook-Up!


Tegan and Sara – Living Room

I really wanted to include “Walking With A Ghost” this week, but the audio on all the videos I found was horrible. Just dreadful.

Tegan and Sara are one of those sweet, fantastic acts that makes you really proud to own everything they put out. Funny, smart, irreverent and cute-as-hell, the sisters are talented and Ssquared has a feeling (just like the Beatles did!) they’re long overdue for a break.

(Please, Merciful God of Music, make these ladies the most popular act in the world. While you are at it, can I be rich? Seriously, I will give, like, 9% of my yearly earnings to blind kids and people with funny walks. Nine percent really is a lot. If you give me a billion dollars, it’s 9 million, right? Just something to think about, Lord of the Rock/Good Things. In Ryan Adams’ name, amen.)

As always, head to Tegan and Sara to learn more.

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The QUICKY-FAST News!
brought to you by

.:.Albert Strokes Alone.:.
Strokes guitarist Albert Hammond Jr. is releasing his debut solo album in 9 October – but it looks like it will only be available in the UK.

Curly haired Al is putting out Yours To Keep through Rough Trade, and – as yet – there are no plans to release the LP – which features guest stars including Strokes singer Julian Casablancas, Sean Lennon and Ben Kweller – in his native America.

Hammond put together a band of bassist Josh Lattanzi and drummer Matt Romano for the record, and sings on most of it himself.

Strokes manager Ryan Gentles, who also guests on the album, tells Billboard, “It sounds like Albert. If you don’t know him, you just have to listen to the record, and you will know him intimately.”

He adds that Hammond – currently on tour with his band in Australia – may even play some live shows in Britain to support the release.

(credit: Gigwise.com)

Not since his father’s album has a Hammond done anything this neat. (Albert Hammond Sr. wrote and performed the 70′s classic “It Never Rains in Southern California” and all this stuff.)

Of course he got his famous friends to play on it: they’re famous. That’s what rich and FAMOUS people do.

They also:
1) Date model/actresses or hot musicians.
2) Wipe their asses with hundred dollar bills.
3) Litter.
4) Kill hobos.

Now you REALLY know what Albert Hammond is up to: killing hobos while littering. Before today, you just thought he was the rhythm guitarist for the Strokes. Don’t you feel smarter already?


.:. Brock and Marr: BFF Fo-Eva?.:.

Former Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr has joined US cult heroes Modest Mouse as a permanent member Isaac Brock has confirmed.

Marr has been collaborating with the Seattle natives on their latest record but Brock now says that he is such an indispensable part of the band he is becoming a full paid up member.

Marr will tour with Modest Mouse in support of their new album which has the working title of We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank.

Brock told Rolling Stone: “He made a cautious commitment to write and record with us, and then the tighter we got, he was like, ‘okay, let’s tour too’.”

“Then he was pretty much a member of the band – not pretty much. He’s a full-blown member of the band. It’s really f*ckin’ nice.”

(credit: Gigwise.com)

Yeah, that’s really nice, alright.

THIS IS JOHNNY MARR.

He was Morrissey’s collaborator with the Smiths. He wrote everything except for the lyrics. He even wrote some of those, the genius!

I do not know what it is that Isaac Brock said to Johnny Marr to convince him to join his band of merry men, but that’s a pretty sweet pick-up. If I were to use a baseball analogy, it would be like A-Rod joining the Mets or Sawks just to get the opportunity to shut the snobby Yankee fans up who whine that he sucks. Yeah, the reigning MVP is sucky. Right.

Johnny Marr, you have great taste. If you were to join any band, I am glad you chose this one.

I am seriously going to throw up the day this album comes out.

.:.My Neighbor Had a Datsun .:.

The Datsuns have announced full details of their forthcoming third album which is out on October 2.

Entitled Smoke & Mirrors, the LP is a ten song affair including the lead single “System Overload” which is out on September 18.

The track listing is:
What Are You Stamping Your Foot For
System Overload
Waiting For Your Time To Come
Stuck Here For Days
Maximum Heartbreaker_All Aboard
Such A Pretty Curse
Blood Red
Emperor’s New Clothes
Too Little Fire
(credit:Gigwise.com)

Here’s a good band. Look them up and fall in love. I’ll even give you a link to their website.

.:.Albarn Calling?.:.

The Clash bassist Paul Simonon has spoken for the first time about how he got involved with Damon Albarn’s new band.

The Gorillaz chief has collaborated with Simonon, former Verve and Blur guitarist Simon Tong and Fela Kuti drummer Tony Allen on the The Good, The Bad and The Queen, which is due out in January 2007.

Speaking about the project Simonon said that as soon as he heard the music he decided to get involved.

He said: “I came down to listen to two tracks, and I could hear a bass line for it immediately. We thought let’s give it a go and we basically started from that and we started a whole new record.”

Albarn has been working on the album, which has been produced by Gnarls Barkley’s Dangermouse, for the last two years.

(credit: NME.com)

Two legendary(-ish) guitarists sign up to help out new(-ish) bands in the same week? Ridiculous.

This is incredible, but I have heard rumblings that next week there will be even BIGGER announcements that rock the music world to its very core:

Monday:
Roger Daltrey will give up the Who once and for all by joining Panic! At the Disco if no reason other than to make me throw up into my own mouth for the second time. This time, it won’t be from excitement, but rather, fear and disappointment. Shame on you, Roger Daltrey.

Tuesday
Following Daltrey’s lead, David Gilmour has a sit down chat with the boys from Coldplay, convincing them once and for all that Chris Martin is, in fact, a vagina. They kick Mr. Paltrow to the curb and Gilmour will start writing all the music for the band. I will like them once again, because I am a fickle bitch that way.

Wednesday
With nothing left to live for, the incomparably emaciated Iggy Pop joins A.F.I. He does that because “real ‘emo’ kids know their parents don’t love them, so they stop eating…like me” He then plays the William Tell Overture on his ribs. That’s the team-up we all (read: NO ONE) want to see.

Thursday
Madonna starts touring as the opening act for Justin Timberlake. He invites her because he still has an “axe to grind with Britney Spears.” Having already banged all of Spears’ other friends, he only needs the 40-ish mom to complete the set. Madonna, it appears, is still a whore. Hot! Hot! Hot!

Friday
Kevin Federline and 50 Cent (both look good in tank tops, right?) will release a 7 inch split of a Wangsta/Popozao mash-up called “Stupid Bitches Who Need They Ass Kicked” ( © the Bootleg) which will haunt them in their dreams.

-Federline, distraught that he was over-shadowed on the cut, will lose his mind and attempt to jump Fitty outside a NYC night club with a cheese wheel. He will die when his face is ripped clean off, and he bleeds out all over his white jumpsuit.

-I will name this day “K-Fed is Totally Dead, Thank GOD Above” Day.

-SPIN Magazine will name him artist of the century, lamenting that had he not been taken from us “before his prime” we may never know how influential he could have been. They will cite Jim Morrisson, Jimi Hendrix, Jeff Buckley and Kurt Cobain as “highly influential musicians who were taken too soon as well.”

-I will destroy SPIN’s Manhattan offices.

-Rolling Stone will still suck.

.:. Rufus Lets The Lid Off.:.

Rufus Wainwright has revealed that he is working “feverishly” on the follow up to 2004′s Want Two and 2003′s Want One.

The singer is planning a release for 2007.

A posting on his official website reads: “Rufus is presently working feverishly on his new album for release in 2007. Sessions have taken place in New York, Berlin and London.

“Contrary to published reports, there is no specific release date set, the album has not been titled nor has a first single been chosen. You’ll be the first to know if you’re a regular visitor to this site.”

(credit: NME.com)

The man who did the second best cover version of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah,” number one is Jeff Buckley, has a new album in the works. That’s good news for me and…I think Kyle David Paul likes him too.

Go us!


.:.I’ll Always Love You…Ryan Adams.:.

Ryan Adams is streaming new track “France” on his official website.

The song, which evokes the 80′s soft rock sound of the singer’s Rock N Roll album is the first new material since 2005′s 29.

Adams is currently touring the US with his band The Cardinals and previewing a number of new songs including ‘Promises’, ‘Breakdown Into The Resolve’, ‘Blue Hotel’, ‘Two Hearts’ and ‘Everybody Knows’.

(credit: NME.com)

This track is killer.

I love that Ryan can segue from alt-country to 80s rock so painlessly. I don’t care that Pitchfork hated Rock N Roll, I thought it was a genius effort from an infectiously talented performer. I promise I am not saying this because I am still posturing for a wedding singer.

I just love Ryan Adams in a healthy, manly way. He is one of the many things great with the world of music. He is sunbeams, rainbows, and a gaggle of happy little puppies wrapped in a basket woven out of thousand dollar bills.

Thank you, Ryan Adams. You rule!

Ryan, you still haven’t called me. It’s been weeks, man. Don’t be scared. You and I should talk about a price. I figure the ceremony will only be a few hours, and if you cover “Wonderwall” and learn “At Last” and “Hallelujah,” I’ll toss in several thousand dollars more. You like money, don’t you? Me too. Wow, we have so much in common. Let’s chat.

—————————————————————-

.::.Plugging Music Reviews: the Inside Pulse Way.:.

Check out the Archive or you can just click the individual reviews below:

Tha Dogg Pound – Cali Iz Active

Murder by Death – In Bocca Al Lupo

Grave Digger – 25 To Live

OPM – California Poppy

Dead Rabbits – Sin-eater

—————————————————————-

Ten Things You Might Not Know about Shawn M. Smith:

1) He’s a rightie.
2) He is Native American and German. SMS is also just irrationally angry about a lot of things: ponies, push-ups, and physical therapy, in particular, but that has nothing to do with his heritage.
3) He thinks the people behind Kidz Bop are geniuses.
4) He once had long hair. It looked ridiculous.
5) Eric S. reads his stuff just to check grammar and punctuation, but never responds to Shawn’s emails.
6) He didn’t REALLY kill that guy in Reno. That guy totally fell.
7) SMS once beat a rabbit in a foot race. It was “sleeping.”
8) In college, Ssquared had 4.2 speed…running downhill.
9) He used to be able to dunk a basketball.
10) SMS could easily grow the greatest moustache ever known to man.

I hope you enjoyed this week’s Stuff I Think and Shouldn’t Say! as I dislocated my shoulder twice while typing it, which seriously prevented it making the deadline.

First, Tracy tore it out of socket while lifting my shirt to scratch my back because I COULDN’T REACH THAT SPOT WITHOUT DISLOCATING MY SHOULDER. Oh, the irony.

The second time, I was being sneaky and trying to send my lady a text message while she was in the other room. As I stood up from the computer desk in the bedroom, I busted ass on a stack of magazines and with a cat-like grace, swung the bad arm violently to prevent tumbling through the French Doors between the bedroom and the living room.

Yeah, so if any of you have leftover scripts for Vicodin (Hi, Eric S.) drop me a line.

We’ll be together again in 14, gentle readers.

Keep it real!
Ssquared
Ssquared @ MySpace



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