On tap this week:
– Useless sports endeavors
– The Apatow Effect
– Going back to a time when Chevy Chase was funny
And slightly much more!

You only get so much time to bond with a sibling before life takes you in different directions. It’s a lesson I’ve learned over the years with my older brother, as his life and mine rarely intersect unless it involves one of two things: sports and major life events.

We play golf together, as that’s a major time to catch up. We play about three or four rounds a year together on average, and that’s major time. The other time comes about during football season, as the family Sawitz is a comprised of big time Chicago Bears fans and it’s an endless source of discussion. The two of us head over on Sundays to watch the game (rain, snow or shine) at my parents’ place because my old man has the biggest television (a sweet 52” DLP, with the HD package) between the three of us.

Usually none of us really care about the season starting until about midway through the preseason, but not this year. We care a lot this year because WE GOT JAY CUTLER in the off-season. So, like the rest of Chicago, this year means a heckuva lot more because we finally have a quarterback who can throw the ball further then 10 yards. And it’s kind of nice to be excited by your quarterback, so excited that my brother and I opted to head down to Bourbonnais to watch the Bears preseason camp.

Yeah, that’s right, you heard me. We went to the preseason camp. While it was awesome to watch, as Cutler’s arm is better than advertised, I can’t think of anything more useless as a sports endeavor then preseason NFL football. And between my brother, his college roommate Brad (who met us down there), we thought of something more useless then preseason NFL camp: The WNBA Draft

I think the WNBA has like two fans, and only one of them actually cares about this. I can’t think of any professional sporting league that is more useless then the WNBA. Hence their draft has to be significantly more useless then the full on product (which is pretty useless itself).

I know speaking out against women’s pro basketball makes me “sexist” or something, but until they can dunk I’ll still think their draft is the most useless thing in sports. But then again, thoughts like these kept me out of the good colleges.

Random Thoughts of the Week

It’s interesting to watch the box office performance of Funny People, Judd Apatow’s latest flick, if only to see the industry reaction to it. The amusing thing, well besides Adam Sandler probably going to hit less than $50 million on a summer comedy for the first time ever, is the supposed “Apatow Effect” being debated.

The theory, as it goes, is that whatever Apatow (or any of the people he works with as a writer/director/producer) touches turns to gold. Or close to $100 million, which is Hollywood’s version of gold. Since The 40 Year Old Virgin Apatow and his merry bad of comedic miscreants have had tremendous success in the R-rated comedy genre. Superbad and Knocked Up were both major hits not too long ago, as to a lesser degree were The Pineapple Express, I Love You, Man, and Role Models. So if Apatow is involved, usually a film has a better chance of success in the same way Jerry Bruckheimer has a golden touch with summer action films. That’s what the theory says and I’ve never bought it. I think that it’s people associating way too much success for too little performance because of the genre more then anything else.

Listen to me now and believe me later.

Apatow had two monster successes that came out of nowhere. Virgin came out of August and was dynamite, a film even better on repeated viewings. Knocked Up was just as good. Both hit over $100 million at the box office, an extreme rarity for an R-rated comedy, but no other flick he’s been attached to since he came to prominence has crossed $100 million other than Superbad. Everything else has been hits but nothing major. The highest outside of anything that is a Will Ferrell project, and you really can’t give him too much credit for something with him attached to it. Ferrell is a major star who draws and doesn’t need to have the “Apatow effect” to get him a bigger gross like Seth Rogen. Nothing against Seth, as he’s a wonderful actor who I think the world of, but he’s not a box office draw in that caliber yet. And even Rogen hasn’t crossed $100 million as a leading man for the most part. He hasn’t crossed that amount without Apatow in a film he’s been a lead in.

And you can repeat that with Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, Michael Cera, Jonah Hill and the rest of the regulars. So it’s not like everything he’s produced has crossed $100 million; Walk Hard didn’t gross 20% of that. The only things he’s produced exclusively that have crossed $100 million was Superbad and anything with Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler as a lead. And You Don’t Mess with the Zohan barely crossed that mark.

So it’s not as if he’s a king-maker of comedy. He’s a good judge of comedic talent, obviously, and has a great sense of good, raunchy comedy BUT to call him anything near Bruckheimer is a bit ridiculous. Funny People didn’t draw at the box office, and still isn’t, because of anything Apatow did as a producer. It’s because of its failings as a film via word of mouth. Travis Leamons was dead on in his assessment but it hasn’t had the same sort of word of mouth his other films have had. That’s key with a comedy. See The Hangover for proof on how a comedy this year, in this economy, with as low a profile as it had before release can break the bank with tremendous word of mouth.

It’s not as if he’s had a decade of crossing $1-200 million every time out. He isn’t Bruckheimer and probably never will be. But if he manages to continue his record of success, he’ll have a terrific career to look back on.

A Movie A Week – The Challenge

This Week’s Film – Spies Like Us

Spies Like Us and the glory of the 1980s. Back when we defeated Communists and then nailed their women, rather then electing them to public office. I miss those times, but then again they weren’t nearly as interesting as times are now. At least when it comes to whacky buddy comedies, those times are what I miss most. Before the formula was beaten to death,

Austin Millbarge (Dan Aykroyd) is a geeky code-breaker for the Pentagon. Emmett Fitz-Hume (Chevy Chase) is a career bureaucrat trying to do as little as possible. When both end up in the same exam room for the same Foreign Service Bureau test, and their improvised teamwork for Emmett’s cheating, lands them in the eyes of two officials in the CIA (Bruce Davison and William Prince) who need them for a special mission. One group of agents has been sent behind enemy lines in the Soviet Union on a covert operation. The other is there to distract the Soviets from finding the first team. Austin and Emmett are the latter team.

What follows is a road trip farce meshed over a spy thriller frame as the duo travels from Pakistan to a forest outside of Moscow as the two find themselves trying to avert a nuclear war with some zany antics.

The interesting thing about the flick is that it’s a reminder about just how funny Chevy and Aykroyd were back at their peak. Now they’re a pair of washed up has-beens from the 1980s still hanging on to routines and shtick from two decades ago, but back then they were fresh and hip. It’s definitely a bit dated, with a lot of references and whatnot from the era, but it’s still good enough to be a really funny film.

Strong recommendation.

What Looks Good This Weekend, and I Don’t Mean the $2 Pints of Bass Ale and community college co-eds with low standards at the Alumni Club

Bandslam – A teen comedy about a battle of the bands.

Skip It – I have yet to see a trailer for this or hear anything about it. It has the gal from the High School Musical films but expect it to be another stupid teen comedy.

District 9 – Aliens land in South Africa. Cool sci-fi stuff happens.

See It – This is going to be one of two things. It is going to be a film that redefines the genre or fails spectacularly trying to do so. There’s no middle ground. My bet is on the former.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard – Jeremy Piven is a hired gun who has his own personal army. His mission is to sell cars and he’s about to face his toughest mission yet.

See It – This is the type of R-rated, filthy good comedy I’ve been waiting for this year. I loved The Hangover but it was missing something to make it special. My gut says this film is going to be ridiculously hilarious.

The Time Traveler’s Wife – Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana have a love affair that’s made awkward because he travels through random parts of their time together.

See It – Part of me thinks this is going to be a stupid, epic romance with two good actors that is insanely fascinating on a metaphysical level. The other part of me thinks it’ll be interesting to see Eric Bana use an English accent this summer. Either way it’ll be amusing to see how this turns about.

It Might Get Loud – Jack Black of The Raconteurs, Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin and U2’s The Edge talk about playing the guitar and music.

See It – I’m not a music fan but there’s something to be said about listening to masters of their craft talk about it. If this was Scorsese, Apatow and John Hughes (RIP) I’d be pumped in the same way any music diehard has to be pumped about this.

Do you have questions about movies, life, love, or Branigan’s Law? Shoot me an e-mail at Kubryk@Insidepulse.com and you could be featured in the next “Monday Morning Critic.” Include your name and hometown to improve your odds..\