The SmarK 24/7 Rant for Boston Garden – August 3 1985
– This isn’t actually “new” per se, but rather a show I taped on 24/7 when I first got the channel in 2007 and was frantically recording everything I could to DVD. Nowadays I only keep the really important stuff. However, I’ve got a few of these left kicking around I figure I might as well do the review for completeness sake. Those of you without the channel won’t know the difference anyway.
– Taped from Boston.
– Your hosts are Mean Gene & Gorilla
Jose Luis Rivera v. Les Thornton
Thornton is apparently the WWF Junior heavyweight champion at this point, which must have been a title that didn’t get defended much. Thornton wins a wrestling battle on the mat and then puts Rivera down with forearms before going to the chinlock. And then he switches to a hammerlock that’s even less exciting. The crowd doesn’t take to that very well. They trade headlocks on the mat and the crowd is REALLY bored by it. And it just keeps going forever, with only a quick break for a hiptoss before they go back to laying on the mat again. Oh no, Thornton is using the hair, what a cad. 10 minutes in and they’re STILL working the damn headlock. Finally Rivera fights up and misses a charge, allowing Thornton to slug him to the floor. Rivera comes back in with a sunset flip for two, but Thornton puts him down with a gutwrench for two. Rivera gets a crossbody, but they screw up the spot as it was supposed to be a reversal from Thornton and someone misses their cue. So the ref won’t count and they have to do it again, and this time Les rolls through for the pin at 12:34. Really, would it have mattered if the ref had just counted the first pin? *1/2
Tiger Chung Lee v. George “The Animal” Steele
This is shortly after Steele’s face turn, which worked spectacularly well judging by the crowd reaction here. Gigantic stall to start as they engage in a battle of wits and run away from each other. Finally we get contact as Lee gets a kick in the corner and then tosses George, but the Animal throws a table in. Lee hits him with a foreign object, but Steele no-sells it and chokes him out for the pin at 4:32. Pretty awful. -**
George Welles v. Brutus Beefcake
Another big stall to start and Beefcake gets a cheapshot in the corner and a hiptoss, but Welles pops up and shoulderblocks him down and out of the ring. I should note that Gorilla actually puts over the advantages of being an independent contractor here, one of the few times I can even remember announcers touching on the real world employment status of the wrestlers. So they criss-cross and Welles gets another shoulderblock and Beefcake backs off. They head to the floor and Beefcake takes over out there by sending Welles into the post. Back in, Beefcake works on the arm and stomps away on it. Welles fights back and they slug it out on the mat. Welles wins that and makes the comeback with the worst flying headscissors you’ll see this side of Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling, as he totally ignores his injured arm. Blind charge misses and Beefcake puts him away with the high knee at 10:20. When 1985 Brutus Beefcake is carrying the match, you know you suck. *
The Mysterious Mr. X v. Pedro Morales
You know he’s mysterious because the ring announcer tells us. Otherwise I’d just guess it was Danny Davis. Pedro gets a hiptoss to start and Mr. X complains about it mysteriously to anyone who will listen. And it’s yet another extended stall session as X goes in and out of the ring while bitching. Finally Pedro just punches him in the corner, and X walks away AGAIN. Back in, kneecrusher from Pedro and X takes another walk. Even Gorilla is getting sick of this. Back in, X goes to the eyes and gets a clothesline for two. He tries it again and Morales just swats him down and then hits him with an atomic drop. Pedro’s had enough of this shit so he finishes quick with the Boston crab at 7:40. Thank god. DUD
Rowdy Roddy Piper v. Paul Orndorff
Just a crazy reaction from the crowd as they’re so loud that the ring announcer doesn’t even bother with the introductions. They immediately brawl on the mat and Orndorff is NUTS, so Piper runs away. Orndorff follows and rams him into the table, but Piper uses the microphone and then smashes the table into his head. Orndorff no-sells it, however, and comes back in with an elbow off the top and then drops another one. You have to hear the heat for this to believe it. Orndorff drags Piper into the middle to keep him from running and drops a knee for two, but Piper gives him the THREE STOOGES EYEPOKE~! and takes over. Piper stops to pose and takes a shot to the gut as a result, and Orndorff gets a sunset flip using the tights, for two. I know part of the business is a heel showing ass from time to time, but Piper took that literally too often. Piper tries a suplex and Orndorff reverses to a rollup for two, so Piper eyepokes him again for good measure. Sleeper follows and Mean Gene declares that it’s all over, guaranteed, as if this “sleeper hold” was something just invented that week. Orndorff fights out, drawing a shocked reaction from Gene, and they collide for a double count. Orndorff recovers first and takes him down with a headlock into a headscissors, and they actually do the Flair reversal sequence! Backslide gets two for Orndorff. And then they do the SNME finish, with both tumbling to the floor for the double countout at 8:00. Way, way too short. ***1/4 Piper KO’s the ref afterwards, just because, and they brawl all the way back to the dressing room.
Salvatore Bellomo v. Randy Savage
No Liz or music yet. I sense that Bellomo is about to be destroyed. Savage actually does some stalling before they start with a quick wrestling sequence. Sal with a quick sunset flip for two, quickly shifting to babyface mode after playing heel during the introductions, and Savage takes five for lunch again. Savage actually uses a full nelson, but Bellomo counters out of it. Savage takes him down with an armbar, but Danny Davis (doing double duty tonight as wrestler and ref) accuses him of pulling the hair and makes him break. So Savage tosses Bellomo and gives him a high knee into the railing, then stalks him around the ring like he’s Randy Orton or something and runs him into it again. Back in, Bellomo gets a small package for two, but Savage goes to the eyes and fires away with punches in the corner. Sal bails, so Savage hits him with the flying axehandle to the floor, instantly making him into a star with the crowd. Back in, he hits Bellomo with the hooking clothesline and puts him out of his misery with the big elbow at 9:22. This felt totally wrong for a Randy Savage match, as Bellomo wasn’t really selling his stuff right and there wasn’t the usual sense of shock and awe you got from a Savage squash. **
Terry Funk v. Rick McGraw
Sadly, this was only three months before Quick Draw died of a heart attack. And no wonder, looking at his build here. Funk evades him for a bit, but then throws a forearm on the ropes, so McGraw whips him into the corner and out of the ring. Back in, McGraw with a slam as Gorilla stops to talk about how 20 years from then, these guys will be feeling the pain of those bumps in ways much worse than they were at that point. Unfortunately that proved to be more prophetic than Gorilla would probably want. I bet he would have liked The Wrestler, in fact. Funk charges and hits the post, so McGraw works on the arm. They tumble out again and Funk actually offers a handshake in sportsmanship and gives him a clean route to the ring again. Gene and Gorilla both think Funk is setting him up. Well, DUH. Back in the ring, McGraw gets an armdrag, so Funk tries the sportsmanship gag again and we get a series of clean breaks and a basic headlock. Funk actually brags about how cleanly he’s wrestling to the ref…and then hits McGraw in the nuts the second that Davis turns his back. Well you can’t be surprised by that. He tosses McGraw and then suplexes him back in for two, but McGraw comes back with a sunset flip for two. Atomic drop and Funk takes his usual crazy bump to the floor off that, and they brawl out there until McGraw drags him back in. Suplex gets two. We actually get an airplane spin into a samoan drop, into a crossbody for two. He walks into a sleeper, however, and since it’s Funk’s “patented” sleeper it’s all over at 13:50. Well, McGraw gave it a good go. **1/2
Magnificent Muraco & Mr. Fuji v. Ricky Steamboat & Junkyard Dog
Big brawl right away as Steamboat is just all up in Fuji’s shit and choking him out with his belt. Well that’s what you get when you try to hang a guy! They ram Fuji into Muraco and Dragon goes out to deal with Muraco on the floor while JYD destroys Fuji with headbutts in the ring. Steamboat adds flying chops for both heels as they bump all over the place and the crowd goes nuts for it. Fuji’s selling here is tremendous. And they do a great spot where Steamboat rams Fuji & Muraco’s heads together, which puts Fuji out, then rams Muraco’s head into JYD’s head, which puts Muraco out. That’s awesome. Things finally settle down after 4 minutes of the heels getting a one-sided beating, and the faces add a double-team on Muraco, forcing him to go to the Little Dragon to turn the tide. Over to Fuji, who chops Steamboat down and headbutts the groin, then he flips off JYD to really draw heat. Fuji gives Steamboat a “receipt,” as the kids on the street say, on that choking in the corner (I learned that word from Hulk Hogan’s CCW! I mean, they said it about 20 times, just so everyone knew the meaning) and the heels trade off on Steamboat in their corner. Steamboat fights up, but Muraco slugs him down and Fuji chokes him out AGAIN. You called down the thunder, Ricky, well now you got it! Fuji and Muraco switch off without a tag and Muraco goes to a nerve hold, but it’s HOOOOOOOT tag JYD. Noggins are knocked and a snapmare gets two on Muraco. They collide and both go down, so Steamboat tags back in with a flying chop, then brings in Fuji for one on him as well, and the flying bodypress to finish at 12:08. Tremendous entertainment. ***1/2 The Steamboat-JYD dynamic makes me think — would the greatest babyface tag team combination ever be Ricky Steamboat getting clobbered for 10 minutes and Hulk Hogan getting a hot tag for the win? Could you really think up a more effective combination within the formula than that?
Couple of really good matches here and a bunch of stinkers, but the hot crowd makes it a very watchable show up and down. Make sure to check it out if you happen to build a time machine and journey back to January of 2007 in an area that carries WWE 24/7.
