Tim Urban is a genuine sensation although not quite a singing sensation. Forget all the headlines about the NCAA basketball tourney. He’s the ultimate comeback kid. He wasn’t supposed to make the Top 24, but got the miracle call when a certain someone screwed up by signing a management contract. He didn’t even seem destined for the Top 12. He wasn’t on the radar to make the Top 10 tour. Yet Urban has flirted with danger for all these weeks pulling out a barely there victory. Tonight he gets the ultimate prize: the chance to mangle a Lennon-McCartney classic on network TV. You know how much money that costs? It would be cheaper for him to destroy a Mercedes. The bright news is that this means Michael Jackson’s kids will have a few bucks in their pockets. The sad part is that Ringo Starr won’t be getting a dime as the Beatles get butchered. Damn shame we won’t get to hear Tim Urban dip into “Octopus’s Garden.”
The show starts with the judges doing their awkward walk across the stage. Simon is back in the white t-shirt. What the hell is Lacey Brown doing in the audience? She’s gone. She isn’t going on tour. We get the Didi Benami memorial moment. She’ll be back at the end. The contestants come out. Siobahn Magnus looks like she’s supposed to be working at the Bavarian Brat House.
Ryan gives us his slobber biography of John Lennon and Paul McCartney. No talk about all the trash Lennon spoke about McCartney after they split. Paul McCartney gives a pretaped “best wishes to the finalists.” Guess he doesn’t want to fake happy during the mentoring period. Randy says these are the best songs ever. Better than “Kung Fu Fighting?” Ellen likes about 50 songs. Kara reminds us how timeless these songs are. Did these people ever watch the BeeGees and Peter Frampton movie of Sgt. Pepper? Sometimes you can make these songs stuck in an era you don’t want to revisit. Ryan and Simon get snippy again about how the kids should switch up the songs. The cut to the commercial marathon instead of letting Aaron Kelly sing. They have to do something to fill two hours with only 9 singers and no mentor segment. I bet they could have booked Ringo if they’d let a kid sing “Don’t Pass Me By.”
Tonight’s time killer will be all the finalists describing each other. Aaron Kelly gets mocked by his Yoda nature. They show him using the force to grab a Coke can. What a plug. He’s doing “The Long and Winding Road.” He walks out from a red lit door. He sounds rather hoarse. Hard to tell if he’s trying to be raspy. The music is very low in the mix. He’s not letting the instruments take a moment. He’s playing it rather safe in range. There’s no major heartbreak. The big note at the end comes off sounding like a stuck horn on a Yugo. Randy didn’t love the arrangement. It was too sleepy. He wanted a country version. Ellen cushions the blow and then says, “It felt like a long and winding song.” Kara doesn’t feel greatness. She wants tempo and movement. She’s seeing the same side of you. Aaron promises something faster next week. Simon wants to know why he picked the song and arrangement. He mention the biography and didn’t want to change it up. Simon calls it old fashioned and boring for a 17 year old. A guy in the crowd nails Simon with a sonic boo. It rattles the Great T-Shirti. Backstage Aaron claims he feels great.
Last week Simon trash talked Dancing With the Stars. Turns out the hoofers had move viewers than the crooners last week. Simon better turn up the juice on these kids or he’ll be Bruno’s bitch.
Katie Stevens looks like she’s gotten back from a Hot Tub Time Machine with her ‘80s pink dress covered in necklace. Ryan asks her about her prom invitations from fans. Katie declares she’ll go to prom to the person who sends in the phone bill with the most listings for votes for her. Katie’s going soft with “Let It Be.” There’s a piano behind her on the stage. She doesn’t sound bad, but it’s so soft and quiet. This would be great at a memorial service. The drums kick in, but it doesn’t get too rockin’. She does go up for a couple notes. Vocally it’s nice, but there’s no umph. Randy declares it’s her best vocal performance ever. Ellen swears she won’t be in the bottom three tomorrow. Kara loves that she’s blossoming on stage. Simon takes the credit that she got it right because this was somehow more country. Was this country to this Englishman’s earballs? T-shirt boy wouldn’t know a country act if he was trapped in a jail cell with a rodeo clown. He’s just bent on turning Katie into Kelly Pickler Jr.
Two songs and thirty minutes have passed. At least we get more promos for Glee.
Andrew Garcia is the goofiest contestant. The kids hate Simon for saying Andrew has no personality. He’s going to give a cool twist to “Can’t Buy Me Love.” But you can pay for the next best thing at the Bunny Ranch. He does a rocking version even with the acoustic guitar. He’s on the space behind the judges so once more they get to rate him off the camera work and editing. It’s Tom Jones cheesy. This is really does sound like a variety show. He better get an “old fashioned” blast from Simon. Randy pulls out the corny tag. Ellen points out you can buy love and asks Simon to validate the reason. She loves the song. Kara wants to see more. She didn’t dig it. Simon nails him as the guitarist filling in for the singer at a wedding. He feels the band overpowered him. Does it matter? The man hasn’t been in the bottom three no matter how bad he’s been. He’s turned into the mysterious candidate to pull out the win since there’s no logic in his success.
Michael Lynche snores loud. As a kid he sang “Eleanor Rigby” as part of the Lynche Mob. He’s reaching back to bring it to us now. The stage is covered in strings. He’s going high on the start, but gets deep on the next line. He really needs the guitar to kick in over the strings as he gets into the big chorus notes. He stomps their light sounds at the end. Vocally it worked, but he needed just a little more kick in the arrangement. Randy thinks parts really worked. Ellen calls it incredible. Kara shouts out, “Fire!” She thinks this made the song commercial and relevant to today’s kids. Simon didn’t love it as much as the other three. He demeans it as a musical theater moment. Randy nails Simon with the success of Glee. People like a little theatrical. What drives Simon’s hatred of Broadway? The Great White Way covered with American Idol singers? He’d rather they end up on Celebrity Rehab? Lynche challenges him to a Pec contest. Simon isn’t amused. Maybe he’s afraid Big Mike will thrash him in front of his fiance. Simon ought to invest in the Charles Atlas system before he gets Malibu sand kicked into his buzz cut.
Crystal Bowersox is back to her coffeeshop chic. Cowboy boots have replaced her heels. She gets to show off her baby. You get an idea why she’s doing great on the show. She knows this is the best way for her to get her. She’s going to give us a fun groove for “Come Together.” This song also was “co-written” by Chuck Berry after he sued the Beatles for plagiarism of “You Can’t Catch Me.” She’s got an Australian didgeridoo in the background. It just gets lost after a while in the mix with the bass and band. She blows a few words in the middle. Her voice is solid as she gets loud. It’s lively time. Although the didgeridoo really made no sense for the entire song. Randy loves it even through it wasn’t her best performance. Ellen gets nervous coming up with new ways to say how great she was. Kara rates it as her favorite performance since it had a Bonnie Raitt feel. She appreciates the sexy and playful nature of the tune. Simon admits he could hear that performance on the radio. Nobody mentions the botched lyrics.
Tim Urban time is met with screams. The kids love his smile. He wants to brighten everyone’s day. He goes fun with “All My Loving.” He’s solo with just his electric guitar for the opening. The drums are kept soft. Tim’s not getting too goofy on the stage. No slide? He does need back up vocalists. Beatles are all about harmonies. The wife thinks Tim Urban is paying tribute to Marty McFly in Back the Future. He does finish it. Randy judges on if this is a good Tim performance. They know Tim is the reason the ratings are still high. Ellen likes his Paul McCartney look. Kara feels they have really come after him, but he brings it. Simon won’t judge him on a Tim performance. Simon gives him a kiss of death by saying it was a good performance without any gimmicks. He’s draws blood by saying it sounded contemporary. He’s doing his best to not attack and get Tim pity votes along with Vote For the Worst calls. I’m onto this plot of wicked T-shirti.
Casey James is the Playboy of the group. This is good since a rumor that Casey has a boyfriend hit the internet this week. He’s being permitted to do John Lennon’s “Jealous Guy.” Wait – it’s Lennon-McCartney night! He’s not doing it like Roxy Music even with a Bryan Ferry for kids white jacket. It’s soft with the acoustic guitar and a meandering cello. I have to turn up the volume during a few moments. This is like a mumblecore soundtrack. This feels like it was a hair metal band’s acoustic arrangement from the ‘90s. It feels rather genuine on the emotional level. Maybe he’s thinking of Kara. Randy loves the use of acoustic guitar even with a pitchy vocal moment. Ellen praises the soulful nature. Kara senses his venerability in this song. She wants him to do more. Simon trumps it as the best performance of the night. Still, why does he get to do a John Lennon solo tune? Don’t they have rules of selection? Were the kids able to pick out solo Paul McCartney songs?
This really should have been a 90 minute episode. I’ve already forgotten Aaron Kelly’s performance. Doesn’t help that Fox has no decent non-animated sitcom worth the slot. They just canned Sons of Tucson. Fox doesn’t need 15 million people to turn off their sets after the 9th singer. Rather stretch it thin than see the plunge in the ratings.
Siobhan Magnus is so unique to the kids. She’s bringing her crazy notes to “Across the Universe.” Why couldn’t our punky gal assault “Happiness Is a Warm Gun?” She’s got that dress glowing with the white light. The microphone feedbacks on the opening line. She’s as soft as the piano behind her. This is the quiet Siobhan. The performance is slowly verging on a sappy ‘70s songstress moment. She does go for a loud note at the end, but it’s so out of place. It’s a K-Tel ballad. Randy can’t guess what she’s going to wear and do. He finds it sleepy, but likes the tender side. Ellen honors who she is. She sums it up as beautiful. Kara points out it was restrained and polite so she can’t process it. Why does she talk about hearing songs on the radio? Radio is demographic driftwood. The real money is being used in a Target commercial. Simon asks what she thought about while singing. Siobhan gets teary while talking about her sisters. This should grab the pity votes of the evening. Simon gets interrupted by a guy in the crowd. The guy gets up and gives a fist pump to the crowd. T-shirti is overruled. The mystery fist bumper might be on the panel for X Factor. They bring the guy on stage to hug Siobhan. His name is Earl. That would be a great name for a TV series.
Lee DeWyze finally wraps up this endless hohumfabfourfest. Lee thinks he’s always going to be eliminated. The gang kids Lee and Andy about their bromance. Lee’s doing “Hey Jude” since he can relate to it. John Lennon dumped his mom for Yoko, too? Lee goes acoustic with his rough and rugged vocals. The guy is strangely growing on me in this battle of the buskers. A bagpiper descends the staircase. This is a cool moment. He lets the bagpipe do the heavy notes. He really needed about a dozen of them to truly blow the moment apart. Guess Idol wasn’t paying for that much Scot squeezing. Randy gives him the love. Ellen appreciates him smiling more. She fears the bagpiper got lost from his parade. Kara senses a few off moments. It’s all hot to her. Simon suggests the others have been drinking. He doesn’t like the bagpiper. Ryan asks if Jude was Scottish. How can Ryan not know Jude is Julian Lennon. Remember him from the ‘80s? He could have mentored the kids.
The montage tonight is necessary to remind us of the 9 performances staggered over 2 hours. You get more music watching a concert on PBS including the 15 pledge breaks. Maybe we should call in tonight to donate to the “Buy Simon an Ed Hardy T-shirt” fund. Hard to really feel anyone truly stood out tonight. Nobody completely overwhelmed me with the greatest songwriting duo of all time. And Casey James loses a point for not following the theme of the show.
MOP TOPS
Lee DeWyze, Michael Lynche & Crystal Bowersox
LIVERPOOL
Casey James, Katie Stevens & Siobhan Magnus,
BEATLE BOOTS
Andrew Garcia, Tim Urban & Aaron Kelly
Andrew Garcia won’t be eliminated. It’s pretty much a lock pick that Tim Urban will be in the bottom two. But will he survive again? The show needs him to keep the real attention. After Sanjaya was dumped, the series lost viewers until the finals week. Tim Urban is the freak show. I’m picking the “upset” and have Aaron Kelly axed. Expect Simon to pull out the save card for the winner of Disney’s American Idol Experience. Nobody gets sent back to the tour rehearsal room.
