The rock ‘n’ roll ego with the enormous tongue is back with another season about his favorite subject: himself. That’s right, Gene Simmons and clan are back for 28 more episodes of hilarious “reality” TV.
I must start by stating that as a general rule, I hate “reality” TV. I find most of it very annoying and seriously doubt the “reality” of most of it. Yet, despite my best efforts can’t hate Family Jewels. Gene Simmons, Shannon Tweed and their kids, Sophie and Nick, are just too damn entertaining.
When Gene Simmons isn’t thinking about himself, he’s thinking about money, or more specifically, how to get more of it. At least that’s what he wants you to think. But in the season you’ll see him cry when his daughter walks as a model during Fashion Week. You’ll see him spend time with our troops and show them his very true appreciation and respect. You’ll see him invite a young boy from the Make A Wish Foundation into his home whose one wish was to meet his rock idol. Giving him a signed Gold Record and a plethora of other KISS memorabilia you can see that is the happiest day of this kids life. And you’ll see Gene Simmons listen his mother and do exactly what she says. Sure he’s a rock icon, he’s slept with thousands of women, but he’s also just a guy, a dorky dad who embarrasses his kids whether he’s trying to or not.
And therein lies the joy of this show. Despite the fact they are multi-millionaires, he’s a rock god and she’s a former playboy bunny, their family is very surprisingly down to earth and they are presented in a way that you can some how relate to. Most likely not their lifestyle per say, but their attitudes about life and each other.
Plus they manage to get into enough wacky adventures to keep the show moving along for 28 solid episodes. But it is this plus for the show that also bring up my biggest minus. The things that happen to them all seem to happen so perfectly, even the mistakes, which at times it’s really hard to believe that all that really happened. Sometimes the events of the show feel staged or at the very least, directed toward a better ending.
Perhaps I’m wrong. Maybe all these things really did happen to them and the editing is just that good. I mean, we are only seeing thirty minutes at a time of their entire lives. But real or not the show is most certainly entertaining and every member of the family has something to offer the show. The best is hands down Nick; he is a very funny young man with impeccable comic timing. Seriously, he should be doing stand up.
Whether the show is real or not, whether you’re a fan of KISS or not, whether you hate “reality” TV or not, this show is bound to make you laugh or at the very least crack a smile. And isn’t that all we ever really want from out TV?
Episodes:
Disc 1:
Gene’s Best Friend 3/11/2008
Season three doesn’t start so well for Gene. First off his dog runs away and despite many peoples best efforts, he cannot be found. Then Paul Stanley gets hospitalized right before a KISS concert. And on top of all of that Gene is still very nervous about the upcoming lie detector test that he agreed to take in season 2.
Liar, Liar Tongue On Fire 3/11/2008
When Gene doesn’t feel good, only his mother can force him to go to the hospital and what starts out as a routine health exam uncovers a very troubling irregular heartbeat.
The Brutal Truth 3/18/2008
In this double episode Gene and Shannon go on the Adam Corolla Show and take a lie detector test. So has Gene really slept with over 4000 women? Has he ever cheated on Shannon? Watch the episode and find out!
Before The Flood 3/25/2008
Gene is offered the chance to perform a lounge act in Las Vegas with the Royal Crown Revue. Now he has to learn a whole new musical routine.
Knock, Knock, Who’s There? 3/25/2008
On his way to Las Vegas, Gene’s car breaks down. Luckily a crazy trucking driving fan stops to pick him up and take him as far as Baker, but not before taking Gene to meet her equally crazed KISS fan of a husband. Finally Gene tracks down help to get him from Baker to Vegas in the form of the one and only Carrot Top. Meanwhile a flood ruins a bunch of Gene’s KISS merchandise so Shannon, Tracy and Sophie track down a bunch of KISS fans in the area in hopes of replacing the damaged goods.
Swinging Gene 4/1/2008
Carrot Top gets Gene to Vegas just in time for his big show, which goes over great, and the girls round up the last of Gene’s destroyed merchandise.
Something’s Fishy 4/8/2008
Gene travels down to Sea World for a possible business deal and Shannon and Tracy and her two twin boys tag along. Unfortunately Shannon and Tracy get food poisoning and Gene, who doesn’t really like kids or know how to deal with them, gets stuck entertain the two boys for the day, which leads to some pretty disastrous results.
Disc 2:
Nail Me 4/15/2008
After a painful accident at a nail salon, Shannon and Tracy decide they want to open one of their own. Gene instantly jumps on board as a not-so-silent partner with his own ideas that include stripper poles. This obviously does not go over so well with the girls.
Shannon B. Demille 4/22/2008
Shannon takes charge of the show and entertains us with a full episode of some rather amusing home movies.
Lil’ Gene 4/29/2008
Gene gets a new, extremely efficient, intern that solves several of Gene’s problems and makes him very happy.
Ladies Of The Night 5/6/2008
Gene has a new idea to write a book about the history of prostitution. Meanwhile, an old friend of Nick’s stops in for a visit, which upsets his girlfriend.
Sophie Couture 5/13/2008
While doing research for his book, Gene gets arrested attempting to interview some women. Meanwhile, an internship with a fashion designer lands Sophie the opportunity to be a model during Fashion Week.
Viewer Mail 5/20/2008
The family sits down to answer some fan mail and share some unseen footage.
Mommy Makeover 6/3/2008
While Gene is gone for six weeks participating in the celebrity season of The Apprentice, Shannon and Tracy decide to get a little plastic surgery, hoping they’ll fully recovered before Gene returns.
Gene The Apprentice 6/15/2008
The healing continues but the sisters may be running out of time as Gene sets about getting himself “Fired!”
Disc 3:
Gene’s Ego Trip 6/15/2008
With the help of comedian Jeff Ross, Shannon and Tracy put together a Roast for Gene with the proceeds going to the Wounded Soldiers Foundation.
Episode Missing: Roasting Of The Roast 6/15/2008
For some reason the actual Roast is not included on this DVD which makes watch Gene’s Ego Trip a very unfulfilling experience. I highly suggest just shelling out the $1.99 and downloading it from itunes, because it’s very very funny!
Shannon To The Rescue 6/22/2008
When Shannon learns that Tracy has run off to Hawaii with her new boyfriend she’s worried she’s going to elope, so follows after her sister to spy on her dragging Gene along in the process.
Honeymoon At Last 6/22/2008
Things don’t go so well with Tracy in Hawaii leaving Shannon mad at Gene, so he comes up with the idea to give his un-wife the un-honeymoon she’s always deserved.
Power Outage 6/29/2008
After trip to the USS Nimitz to visit some troops Gene comes home to learn that he is supposed to baby-sit his nephews. Things get worse when the power goes out that night.
Nick After Dark 6/29/2008
Nick gets a brand new car and while out one night he parks in the wrong place and gets it towed. Now he has to wander streets with his friend trying to figure out how to get the money needed to get his car back without his dad finding out.
South Of The Border 7/13/2008
In this double episode Nick and Sophie are fortunate enough to convince their mom that it’s not a bad idea for them to go on vacation to Mexico alone. However, when Gene finds out he’s in Mexico with them before you can say “tequila.” Soon Shannon is there too and this time away from their parents has turned into a family vacation.
Happy Birthday… To Whom 7/20/2008
Shannon and Tracy are invited to a birthday party for a childhood friend but they are embarrassed to realize that it’s not the friend they thought it was and now they’re not even sure who this person is.
Disc 4:
Raw & Uncut 7/20/2008
The family sits down to share some unseen footage.
X-Gene 7/27/2008
Gene gets the idea to put his moneybag logo on snowboarding gear so he and his business partner hit the slopes looking for a suitable snowboarder to promote their new line.
Homesick 8/3/2008
Gene surprises Shannon by buying her a home in Canada. Things don’t turn out as romantically planned as the house still has vacationers living in it.
GeneHarmony 8/17/2008
Gene sets his daughter up on a blind date the same night Shannon does this for here sister. When Tracy is disheartened by how badly the date went Gene calls every single guy he knows, including Carrot Top and Danny Bonaduce, in hopes of creating a match.
Gene Down Under 8/24/2008
Gene goes to Australia to find himself the unlikely owner of an Australian Rules Football team, and a bad one at that. Now he has to figure out away not to lose any money on the deal, which gets complicated when he begins to befriend the players.
The show is presented in full screen 1:33.1. Sound is in Dolby Digital Stereo. For a reality show, this show is very well produced and looks good. Maybe too good.
Disc Four:
Family Time With The Simmons: (24 min.) The first part of this is couch outtakes of Shannon embarrassing Nick and it’s hilarious. The rest of these outtakes are pretty good too.
The Tweed Sisters: (19 min.) This series of outtakes that focuses around Shannon and Tracy and the shenanigans they get into together. Pretty funny stuff.
More Gene: (28 min.) This is really good stuff, but some of it appears in the Raw & Uncut episode. Still, watching that little kids eyes light up when Gene gives him all that stuff is really awesome.
Family Jewels is very entertaining show. My only problem with this DVD is that the Roast is missing, which would be the funniest thing on the DVD were it included. Also, despite the amount I laughed while watching this I’m not sure how much time I’d spend rewatching it, so I’d recommend renting rather than buying.
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A & E presents Gene Simmons Family Jewels: The Complete Season 3. Created by Gene Simmons. Starring Gene Simmons, Shannon Tweed, Sophia Simmons and Nick Simmons. Running time: 660 minutes on 4 discs. Not Rated. Released on DVD: November 18, 2008. Available at Amazon.
