In slander honor of Lashley’s return to the ring, here are some facts about this boring lump of muscles dynamic star!
Positives about Bobby Lashley:
1. Bobby Lashley married and impregnated this woman. Good for him.
2. He did a pretty cool Running Powerslam. He’s no Davey Boy, but who is? Hopefully he busts that’s out while squashing Rhino tonight.
3. It would be interesting if he balanced wrasslin’ and MMA, I guess. Would that be a prestigious thing for the business? “This guy works part time for us, even though he’s also a real athlete!” I mean, if you’re one of those guys who still calls pro wrestling a sport and misses kayfabe like a lost lover, this is a big deal, right? I’m not that guy, which is why I don’t have a crush on Jim Cornette.
4. He seems like a perfectly nice guy.
5. He kind of ruined Chris Masters’ career; he at least made him work the indies for a while. I’m all for that.
6. Angle vs. Lashley could be cool as a worked shoot, and is at least a fresh match WWE never had a chance to do. I wouldn’t call it a dream match, because I’ve never dreamed of Bobby Lashley, but I could see watching it. Not buying a TNA PPV, but watching it.
Negatives:
7. He’s boring.
8. He can’t cut a promo to save his life.
9. He has anti-charisma.
10. TNA has better versions of him in Matt Morgan and Hernandez, and they’re full time wrestlers.
11. He’s never drawn a dime. No, Battle of the Billionaires does not count. They could have put any two random mid carders in that match and it would have drawn, because the appeal was Trump or Vince getting their head shaved, not Lashley making John Cena look like Ric Flair by carrying Umaga to *1/2 after Cena had two good matches with the chubby fella.
12. If he has more than two matches (this one and that Angle match), he’ll go over people that aren’t likely to quit when Dana White offers them a contract. That’s counterproductive. Yes, it’s TNA, so that’s redundant. It has to be said.
13. Whatever they’re paying him, they could have probably brought in Nigel McGuinness, El Generico, Kevin Steen, Chris Hero, the Briscoes, the 1984 Chicago Bears, and Olivia Munn instead, for the same price. That they do not cater to my taste is a sign that they are terrible.
14. He’s another WWE reject. Sure, he quit; I imagine if Vince had his way, Lashley would be a multi time WWE or World Champ and have main evented Wrestlemania by now. Still; Hernandez, Abyss, and Morgan are all better than him, and have less baggage, and they’re right there, Dixie!
15. He has no neck.
16. He’s an amateur champ, and he wrestles like a constipated Golberg.
17. He’s still bothering with pro wrestling and Brock isn’t.
18. At best, in the ring, he’s a 21st Century Lex Luger when Luger was okay.
19. If Batista gets released by WWE any time soon, you know TNA will have them work a match. That’s almost as bad as Batista ruining Smackdown.
20. Really, he’s just meh. It took a lot of effort to extract this annoyance over him. I fell asleep six times writing this.
And finally:
21. I’m a Rhino mark. I can live with him being a JTTS at this point in his career, and I guess this is better than feuding with Mohawk Guy or whatever, but still; I hate to see him being used like Ken Patera or Jimmy Snuka when their careers were winding down. That was more of a Rhino fact. Sorry.
