The SmarK 24/7 Rant for The Essential Starrcade: Part Three

Reviews, Shows, Top Story, TV Shows

The SmarK 24/7 Rant for The Essential Starrcade Part 3

– Hosted by Ric Flair and David Crockett

#15: Eddie Guerrero v. Shinjiro Ohtani

Well they totally botch the spelling of Ohtani’s last name, calling him “Ootani”, but that’s minor I suppose. This is from the “World Cup” of Starrcade ’95, a kind of a bizarre show. They fight for the leg to start and Eddie takes the first cheapshot, but Ohtani reverses to a leglock and fights for a crab. Eddie makes the ropes, so Ohtani gets a monkey flip, but Eddie hits him with a rana and Ohtani bails to regroup. It’s kind of silly for super-heel Ohtani to have lame-o Sonny Onoo as a manager, since he’s awesomely dickish on his own. Back in, Eddie slams him and hits the springboard senton, and he gets his own boston crab. Ohtani makes the ropes, so Eddie hits the foldover powerbomb for two. Brainbuster gets two. Corner clothesline follows, but Ohtani flips away from a blind charge and puts Eddie on the floor with a springboard dropkick, then follows with a springboard dive ala Taka Michinoku. Ohtani stomps away, but Eddie comes back with a gutwrench suplex for two. Ohtani fires back with a german suplex for two. He springboards in with a leg lariat and goes up, but Eddie snaps him back down with a rana for two. Splash mountain powerbomb gets two. They fight for the german suplex and Ohtani snaps him down with a heel hook, which of course was six years before Kurt Angle made people care about it, and Eddie makes the ropes quickly. They fight to the floor and Eddie hits him with a springboard bodypress, but Ohtani recovers first and suplexes him back into the ring. He follows with a springboard dropkick to the back to the head, which is pretty nasty, but Eddie fights off the dragon suplex. Eddie with a rana for two and they do a crazy reversal sequence that ends with Ohtani getting the pin at 13:45. This was batshit insane for 1995, but would just be a pretty good match for, say, ROH today. They were just beating the hell out of each other out there and managed to win over an indifferent crowd. ****

#14: NWA World Tag team title: The Road Warriors v. Dusty Rhodes & Sting

From Starrcade ’88. This was all backstory and no payoff, unfortunately, as the Warriors turned heel on Dusty and tried to blind him with a spike, and then on Sting with equally violent results, and this should have been the bloodiest bloodfeud to ever bleed on PPV with super babyfaces Dusty and Sting avenging themselves against monster bully heels the Road Warriors…but it just never found that next level. Maybe if people WANTED to boo the Warriors it might have clicked. I think this one is rated this highly because it SOUNDS like an awesome dream match. Actually, to be perfectly accurate, it should have been Dusty Rhodes & Nikita Koloff for the perfect dream match, but Koloff was long gone by that point in the year and probably couldn’t have lived up to the hype anyway.

Sting dropkicks Animal out of the ring to start and works on the arm in the ring, and Dusty comes in and slugs away. Over to Hawk and he exchanges shots with Dusty before the faces switch off on the arm to control. Hawk pounds on Sting in the corner to break and stomps a mudhole some 10 years before Steve Austin, then throws big fake-looking haymakers until Sting slugs back and powerslams him. Sting actually hits his usual missed elbow, but Hawk tags out to Animal. Press slam draws a face pop for the supposed hated heel, but Sting no-sells a stungun and clotheslines Animal out of the ring. He follows with a dive off the top rope and the Warriors back off. Back in, Dusty goes to work on the leg, but Hawk goes to the eyes and takes him to the floor for a quick beating to take over. Back in, Hawk puts Dusty down with a standing dropkick and works on the bad eye again (He’s not supposed to get anything in his eye!), but Dusty fires back with his own dropkick (!!!) before Animal charges in and bites him on the eye to stop the LUCHA DUSTY EXPRESS. Animal goes to a neckvice and Dusty fights up, but walks into a sleeper from Hawk. Dusty quickly escapes with a jawbreaker and makes the hot tag to Sting, but the crowd is kind of not wanting to cheer or boo either side. Sting dropkicks Animal into the corner and follows with a Stinger splash into the Scorpion, but Hawk breaks it up and tosses Sting. The Warriors double-team Dusty, but Sting comes in with a flying bodypress on Animal, resulting in Ellering pulling out the ref for the DQ at 11:18. You’d think these guys would have some chemistry, but they just didn’t and it was basically a tag match and nothing more. You thinking blood, chairs, mayhem…but nothing. And a lame finish to boot. Dusty was gone soon after so that might have had something to do with it. **1/2

#13: King of Cable final: Sting v. Big Van Vader

From Starrcade ’92, and this matchup is always an easy layup for two points. Or some other basketball terminology that applies for those who care about that sport. Still, “King of Cable”? Decided on PPV? Welcome to WCW. They fight for the lockup to start and Sting throws punches to no avail, as Vader shrugs him off and tosses him across the ring with a slam. Sting charges and Vader just powers him down, then follows with a press slam onto the top rope. And then he does it again because it was such a cool spot. Back in, Vader throws hands, but Sting hits him with a koppo kick and a sick german suplex. That’s VADER he’s throwing around, man! Cactus clothesline puts them both on the floor, but Sting recovers first and hits him with a pescado. Back in, Vader misses a charge and Sting takes him down with an armdrag, but misses a Stinger splash as Vader kicks him in the face for good measure. But then Sting fires back with high kicks to the face and a DDT as this sheezy is off the heezy as the kids say. They head up and Sting fucking DDTs fucking Vader off the fucking top rope. Holy fuck. That gets two. Scorpion deathlock, but Vader makes the ropes and bails, so Sting tries another crazy charge and hits the railing as a result. Back in, Vader hits him with the short clothesline and follows with an avalanche, then clotheslines Sting as he stumbles out of the corner, which gets two. See, that’s the difference with Vader and your average monster heel — your Mark Henrys and Kamalas are content to do the splash, but Vader makes it PERSONAL. Backdrop suplex into a splash gets two. Vader stretches him on the mat and then clubs him down and gets two. Sting fights back with a backslide and goes for a sunset flip, but Vader blocks and sits down, which Sting dodges. Vader just opts to punch him in the FACE instead, but Sting fights back with a backdrop suplex. Vader recovers first and covers for two, which Jesse notes has to be bad for the self-esteem. Vader clubs away in the corner and Sting goes down, but Vader picks him up and keeps firing away until Sting collapses in the corner. Vader puts him on the top, but Sting thumbs him in the eye and they both go down. Vader is really good and torked off now and he wallops the shit out of Sting in the corner, but Sting’s going a little Michael Keaton in Batman now and he likes the punishment, then fights back with his own rights to put Vader down. Samoan drop, but Vader lands in the ropes. Sting goes up with a flying splash for two. Sting stops to go after Race, but Vader clobbers him from behind and chokeslams him. That sets up the flying splash, but he doesn’t make the cover, which Jim Ross notes might be the fatal flaw. He goes up to finish properly, but Sting catches him in a powerslam for the pin at 17:19. And he was right. What a match! Just letting it all hang out and beating the hell out of each other, with Sting finally learning from his previous encounters with Vader and adjusting to beat him. ****1/2

#12: NWA World Tag title: The Brisco Brothers v. Ricky Steamboat & Jay Youngblood

From Starrcade ’83. Jack & Steamboat start and Jack escapes a chop off a leapfrog sequence. Steamboat gets an armdrag, so Jerry comes in. He can’t get anywhere with Steamboat hiding in the corner. He tries whipping him post to post, but it backfires and Youngblood comes in to work a headlock. Jerry slams out of a hammerlock, but Youngblood simply hangs on. Steamboat comes off the top as they work on Jerry’s arm and prevent a tag. Steamboat gets caught in the heel corner and Jack hotshots him. Kneedrop and Jack hits the chinlock. Steamboat escapes, but gets backdropped and butterfly suplexed for two. Brisco keeps holding a bridge on the pinfall attempt for more near-falls. Now THAT’S cool. Hiptoss into a short-arm scissors gets two. Sweet. Steamboat powers out with that goofy spot you never see anymore, hot tag Youngblood. Jack reverses a suplex, however. D’oh! Briscoes hit a double-shoulderblock and Jerry gets two. Drop suplex gets two. Abdominal stretch rollup gets two. An argument between Jerry and special ref Angelo Mosca allows Jay to get the tag, and it’s HELL ON EARTH. Okay, Solie would never say that, but you’ve gotta change it up sometimes. Big chops for Gerry. Double-chop and Steamboat presses Jay onto Jerry for the pin and the titles at 13:00. Great little fast-paced match there. ***1/2

#11: NWA World title: Ric Flair v. Dusty Rhodes

This is the main event of Starrcade 85, and it’s the seminal Dusty Finish. If you’re talking about the absolute textbook example of what I hate about Dusty’s booking in the 80s, this is the match. They exchange struts to start and Flair takes him to the corner and starts chopping, but Dusty fires back and gets the Flip Flop and Fly right away. Flair bails. Back in, Flair starts chopping, but Dusty comes back with elbows and overpowers him. Bionic elbow and Flair backs off again and takes a breather outside. Back in, Flair tries a headlock, but Dusty reverses to a hammerlock and they go to the mat, giving Dusty his first break of the match. Flair goes for the broken foot, but Dusty backs off. Flair tries chops again and that seems to work a bit better, so he drops a knee and gets two. Back to the bad foot, and now Dusty has to take 5. Back to the apron, as Dusty elbows Flair in the neck on the way back in, and steps on his ankle. He lays down on the knee and it’s Dusty Rest Break #2. Not counting his time outside the ring. Flair comes back and tries a suplex, but the gravitational pull of Dusty’s ass is too great, and Dusty goes back to the leg again. Flair fights up, and grabs a sleeper, and you don’t have to ask Dusty twice for THAT spot. He manages to escape by ramming Flair into the turnbuckle, however, and wraps Flair’s leg around the post. Flair tries more chops, but Dusty gets his own and then takes Flair down with the most ridiculously lazy snapmare I’ve ever seen. I mean, how do you skimp on a SNAPMARE? He misses an elbow, however, apparently winded from the exertion of the snapmare, and Flair goes up, but Dusty slams him off and goes for his version of the figure-four. Flair shoves him off, and Dusty injures the bad foot again. Now Flair tries the figure-four, but Dusty shoves him off. Again, same result. Flair starts stomping the bad foot, but Dusty comes back with a headbutt and they slug it out in the corner until Flair is whipped to the other side for a Flair Flip, and they brawl on the floor. Flair eats post and Dusty elbows away on the apron. Back in, Flair tosses him, but Dusty goes up with a crossbody-flop for two. Dusty comes back (despite never really selling for Flair) and hammers away on the mat, then elbows him down and pounds away in the corner. Flair Flop results. Dusty slugs away and Flair goes down again and backs off, and it’s another Flair Flip, allowing Dusty to catch him in the gut coming down. Flair finally kicks out the bad foot again to slow down Big Dust, and NOW, WHOO, WE GO TO SCHOOL. In Dusty’s case, McDonald’s College. Figure-four, but Dusty fights back and reverses. MAD COW! MAD COW! Oh, wait, that would make him Canadian then. I retract my insult. Flair chops away, but Dusty no-sells and fights back with bionic elbows and a lariat. That gets two, and Dusty flattens Tommy Young on the kickout. He’s knocked out of the ring, just so we REALLY get the point, and Dusty goes for the figure-four. The Four Horsemen run in and Dusty looks to heroically fight them all off single-handedly, but Ole nails him from behind with a knee and second referee counts two for Flair. Dusty cradles Flair for the pin and the title at 22:07. BUT WAIT. The next week on TV, it was announced that Dusty didn’t actually win the title, because the first referee was knocked out, and Flair was given it back. And that, my friends, is a Dusty Finish. **1/2 The problem with Dusty is that Flair could work the proverbial ***1/2 match with a broomstick because he’d just plug the other guy into his formula and it didn’t matter who it was. However, Dusty insisted on working HIS match, and the results didn’t click with Flair.

Next time: The top 10 begins! OK, I’m getting worried because we haven’t gotten to Ric Flair v. Ron Garvin yet and I’m worried it’s going to knock something really worthwhile out of the top 10. I’m avoiding spoilers like the plague so we’ll find out soon, I guess.