Hey everybody – we’re back with another edition of…

…and to open, I’d like to make the following plea to Marvel Comics: either stop giving Greg Land work, or make him draw.

I repeat: either stop giving Greg Land work, or MAKE HIM DRAW.

I say ”make him draw,” because as a professional illustrator who has now been working in comics for at least a decade, I’m assuming he does in fact know how to draw. And the fact that he instead does…what he does…especially during a time when comic book prices have never been so obnoxiously high, tests my suspension of disbelief  like no other. I can’t even understand how this is acceptable for a major comics publisher. And don’t think for a second that I’m alone in this sentiment. Oh, no – not by a long shot.

It’s not even like he’s a poor man’s Alex Ross. He’s a lazy man’s Alex Ross, and his continued presence on UNCANNY X-MEN is starting to interfere with the ongoing story for me. I was all set to enjoy issue #516 when Land managed to test the limits of my tolerance…for instance:

The voice balloon says “firm but respectful, but the image says “LOUD AND SPITTLY!” If you’ve read the comic, you’d agree that the context of the scene doesn’t call for “LOUD AND SPITTLY!” So why does Cyclops look like he’s gonna take a man-sized chomp out of Professor X’s mouth?

And then there’s the burning question behind pretty much every woman he draws…

…why’s she standing like that?

Marvel. Land. One of you needs to put a stop to this. For really real. It’s intruding on the book at this point.

And that doesn’t mean Matt Fraction’s off the hook for his portrayal of Professor X, mind you. I realize he’s just been rescued from an immensely trying ordeal at the hands of the Dark Beast back in the “UTOPIA” storyline, but he should still behave somewhat like he did all throughout X-MEN: LEGACY – and I don’t think Professor X would necessarily be that belligerent at the sight of Magneto, especially to the point where he just attacks him unprovoked.

Of course, he could’ve just been smarting from that opening Magneto-snub, but still, this is post-MESSIAH COMPLEX, Bishop-shot-me-in-the-head-and-Exodus-saved-my-life ”clean slate” Professor X we’re talking about, and I found no sign of him here – what was the point of that whole opening arc to X-MEN: LEGACY, if you’re not going to reference what he’d been through in that book?

Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed the issue and I still look forward to where “NATION X” goes next, and I definitely think the comic and the X-Men in general are in the right writer’s hands right now. But I’d enjoy it a whole lot more if the Dodsons were on board full-time…or if Marvel would find just one artist who can actually handle the schedule.

Okay, having gotten that off my chest – as you may have gathered by now, one portion of each column is usually devoted to what I find on the web here and there, and I pass along those things that I think you all will dig. So in the grab bag this time around, we have something from CRACKED.com called “Five Superheroes Rendered Ridiculous by Gritty Reboots.” It’s a hard list to rebut, frankly…

…and I just had to give them props for this image. Love it.

I also started reading MIGHTYGODKING.com on a regular basis, starting with this great insight into the Man of Steel…I think I have a new site that I’ll be checking regularly. Plus, I enjoy reading his overall argument for why he should be allowed to write DOCTOR STRANGE…and you know, maybe he should, at that! Dude’s got ideas for days!

Let’s see, what else…My boy Chris Cervantes recently sent me this, and all I’m gonna tell you about this gem is you should just skip straight to the Comments – that’s where the real funny lies!

Anybody interested in the SyFy pilot for THE PHANTOM can check out the teaser here. Looks pretty promising to me, and while the initial leaked sketches didn’t look very inspiring, much like Batman’s suit in BATMAN BEGINS, seeing it in action could change people’s minds. I rather liked the redesign myself…

…but I can understand how it could be an acquired taste. But feel free to check out the preview and judge for yourself. I for one will be sure to check out the pilot and see how it all comes together.

I realize I kind of closed things out on the CHI-TOWN SHOUT OUTS last week, and that was mostly because we were in October by now, and I think more than a few cons have come and gone at this point…so I thought maybe I should wrap it up. However, I need to bring it back because there were just a few more people who I met at Wizard World Chicago/Chicago ComiCon that really deserve your business, and deserve to have larger roles in comics in the coming years.

So a quick shout-out to GRANT GOULD…

…EVAN “DOC” SHANER (who I technically didn’t meet, but he was there, I saw his booth and I love his work ANYway, so there!)…

…TIM KELLY…if only Michael Bay called on you for those character designs, man…thanks again for autographing this bad boy.

…soon as I get an office, this is going on my wall.

And last but not least, a very special Chi-Town Shout Out goes to none other than GREG “THE HAMMER” VALENTINE.

It’s a brief and embarrassingly funny story. Anybody who’s curious, feel free to ask!

And now for one time only, I am going to do a text-based AND NOW, JUST CUZ I FEEL LIKE IT… with permission from a fellow Delta that goes by “Jeffgamer,” I have reproduced an anecdote of his that just inspires me seven times over…take it away, ‘gamer!

I teach SAT courses for a living. For years, I’ve had the following example in my manual:

“Comparing herself to Gwen, Mary Jane realized she was the one most likely to marry Peter.” (The sentence is grammatically wrong…it should be “MORE” likely…)

I changed my manual last year to include a related question:

“Because Spider-Man willingly erased his marriage to his wife from existence through a deal with the ultimate evil, the character of Spider-Man became a role model we should all support.” (The sentence is grammatically wrong…you have to add a “NOT” before the word “support”.)

This, of course, leads them to ask, “Whatchu talkin’ about, Willis?”

To which I respond, “Oh, the editor of Marvel didn’t like that Peter Parker was allowed to grow and get married in the comic books 20 years ago, so they manipulated him to behave out of character and unmask, which led to his Aunt May getting shot. Everybody in the Marvel Universe refused to help or was unavailable, so then Marvel’s version of the devil appeared and said, ‘Hey, I’LL save your aunt…I don’t even want your soul…I just want the two of you to agree to let me erase your marriage from ever having existed…so I can win one against G-d (‘he who I most hate’).’ So Peter and MJ said, ‘Hmmm, let’s think…….OKAY!’ And, POOF! The marriage is now gone, they were never married, 20 years of continuity is radically altered.

And what’s replaced it? Well, over the past month, Peter had a drunken one-night stand with the sister of his roommate, a sister he just recently met…and, a couple of issues later, he got all randy for a supervillain in a sexy suit, so they broke into a hotel room in order to, well, you know. THIS is what Marvel thinks you guys can relate to. THIS is how much they think of you. You don’t want a guy who matures a bit and gets married…because marriage is not relatable in this day and age…and you don’t want someone who lives by a code of responsibility and honors his spouse. They think that THIS is the Spider-Man you want and deserve.”

The looks of disgust on their faces tell me a lot about how much under-the-mark Marvel is in its evaluation of the next generation.

Any business is built on word-of-mouth. This is the word-of-mouth that OMD and BND, by their nature, should engender. I don’t see any reason why EVERYone shouldn’t spread the gospel of One More Day and its BND aftermath, for as long as it sits squatting in the place where the rightful Spider-Man and his wife deserve to exist.

Jeffgamer…now and forever…you are my hero. Just sayin’, is all.

Oops – got one more thing!

Look at me – I’m on a flyer!

Tags: "Five Superheroes Rendered Ridiculous by Gritty Reboots.", Chi-Town Shout Outs, Commentary, Doc Shaner, Grant Gould, Greg Land Must Be Stopped, Greg Manuel, I'm Just Sayin'..., matt fraction, MightyGodKing.com, Spider-Man, SyFy Channel Phantom Pilot, Tim Kelly, Transformers, Uncanny X-Men #516, X-Men