Live from Dallas, Texas.
Tonight, The Miz defends the U.S. Title against Mark Henry and Chris Jericho takes on Triple H & Shawn Michaels in a two-on-one handicap match. Justin Roberts runs through the list that defines Mark Cuban. He welcomes us to Dallas, Texas and he is excited to be tonight’s guest host. The crowd actually cares for tonight’s host so this is an instant plus. Mark Cuban promises that he will get crazy ringside. He promises Sheamus and Cena in some sort of debate tonight.
Speaking of Cena, here comes the WWE Champion! He’s in a match? Now? That’s crazy!
John Cena v. Carlito
Mark Cuban sits in the front row as Carlito opens up with a flurry of offense at the opening bell. Off the ropes and Carlito scores a kick to the head. Knee lift connects and Carlito almost gets his attitude adjusted, but he gets out of it. Corner to corner we go and Cena rebounds. The Throwback connects and Sheamus makes his way to the stage. Mark Cuban gets himself in harms way, but he brings in a line of security detail to keep Sheamus at bay. While the distraction ensues, Carlito looks to take advantage. Backstabber attempt gets countered to the Attitude Adjustment. Until next time, Carlito!
Winner: John Cena
Grade: D
Commercials.
Next week is the 2009 Slammy Awards, guest hosted by Dennis Miller!
Randy Orton and Legacy makes their way out as we recap the massacre of Kofi Kingston last week. He applauds Mark Cuban for taking charge and exerting authority and he has no doubt that tonight’s “showdown” will end in complete chaos. Orton doesn’t care who wins because Cuban will lift Orton’s ban that Orton himself imposed. Orton wants to be the next in line and while Cuban shakes his head, Ted DiBiase talks some smack about Cuban’s last appearance in the WWE. Cuban has the microphone and he lets Orton knows what is up. Cuban denies Orton’s request and that the only reason Orton won was because WWE refs are more crooked than the NBA refs. Cuban has something for Orton tonight…a rematch with Kofi Kingston and he himself will be the special referee. Cody Rhodes says that Mark Cuban is nothing but talk. Cody wants Mark Cuban in a match tonight and if he wins, Orton’s ban is lifted. Mark Cuban wants to wait until June after the Mavericks win the NBA title. Besides, Legacy is already booked tonight.
Legacy v. Evan Bourne & Primo
But first…commercials.
Commercials.
We’re back and we are JIP as DiBiase pins Primo for a two count. Tag to Rhodes and he drops an elbow for two. Tag back to DiBiase and Primo eats a dropkick. Primo backdrops himself out of trouble, but Legacy prevents the tag. Rhodes and Primo collide head first. We get tags all around and Bourne takes it to DiBiase. Bourne goes to the top, but DiBiase cuts him off. Bourne blocks the superplex and he hits the double knees for two. Primo takes out Rhodes, but Bourne falls victim to Dream Street for the win.
Winners: The Legacy
Grade: D+
The security detail make their way back down to eject Rhodes & DiBiase from the arena.
We recap the Celtic Warrior’s warpath from ECW to RAW.
Commercials.
Kelly Kelly is in the ring as your special guest ring announcer for our upcoming match.
Maryse v. Gail Kim
Maryse piefaces Gail Kim and Kim shows Maryse just who she is. Gail spins Maryse around and she clotheslines her on the canvas. Rollup in the corner gets two for Kim. Corner splash connects for two and Kim gives Maryse a crotch choke in the corner. Gail goes to the second ropes, but Maryse kicks the legs out and Gail lands hard on her back and neck. Maryse gets her feet on the ropes and pins Gail Kim. Mark Cuban?
Winner: Maryse
Grade: D
Maryse wants Kelly Kelly to announce her as the next Diva’s Champion. Kelly Kelly won’t have any of it, but Maryse knocks her on her ass anyway. Melina comes out from nowhere and Maryse takes off. Gail Kim showed more dominance in that match than she had in a long time.
Commercials.
DX is in the back decorating their Christmas tree. They pimp their entire wardrobe before going on to pimp each other. Shawn gives Hunter a re-gift and Hunter gives Shawn a midget. Hornswoggle has on his own DX shirt. While they banter back and forth, Hornswoggle climbs up the tree and they pull up the script. Once they see him on the tree, he makes the tree crash down and he lands on them. So I guess they aren’t doing the Little People’s Court segment afterall.
Speaking of pimps, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler pimps Sky Broadcasting’s five year extension.
We get more of Sheamus’ path of terror.
Kofi Kingston walks.
Commercials.
Randy Orton v. Kofi Kingston
Special Referee: Mark Cuban
The bell rings and we get a lock up. Kofi turns it around and he hits an uppercut, followed by a lariat that sends Orton out of the ring. KOFI DIVES THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPES ONTO ORTON! Back inside and Orton finds a short-arm clothesline that puts him back in control. Orton stomps a hole into Kingston and he leaves him lying. Kingston tries to come back, but Orton hits a scoop slam. He follows with a knee drop and he locks on a chinlock. Orton and Cuban stare down a moment before he continues on the assault. Kingston tries to fight back out from another chinlock and he beats his way out. Kingston takes it to the limit and Cuban has to get involved. Corner splash into a mount connects and Kofi connects with the Boom Drop! He looks for Trouble in Paradise, but Orton counters with the 3.0 Backbreaker! RKO attempt is countered by a backslide and the fastest count in WWE history.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Grade: B-
Mark Cuban waited six years for this moment, but he intends on making it right as at TLC Randy Orton takes on Kofi Kingston.
We recap even more of Sheamus’ path of terror.
Commercials.
WWE United States Championship: The Miz v. Mark Henry
Miz tries to overpower Henry, but that is not an easy task. Henry headbutts Miz, but Miz looks for a sunset flip. Henry drops his weight on the canvas and Miz takes control. Henry gets pissed and Miz almost lost his head. Military press is countered and Miz sends Henry out of the ring. Miz dropkicks Henry face first to the ring post, but Henry quickly recovers. Miz sneaks up on Henry and it looks like last week, but Miz counters the World’s Strongest Slam to a Tornado DDT for the win!
Winner: The Miz
Grade: D+
JeriShow discusses strategy with each other.
Commercials.
Chris Masters talks with Mark Cuban.
Hornswoggle & Eve Torres v. Chavo Guerrero & Jillian Hall
Chavo and Hornswoggle begin things…or not. Hornswoggle tags out, forcing the divas to compete. Jillian takes advantage of Eve in the early going. Pillar to post we go and Eve eats canvas hard. Jillian sends Eve to the ropes and Eve is on fire! Dropkick into a cover for two! Corner splash is blocked and Eve blocks the tilt-a-whirl. Somersault press connects for the three count!
Winners: Eve Torres & Hornswoggle
Grade: D
Post match, Chavo gets his hands on Hornswoggle and Eve tries to talk some sense to Chavo. Chavo throws Hornswoggle away and Eve stands in front of him. Chris Masters has had enough and he tells Chavo that if he wants Hornswoggle, he has to go through him. Chavo messes with the man boobies and Chris Masters flexes them in a bit of rage. Masters puts Chavo in the Masterlock before slamming him hard to the canvas. Who would ever buy Chris Masters as a face? No one in Dallas bought it at first. Masters seems to have wooed Eve Torres and Hornswoggle thinks that his milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Yes, I just busted out a Dodgeball reference, sue me.
Commercials.
Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler pimp the WWE TLC Card.
There’s a sea of Jericho Sucks signs opposite Jericho. He knows he will be the 2009 Superstar of the Year among everything else. He vows to stay on RAW as long as he wants to. This Sunday is a requiem for DX.
The main event is NEXT!
Commercials.
Handicap Match: Chris Jericho v. DX
The bell rings and it is tag team rules. Jericho and Michaels go at it and Michaels tags in Trips. We get quick tags for the double team opportunities. Michaels with a boot to the face and Jericho is sent right into Hunter’s boot. Tag back to Michaels and back to Trips. Trips gets restrained by the ref and Jericho shoves said ref into Triple H and here comes the Big Show. Show has the big right hands for Shawn and Trips comes in with a steel chair. The chair only pisses Big Show off and he knocks Trips into Sunday. Shawn drop toe holds Big Show and he pulls a ladder out. Jericho baseball slides the ladder into Shawn’s face and Big Show uses the ladder on DX like a baseball bat. They sandwich DX and Jericho slaps the chair against the ladder. DX is left laying in the ring.
No Contest
Grade: N/R
Sheamus and John Cena walk towards the ring.
WWE Tribute to the Troops is on NBC Saturday December 19th!
Commercials.
It’s time for the pre-TLC Showdown between John Cena and Sheamus. We get to ask questions and the first question is why they think they will win. Sheamus shows us that he has never been beaten before and what took Cena three years will take Sheamus mere weeks. Cena has no comment. Sheamus says that Cena isn’t concerned enough about their tables match. Sheamus takes pride in wanting to make Cena suffer and that he has never faced anyone like Sheamus. Cena takes the mic and he looks at Sheamus. He refuses to comment again. The final question. Sheamus has something to say, but Cena has a question for Sheamus. He hopes that he believes what he is saying. Cena says that he has faced them all from Shawn Michaels to Kevin Federline. He has been through all the pain and suffering but in the seven years he has been here, he believes what he says. Cena gets super-serial and he tells Sheamus to either back up what he says or he will become a footnote in WWE history. He may impress Cena, but he doesn’t intimidate him. The furniture gets tossed and Cuban gets shoved away. Cena eats a kick from Sheamus and he sets up a table in the corner. Cena gets back up and he eats another bicycle kick from Sheamus. Mark Cuban gets up using the ropes for leverage and he stares at Sheamus. HE SHOVES HIM ON HIS ASS! Sheamus is shocked. He gets back up and Sheamus knees Cuban in the gut. HE THEN SLAMS CUBAN THROUGH THE TABLE! That Mark Cuban is an insane S.O.B. for taking that spot. That move brings out the Mavericks and Sheamus takes his leave. Cena stands tall and he is pissed off.
Show over.
The WWE RAW Report Card
DX v. Chris Jericho went to a No Contest: NR
Eve Torres & Hornswoggle d. Jillian Hall & Chavo Guerrero: D
The Miz d. Mark Henry: D+
Kofi Kingston d. Randy Orton: B-
Maryse d. Gail Kim: D
Legacy d. Primo & Evan Bourne: D+
John Cena d. Carlito: D
The Final Grade for WWE RAW 12.07.09: D+
The Final Pulse
Mark Cuban was an entertaining guest host tonight. The matches didn’t deliver except for Orton/Kingston, and even that payoff was angle development. The main event was more or less a bait-and-switch and Sheamus continues to prove to the IWC that he is worthy of being a WWE Title contender. I’ll be here Sunday for WWE TLC and next week for the Slammy Awards! Enjoy your week!
