Alternate Reality by Vin Tastic – All an act…

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In the unusual entertainment genre known as professional wrestling, it takes a truly unique performer to rise to the top. Except in the most rare circumstances, a successful pro grappler must possess not only great athletic skill, but also something equally important – the ability to act.

TODAY’S ISSUE: Acting.

Since pro wrestling became a scripted performance art decades ago, wrestlers’ acting skills have played a major part in shaping the business as it evolved to the format fans recognize today. When the victim of an offensive attack convinces the crowd he’s actually in pain we call it selling, but it’s nothing more than acting. When a heel schemes like a duplicitous, back stabbing rat or a cowardly opportunist he’s acting, and if the crowd boos him, he’s acting well. Pro wrestlers don’t get nearly enough credit for their ability to pull the viewer in and suspend their disbelief long enough to enjoy the spectacle.

Many wrestlers have parlayed their notable thespian abilities to more traditional acting roles, and even if some did nothing more than take their original wrestling persona to the silver screen, their performances were just fine, especially for the “Hollywood blockbuster” sort of movies in which they starred. For example, John Cena is so loaded with natural charisma that when he was assigned the right role for his talents, like the one he played in The Marine, he delivered. Cena’s performance as recently discharged jarhead John Triton was right in his wheelhouse, and his charm translated perfectly in theaters. If given other roles that work this well, Cena could enjoy moderate success in Hollywood.

Kane was the ideal choice to play the creepy, obsessed, disgusting, misunderstood, maniacal menace Jacob Goodnight in the horror schlock See No Evil. In fact, Kane was such a good fit that Glenn Jacobs didn’t even receive the screen credit for his role, instead the credits named “Kane” as the actor in the role of the demented serial killer. The movie was dreadful, but Jacobs (as Kane, as Goodnight) was picture perfect for the part. Pun intended. Jacobs doesn’t have much of a future in movies, but for this one role, the part fit the performer better than could have been expected.

Much like Cena in The Marine, Steve Williams basically played his original Stone Cold Steve Austin character in The Condemned, and since the Stone Cold character really works for Williams, so did Jack Conrad. The synergy here was a case of Austin being Austin while acting exactly the way his wrestling persona would if he’d suddenly found himself on that desolate island, surrounded by bloodthirsty killers and manipulated by a wealthy television producer looking to make the ultimate reality show. As far as action films go, there was absolutely nothing wrong with Williams’ portrayal of the hardcore rouge taking on the world.

Speaking of action flicks, Ken “Kennedy” Anderson is also skilled at reaching the audience and breaking away from the pack, so his performance in the latest direct-to-video sequel to Behind Enemy Lines will likely be on par with Cena’s and Austin’s performances in similar one-man-army roles. I haven’t seen the movie, but there’s no reason a guy with Kennedy’s charm and charisma won’t perform just as serviceably as his frat brothers have in the past.

One former wrestling champion who’s proven time and again that he can branch out and portray characters outside his comfort zone is Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson. Equally outstanding in The Rundown as a bad-ass bounty hunter with a love for the culinary arts going up against Christopher Walken as he was playing the flamboyant, fabulous, wannabe model Eliot Wilhelm in Be Cool alongside John Travolta and Vince Vaughn, Johnson transcends the pro wrestling universe by light years. The Rock possesses a true leading man’s arsenal with his good looks, imposing size, incredible charisma, and comfort and ease in front of cameras and live crowds. He’s smart, funny, adaptable and captivating on the screen, and his ability to convincingly portray a multitude of characters makes the Rock an actor who used to wrestle, not a wrestler who did some acting.

He was believable as the Sarge in Doom and as the warrior king Mathayas in a cameo appearance in The Mummy and a featured role in spin-off The Scorpion King. He was very funny portraying his own father on That 70’s Show, and as the host of Saturday Night Live on more than one occasion. Johnson was engaging in the remake of Walking Tall, and at home as an extra-terrestrial MMA fighter in an episode of Star Trek: Voyager. With a long list of other starring roles including Disney films, comedies, action flicks and ensemble pieces, and a dance card that will keep him occupied for years to come, Dwayne Johnson is clearly the most successful and decorated former grappler to slap a choke-hold on the movie industry.

Not every famous wrestler who tried his hand at mainstream acting fared as well as the Rock. Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea is about as talented an actor as he is an in-ring technician, even after taking multiple stabs at it. In his ideal role playing Rip Rip’Em (or whatever) in the horrid No Holds Barred, Bollea somehow managed to fall short of the very attainable goal of simply bringing the Hogan character to the big screen. But just because Thunder in Paradise, Santa With Muscles, Suburban Commando, Mr. Nanny, and 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain were all just as awful doesn’t mean Bollea can’t act. After all, he was fantastic as Thunderlips in Rocky III, although he did portray the world’s heavyweight wrestling champion, a role to which he is extremely well suited, which makes his poor showing in No Holds Barred all the more confounding. There couldn’t have been a better role for the Hulkster, but his lamentable efforts did nothing to help what was always destined to be a campy, stupid movie in the first place. Still, Hogan did a fine job of acting for years in WWF and WCW, pretending to be a wrestler while whipping crowds into a frenzy and pushing lots of merchandise. The Orange Goblin moves in mysterious ways, I suppose.

Whether it’s Jimmy Jacobs convincing indy fans that he really is crazy and a bit of a masochist, Dustin Runnels falling perhaps a bit too deep into his Goldust character (he once asked Vince McMahon to pay for breast implants!), or Bret “the Hitman” Hart guest-starring on the Lonesome Dove television series, pro wrestlers by and large are skilled actors, and are often underrated in that department. These showmen throw worked punches six inches away from fans during brawls into the crowd, mostly improvise matches and interviews before live audiences, are their own stunt-doubles, and are infamous for staying in character even though kayfabe died years ago, the true mark of a method actor.

Anyone who’s seen the absurd Boogeyman character knows exactly how skilled an actor Marty Wright is. He throws himself into that silly routine with aplomb, and never throttles back. Insiders have stated that a great wrestling character is actually the real person with the volume turned way up, but it still takes a mighty acting performance to keep that volume up night after night, regardless of injuries, fatigue, road wear, missing the comforts of home, or not getting the push they might want or think they deserve. After all, Randy Orton may be an obnoxious jerk in real life, but nothing like the one he portrays on RAW week after week. Right?

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

p.s. – “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players…” – Shakespeare
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Elsewhere on Pulse Wrestling this week…

Paul Marshall covers TNA’s Against All Odds ppv. Compare his real-time report to our staffers’ picks in the Rasslin’ Roundtable.

John Wiswell discusses Gabe Sapolsky’s booking secrets and takes a look at the upcoming Proving Ground event in this week’s Cult of ROH.

Mark Allen talks about the much-ballyhooed Top 100 countdown produced by Pulse Wrestling staffers in his Historically Speaking.

Andy Wheeler comes roaring back with a huge effort in the return of For Your Consideration, discussing Triple H, the Matt/Jeff angle, and much, much more.

Phil Clark talks WrestleMania XXV in The Reality of Wrestling: All Roads Lead to Houston.

The one and only Norine Stice returns to her familiar spot in the batting order with another Real-Time SmackDown! Report.

Much like Seinfeld, David Ditch wrote a Puroresu Pulse about nothing. Or did he?

Finally this week, IWC legend Scott Keith visits WWE’s massive vault of oldies with another Smark 24/7 Rant, this time featuring World Championship Wrestling from 20 September 1986.

Master Sergeant, United States Air Force