I have time to do an opening promo!
Welcome back from a weekend filled with T&A, especially if you watched No Surrender last night and caught a glimpse of some lesbian porno. Then again, it happened during the Trigg/Styles match and they aptly went the F.T.S. route and gave into the fans’ BS comments. Attempts to do MMA in pro wrestling have usually sucked – not just for TNA, but in WWE as well. It’s like trying to tell Boston that they have to get along with New York. That will never happen. MMA is much harder to train for and most MMA fanboys know that you cannot get away with a shoot fight that has been predetermined. It just does not work that way. Enough talk about last night…let’s get ready to get RAW.
Mini RAW Preview
Our opening match tonight on RAW is CM Punk v. Chris Jericho for the World Heavyweight Championship. This means that the match won’t end without sheganigans, according to past history. Also tonight, Kane takes on Rey Mysterio in what should be an interesting match.
RAW Coverage begins…NOW!
Michael Cole does not know his history as he claims that this is the first time the World Title has been decided inside a steel cage to start off the show. I’m sure everyone can agree with me. Punk is out first. Jericho is out as well with a heavily taped arm.
CM Punk v. Chris Jericho
World Heavyweight Championship – Steel Cage Match
The bell sounds and we stall for a brief moment. They get face to face, meeting of the minds and Punk dodges a forearm and unleashes HELL ON THE CHAMPION! Clubbering blows to Jericho’s face and he is relentless. Jericho gets sent to the corner hard and falls to a knee. Knee strikes connect and Punk sends Jericho to the corner. Jericho smartly tries to escape early, but Punk pulls him back in. They fight on the rope and Punk kicks Jericho off the turnbuckle. Punk tries to leave himself, but Jericho is quick to stop that. Jericho gets dropped head first on the top ropes and he uses his MMA-skills to keep Jericho down. dropkick connects and Jericho goes to the corner. High knee/bulldog combo connects for a close two count! GTS try, but Jericho grabs the ropes. Punk does a Fireman’s Carry, sending Jericho’s back to the cage and he is “suffering the effects of the concussion from eight days ago” as we take a break.
Commercials.
We are back as Jericho locks on an anklelock. During the break, Punk came close to escaping through the door to no avail. ENZUGIRI TO JERICHO CONNECTS AND BOTH MEN ARE DOWN! Both get up quickly and Punk bitchslaps Jericho around! Jericho reverses a whip and he gets the Walls locked on! Punk is screaming in pain as he has nowhere to go. He reaches towards the ropes, but the cage door opens instead. He’s halfway out! One leg is out! Jericho grabs the cage door and bounces it off Punk’s head and we’re back inside. Jericho gets a two count after that shot and Jericho is back to work on the legs after Punk was in the Walls for a good minute. Jericho gets cocky before pounding Punk’s face in. Lionsault attempt gets a knee up by Punk and Punk kicks Jericho in the chest three times! Punk goes for the high knee again, but Jericho dodges and bashes Punk against the cage! Jericho is in the opposite corner from Punk and he attempts to escape the cage! Punk makes a last ditched attempt to prevent the escape. GTS FROM THE TOP TURNBUCKLE is blocked and they bashed each other into the cage, falling flat on the canvas! Punk goes for a cover and only gets two! Punk tries to pick up Jericho, but Jericho thrusts his shoulder into the ribs and he sends Punk into the cage! Jericho tries to escape again, but Punk stops it once again! ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP FROM THE TOP ROPE AND BOTH MEN ARE DEAD! Well, not quite. Punk stirs up first and he crawls towards towards the door. Jericho grabs on to Punk and he tries to leave. Punk goes over and he tries to leave. Both men are fighting near the door. Punk bashes Jericho against the cage a few too many times and he falls out of the cage!
Winner: Chris Jericho
Grade: A+ (I was thinking interference, so this finish not only proved me wrong, but was a great match overall!)
Batista seems to approve backstage as Jericho walks up the ramp.
Commercials.
Footage of the destruction from Hurricane Ike is shown. To donate, go to WWE.com or RedCross.org.
Backstage, K-2 and Mike Adamle is talking and some weird blonde-haired dude introduces himself and I didn’t catch the name. Jericho comes in and Mike congratulates him on a good match, but he now needs to focus on No Mercy. Jericho bitches and says that Mike needs to take care of Jericho. They head towards his office.
We get a visual of MASKED KANE. He was forced years ago to remove his mask. He said that he did it to “fit in”, but it did not work. He doesn’t like to be ridiculed. He envies Rey Mysterio, who still wears his mask. We all hide behind masks of self-righteousness and happiness. When he attacked Mysterio, he attacked each one of us. Enter Evan Bourne, who defends Rey’s honor. Kane laughs and somehow Evan gets to walk away scot-free. Kane goes back to his evil look.
Here comes Jillian Hall who rips off Elvis…Â I forgot that we were in Memphis tonight.
Commercials.
We’re back and the entire Memphis crowd has lost their hearing. Thankfully she’s stopped by Candice Michelle. Beth Phoenix is right behind her and Candice does not notice until now. Candice taunts Beth a bit and she shoves Jillian Hall…here we go.
Candice Michelle v. Beth Phoenix
Candice gets the hip toss and Jillian counters into a quick bodyscissors. Candice drops Jillian and she runs the ropes. Kick to the mouth and a springboard gets two. Jillian reverses a whip and Candice wraps herself around Jillian, so she drops south and covers for two. Jillian chokes Candice a bit and she smarts off at the referee saying she has until five. This is slightly painfaul to watch. Hair pull face plant connects and Jillian locks on the MASTERLOCK! Okay, it’s the Full Nelson, but Candice breaks out of it. Jillian gets on a sitting Full Nelson, and Candice looks for a jawbreaker, but Jillian doesn’t play her part. They connect with elbows. Candice is off the ropes, hits a sloppy dropkick. She sends Jillian to the ropes and Jillian falls backwards, but they play it off as Candice did a move. Jillian hits a side slam and she sets Candice up in the corner. Opposite corner we go and Jillian hits a handspring elbow, but Candice caught her and hits a SICK Candy Wrapper for three. Damn that sucked.
Winner: Candice Michelle
Grade: D (That was sloppy.)
Candice invites Beth inside the ring post match. She obliges, but Candice hits a dropkick before she could fully enter.
Beth mouths Candice as we pimp Kane v. Rey for later tonight.
Commercials.
We’re back and John “Bradshaw” Layfield makes his way to the ring…one pissed off Texan. MC brings up how his wife is getting blamed for the stock market crash.
John “Bradshaw” Layfield v. Tommy Dreamer
RAW v. ECW
The bell sounds and they lock up. JBL powers Dreamer to the corner and he dishes it out to him. Opposite corner we go and we get more abuse. JBL scoop slams Dreamer and follows up with a big boot. To the corner and JBL piefaces Dreamer. Dreamer comes alive with a kick and gets some punches in. Swinging neckbreaker gets two! Dreamer connects with the corner, missing JBL…Clothesline to Hell finishes it.
Winner: John Bradshaw Layfield
Grade: D- (Almost a squash)
JBL brings a chair into the ring and he sits down for a moment while Tommy rolls out of the ring. He grabs a mic and sits again, propping his feet. He calls out Mike Adamle warning him that he won’t leave the ring until he announces him the #1 Contender.
{silence}
Commercials.
We are back, JBL tells Mike to not listen to the people. He references the mortage crisis and he talks the sh*t storm until…
Enter Dr. Randall K. Orton, C.E. He steps inside the ring with a microphone. Orton reminds us how he bad-mouthed the champions on RAW and calls JBL not much of an improvement. The Age of Orton was cut short due to injury and it’s only a matter of time when it continues. It doesn’t matter who the champion is, Randy will regain the title and credibility will be re-established.
Enter Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix. “Who do you think you are, Randy Orton?” Santino says that unlike Randy, they are champions. Just like Randy’s daddy, Randy is always injured. Santino ‘s pappy was always healthy. They represent the new age of champions. Santino asks for an apology. Randy doesn’t do that, but JBL demands an apology as well. JBL says that he isn’t leaving until he is named the #1 Contender.
Now Batista wants in on the party. This is your main event scene folks – right here in that ring. Batista laughs a bit saying that before he beats the hell out of everyone, he talks politics, telling Santino that you can put lipstick on a pig *looks at Beth*, but after that it’s still a pig. Santino says that while Beth may SQUEAL, she’s not a pig. He wants JBL tonight and once he beats him, he’ll beat Chris Jericho, and he’ll beat everyone up until Randy acts like a man then he’ll beat him too. Santino feels left out, so Batista offers Beth a World Title shot and he’ll kick her ass too! JBL bickers and we get a face off until Mike Adamle enters on the TitanTron. He’ll make an official announcement after tonight’s main event. Batista pleads his case now and Santino tries to help…until Batista spinebusters him in the center of the ring. Beth stands up for her man and she bitchslaps Batista. She gets SPINEBUSTERED ON TOP OF SANTINO! Statement made.
Backstage, Randy finds himself getting a dirty look by Simply Priceless & Manu.
Commercials.
Time for our six man tag contest!
Manu & Simply Priceless v. Kofi Kingston, Jerry Lawler, “Good Ole’ J.H.
Jim Haas. He even pimps the BBQ Sauce! Kofi and Manu start things off and Manu is too powerful. Headbutt connects followed by a scoop slam attempt, but he takes too long. In comes Rhodes and Kofi shoves him towards the face corner. In comes the King and he shows Rhodes OLD SCHOOL! Dropkick connects and Rhodes outsmarts him with a bulldog for two. Dibiase locks on a front face lock as J.H. does Color. King tags in Haas and Rhodes gets DiBiase in the ring and even fat men can do a dropkick! SLOBBERKNOCKER! Lou Thez Press connects and he drops the BBQ Sauce for two and it’s all chaos at this point. Oklahoma Stampede gets countered and DiBiase gets the Leg Sweep for the pin. Half this match was me calling moves MC used.
Winners: Simply Priceless & Manu
Grade: C- (Comedy match that lived up to the hype of a comedy match. Too bad everything else sucked. C- for effort.)
SmackDown Rebound: Triple H proves why he is the King of Kings. Also, Jeff Hardy becomes the #1 Contender to the WWE Title and gets beat up by Vladmir Koslov. The Moscow Mauler found himself a challenge.
Backstage, Chris Jericho is nursing his injuries and JBL comes in and literally kisses Jericho’s ass. Jericho remembers last year and he says that Adamle respects Jericho’s opinion more. He mocks JBL more and we go back to the clip of Ike’s Destruction.
Commercials.
RAW Rewind: Regal kicks Jamie’s ass last week and walks off with Layla.
Jamie Noble comes to the ring for his match. He looks broken-hearted and out of focus.
Yay, Paul Burchill is back on RAW!
Jaime Noble v. Paul Burchill (w/Katie Lea)
The bell sounds and he takes it to Burchill for a moment. Burchill misses a corner charge and gets pummelled bear the ropes. To the opposide side we go and Burchill goes down. Noble stomps on the hand and he nails a couple headbutts. Burchill responds with an uppercut and he goes for another corner charge, but Jaime flips over Burchill and locks on an ARMBAR and gets the submission!
Winner: Jamie Noble
Grade: C- (Noble getting a submission win made this better than what it was)
Post match, Layla gets an accent! She talks about how it took a long time for her go get rid of him and she introduces Regal. He comes out and he gloats on how she wanted nobility.
Backstage, Mike talks to Lance Cade and Batista barges in and asks Mike if he’s gonna be named the #1 Contender. Cade questions Batista and he gets slammed against the door for his problems.
Kane v. Rey…NEXT!
Commercials.
We’re back and it’s time for the MAIN EVENT!
Kane v. Rey Mysterio
The bell sounds as Kane has a sick smile on his face. They circle the ring a bit. Rey tries to run, but Kane throws him to the corner. Off the ropes and Kane catches Mysterio. Mysterio gets off and he gets on the offense for a second, but Kenr takes control. He chokes Mysterio at the ropes and Rey slides out of the ring. Kane chases after Rey, but Rey slides in and hits a baseball slide. We go to break.
Commercials.
We’re back and during the commercials, Rey hit a Tornado DDT on the outside, but Kane still has the advantage. Rey hits a jawbreaker and Kane slams him down. Kane misses the elbow and Rey kicks him to the corner. He goes up and punches Kane, but he swats Rey away. Kane TOSSES HIM on the canvas and he rolls right against the the ring post! Kane sends Rey to the corner again and he drops the knee to the back. Kane picks him up and he hits a backbreaker, and holds it there. Rey gets into Kane’s eyes and he gets out of it. The fans chant for 619, but Kane stomps Hell into Rey. Kane charges, but gets his leg caught on the top rope. Rey nails a few kicks and the up-and-over bulldog for two! Off the ropes and Rey sends Kane to the second corner turnbuckle! To the top Rey goes and he almost loses his balance. Kane catches him and ENZUGIRI CONNECTS! 619 attempt gets met with a thunderous clothesline! Kane stomps the holy hell out of Rey and the referee reaches five, calling for the bell.
Winner: Rey Mysterio via DQ
Grade: C+ (Okay main event, but the DQ ending kinda drugged it down a notch.
Kane goes to rip the mask off, but Evan Bourne runs in and it’s TWO ON ONE! They take Kane out and leave the ring. Kane has the sick smile on his face after all that.
Jericho and Cade walk and the blond-freak from earlier in the show introduces himself and I still can’t catch the name.
Commercials. (The AIM chat room says that the new guy is Nick Nemeth.)
Tomorrow Night on ECW: Finlay is a target of Mark Henry.
Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring with Lance Cade. He thanks Mike Adamle for respecting him as a champion and for listening to his advice. He says that Batista and JBL should kill each other at No Mercy and allow Jericho to pick up the scraps afterwards. That’s his suggestion.
Mike comes out and he says it’s more than fair. He says that Batista v. JBL will be for the #1 Contendership, but not in the same night. Mike Adamle was approached by someone else that had an idea so exciting for a title match. The opponent at No Mercy is…(silence). Jericho looks around wondering what the hell is going on. Shawn Michael’s music hits and he’s at the top of the stage! Shawn says that they’ve already fought in a regular match…an unsanctioned match, what else can they do to top both of them? There is one match that would allow Shawn to disfigure Chris Jericho…and that match is a LADDER MATCH!
Show Over.
The RAW Report Card
Rey Mysterio d. Kane via DQ: C+
Jaime Noble d. Paul Burchill: C-
Simply Priceless & Manu d. Jim Haas, Jerry Lawler, & Kofi Kingston: C-
John Bradshaw Layfield d. Tommy Dreamer: D-
Candice Michelle d. Jillian Hall: D
Chris Jericho d. CM Punk (Retains World Heavyweight Championship): A+
Extra Credit: Mid-Show Segment & Main Event Segment
Extra Credit: Damned good Steel Cage Match – Expected interference and none happened
Needs Improvement: Show started off great, but sucked afterwards.
The Final Grade for WWE RAW 09.15.2008: C
Wow, the show sure tanked after the main event level opening match. I can see why the WWE wanted to get more viewers to tune into the show, but I’m sure many left after that match. The divas match was sloppy, JBL almost squashes Dreamer, Charlie Haas works wonders, and the talk segments were awesome. No Mercy is looking to be a decent card.
That’s it for me tonight. Later this week, I’ll be sneaking up a retro-view of WWE Rebellion: 2002 since I got my hands on a copy thanks to a free trial of Netflix.
On a slight note, next week will be my one year anniversity with Inside Pulse & Pulse Wrestling. Until next time, adios!
