“The Lizard-Spock Expansion” is a title that sets the geek bar high for this episode. Sheldon is watching Saturn 3. Raj wants to watch Deep Space 9. Leonard proposes a compromise of Babylon 5. Sheldon swears they should play a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock which two ups the conventional game. He explains the confusing rules as if they do make perfect sense. Howard arrives looking like a Vegas performer with a shiny shirt and an eyepatch. He’s also got a new trick to being a ladykiller: the Neg. A Neg is a negative compliment that works on hot ladies. He uses his new action on Penny by saying that she can pull off the greasy hair look. She uses his eyepatch against him.
The ladies don’t completely go for the eyepatch. Mainly cause they fear you’re a pirate and want to steal her money to buy a parrot. Also you the negative business only works with hot chicks when you reassure their fears. Let a supermodel know she has ugly ankles and you’ve secured her room key. Howard appears to be ready to study from Mystery on that VH1 show. He just needs to get his nipple pierced. I knew a guy who continually wore a Band-Aid on his nose. I’m not quite sure if it was his signature or he really had an issue with a constant sore. I don’t remember too many ladies hanging off of him. There’s a fine line between being mysterious and contagious. The ladies will not cross it.
The guys are watching TV. Sheldon won’t watch the Clone Wars series until he sees the bad movie. “I plan to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.” Leonard gives up the remote when Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard Spock. Howard calls up. he’s in trouble at the lab. The argument turns to the worst Star Trek movie. They arrive at the lab to find Howard in trouble since he has driven the Mars Rover into a ditch. Turns out he’s got a date with a major cleavage action in the control room. It’s Sarah Rue from Less Than Perfect. Howard swears she’ll be his new girlfriend. But moments later she’s sucking face with Leonard in the car. As they kiss, he’s saying nice things about Howard. She was only with Howard to drive the Rover. She’s all over Leonard’s face and has no plans to go home anytime soon. Gentlemen, we have liftoff. In the control room, the guys are stymied. The Rover ain’t moving. Raj says they can call AAA to give it tow except you have to be next to the car on Mars with your AAA card. Howard proposes Plan B: wipe the computer records & destroy the security camera footage and act like nobody was in there. Back at the apartment, a news report talks about how the Mars Rover has broken down and there’s no record to what went wrong. Leonard lures Sheldon in to his room. He wants his roomie to swear that he’s only going to the office and not doing anything else. Sheldon can’t cover this mysterious lie. Nobody cares when Leonard leaves for the night. Sheldon has to ask if anyone cares so he can do his “Leonard is going to the office” move. Everyone is confused.
It’s good to see Sara Rue back on TV. Why wasn’t she given screen credit as the Attorney General in Idiocracy? Even better that she’s back to red hair. She went blonde and it so didn’t work with her. I just saw Clone Wars and it stinks worse than The Star Wars Holiday Special. Does anyone care if Jabba the Hutt gets his stinking kid back? Star Trek 5 is painful for the scene of Uhura stripping to distract the bad guys. That was one of the great “are you serious” moments in cinema? Right next to believing that Adam Sandler would get an Oscar nomination for Spanglish. Idiocracy is the only movie you need to watch when given these choices.
Leonard sips wine in Sara’s apartment. Turns out she’s a surgeon. She asks about his day and if he’s done eating. For desert, she serves up a little hot tongue action. The phone rings and the answering machine message kicks in. It’s Howard. He wants her to come to his mother’s for dinner. She’ll be making brisket. The couple are all over the each other on the sofa while talking about Howard’s invite and how good the brisket is. Howard calls up a few times since more relatives are coming for the dinner. While they are in the bathroom, Howard calls back. They all can’t fit at mom’s house so they’re going out to a restaurant. Mom can be heard demanding it be the Olive Garden cause she has a coupon.
Anytime there’s a joke involving eating at Olive Garden, I laugh. My parents seem to end up taking us to Olive Garden. My wife swore that this was our church since mom ate their religiously. Who wouldn’t want to have all you can eat salad instead of a homily? Howard’s mom then tops herself by making fun of how Howard prefers Red Lobster and acting like it’s an elitist restaurant. In my area, the Olive Garden is next to the Red Lobster. You can smell the bad blood between the seafood and the breadsticks gangs.
In the laundry room, Penny nails Sheldon on him dating a woman. He fesses up, but asks if he should tell a friend if he’s not really dating a woman that he believes dating. Penny says if it’s Howard, he needs to break the news. Leonard discovers that being involved with a woman doesn’t make Penny jealous.
Leonard arrives at Howard’s house. Before he can say anything, Howard’s phone rings. It’s Sarah. He receives the news that they should be friends. Howard hangs up and informs Leonard that he’s dead to him.
At the apartment, the guys play RSPLS for an extra dumpling. They all do Spock. Leonard comes through the front door. Howard doesn’t acknowledge him. Sue arrives to see Leonard. Howard is still pissed, but Sara attempts to make peace by offering to let Howard join them and Lisa, her roommate. Turns out Lisa has just broken up with er man and needs rebound action. Howard embraces her and Sheldon. They are alive again!
Citibank is offering the chance to tour with Nickleback if you just use your Mastercard. One random swipe can make you the “winner.” Really? There has never been a greater excuse to go cash-only when shopping this Christmas season. Only thing worse than being on the road with Nickleback for a week? Being on the road with Nickleback for two weeks. Being on the road with Sara Rue would be much more fun and involve less greasy kid stuff in your hair.
Howard is on the phone with Lisa’s answering machine. He apologizes for how the date ended and wants to know if she can make it to dinner so mom can make the right size brisket. The news announces that while the Mars Rover is stuck in a ditch, it turns out the ditch contains the first proof of life existing on Mars. But the scientist who uncovered this amazing event will never be known. Howard cusses.
It was surprising to see Leonard finally be the center of an episode after he’d been completely dominated by Sheldon. He does seem to be the only one of the 4 geekateers capable of getting laid by any lady not named Penny. Sara Rue fits in with the gang. The producers better uses her a few more times. Howard’s mom and the Olive Garden also needs to be a recurring theme.
Joe Corey has worked as local crew on numerous reality shows including Candid Camera, Rescue 911, Battle for Ozzfest and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. He mostly recently worked as Associate Producer on the documentary Moving Midway that should be coming to TV this Spring.