This week’s WWE Raw, hosted by Seth green, was a good example of how to use a celebrity in Wrestling. Putting Jenna Morasca in a PPV match against Sharmell is an example of how to not use a celebrity. David’s away, so you get me instead as roundtable host. I’ll do my best to play down to TNA’s level.
TNA World Heavyweight Championship:
Kurt Angle (c) vs. Mick Foley
Matthew Michaels: I think Kurt has to win here, but I’m actually looking forward to this one.
Winner – Kurt Angle
Steven Gepp: Angle’s been nice about WWE, his contract’s up soon… could we be seeing him make a return to Titan Towers? Will it affect this match? This match is five years too late to mean anything at all. I’d say we retain the champ because Jarrett needs to get it back… unless Jarrett somehow inserts himself into this match… Hmmm… That’s it!
WINNER: Jeff Jarrett
Raffi Shamir: Mick Foley had his token run as TNA champ. Angle just won the title last month and has the MEM at his disposal. Couldn’t get any clearer than that.
Winner: Kurt Angle
TNA Legends Championship:
AJ Styles (c) vs. Kevin Nash
Matthew Michaels: Wouldn’t it be something if Nash came in and put another youngster over? (As ridiculous it is for this belt to exist.)
Winner – AJ
Steven Gepp:
Contrasting styles. If Kev can pull out the sort of stuff he did with Shawn Michaels, this could at least be watchable. But I’d not expect a mat classic or anything…
WINNER: Styles (just coz)
Raffi Shamir: Kevin Nash will do the right thing here. It’s not like we’re dealing with WCW and he’s facing Rey Mysterio after reforming the nWo with Hogan, with Rey’s mask on the line.
Winner: AJ
TNA World Tag Team Championship:
Beer Money, Inc. (c) vs. Scott Steiner & Booker T
Matthew Michaels: As much as I love Beer Money, I’m also a mark for factions having tons of gold, so…
Winners – Scott & Booker
Steven Gepp:Thanks, Beer Money, you’ve had your day, time for cast-offs to get their glory moment in the sun. I love watching Beer Money but I have a feeling in this case they’ll be polishing the proverbial turd.
WINNER: Rejects-R-Us, Scooter (I like that name… Booker & Scott… Scooter)
Raffi Shamir: Transitional champs. That’s what Beer Money are.
Winners: Booker and Steiner
Samoa Joe vs. Sting
Matthew Michaels: Something tells me this won’t be a clean finish.
Winner – Joe!
Steven Gepp: Is Taz’s no-compete up yet? If it is, this is where he’ll make his comeback and help… Sting! Because Joe’s with MEM! But MEM have been paying Sting! And Foley’s their prime backer! And Sting is really Ric Flair in an old person mask! But then Russo will come out! He’s been giving the orders all along! Everyone’s been played like fools! He cuts a scathing shoot/work promo on Jarrett! Then Hogan comes out and reveals he actually owns TNA! And Russo is HIS boss! Mwahahaha…
Sorry…
Can I start again? Thanks…
If this was the Sting of the 1990s, I’d be excited. It’s not, I’m not…
WINNER: Sting
Raffi Shamir: I hated what they did last month at the end of the KOTM, and I hate the follow up. Don’t really care about Sting, as he’s just reliving the character he made famous in WCW – the stupidest wrestler on earth. But I think they ruined Joe. The nation of violence was a cool idea, Joe as a renegade going through the MEM was great. But now we learn that Joe didn’t really beat anyone, they were all laying down for him. And he’s a lackey at the MEM. Nice going TNA. At least he’ll get the dirty victory here.
Winner: Joe
Sharmell vs. Jenna Morasca
Matthew Michaels: Ugh.
Winner – Sharmell
Steven Gepp: Remind me again why this is on a PPV? That people, you know, PAY MONEY FOR?! And for this we get no X-Division match?
WINNER: absolutely no-one in the history of wrestling
Raffi Shamir: Stevem above me said it best – we don’t get an X-Division title match but we get this. Thanks TNA.
Winner: Let’s say Sharmell.
Matt Morgan vs. Daniels
Matthew Michaels: The babyfaces need some wins on the show, and if he’s not hurt, Daniels is as good a wrestler to put over as any.
Winner – Daniels
Steven Gepp: Could by the sleeper match, match of the night… like being the best turd in the toilet bowl.
WINNER: Daniels (don’t know why, just coz)
Raffi Shamir: Thanks again TNA, you made me not care about Daniels.
Winner: Daniels
The card also features a New Japan Tag Team Championship match between Team 3D and The British Invasion, as well as (finally) Abyss vs. Dr. Stevie. And still no X-Division match. Thanks again (and again) TNA. Join us here at Pulse Wrestling on Sunday night for the complete live report of TNA Victory Road.
