On tap this week:
— I’m totally going to hell for this one
— The Kate Hudson Corollary
— Pushing my way out
And slightly much more!
So this upcoming weekend is the Chicago Comic-Con and my friend Nick has talked me into going. I am normally not a fan of hanging out with guys who spend all day whacking it to “The Sims” but Nick is a good friend and you do this sort of stuff for good friends. Plus Roddy Piper and a bunch of former pro wrestlers are going to be there, so meeting some of them could be fun. However, I just can’t go to one of these things without having some sort of fun. And by fun, I mean completely waste an opportunity to make fun of guys who dress up in Storm Trooper outfits.
Not for nothing, there is something to be said about the Storm Trooper battle armor. It does look pretty bad ass, and can be intimidating if done right. However, it can be hilarious if done wrong. The last time I saw a bunch of guys in Storm Trooper outfits it was when the last Star Wars prequel came out.
I had gone to see Dominion (the good Exorcist prequel) with my then girlfriend Georgette and it was all Star Wars geeks in this theatre. There had to be like three dozen guys in Storm Trooper outfits, two Darth Vaders, a slave Leia who was about 100 lbs heavier than the outfit required and one guy in a solid Chewbacca outfit. It was acceptable, as it was the weekend to dress up in an outfit that probably cost someone enough money to stay living in their parents’ basement, but one thing always stuck in my mind.
The girl at the snack counter was unbelievably gorgeous (with huge, ahem, tracks of land and a low cut, unbuttoned blouse) and everyone was drooling when they passed. Hell, I took a smack to the back of the head when I suggested I should get some popcorn. And another for suggesting some sodas. And yet another for suggesting some candy. Georgie either really liked the back hand slap or I said a lot of things that I deserved to get hit for.
A little bit of both is probably the right answer to that scenario.
As we were leaving Dominion, which was a very under-rated flick, I saw a Storm Trooper actively hitting on her. The theatre was like right next to the snack bar so I could totally hear really weak game, too, and she did not like this at all. I give the guy credit for trying, but I really wanted to say something horribly offensive to the guy and Georgie stopped me. And this lack of acting on an opportunity stuck with me until Nick talked me into going. An idea sprung as I was re-telling the story to Nick when he explained why I should join him at Comic-Con: we should totally get tossed from it, Borat style.
It’s not that I have anything against comic book geeks, but sometimes being a jerk is what I’m best at in life. It’s a rare gift, I readily admit. So, combining this with my Polish heritage, we created the ultimate rip-off: Pavel Dostyevskinovichski, News Reporter for Polish Network Television Channel 4.
The whole point would be to go into it like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, except with the whole ignorant foreigner thing to give us an in. To further it, we were going to tape my picture over a comic book character’s face and just write “Pavel the News Guy” as the comic book to really be insulting. If people asked who I was at the event, I’d point to this and go “neener neener” with a thick Eastern European accent. And interview anyone at the event who is willing with horribly insulting comments and questions.
I was thinking one I had to ask Roddy Piper is if he thought he should’ve got an Oscar nomination for Hell comes to Frogtown. And then see how far I could push him, and some of the people there, until security tosses us out on our ass. I’m thinking Piper would probably laugh his ass off unless you mocked a recent wrestler death, though, but it would be cool to talk to the guy.
I’m thinking I could probably take an ass-whooping if it’ll make for great internet fodder. And I’d wear an Inside Pulse dot com T-shirt, too, so it’d totally make YouTube into a hit generator for the site. I don’t think Wids would mind additional traffic. And it could work. Why? Because people inexplicably find it funny when foreigners say horribly offensive things that normal Americans couldn’t get away with unless they looked like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie.
Last week a couple friends of mine were at a club and I said something amusing with a horribly bad Irish accent to a really good-looking blonde with a great rack. Apparently instead of being offensive it was funny, and I continued with the same bad Irish accent (claiming I was from “Dublin by way of Warsaw, Poland”) and started mocking the crowd. It was filled with the usual sort of early 20s guys who were either dressing like they were stereotypical out of the closet homosexuals or wannabe tough guys (complete with Tapout and Affliction t-shirts). I decided to mock them using a line my buddy Gen used once, making fun of the guys in Afflition shirts with the jewels on via mocking them for wearing “bedazzled” clothing. “What are they, 12?”
Eventually I stopped and used my normal, flat Midwestern accent and all the “funny” things I said were suddenly offensive again. And it hit me that this could totally work based on my Irish clubbing experience.
And that’s probably the place I’m going to for even thinking about doing this. And it’s funny how easy I can get into that place but couldn’t find a way to get into the good colleges.
Random Thoughts of the Week
Bill Simmons wrote this week using sports analogies and Almost Famous quotes, and pondered something I found fascinating. Was the sheer power of Kate Hudson as Penny Lane due to a once in a lifetime, effervescent performance from the daughter of Goldie Hawn? Or was it from a role so well written that any competent actress in her early 20s could’ve done it just as well?
I’m thinking it was the latter, having watched it again, and it leads me to something else. How many times have we seen an actor/actress just rise meteorically due to one role and then never achieve that level again? Plenty and we always attribute it to one thing or another but never really call it like it truly is: someone at the right place at the right time. Call it the Kate Hudson Corollary.
Listen to me now and believe me later.
I think a lot of the reason most actors and actresses who hit it out of the park, and then never do so again, is because there’s a perfect storm (of sorts). A couple years earlier a solid character actor took a similar type of part and turned it into an Oscar in Jerry Maguire with Cuba Gooding Jr. It’s amusing that both were in films by Cameron Crowe and Gooding had the same sort of career free-fall that Hudson has had. He went from winning an Oscar to being a minor character in American Gangster in the span of 10 years. Normally a crash like this isn’t unprecedented, however, but after a number of these it becomes clear that it isn’t something like picking bad roles or the stigma of being an Oscar winner.
Take Hudson. Penny Lane was such a well done character that I think any actress in her early 20s could’ve given the same performance. One only has to look at Hudson’s career post-Famous to see that she’s exactly where she ought to be. She’s nice to look at and is a talented actress but isn’t in the top tier of actresses like many predicted. If one eliminated Penny Lane from her acting resume one could see her starring opposite guys like Dane Cook or Matthew McConaughey and think “Yeah, that’s where she should be.” Almost Famous is the anomaly, not the trend, of her cinematic career.
It’s similar to a career of someone like Timothy Hutton, who has had a terrific career but won an Oscar so early on in his career that the bar was raised incredibly high. His career has been one of being a “that guy” but he has that pesky Oscar on his mantle that is a bit misleading. He’s on the same level of someone like Richard Gere as an actor in his 40s and 50s who can still headline a film or television show but doesn’t draw like a Will Smith.
In the end of things, sometimes an actor’s choices show much more about their abilities then we give them credit for. A role like one Hudson in Fool’s Gold perhaps isn’t an insult to her abilities but perhaps an acknowledgment that she knows her abilities better than anyone else.
A Movie A Week – The Challenge
This Week’s Film – Push
This has been a down year for film, that’s for sure, but the films that have been good have been really good. Push was one that genuinely surprised me, as I thought it would be solid but turned out to be “cool.”
There aren’t many films that have that kind of vibe, the last one I remember being The Matrix. The film doesn’t try and explain why things came to be, it just tells its story as if it was the second film in the series as opposed to being a startup. It’s what I enjoyed, actually, as I did with Jumper. It wants to just get into the story without taking time away by explaining how this world came to be. This is a film that exists in a comic book environment, but without the latex costumes.
It’s a pretty simple story. Kira (Camilla Hudson) is on the run from a secret government agency called Division. She has psychic powers and they want to use them for their own good. Her ex Nick (Chris Evans) can move things with his mind and they run into each other in Hong Kong, both on the run from Division agent Carver (Djimon Hounsou). They are joined by Cassie (Dakota Fanning), who can see into the future.
The film is more about atmosphere then anything else; it embodies the same type of action oriented world Iron Man does but without having the back story every comic book character has. It’s nice to see a world that doesn’t have anything already built into it; it allows for a unique story-telling style while satisfying the action requirement for the genre.
Strong recommendation.
What Looks Good This Weekend, and I Don’t Mean the $2 Pints of Bass Ale and community college co-eds with low standards at the Alumni Club
G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra – The crappy kids’ cartoon gets turned into a big, dumb action movie.
Skip It – This looks like it’ll be the worst film of the year.
Julie and Julia – Meryl Streep learns to cook in France while Amy Adams cooks her way through one of her cookbooks.
See It – This is intriguing for a couple reasons. You have the best of the previous generation of actresses (Streep) and the best of the new generation (Adams) in one film, which is never a bad thing. You also have two potentially intriguing storylines, as well, about two women trying to find their place in the world.
A Perfect Getaway – A couple of killers go hiking with two couples on holiday.
See It – This has a solid cast and an interesting premise. Whether or not it can pull it off is another thing, but it’s worth it to see if they can.
Paper Heart – The ugly chick dating the bearded dude in Knocked Up goes on the road, looking for people’s explanations of traditional, romantic love.
Skip It – This is the film that looks cute but is going to be long and boring.
Do you have questions about movies, life, love, or Branigan’s Law? Shoot me an e-mail at Kubryk@Insidepulse.com and you could be featured in the next “Monday Morning Critic.” Include your name and hometown to improve your odds.
