The SmarK DVD Rant for The New and Improved D-X!
– Here’s an interesting one that I found for cheap, and it was interesting to me because all this "New D-X" stuff is exactly the period when I stopped watching WWE entirely, so it’s a rare three-disc set of stuff where I’ve never seen ANY of it before outside of a couple of video packages and the RAW DVD set. So I figure it’s worth a go for the price I paid. Which was basically nothing.
Disc One
– Various talking heads discuss how D-X made their life better through dick jokes, with everyone staying in character. This stuff is all completely within kayfabe, as Vince is interviewed as "Mr.McMahon" and Jerry Lawler basically just explains the storyline. It’s all really stupid so I’m gonna ignore the rest of it.
– So we go back to Wrestlemania 22, with Shawn delivering such an unholy beating on Vince that Vince decides to go to church and found his own religion. Meanwhile, Vince tries to get HHH to join the Kiss My Ass Club, but a mickey gone awry ruins his plans. And people wonder why I wasn’t watching RAW in 2006?
– From RAW, June 2006: Vince announces that HHH will face the entire Spirit Squad in a gauntlet match. That’s supposed to be a threat?
HHH v. The Spirit Squad
Mikey is the first one in and he runs into a clothesline, but goes to the eyes and slugs away in the corner. HHH casually comes back with a suplex and a kneedrop, then the high knee, but Vince sends Kenny out now. HHH beats on both of them and tries to finish Mikey, but Kenny breaks it up for the beatdown in the corner. The Squad hit a double elbow and Mikey gets a standing moonsault, but he misses a charge and HHH gets rid of him. So now Nicky and Johnny get sent out for the four-on-one beating and they still can’t get the job done. Seriously, why would the character of Mr. McMahon put up with guys this ineffective for such a long period of time? Finally they get the advantage on HHH and Vince sends Mitch out to finish him off, but Shawn Michaels emerges from the dressing room and superkicks him. And D-X is BACK, as they destroy the Squad with little trouble. Not actually a match, just an extended angle. Giant reaction from the crowd here and Vince’s facials are great.
– More stupid in-character comments about the reunion.
– From RAW, June 2006: Vince gives a speech about how D-X isn’t going to get to him, and then he gets bugged by a series of annoying characters, including Big Dick Johnson. The delivery of the penis enlarging pump convinces him to destroy D-X. Vince heads to the ring to rant, but Shane calls him back because Stephanie is in labor. Vince can’t BELIEVE how selfish his daughter is, and leaves to go give her a piece of his mind, leaving Coach in charge. Geez, no wonder this is a 9-hour set, if they’re just gonna leave entire RAW segments intact. So D-X shows up to make Coach’s life miserable, although the dynamic is completely different now. HHH is the badass leader now and Shawn is his wacky sidekick. It’s kind of weird watching the 1997 RAWs on 24/7, where they were a force for anarchy and malice, and now they’re Abbott and Costello.
– So later, the Spirit Squad calls them out as I wonder when we’re gonna get some WRESTLING on this here pro wrestling DVD. HHH completely buries the Squad by noting they’re just cheerleaders and they’re not even gonna bother coming out. And then they dump green slime on them. Wow, they really weren’t kidding around with the marketing to kids, were they?
– And so, later on that same show as we’ve had literally a half an hour of stuff from that RAW alone just dumped onto this disc, D-X officially reunites. And they do the Billy Gunn version of the spiel, further reinforcing that this is the kid-friendly D-X. Shawn confesses that he lied about Stephanie going into labor and we get our wink-wink reference with HHH pondering how much of a stud the father has to be. So D-X beats up Spirit Squad midgets and HHH brings out actual cheerleaders (while Shawn covers his eyes), but gosh darnit, the Spirit Squad interrupts before they can strip. HHH and Shawn dispose of them without much trouble.
HHH & Shawn Michaels v. The Spirit Squad
Holy crap, an hour in and finally an actual match! From Vengeance 2006. Shawn starts with Mitch and easily outwrestles him, but Mitch manages to slug him down in the corner. Sadly he stops to dance and gets chopped down by Shawn as a result. The Squad goes with the 5-on-1 beating in the corner, but Shawn escapes and D-X cleans house. The Squad heads out and they do a pep talk, with Johnny now sporting a gushing nose from an accidental potato shot, it appears. He dons his samurai headband as my head starts to hurt, and HHH casually whomps on him as well. Like, this is the problem with the promotion right there, as they create the biggest babyfaces they’ve had in years, and they have no heels for them to go against until much later in the year. Finally four of the Squad manages to get the advantage on HHH by sending him into the stairs, but he quickly makes the hot tag to Shawn, who beats on everyone. Flying elbow for Mikey (although really, does it matter which?), but Johnny breaks up the superkick with a spinkick. Nicky gets two off that as they drag out the inevitable. Kenny hits him with a chair and Nicky gets a trampoline-assisted bulldog for two. Neat spot, visually, but that’s crossing a line between "choreographed" and actual gymnastics. So Shawn is the face-in-peril now, as the Squad gets a series of double-teams and Kenny flapjacks him for two. Kenny accidentally alley-oops Nicky into the post, however, and Shawn comes back with a double DDT on two of the cannon fodders. Hot tag HHH and he hits spinebusters on anyone who wants one, but the Pedigree gets broken up. The Squad gangs up on Shawn outside and sets up a ridiculous move with the trampoline, but it backfires and Kenny is left with D-X alone. KICK WHAM PEDIGREE ends it at 17:47. This was fine, although it took five of these scrubs to even pose a threat to D-X and even then they had no chance of winning. **1/2 Mitch gets to join the Kiss HHH’s Ass Club afterwards. AKA the locker room.
– From June 26 2006: The reunited D-X strikes again, as HHH does his version of Vince McMahon and Shawn Michaels portrays Shane. They have the mannerisms down, but there’s not really any good jokes past HHH pulling on his ear and Shawn dancing. And really, the "Stand Back" joke has already been beaten into the ground. Speaking of beaten into the ground, the real McMahons come out to protest, and get poop dumped on them. HILARITY!
– From RAW, July 3 2006: D-X gets barred from the arena by Coach, and goes on to have a BBQ in the parking lot instead. HHH distracting Shawn by promising Mr. Fuji ("Ooo, I love Mr. Fuji!") provides the one genuine laugh of this DVD thus far for me.
– Later at the BBQ, HHH receives an implied blowjob while trying to have a conversation with Candace Michelle. This gets really dumb really quickly. Later, D-X takes over the production truck and tortures Vince McMahon in the most childish ways possible. See, he likes COCKS. This just drags on beyond all sanity and dies completely by the end.
– And now after two hours of unedited RAW footage, we get a video package of the Spirit Squad taking out their inadequacies on Eugene, until D-X makes the save. At which point we pick it up again with Vince trying to trick D-X into standing under a net, like some sort of retarded Bond villain, but they evade the cunning trap by moving away from it and Eugene rolls up Vince for the pin.
Shawn Michaels & HHH v. The Spirit Squad
This was pretty much the final burial of the Squad. This is elimination rules and when you’re gone, you get locked in a cage at ringside. Shawn cleans house with the plastic megaphone and superkicks Mitch out of the match at 1:14. As an interesting twist on the version presented on the SNME DVD, this version continues through the break, without commentary, giving us that extra perspective on the match that we never knew we wanted. It’s HHH doing a comedy routine with Johnny, in case you’re wondering. We return with HHH pinning Johnny after a spinebuster at 1:41. Kenny tries to take a walk and Shawn follows, but that allows Vince to come out and hit Shawn with a chair. Back in the ring, Nicky gets an elbow in the corner for two and follows with a sleeper. Kenny misses a flying legdrop and it’s back to HHH, as he fights off the clowns with ease and tosses Nicky. KICK WHAM PEDIGREE kills Nicky dead at 5:01. Mikey follows at 5:38. Shawn finishes the squash with the superkick on Kenny into the Pedigree at 6:18. 1/2*
– From RAW, July 17 2006: Another clowning interview from D-X, as they make a match against Vince & Shane, but the McMahons overrule them and make Shawn v. Shane instead. Why is one match preferable to the other?
– Meanwhile at the same show, D-X talks the Highlanders into annoying Vince on their behalf. This proves to be kinda sorta funny, I guess.
Shane McMahon v. Shawn Michaels
Once again we get the BONUS FOOTAGE during the break. Shawn knocks him down off the headlock to start and then tosses him, as we get a bunch of stalling during the commercial break. I think, in all seriousness, that it’s actually a fabulous idea to show the completely uncut matches on DVD instead of having the TV breaks in there, as it makes for a great selling point to geeks like me. Commentary returns as Jerry is all "I can’t believe we’re getting to see this, it’s a dream match!" They just wrestled on SNME a couple of months before this! It was a major point surrounding Wrestlemania! Shawn gets distracted with Vince and Shane attacks from behind, then gets a flying forearm and dances in celebration. Shane gets a pair of clotheslines and goes up with a flying elbow and sets up for Sweet Shane Music. Shawn blocks it and fires back with his own forearm, then goes up with his own elbow. You’ll note that when Shane is confined to a normal wrestling match, things fall incredibly flat. Vince interferes to prevent the superkick, although maybe if Shawn didn’t stomp his foot 10 times first he could do it quicker. Spirit Squad runs in for the DQ at 7:00 and the beatdown commences. This was totally flat. ** Like, seriously, I’ve been watching D-X fight the Spirit Squad for THREE HOURS now, enough already.
– I should note that Steve Austin is the only one who doesn’t bother to do the talking head soundbites in character, as he actually tries to add something of substance.
– From RAW, July 24 2006. Shawn announces that Steph really has gone into labor, and HHH has somehow wormed his way into the hospital along with the McMahons. Apparently he MIGHT know who the father is. Anyway, the Coach interrupts, because he’s in charge tonight and therefore Shawn won’t be running amuck. Shawn does his best to make a one-sided conversation with a cell phone entertaining, and we get the announcement of Shawn v. Coach? Shawn does an overblown laughing fit at the thought of it.
Shawn Michaels v. Jonathan Coachman
Shawn wears a skullcap to even the odds. Not like he isn’t getting there as it is. Shawn slugs away and drops Coach’s pants, then hits the flying forearm and atomic drop before going up with the elbow. And here comes the Jobber Squad, but Shawn doesn’t even need HHH and disposes of them, then Coach, before Umaga comes in for the DQ at 3:03.
Disc Two
Yes, there’s still TWO MORE DISCS of this.
– From RAW, July 31 2006. Vince and Shane are celebrating the birth of Aurora Rose, and they’re so happy that they’re going to team up against D-X at Summerslam. Shawn and Hunter come out and do a funny bit where they think they’re Jewish. And we get the grand tradition of WWE comedy writers: Wacky photos. You’d think that after months of none-too-subtle hints at the HHH-Stephanie relationship, people would have clued in and the big secret wouldn’t have been any kind of big deal.
– Same show: Armando Estrada brings the McMahons cigars. Later, federal agents raid D-X’s dressing room and find those same Cuban cigars. I’d be more worried about the REALLY illegal substances in their bags. So HHH gets hauled off and arrested, leaving Shawn alone tonight.
Shawn Michaels v. Umaga
Shawn throws chops to start with little effect, but reverses a powerslam attempt into a sunset flip, and a low dropkick gets two. Shawn bails and the McMahons head out as we take a break, but we continue on because this is DVD. Back in, Shawn keeps chopping until he runs into an elbow, allowing Umaga to toss him out and into some abuse from Shane. Back in, Umaga drops the leg and slugs away. Choking in the corner and it’s nerve hold time, but Shawn fights up as we return from the break. Umaga puts him down with a headbutt and then puts him over the top with a high kick, which looks pretty cool. Back in, Umaga slugs away and goes to a neck vice. A couple of slams and a headbutt follow, but the corner splash misses and Shawn makes the comeback. Flying forearm puts Umaga down, eventually, but Estrada holds onto Shawn’s wrist while he’s kipping up. Umaga hits Estrada by mistake, but Shawn walks into the samoan drop. Umaga is too upset about his manager to finish, however, and he rampages on the floor, giving Shawn time to recover. Back in, Umaga goes for the spike, but Shawn hits him in the nuts and goes up with the flying elbow. Vince breaks up the superkick and then Shane runs in as well, allowing Umaga to spike Shawn for the pin at 11:41. These two have no chemistry together at this point, although Umaga would get much better later on. ** Vince and Shane do the beatdown afterwards, and Vince tells the unconscious Shawn that HHH takes on Umaga next week. How can he pass that message along? He’s unconscious! Now HHH won’t know what his match will be!
– From RAW: August 7 2006. The McMahons have police with them to protect them from D-X, so Shane walks around the back trying to draw Shawn out. Finally he attacks, and the horde of cops drags him off of Vince and arrests him. So now HHH is alone against Umaga.
HHH v. Umaga
Slugfest to start and HHH goes down, but he dodges a charging Umaga and puts him on the floor. Back in, HHH with a corner clothesline, but he runs into a leg lariat and Umaga hangs him in the Tree of Woe. Corner splash follows and Umaga goes up, but the diving headbutt misses. HHH slugs back and puts him down with a clothesline, but now the McMahons run in. Blind charge misses and HHH tries the Pedigree, but Umaga powers out. The spike is blocked with a spinebuster, but the ref gets bumped and it’s more McMahon action. Samoan Spike finishes at 5:08. Wonder why they never really pulled the trigger on Umaga? He went over a million different top stars and got pretty good, and then they just kind of hung him out to dry and forgot about him. Basic overbooked RAW match. *1/2 Vince gives HHH a Pedigree afterwards and mocks the spit pose, which is probably the only time you’ll see someone do that.
– From RAW: August 14 2006. D-X is out to once again stress that Vince loves cocks, and they even have a t-shirt to prove it. So the McMahons come out and show a video package of all the stuff we’ve just watched for the last hour, which by the way would have been a preferable way to deal with it and probably could have shortened the DVD to one disc. Vince calls himself Satan and notes that he can buy anyone he wants to help at Summerslam, and D-X tells him to suck it. And that’s the segment, pretty much.
Shawn Michaels & HHH v. Vince & Shane McMahon
From Summerslam 2006. The McMahons bring out the Spirit Squad and D-X promptly destroys them without even breaking a sweat. Then it’s Ken Kennedy, William Regal and Finlay, who do a more effective job of the attempted beatdown, but still get dispatched. Next up, Big Show, and he manages to kick Shawn’s ass while the other three finish off HHH outside. This is like something out of a videogame, as the odds are insanely stacked against the babyfaces. At least the McMahons now can pose a reasonable threat. So we start with Vince beating on Shawn and getting a slam, and Shane dances in for his goofy punches. Vince distracts the ref while Shane chokes Shawn out with the tag rope. If there’s two people in the world who are big enough wrestling geeks to do all that classic stuff, it’s Vince and Shane. McMahon double elbow and Shane drops his own elbows on Shawn and gets a series of inverted backbreakers. Double suplex from the McMahons and they drop a PAISAN ELBOW. OK, that’s pretty awesome. HHH keeps fighting up and Shane puts him down again with a baseball slide. Next up: A Demolition elbow for Shawn. And then a Hart Attack, with Shane playing Bret. There’s a certain charm to this that can’t be denied. And what else but a Doomsday Device next? Although Shawn doesn’t do the proper bump off it. All that only gets two. Shawn gets pissed and fights back, hitting the McMahons with a double clothesline to get the crowd going again. And HHH crawls up onto the apron and takes the hot tag, kicking some ass. Neckbreaker for Shane sets up a facebuster, and he clotheslines both McMahons. Spinebuster for Shane and Shawn comes off the top with the flying elbow for Vince. Shawn gets rid of Shane, but now Umaga joins us and gives HHH the spike, but Kane heads out and brawls with him to get rid of him. Vince gets two on HHH off all that, then punches the ref out. They’re definitely going too long now. Shane sets up the Van Terminator, but lands in a superkick, and Vince eats KICK WHAM PEDIGREE at 13:02. I could see they were going for the epic Russoriffic full monty here, but they just weren’t clicking at that kind of level. Still, this was a fun compilation of tag team wrestling geekiness and was mostly a good formula tag match. ***
– From RAW: August 21 2006. HHH gives a state of the union address from an air terminal in Bridgeport, where Vince happens to park his $30 million private jet, while Shawn acts like a spaz. So we cut to D-X leaving the plane and Shawn worrying about a scratch he left on the door, only to reveal that they’ve spraypainted "DX" on the side. The desperation here as they’re trying for Austin v. McMahon again with HHH is pretty sad. Although you know if it was WCW they’d have blown the plane up and then never mentioned it again. Later in the show, Vince announces that they’ve called the police, but D-X pops up on the screen and shows that they’ve now vandalized Titan Towers (or whatever it’s called now) with an obviously green-screened logo. Like how could two guys paint a perfect representation of the trademarked DX logo in that scale? Finally, Vince and Shane leave the arena, but some hooligan has tied a chain to the limo’s axle, thus wrecking it. Well, American Graffiti was a good movie. Although Mythbusters already showed that it wouldn’t actually work and needed movie trickery to pull off.
– From RAW: August 28 2006. Shane is here alone because Vince is still recovering from the week before. So then we get a split-screen cell phone call between Shane and Vince, which is kind of stretching the suspension of disbelief thing, and we discover that Vince has been delivered a pair of cocks. He loves them, you see. Shane is upset about this development, but Shawn shills the McMahon DVD to make him feel better.
HHH & Shawn Michaels v. Finlay, William Regal & Mr. Kennedy
So Shane’s payback is this match, as we join it after the break with Regal beating on Shawn and setting up a triple-team in the corner. Three and a half if you count Hornswoggle. Back in, Regal gets two and Finlay slugs Shawn down. Buttdrop gets two. Regal throws knees, but Finlay misses a blind charge and it’s hot tag HHH. Spinebuster for Finlay, but Kennedy breaks up the Pedigree and then misses the swanton. Regal and Finlay double-team HHH, but Regal hits Finlay with a chair by mistake and KICK WHAM PEDIGREE ends it at 4:15. *1/2 However, we’re not done yet, as Shane brings out Big Show and the four-on-one beatdown commences. Vince adds a beating with a lead pipe as everyone bleeds, and he announces that it’s McMahons & Big Show v. D-X in a Hell in a Cell match next. Because this feud just needed yet another match.
– From RAW: September 4 2006. Big Show and the McMahons celebrate their actions from the week before, but D-X comes out and beats up their security force.
Big Show v. HHH & Shawn Michaels
From ECW, September 5 2006. D-X attacks to start and Shawn gets a DDT for two. Show shakes them off, however, and chops HHH in the corner, but misses a pump splash. Heyman’s goons pull HHH out of the ring, however, and Show pounds on Shawn, then follows with a press slam. Bearhug , but Shawn breaks free by going to the eyes, and HHH storms back in and slugs away. Corner clothesline follows, but he runs into an elbow. Show charges and HHH catches him with a spinebuster, while Shawn hits Heyman’s goons with a tope, but Bob Holly runs in for the DQ at 5:16. Did this really warrant inclusion? *
– From RAW, September 11 2006: D-X arrives at the arena, but Big Show, Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch jump them and slam HHH’s head into a car door. Oh, and his match with Vince is NEXT.
Vince McMahon v. HHH
Once again they have to stack the deck to give Vince any kind of reasonable chance, so HHH is bleeding from the ear and suffering from a concussion, and can barely stand up. Wouldn’t it just be easier to give D-X some actual WRESTLERS to feud with? Vince pounds away in the corner while JR calls the upcoming Hell in a Cell match an "assured bloodbath", which is a far cry from anything you’d hear them say today. Vince chokes HHH out with his belt and then sends him into the post outside, and back in HHH gives a defiant crotch-chop. So it’s VINCE WHAM PEDIGREE and McMahon gets two. HHH hulks up and gets the spinebuster, but Shane runs in for the double-team. Shawn comes in to even it up, but Big Show destroys him with a spinebuster and the McMahons beat HHH down with his own sledgehammer, giving Vince the pin at 6:20. Thank god it wasn’t a baseball bat, he might have KILLED him. Just a junk match to build for the Unforgiven PPV. *1/4
Hell in a Cell: Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon & Big Show v. HHH & Shawn Michaels
From Unforgiven 2006. D-X attacks Show with a double nutshot as the crowd reminds the babyface Shawn that he screwed Bret. D-X brawls with the McMahons outside and Shane meets the steel, drawing our first blood of the match. Vince also heads into the cage and you just know he’s not gonna waste a chance to gush all over the ring. HHH finds a screwdriver and digs it into Vince’s cut, but back in the ring Big Show returns from nursing his groin and clears the ring. D-X teams up and sends him into the stairs ("the sinful steel has no conscience," notes JR. Good to know.) Back to the beating of the McMahons, but Big Show takes over for the heels again by headbutting HHH down via the injured ear. He heads out and powerbombs Shawn into the cage, which is sinful and thus completely against everything Shawn stands for. So back in the ring and the McMahons team up on HHH while Shawn bleeds on the floor. Shane gets the Van Terminator and HHH is bleeding from the ear yet again. Outside, Shane catapults HHH from the stairs and into the cage, as the match has just ground to a halt while they literally stop and set up spots. Show hits Shawn with a pump splash, giving Vince two, but he picks Shawn up. Show with the cobra backbreaker, but Vince picks him up again at two. HHH comes back and tries a Pedigree on Vince, but Shane breaks it up with a torture rack of all things. WTF? Shawn puts Shane on the floor with an enzuigiri, but Vince clobbers him from behind and wants to have a Kiss My Ass Club meeting. Really? During a Hell in a Cell match? HHH breaks that up, but Show lays them out, and then accidentally splashes Vince in a contrived spot. D-X posts Show to get rid of him, then they destroy Shane with an atomic drop/spinebuster combo, setting up Shawn’s flying elbow onto a chair. Show recovers as this match has gone way past the expiration date, and he does that stupid spot where charges while holding the stairs and lands facefirst on them as a result. Shawn superkicks him to end his night, but Vince won’t stay down. So D-X yanks the unconscious Show’s tights down, and shove Vince’s face into his ass for the big blowoff spot. And of course, a superkick into the sledgehammer (which breaks impressively) ends this insipid feud once and for all at 22:45. I don’t even know what the point of the "new, giant Cell" was, because they barely used it outside of a couple of spots where guys got rammed into it for color. It’s nice that they blew it off so completely, but this match was overly long and really dull and didn’t need Big Show except for the Kiss My Ass spot. ***
Disc Three
There’s still ANOTHER disc of this? What the FUCK? Just end it already!
– From RAW: October 2 2006. D-X has two words for everyone, but Coach isn’t down with that. So the deck is stacked again.
HHH & Shawn Michaels v. Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, The Highlanders, Viscera & Charlie Haas.
Viscera & Haas double-team HHH, but Vis accidentally splashes Haas while Shawn clears the ring of everyone else. The Highlanders get into a brawl with Cade & Murdoch for whatever reason, and D-X hits Vis with a double team DDT before polishing Haas off with Shawn’s flying elbow and superkick into KICK WHAM PEDIGREE at 2:52. So much for Coach’s plan. 1/2* HHH decides to just throw Coach out of the building and run the show himself tonight.
– Later in the show, D-X shows their age by doing a "Land Shark" bit to entice Coach out of his dressing room, but he’s not biting. Luckily for everyone, there’s a cameraman on both sides of the door. Vince, via phone, tells Coach to suck it up and go face them, so he leaves…and finds himself surrounded. This leads to a silly meta-moment with "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" playing in the background before Coach runs into the women’s locker room. Shawn follows with his eyes closed and Coach gets chased into the room of Big Dick. No wonder the guy went to ESPN. And so, Coach is run out of the arena and D-X takes over.
– Later, D-X informs the Spirit Squad that there’s a new dress code, and we cut to later as they have to wear female cheerleader outfits.
– Later, D-X plugs Bischoff’s book and HHH gives Chris Masters the infamous diss about "losing 50 pounds in 4 weeks".
– From RAW: October 9 2006. D-X is forced to formally apologize to the entire tag team division for decimating it, and it kind of degenerates into a merchandise plug.
Street Fight: HHH & Shawn Michaels v. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch
Funny improv from HHH here, as D-X tries to bring out Cocky, the South Carolina mascot, and the crowd starts chanting "Gamecock". HHH notes "You’re confused, I’m the Game, he’s the Cock." This leads to a funny bit about how the Cock won’t get exposed and how Vince would beat the Cock and a million other dick jokes. Awkward sequence to start as they brawl, but Cade & Murdoch take over outside. D-X regroups and HHH suplexes Cade on the ramp and chairs him, and Shawn dumps Murdoch with a nice backdrop bump. HHH puts him on a table and Shawn elbows him through from the top, and that should about do it for Trevor. And back in the ring, superkick and Pedigree finish the squash at 5:49. ** Man, they were just killing EVERYONE dead at this point.
– So finally via a video package, Rated RKO forms and D-X has some top heels to feud with. So on RAW, October 16 2006, we get RKO’s D-X parody, but it’s just a fakeout, as they’re SHOOTING. The only people who enjoy this kind of stupid humor are 12 year olds who blindly buy D-X merch, apparently. True dat. D-X comes out and we get a silly verbal sparring match as they make gay jokes about Orton and he makes goofy faces to sell it. The crowd thinks it’s hilarious, which kind of proves Edge’s point.
Randy Orton v. HHH
Wow, it’s a Wrestlemania main event preview, two years early! Not to mention that they’d already been fighting since 2004 and this was not exactly a fresh matchup even then. We take a break right away (no exclusive footage this time) and return with HHH getting a kneedrop while Orton sells a knee injury. Edge wearing an Affliction shirt makes him pretty damn cool, back in the days before they were on PPV and thus competition for WWE. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t let someone wear an MMA shirt on TV now. Lita comes out to provide distraction and Orton takes over with a neck vice, and a powerslam for two. HHH wins a slugfest and puts him down with the high knee, but Orton goes to the eyes. HHH gets distracted by Edge again and Orton puts him down with the backbreaker and gets two. He sets up for the RKO, but HHH reverses to the spinebuster. Edge runs in with the low blow, but so does Shawn, and HHH finishes with a chairshot at 6:41. This never got going. **
HHH & Shawn Michaels v. Edge & Randy Orton
From Cyber Sunday 2006. The vote here is for special ref: Bischoff, Coach or Vince. And Bischoff wins, oddly enough, as you’d think Vince would have been the obvious winner. Edge slugs away on Shawn in the corner to start, but gets pinballed by D-X. Shawn gets a sunset flip, but Bischoff won’t count already. Shawn lays in the chops and gets another sunset flip, and this time it gets two. Shawn goes to the armbar and HHH comes in to continue that. Over to Orton, as HHH suplexes him and drops a knee, then slugs away on the mat. RKO manages to lure him into the corner and Orton gets the dropkick for one, however. Edge with the Edge-O-Matic for two. Orton stomps a mudhole in the corner, but HHH manages the tag to Shawn again. Atomic drops for Edge and Orton and Shawn hits the flying elbow, but Orton breaks up the superkick and posts Shawn. Edge gets two off that. Shawn is the face-in-peril and Edge dropkicks him into the corner for two and goes to a facelock. Orton with a dropkick for two and it’s the CHINLOCK OF DEATH. Backbreaker gets two. Edge tries the spear and hits Uncle Eric by mistake, allowing Shawn to get the enzuigiri and HHH to get the hot tag. He runs wild with the high knee and tries the Pedigree on Orton, but Edge breaks it up with a spear. Shawn dumps Edge and hits him with a pescado, but it’s RKO 4 HHH. That gets two. That should have been the finish, no reason to kick out of the killer finisher. Shawn superkicks Orton and Bischoff pulls out the new ref before HHH can cover, and Edge has just had enough and waffles Shawn with a chair, before Orton hits another RKO on HHH on the chair and finishes at 17:18. This was fine, but nothing special at all. ***
– From RAW: November 6 2006. D-X beats the hell out of Eric Bischoff and brings Big Dick Johnson out for a forced lapdance. Well I guess that’s Bischoff’s punishment for beating Vince in the popular vote.
– From RAW: November 13 2006. Over to Manchester for some British dick jokes from D-X. Coach issues a bounty of 5200 pounds ("You cheap bastard!") and it’s yet another handicap match.
HHH & Shawn Michaels v. Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, Charlie Haas & Viscera
We take a break and return with Shawn chopping Cade in the corner, but Cade gets an atomic drop into a pair of big boots from Murdoch. Vis with a side slam on Shawn and Haas gets two. Shawn gets beat up for a while and it’s hot tag HHH, who clears the ring and destroys Haas right on cue. Pedigree and pin at 4:30. Same match as the one earlier on the DVD, pretty much.
– Later in the show, Eugene tries to collect the bounty, and that doesn’t go well for him. Later, HHH has to poop, and has to fight off Chris Masters before he can do it. While talking with Coach, D-X shows a video recap of the bounty attacks, which is made funnier by the great secret weapon of comedy: Benny Hill music. They throw themselves out and claim the bounty as a result, then buy tickets from Cryme Tyme in the parking lot to get back in. Shawn’s "I speak jive" is another 25 year old comedy bit on a show aimed at 13 year old boys.
– Later in the same show, Orton & Edge beat Flair & Piper to win the World tag titles in the biggest foregone conclusion in the history of foregone conclusions, setting up the Survivor Series…
HHH & Shawn Michaels & CM Punk & Jeff Hardy & Matt Hardy v. Edge & Randy Orton & Johnny Nitro & Mike Knox & Shane Helms
One of these things is shittier than the others, one of these things just doesn’t belong. So I bet Chris Warren didn’t think he’d be making royalties off the D-X theme again, although knowing the WWE legal team he’s probably not anyway. Funny bit to start with HHH convincing Kelly to flash while covering Shawn’s eyes, which results in Knox running in to defend her and getting superkicked. Buh-bye. Shawn: "Who was that guy?" Ha! It’s funny because it’s true. So with the comedy out of the way, Shawn trades leapfrogs with Nitro and mugs for the camera with Melina (OK, comedy mostly out of the way), then brings Jeff into the match. Drop sleeper and it’s over to Matt, which sets up a double-team for two. Helms comes in and dodges a flying Matt, leaving him set up for the heel team to work over. Punk gets the tag and throws knees on Nitro to a huge reaction in the same match with HHH, and the next month gets totally depushed. Coincidence? Anaconda vice gets rid of Nitro. Edge goes after Punk, and a cheapshot from Orton gives the heel team the advantage. Orton gets the dropkick for two. Helms takes him down and throws his own knees while working a facelock. Orton comes in and trades shots before hitting the RKO, but Shawn saves. Edge sets up for the spear, but hits the turnbuckle instead, and it’s hot tag to his HHHoliness. Knees for everyone! Helms looks to be the lucky recipient of the KICK WHAM PEDIGREE while the Hardyz get rid of Team RKO, but HHH decides to let the Hardyz finish with the swanton instead. Really, it was inevitable either way. Speaking of inevitable, the tag champs look at the numbers and decide that math is the better part of valor and walk out, but get dragged back in again. Edge takes a superkick and he’s gone, but that allows Orton to run away again. And again, he gets chased back in, and it’s KICK WHAM ELIMINATED at 11:34. ** This was fun, if not a high-level technical match or anything. And to answer Jerry Lawler’s question, yes, several teams have survived completely intact, most notably Rick Martel’s team in 1990 and Undertaker’s team in 1995.
Bonus Features:
A bunch of PPV video packages, which really should have been the DVD instead of the ENTIRE SEGMENTS like we got instead.
The Pulse:
Here’s the deal – if you don’t watch RAW and you’re a HUGE fan of D-X’s 2006 run, then this is the perfect DVD for you. Because it covers everything from their reunion to the Survivor Series in excruciating detail week by week, like the old video compilations we used to trade on the net when there was GOOD storylines we wanted in full. However, if you were watching RAW in 2006, you’ve seen all this already, and god knows it didn’t need to be a nine-hour DVD set. There’s no good matches on the set to justify the purchase, either, and it’s not even that interesting from a "morbid curiosity" perspective because they just didn’t have anything INTERESTING for D-X to do after the initial reunion drew such great numbers.
Basically, I’ve got two words for you: It sucks.
