So apparently Joaquin Phoenix plans on becoming a rapper.
No, seriously, wrap your heads around that. An Academy Award-nominated actor wants to be a rapper. And not just “wants to be”—this guy has retired from filmmaking to pursue his music career. Moreover, he’s made such a huge deal about retiring from acting that whatever he releases is most likely going to be under a huge spotlight.
I really don’t know how I feel about it.
I mean, I dig Joaquin as an actor, so in that regard I’m sort of bummed that he’s taking the time off. Part of me will look at flicks that come out in the next two years and wonder if he would have been up for a given role and how I think it might have affected the finished product.
Now, I don’t seriously believe that he’s done with acting; I can’t see how this is anything over than one of those self important, self-indulgent things that celebrities proclaim far too often. I remember when the story broke last year, and I remember thinking, “Great, we need another album by an actor.” Of course, that was before I fell head-over-heels for She & Him.
But then again, She & Him weren’t trying to spit. I’ve seen some fan footage of Joaquin performing some rhymes and many words come to mind: sidesplitting, awkward, gasp-inducing, cringe-worthy, heartbreaking, train wreck. Yeah, his stuff is that bad.
I’m usually all for an artist being an artist with the freedom of expression, but Phoenix rhyming is just painful. It’s like watching someone who can’t juggle, trying to juggle; it’s full of fits and starts just appears clumsy. It’s like when Michael Scott tries to rap on The Office, only it’s for real.
I’ve got a ton of questions. Doesn’t he have someone in his life who can tell him that he’s making a mistake? Isn’t there someone who can stop him before he goes too far? And why do tons of celebrities seem to think that being an emcee is easy? Why aren’t there more celebrity acoustic singer/songwriters or hair-metal bands?
Oh, wait a minute, this is probably just the karmic balance to Lil Wayne, who’s apparently the best rapper alive or so I’ve been told, doing a rock album. Yup, that’s it. The cosmic scales are balanced.
