Total Nonstop Weekly – 09.25.09

Don’t look now…but I’m back!

Apologies are in order for missing the last two weeks of Total Nonstop Weekly. My real life has really changed and instead of staying up until 2-3am the day the column is due, I’m staying up until 8-9am and finishing this before I go to bed. It’s something when it doesn’t affect my live coverage routine, but full-time is good in this economy and I’ll take it anyway I can…even if it means I have to live an unusual life.

Then again, GRUT seems to know all about living an unusual life. It’s all a lie…everything you read on the internet. Bret Hart possibly making a return to the WWE? A lie. Jeff Hardy arrested on drugs? A lie. Matt Hardy winning the World Heavyweight Championship? A lie. Only five percent of anything you read on the internet is true. Is it safe to say that the other 95% hasn’t happened yet?

It’s time to talk some TNA, eh?


Colt Cabana had a tryout match for TNA. He wrestled against Puma and there’s at least one person that wants him in the company.

There’s a new Knockout in TNA and she comes from a legendary family. That’s right…Lacey Von Erich is now in TNA and it seems she is replacing Angelina Love in the Beautiful People stable.

It’s been done to death, so I’ll just quickly mention it. Jim Cornette and BG James have been released from their TNA contracts. The reasons for both their releases is mainly because Dixie Carter believes simple is the new “it” in wrestling. Simple meaning rehashing WCW.

Again, done to death…Ed Ferrara has joined the TNA Creative team, which consists of Vince Russo as head booker, Ed Ferrara as Russo’s “yes man”, Jeremy Borash as Russo’s personal servant, and Matt Conway…who I can’t come up with a witty title for. Collectively, they shall be known as the Russo Quartet.

D’Lo Brown is back in TNA to work with the younger talent.

Jim Cornette’s release was mainly because he wasn’t 100% committed to Russo’s way of thinking.

The IWC has put the TNA Death Clock at 18 months. I on the other hand say that it’s a lie.

In old news, Kurt Angle was found not guilty of harassment, possession, and driving with a suspensed license. He still has to answer to the charge of assault, which will occur next month.

Traci Brook’s Playboy pictures have been leaked on the internet, so you don’t need to sign up for the Cyber Club to view them. No, I won’t provide the link, but I can say that Google is your best friend. There will be more nudes released on October 1st.

Finally, the world is coming to an end. How do I know? That’s what Brad Curran believes in what has to be the funniest news of the week.

Rehashing Old News

It’s been three weeks between columns. Is there any news that is noteworthy? Sure I could go on about how Kurt Angle being acquitted just shows us that we as fans need to understand the pyschology of “Innocent Until Proven Guilty”. There wasn’t any proof that Angle was harassing Rhaka Khan. Angle had proof that he had a prescription to take the HGH. Lastly, the law screwed up when Angle was acquitted of DUI a while back. They forgot to update his license status. This isn’t a typical “he’s rich so he got lucky” ordeal. It was that Rhaka Khan had no proof and that her story was so outlandish that the judge didn’t believe it. It remains to be seen on what proof she has on Angle’s assault. If anything, Angle won’t go to jail since he has no criminal record.

I could talk about how TNA is turning into WCW without the Ted Terner financial backing. TNA hired Russo’s buddy, Ed Ferrara, to creative and they let Jim Cornette go. Kudos to Cornette for not changing because upper management wanted him to. Supposedly Jim could return to TNA when he feels he’ll be 100% committed to whoever books the product. That won’t be while Russo draws breath.

Does TNA have a prayer? Well, most of the cynical marks forget that Russo and Ferrara were largely responsible for the WWF golden years that we call the Attitude Era. Sure, they seem to live solely in 1998, but there is still hope that they will get with the times. They don’t have to play PG like the WWE is right now. Having a young star with the TNA World Title feuding with an icon is a great start. Sting seems to be on his way out and any help he can give AJ Styles, the better for him and TNA in general. Of course Paul Heyman could turn TNA around overnight, but he doesn’t want the opportunity.

See what happens when I skip two weeks? I miss all the good stuff.

Surrender Wasn’t An Option

I had the means and I watched TNA’s latest offering this past week. PK brought the real-time coverage while the Mango team decided to hate the show for some reason. Yes, it was bad…but if I had to compare No Surrender to Breaking Point, I’d have to give the edge to No Surrender because of one thing. That thing was that the main event World Title match delivered and it provided an ending that wasn’t tainted, that had no screwjobs, that wasn’t a long beatdown only for someone to gain superhuman strength to put his opponent away in 30 seconds. The undercard to Breaking Point delivered in spades while the undercard to No Surrender had some issues. No Surrender had a decent X-Division Title match and a thrown-together-at-the-last-minute Falls Count Anywhere between Suicide and D’Angelo Dinero. Lethal Lockdown was mostly confusing, but that was due to miscommunication between TNA’s website and what was shown on television. The match itself was acceptable, but it wasn’t worth writing home about.

Bobby Lashley’s PPV debut was a dud, all things considered. Sure he got the win, but Rhino had way too much offense considering how he’s been booked lately. I was expecting a total squash, but we got too much Rhino and a crappy punch that ended the match. Cody Deaner and ODB had everything going to be WORSE than Jenna/Sharmell. However, thankfully they actually busted their ass and made it slightly worth seeing. Jenna/Sharmell is still on tap to be the worst match of the year (unless…). It was interesting to see Sarita & Taylor Wilde winning the Knockout’s Tag Titles and it made me wonder if that would still be the result if Angelina Love was still in TNA. Nash/Abyss sucked and that’s all that needs to be said about that. Eric Young/Hernandez was mainly angle development and really had no reason to be on the show except it developed the ultimate screwjob when EY took Hernandez out after cashing in his title shot he had for nearly a year (barring injuries and angles).

Overall, I feel that No Surrender did a B- effort, just as Breaking Point did. Again, I’d consider recommending No Surrender since the main event delivered.

No Surrender Roundtable Results

Four of us had time to give our picks this week for No Surrender. Here are the results.

Co-Champions: Paul Marshall (6-1) & Mark Allen (6-1)

David Brashear: 4-3
Matthew Michaels: 3-2

The Lethal Lockdown match did not count towards results because while it was booked as a 2 v. 2 v. 2 v. 2 match, it went as a 4 v. 4 match. David Brashear gets extra credit for having Beer Money getting the pinfall, but since the rules were confusing, it would be better to exclude this…though it wouldn’t make any difference.

iMPACT ThrowDown

DVR issues prevented me from recording TNA iMPACT last night…but I was able to get the results.

Suicide d. D’Angelo Dinero
Rhino v. Brother D-Von went to a double count out
Taylor Wilde & Sarita d. ODB & Tara (TNA Knockout’s Tag Team Title Match)
Samoa Joe d. Daniels & Homicide (TNA X-Division Title Match)
Hernandez & Matt Morgan d. Kurt Angle & Eric Young
Bobby Lashley d. Jethro Holliday
Scott Steiner & Booker T d. Mick Foley & Abyss (TNA World Tag Team Title Match)

I read the spoilers and it was noted that Abyss bled a bucket at the hands of Mick Foley. That should be interesting.

The Road to Bound for Glory

TNA World Heavyweight Championship: AJ Styles v. Sting
Kurt Angle v. Matt Morgan

Monster’s Ball: Mick Foley v. Abyss
TNA Knockout’s Championship: ODB v. Tara v. Awesome Kong
Main Event Mafia (Booker T & Scott Steiner) v. British Invasion v. Team 3D v. Beer Money (One Tag Title or the other)

TNA Star of the Week

From here on out, I’ll pick a TNA superstar who I believe had the best week.

This week’s TNA Star of the Week: AJ Styles

AJ Styles left No Surrender as the new TNA World Heavyweight Champion and is heading for the match of his young career against Sting at Bound for Glory. His career has been full of ups and downs and while some people believe that it is too soon for him to be champion, I wholeheartedly disagree. This is the highest point TNA is at right now and with Styles as champion it takes the focus slightly away from the Main Event Mafia. Congratulations to Styles for winning at No Surrender.

No videos this week. I’m trying to get this done, but I promise they will return next week.

Pulse Wrestling Newswire

Indies (Last week’s edition)
GRUT (Sometimes, Grut…the news writes itself.)

Other Columns of Interest

Vinny has a great article discussing the fall of our Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle.
The more people that know that the Poll Position is on the Inside Pulse Forums, the better.  Come on people, interact with us! We won’t bite.
To kinda answer Pulse Glazer‘s question…The only way WWE can make their Hell in a Cell PPV better is by not having so many damned PPV’s in between.  We don’t need to see PPV after PPV of the same matches with different stipulations.
Kace Evers gives us some Fan Fiction.

Until Next Time

Give me some time to get settled back into Total Nonstop Weekly. I’m trying new things and remembering things I used before. It’s a work in progress, but I believe that I’m enjoying being one of the few pro-TNA voices in the IWC.  I’ll be back Monday for your Monday Night Sermon with the Rev. Al Sharpton.  What will the Gospel tell us? Only I can try to make jokes about a show that’s going to make me wish I was watching a marathon of Jenna/Sharmell and Chavo/Hornswoggle.  If I’m able to come out of Monday without losing my mind, I’ll be back next week to embrace TNA.  Until then, have a great weekend!

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