The SmarK Rant for Saturday Night’s Main Event – August 2 2008
http://www.rspwfaq.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/full-archive.zip
So here’s the deal, boys and girls. I’m finally upgrading my video game system as my birthday present to myself this year, and although I haven’t decided between PS3 or XBox 360 quite yet, I’m definitely going with one of them. But being that they don’t give them away free I need to finance this little transaction, and that’s where you come in.
Although I sold the complete WWE archives to great success, people have since been asking when the rest of the archive is coming, and my answer was always that it’s a long and arduous process to convert to PDF. But I figured that most people probably didn’t care about that anyway so I should just dump it all in a big zipped archive and be done with it. So I did.
So here’s the deal: You download the big 13MB zip file linked above (or here), send $20 to me via Paypal at skeith@gmail.com, and I send you the password for hours of reading pleasure. And here’s what you get:
* The complete WWE/F archive in Word format, including all the RAW, Smackdown and DVD reviews.
* The complete WCW archive in Word or TXT format (depending on the original file),including PPV, Thunder and Clash of Champions archives, plus the lost WCW book proposal from 2000.
* The complete ECW archive in Word or TXT format
* The complete TNA archive (such as it is)
* The complete ROH archive (again, such as it is)
* All of my 24/7 rants to date
* The complete AWA archive (not much, but still it’s all there)
* All of my DVD reviews for 411/InsidePulse (or at least as many as I still have on the hard drive)
* All of my attempts at fiction, like the World Hero Federation and How I Spent My Armageddon.
* All of the articles for Fighting Spirit Magazine in their original, unedited form.
* All of my Netcop Rants, including King Lear, Lazarus, For The Want of a Nail and other various news updates I did for sites like Emzee.
* All of my lame TV rants for shows like Prison Break and Rock Star and Ultimate Fighter.
* Finally, a big directory of Other Stuff with assorted one-off wrestling PPVs like Heroes of Wrestling, XPW tapes, I-Generation, Women of Wrestling, Girls Gone Wild. Oh, and the complete unedited manuscript for The Buzz on Pro Wrestling, which is so long out of print that I doubt anyone would care if I sold it here.
One word of warning: The newer stuff (pretty much anything from 2007 onwards) is written in Word 2007 format, which shows up as a .docx file and can’t be read without either Word 2007 or a standalone reader from Microsoft.
So there you go, $20 gets you everything I’ve got to sell, and if 20 people are interested then I can buy a PS3 and start enjoying Grand Theft Auto just like the rest of the world. And hopefully now people can stop bugging me.
– Taped from Washington, DC.
– Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler.
JBL, Ted Dibiase, Cody Rhodes & Kane v. John Cena, Cryme Tyme & Batista.
Kane hammers Batista down to start, but Dave comes back with a corner clothesline and boots him down for two. He gets caught in the heel corner and Cody Rhodes comes in and slugs away, but Batista powers him into the face corner, where JTG beats on him. Shad alley-oops JTG into Cody (that move needs a cool name in the worst way) and a press slam gets two. Snake Eyes follows, but a weak cheapshot from JBL slows him down and Shad is YOUR thug-in-peril. And thus we take a break. Back with JBL tossing him for some punishment on the floor from Kane, which gives JBL two. Dibiase comes in with a suplex and clothesline for two (complete with canned “oooohs” from the crowd and overdubbed NBC shilling from JR that sounds like it was bolted on with a rivet gun). Into the corner for more dull heel offense. Cody pounds away in the corner and follows with a weak dropkick to cut off the tag, and it’s over to JBL for some elbows that get two. Over to Kane for a seated dropkick that gets two, and he goes to a bodyscissors of all things. C’mon, this is prime time! This crap is supposed to hook viewers? Dibiase tries a suplex, but Shad reverses it and it’s hot tag Cena. Backdrop suplex for JBL and the five knuckle shuffle follows, but Kane breaks up the F-U. Batista dumps Kane and hits Dibiase with a spinebuster, which allows JTG to go up and get launched onto Dibiase. He’s not legal, so the ref won’t count, but when JBL hits him with the Clothesline from New York, he will count that and the heels win at 12:13. What happened to more realism in the reffing? Dull match that got hot for about 10 seconds at the end but was all kicking and punching before that. And really, if you’re a new fan tuning in and watching Dibiase & Rhodes, you’d think they were a couple of jobbers instead of the World tag champs and the hot new act of the promotion that the WWE is pushing them as. **
Jeff Foxworthy wants us to know that autism is reversible and he’ll be watching later when Jenny McCarthy talks about it. I thought they were trying to convince advertisers that rednecks WEREN’T watching their shows?
Carmen Electra also dislikes autism. Really bringing out the A-list celebrities here, aren’t they?
The Great Khali v. Jimmy Wang Yang
Yang doesn’t even get an entrance, not that there was any doubt about the finish anyway. Khali clotheslines him and tosses him around, then swats Yang out of the air and finishes with the tree slam and pins him with one foot at 1:24. Lemme just say, had they taken the time to book Big Show this strong in 1999 he might have ended up as a major star instead of the minor one he is now. Khali, however, is a lost cause, no matter how much crowd noise they pipe in. DUD
Ben Stiller reads his sincere greetings off a cue card. Autism, it sucks, man. Anyone else waiting for him to endorse the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too?
And now, it’s Jenny McCarthy. Who really gives a crap about Jenny McCarthy in 2008 anyway? Anyway, autism is bad, we get it. I’d rather not be preached to in a one-hour wrestling show, especially when they go from something where we’re supposed to see the “good side” of the WWE and then they cut right to…
Edge’s trashy (but awesome!) wedding soap opera with Vickie and the wedding planner, which immediately makes them look completely low-class and silly again. Lemme say, HD close-ups of Vickie = EPIC FAIL. Edge needs Lita back in his life as a stabilizing force again. Lita v. Vickie in a battle of trailer trash would be so amazing that they’d have to go super-duper HD to contain it.
Edge v. Jeff Hardy
Hardy takes him down to start and they exchange baseball slide attempts, which allows Jeff to hit a pescado. Edge rests on the railing and Jeff tries to follow with a somersault off the stairs, but he splats into the barricade with a nasty bump and we take a break. Back with Edge working the leg, and he counters away from the mule kick and takes Hardy down again. Edge wraps the leg around the post, but Hardy comes back with a clothesline and puts Edge in the Tree of Woe. Baseball slide misses, but Jeff recovers and mule kicks him for two instead. Twist of Fate is reversed into the Impaler by Edge, and that gets a very close two. Edge tries the spear, but Jeff moves and hits the Whisper in the Wind for two. Jeff hits him with a front suplex and goes up for the swanton, but Edge rolls away and Jeff can’t limp over and continue the advantage. Edge tries another spear, but misses again and lands on the floor. With the ref counting Edge, MVP pops out of the crowd and hits Jeff with the high kick out of nowhere, making him even goofier, and that darn spear finally finishes at 13:26. Good stuff, with Jeff selling the knee consistently and Edge looking like a star as usual. ***
The Pulse
Pretty pointless show from my end of things, as they had a timeslot on NBC and just kind of did a half-hearted Summerslam build because they knew no one would be watching anyway. But that autism, it’s the real heel! Matthew Michaels also offers his take here
And don’t forget to check out www.stablewars.com for your chance to outguess me, and the rest of the interweb, as you try to predict the results of Summerslam and possibly win a copy of my new book this month and every month!
