Does anyone really want to win this season? Last night was extremely lackluster with Crystal Bowersox as the only performer you could imagine singing on a late night talkshow. Michael Lynche seemed a bit more entertaining. But compared to previous seasons, there’s not a block of stand outs pushing each other week after week. The year’s group does barely enough to not be the last. Even with this lack of talent, the show isn’t hitting rock bottom ratings. Viewers are completely entertainment starved since last night’s episode still pulled 24 million viewers. I’m only watching as part of my court appointed work release program. Is that a good enough excuse?
They rerun Lacey Brown getting cut while the kids reflect on the fear of elimination. Focus is on Tim Urban’s stage slide. Was it this year’s moment like Sanjaya’s crying girl? We’re reminded that the Top Ten make the tour, but you might want to show up late for the concert. There’s a girl in the audience with blood all over her face. What’s the deal with that? Why did Fox have to put her on the air? Ryan reminds us of “the save.” The only way that gets used tonight is if Crystal Bowersox gets the hook like Lilly Scott.
Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” get lip-synched by the remaining 11. For a show that has Simon yelling about old fashioned music; why do they have these Kids Incorporated moments with cruise ship arrangements? They’ve drained all the energy out of this song. This is safe enough for Ned Flanders to play on his car radio. Do they not see the promos for Glee that are so much more inventive than this drivel?
There’s another Ford infomercial. They make a ball pit out of a fountain for the kids to play inside. Andrew Garcia gets left behind. If only that could really happen. Ryan wonders if the kids ever wreck cars during the commercial. Of course not. Casey mentions he screwed up the song in rehearsals so he was nervous last night. Siobhan’s friends are the ones covered in blood cause they’re the Siobhanbies like zombies. Katie Stevens dad ran across the street to a bar and gets texted the results. There’s video of big Mike carrying his baby around in a baby bjorn carrier that looks like a necklace around his huge chest.
The lights are dimmed and the barstools of death are lit. Siobhan Magnus gets grilled about her scream of death. She’s nervous and gives a Miss Teen South Carolina rambling answer. Ryan instructs her to pack her bags — for the summer tour. She’s safe. Lee DeWyze and Casey Jones both stand up. Are they just going to tease us with having them both safe or did one of the favorite males get the shaft? Let it be Lee for refusing to give props to the late Alex Chilton. Before Ryan gives us the answer, he has Tim Urban and Paige Davis stand up. Is this going to be dueling duo elimination? These four should have no problem sitting on a barstool. Randy says Paige deserves it and Ryan says that is right. Then as an after thought, he also sends Tim Urban to the barstool. We get the news that Miley Cyrus is performing next. Time to break out your singles and give them a lengthwise fold!
Ryan tells us next week the theme is R&B Soul with Usher as the mentor. In a few days they change the theme to songs that had advertisements in Billboard magazine. Now brace yourself for Miley Cyrus’ “When I Look at You.” Miley sits at a piano in a white dress. It’s a nice scene until she starts to sing. This is an Ashlee Simpson tribute. She needs to crank the autotune action as she gets more hysterical than emotional. This song is so bad that Kara might have co-written it, but she didn’t.
Time to go to go through the bottom row and see which one of the six people will get sent to the last stool of the night. Aaron Kelly is first up. He swears his voice is back. He’s safe. Didi Benami gets up to hear Simon’s “You’re No Good” slam. After a painfully long talk with the judges, she’s safe. Michael Lynche is told he’s safe without he squabble. Crystal Bowersox is safe. No surprise there. Katie Stevens and Andrew Garcia get up together. One of them is doomed. The last of the bottom three is Katie Stevens. Andrew Garcia somehow once more dodges a bullet even when he’s been a letdown ever since his audition. Does he have relatives at the phone company. Ryan lets Katie Stevens know that she’s safe. So it’s down to Paige Miles and Tim Urban. The Vote for the Worst Crowd must be stressing out with their candidate in jeopardy.
Disney sensations and lovers Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas come out to perform “Make a Wave.” Is this like the 21st century version of Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers’ “Islands in the Stream?” Does Joe Jonas makes chicken as good as Kenny? Demi does the diva sign language while hitting those drama notes. The song is pretty short giving the kids in the audience more time to scream. Joe gives off a Johnny Stamos vibe. Remind me why the theme this week wasn’t Teen Idols?
Tim Urban and Paige Miles stand at the front of the stage with Ryan. He goes straight to the result. Paige Miles won’t be coming to your arena this summer. Tim Urban will be pleasing the VFTW crowd across America. Ryan introduces the sing for your life segment. Simon Cowell announces that no matter how she does, they aren’t burning the save on her. Way to kill the suspense. She looks heartbroken. They don’t let her sing and go straight to her “happy moments” highlight film. When they come back, they let her sing Bad Company’s “All Right Now.” It’s all over the board. She is the last person truly sent home for the season, but she should have had more company on the Greyhound bus. Instead there’s handful of losers primed for a tour bus.
This year’s summer tour will consist of Crystal Bowersox, Michael Lynche, Aaron Kelly, Katie Stevens, Siobhan Magnus, Casey James, Lee DeWyze, Tim Urban, Andrew Garcia and Didi Benami. Are you thrilled?
