There’s nothing like a good story around Christmas. Sitting around the fire, drinking the alcohol that’s so in abundance in the gift baskets, and then performing surgery on a woman’s hoo-haa because she’s never yee-hawed in the sack. And we ain’t talkin’ Santa’s sack o’ toys.
This Christmas episode of Nip/ Tuck was filled with family and gifts and cheer (code for alcohol) and midgets. Now, I don’t know who at Nip/ Tuck suggested adding a midget to the cast, but it was nothing short of brilliant. And Christmas is my favorite time of year, because it’s the holiday that gives those little guys a LOT of work. Like I always say, they’re life’s little comedians.
Sean’s all alone for the holidays since Julia took the kids, Annie and Rock Lobster, to the farm in Illinois. It doesn’t really matter where she took them. They’re just not in this episode. Kind of like when Chrissy Snow went to her “mom’s house” when she was fighting with the producers on “Three’s Company”. Where was I? Ok, so Alanis Morrisette joins the cast as Liz’s lezbo luvah and they suggest Sean be a Santa at the mall. Now, let me get this right”¦ Here you have one of the top plastic surgeons in “Miami” (which, by the way, it’s soooooo not filmed in Miami”¦believe me, I’d be the first in line to “tell them what I don’t like about myself”)”¦ Damn, where was I again? The new mallrat, Dr. Sean McNamara, is now feeling warm and tingly inside and has this new charitable sense about him. Say What?
He has the world’s worst Santa outfit on, clearly prompting him to drink to numb his sense of smell from that delicious Cinnabon fragrance that permeates throughout the spending sinkhole of a mall. Mmmm. Talk about Christmas! Have you ever tried one of those Gingerbread Lattes at Starbucks? Delish. So, he’s a drunken Santa, and as the kiddies sat on his lap, the incredulous moments were captured on film. Each snapshot of horror, disbelief, shock and disgust was taken as Santa crushed their gum drop dreams.
Hilarious! Then, he runs into the “Tiny Avenger”(back from the “In Living Color” days) and asks her if she knows Marlow”¦ and he thought they all hung out together! I love it!
On the flip side of the coin, Dr. Christian Troy is taking his latest inheritance, Wilbur, shopping at where else? Cinnabon heaven. This is the kid from a previous season that he temporarily fathered. He is so cute, I’d buy him the whole mall. Little people included. Look how PC I’ve gotten in just a few sentences. From midgets to little people. See? There is something about Christmastime. And even Christian felt it. He was so excited to be Wilbu’s guardian and so sweet with him, we almost forgot that this is the same guy who was an accessory to murder and treats women like they’re from Kazakhstan. And what can possibly complete his interracial pending nuptials? Adding Webster to the mix.
Is it just me, or did Jacqueline Bisset look like the wicked witch of the west? I mean, didn’t Christian do hand rejuvenation on her? And come on, botox that face! She was really looking scary.
Now, Sean’s Christmas wasn’t completely ruined. He had a feel good story coming to him. He encounters a homeless man named Reefer who notices that he’s wearing a swanky new suit. Receiving more attention than he’s been getting around the holidays, he befriended him and gave him some medical care and gives him his hideous brown Brooks Brothers suit. Little did he know that Reefer would be making a donation of his own, unbeknownst to anyone other than the evil James. James got a little greedy and took all of his organs. Now, how they do these surgeries under the radar is one thing. How they chopped up Reefer into parts with just plastic surgery cutlery is another. I saw “Rear Window” and “Fargo”. It’s just not that easy.
Christian’s got a hot new fiancé and insta-family with Wilbur and is sweeter than all the gumdrops in Candy Land. And Sean has become very thirsty during his alone time and it has made him somewhat introspective. Dressing up as Santa at the mall and befriending a homeless man and giving him his old suit. It’s one of those episodes that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside like you just had a hot toddy.
Though there’s one person who won’t be feeling warm or fuzzy or organy inside. Poor Reefer.
Now, I don’t know what the hell is gonna happen in next week’s episode, but I can’t believe the season is almost over!
All I know is that if they hurt my cute little Webster, there’ll be some serious reparations.
