The SmarK 24/7 Rant for The Essential Starrcade – Part Two
– Continuing on with numbers 20-16…
– Hosted by TULLY BLANCHARD~! Sweet, they should totally get Magnum TA and Nikita Koloff to host the next couple of them.
#20: US title: Dustin Rhodes v. Steve Austin
Really? Did people actually see this match before voting for it? From Starrcade ’93, this is 2-out-of-3 falls, as they split up the Hollywood Blonds and then gave Austin a big push to justify their stupid decision after the fact. They fight for the lockup to start and Austin makes the ropes, but Dustin takes him down with a headscissors and it’s a stalemate. Austin overpowers him, but Dustin elbows him down for two. Austin bails and regroups, but Dustin takes him down with a hammerlock and Austin takes another breather. Back in, Dustin starts working the headlock, but Austin boots him and tries a powerbomb, which Dustin clumsily reverses into a backslide for two. Well, plus ten points for style, minus several million for execution. Austin takes him down with a double-leg and hauls him out for a quick brawl on the floor, but Dustin fires back and sends Austin into the front row in a nice bump. Back in, Austin offers a handshake, but Dustin evidently doesn’t trust anyone either, and slugs him down. No wonder Steve got so jaded and angry. Dustin goes to the headlock, but Austin gets a cheapshot in the corner and drops the elbow, then rams him into the mat for two. They slug it out and Dustin goes down from an elbow, for two. Dustin throws a weird missed punch and Austin dumps him, but Dustin sunset flips back in for two. Dropkick (0.5 Watts) gets two. That was like his dad throwing a dropkick there. Dustin goes after Robert Parker and Austin attacks him from behind, then follows with a backdrop suplex for two. They slug it out in the corner and collide off a headlock as this thing is just going nowhere. They slug it out again and Dustin goes down, and Austin gets two. He goes up with the flying kneedrop, but it misses, and Dustin uses the POWER OF NEPOTISM to come back. Lariat sets up a powerslam for two, but he stupidly goes after Parker again, tossing Austin over the top in frustration and drawing a DQ at 13:42. Dustin is ANGRY and sends Austin into the ringpost to draw the most unnecessary blood for such a dull feud.
Second fall, and in typical WCW fashion, the lights go out on live PPV. I am not making this shit up. Do you KNOW how many people would get fired if that happened on Vince’s watch? Rhodes gets a suplex in the dark and drops an elbow for two. Corner clothesline and he pounds away, but Austin hooks the tights and pins him to win the belt in 2 straight falls at 16:16. Dull, heatless match with an incredibly anticlimactic finish. **1/4
#19: NWA World tag team titles: Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson v. The Road Warriors
This was from Starrcade 87, and being that the show was in Chicago and the Warriors were chasing the titles, this was pretty much absolutely, positively, without a doubt going to be the time when the Warriors would win the titles and make the crowd happy. How little we knew. Arn quickly goes up and gets pressed by Hawk, and bails just as quickly. Arn tries a headlock next, but gets overpowered into a wristlock and bails again. Funny bit as JJ swaggers up to the camera and goes “I’ll handle him!” when Ellering shoots him the stink-eye, and then immediately backs off. Tully comes in, bails, and then gets pressed back into the ring by Animal in a great spot. He tries walking away but Hawk chases him back in and dropkicks him for two. Animal comes in but runs into a knee, and Tully now goes up. God, they’re not thinking tonight. Animal of course powerslams him for two. Tully has had enough and goes back to AA, and the crowd is just all over the Horsemen. You’d have to be an idiot to try and screw with this crowd. Keep that in mind.
Arn tries slugging it out, but Animal just casually clotheslines both of them and the Horsemen bail again. Arn badmouths Hawk, who responds with a choice loogie, but the Horsemen jump in and do the old backstabbing double-team. Hawk clotheslines them both and covers Tully for two, however. So much for that one. Poor Tully gets pressed into an Animal bearhug, and it’s a great spot with Hawk punching Tully in the mouth while in the move, and Tully heads for the hills again. He tries slugging it out with Animal and loses that in short order. Arn goes back to a headlock and Animal dumps him again, but gets suckered into a chase. Arn tries a piledriver, but gets nowhere, and Animal presses him for good measure. Back to Tully, same result from Hawk, but finally cheating pays off as Arn clips him while Tully is in the air. And now the Horsemen have a target — the knee.
They go to work on it and drag him out of the ring for some good punishment, including Tully smashing a chair on it on the concrete. Back in, Arn gets a DDT for two. They stay on the knee and Tully tries a figure-four, but Hawk reverses for two. Tully is relentless, however, keeping on it and keeping Hawk in the corner. Classic stuff from the Horsemen here, combining the two biggest fundamentals of tag team psychology: Cutting off the ring and working a body part. Figure-four from Tully, and it’s hot tag Animal soon after. The ref gets wiped out and Arn is dumped over the top rope with no ref, that we can see. Doomsday Device finishes…but no. It’s a Dusty Finish, because one ref saw Arn going over the top while another counted the pin. And it’s nearly a riot in Chicago at 13:40. Gotta love Dusty. *** Solid outing from the Horsemen and two of their favorite opponents, retarded finish aside.
#18: Jushin Liger v. Rey Mysterio
From Starrcade ’96. Haven’t watched this one in a good long while, and my original rant is pretty awful. Liger was coming off his brain tumor and was still kind of getting back into the groove again. Rey takes him down with a quick bow-and-arrow, but Liger reverses out to a surfboard, which Rey escapes with a mule kick. Liger grabs a headlock and dropkicks Rey down, then follows with a delayed suplex and runs him into the corner. He faceplants Rey and follows with a NASTY powerbomb, just planting him, but Rey comes back with a rana. Another powerbomb attempt from Liger is reversed to a headscissors to put him on the floor, and Rey does the 619 tease. That pisses Liger off something huge, so he suplexes Rey to the floor in a great bump, and then MURDALIZES Rey with another powerbomb on the floor. OK then. Hey, you’d be cranky too if you just had a tumor removed from your brain. Asshole Liger is always awesome. Rey tries to come back in with a missile dropkick, but Liger casually steps aside and watches him splat, then follows with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker into a bow-and-arrow. Liger suplexes him into the ring, but Rey recovers and gets his own german suplex, into a Lionsault for two. DDT into a springboard moonsault gets two. Rey springboards in with a dropkick and goes to a camel clutch. He tries another springboard dropkick, but Liger cockblocks him with his own dropkick and follows with a release german suplex for two. He goes to a half-crab and then picks him up for the dragon screw legwhip, then hits a koppo kick in the corner. Rey fights back with a leg lariat to put Liger into the corner, then goes up with a flying headscissors to put Liger on the floor before hitting a quebrada with some great hangtime. Back in, Rey puts him on the ropes and guillotines him with a legdrop for two, but he misses a springboard senton. Liger goes up with a diving headbutt for two, milking it like a true heel, but Rey goes up and gets shoved down again by Liger. What a jerkass move. I love it. Rey keeps coming with a rana, but Liger blocks him and hits the koppo kick, and the Ligerbomb kills him dead at 14:12. Liger’s the Man, even with a portion of his head missing. ****
#17: Skywalkers match: The Rock N Roll Express v. The Midnight Express
From Starrcade ’87. Why would you ruin a guaranteed **** tag match with the goofy scaffold stips? I always felt that Starrcade was lacking the definitive RNR v. MX blowoff, since we got the Koloffs and Andersons feuds ended at the show. Big Bubba earns his pay by hitting the Bossman slam on Ricky right away, leaving Robert to get double-teamed on the scaffold by the Midnights. Ricky can get babyface heat in ANY situation. Bubba tries to climb up and help, but Ricky nails him with the tennis racket and joins the party up top. He pounds away on Bobby with the racket, but the dreaded BABY POWDER OF DOOM appears, ready to blind anyone wearing bandanas as a leg accessory. The Express double-teams Robert, hammering away on him, but Ricky gets a pretty sweet shot on Bobby with the tennis racket. Robert chokes out Stan at the other side, but Bobby breaks it up and then goes back to Ricky. Robert gets innovative, using a piece of the scaffolding support to nail Bobby, then throws Stan down and tries to stomp on his hands until he falls. Gibson and Eaton trade shots with the tennis racket while Ricky hangs on the underside and tries to punch Lane down, and Robert puts Eaton out with a home run swing of the racket. Stan tries to escape by swinging on the bottom like monkey bars, but he loses his grip and falls to get eliminated. That leaves Eaton alone, and the RNR double-team him and pounds him with the racket until he drops at 10:20. I hate the format, but this had pretty damn good drama for what they had to work with. *** Cornette, ever the sore loser, sends Bubba up the scaffold to deal with this shit personally, but Ricky actually goes “Hey, what’s that over there?” and then punches him in the junk before escaping. Can’t fault the strategy.
#16: NWA World title: Ric Flair v. Lex Luger
Finally some Flair! The story behind this one is far more interesting than the match, and that’s saying something because it’s a hell of a match. The DQ rule is waived here. Flair does some strutting and throws a chop, but stops to style and profile and gets clotheslined to the floor as a result. Flair regroups and heads back in with the headlock, but Luger reverses to the hammerlock and powers him down. Flair comes back with chops, which Lex no-sells, and they criss-cross into a good powerslam from Luger, which sends Flair running out. Back in, Lex gets a press slam this time, and that gets two. Flair’s like a demo of ragdoll physics out there tonight. Lex starts working on the arm and whips him into the corner, but Flair fires back with a chop. That does nothing, and Flair runs away again. Back in, Flair tries the cheapshot, but Lex runs him into the corner again for the Flair Flop, and he follows right away with a hammerlock. Flair fights out, but runs into Luger like a brick wall and gets hiptossed as well. Flair finally goes to the eyes and throws the chops, but that’s going nowhere and Lex chases him to the floor and wraps Flair’s arm around the railing to really work on it. He hammerlocks Flair and sends it into the post, and back in for an armbar. Flair bails and Lex suplexes him back in with a long delay, for two. Elbow misses, however (I know, I’m shocked), and Flair puts him down with a forearm to take over.
He tosses Luger and rams him into the railing, and back in for the kneecrusher. He adds a double stomp and fires away with chops, but Lex catches him with the sleeper. Flair escapes with the backdrop suplex and takes him down with a snapmare, but a figure-four attempt is reversed to an inside cradle for two. Flair goes up and Luger brings him down with a superplex, for two. And Lex follows with his own figure-four, then slugs away in the corner. Flair tosses him over the top behind the ref’s back to escape, but Lex pops in with a flying bodypress for two. LUCHA LEX! Flair hits a cheapshot and tries a hiptoss, but Luger powers him into the backslide for two. Lex slugs away in the corner and we get the Flair Flip, followed by a Luger suplex for two. Flair fires back with chops, which Lex no-sells, and he hits the press slam to set up the seeming end for Flair. Powerslam signals the Rack, but he stops to go after JJ and that’s all Flair needs. He takes Luger down and smashes a chair into his knees (with the ref distracted by JJ of course), and now Luger is in trouble. Flair goes to work on the knee like a surgeon, using all the greatest hits to set up the figure-four. JR is something else on commentary here, perfectly conveying the story and writing off Lex’s chances. Luger uses his last energy to reverse the hold, but Flair goes right back to the leg and drops a knee on it. He goes up for whatever stupid reason and Luger slams him off, but the exertion hurts the knee further. Flair tosses him, but Luger has his adrenaline surge and presses Flair, only to see the knee give way again. FORESHADOWING. Flair tosses him again, but Luger flips in for two. Flair tries a flying forearm, but Luger is still pumped up and no-sells it, then slugs away in the corner. He follows with a clothesline for two, but he’s still limping. A powerslam sets up the rack again, but the knee gives out and Flair falls on top for the pin to retain at 30:54. Flair was actually told specifically to go over clean as a sheet, but he insisted on cheating to keep Luger strong. What a guy. Flair and Luger together were like some kind of wonderful magic that Lex couldn’t duplicate with anyone else. Brilliant finish, as Flair out-thought the power-focused Luger and basically sucked him into causing his own downfall. Great, non-stop action from start to finish. ****1/2 In case you’re curious, a clean pin would be ****3/4 and ***** would have been if Luger hadn’t no-sold all the chops and had mixed up the offense a little more than powerslam/elbow/press slam the whole match.
Hell of a show! I’m loving this series thus far and really it can only get better considering the stuff they haven’t covered yet.
