Welcome back to Seattle Grace Junior High.
Or, at least, that’s what Seattle Grace Hospital feels like nowadays. Here’s the rundown for this ep: see, Teddy told Cristina who told Owen that this new kid kinda-sorta wants her job, and Owen like likes Teddy but he’s with Cristina so he’s all angsty and confused and he told Derek to get rid of her but he didn’t and he told Meredith what Owen said and Mer’s like OMG NO WAI; she gives Owen the stink eye and he’s like, Derek you told her? It was a secret dude! And Derek’s like I did not, and then he tells Meredith to pinky promise that she won’t tell Cristina or he’ll never trust her again and he won’t take her to prom.
In slightly more interesting and even more juvenile news, the residents have a 700-pound patient named Bobby, and as soon as they see him they all begin sniggering and cracking unfunny jokes. Furious Bailey kicks each of them off the case one by one.
Cristina is one of the first to go, natch, and winds up on Teddy’s case of a young mother who’s having a heart attack. As she’s wheeled off to surgery, Cristina is left in charge of her little girl. As you can imagine, she’s thrilled.
While poor 700-pound Bobby makes light of his condition, the only person who’ll laugh is his contrastingly small and attractive wife, Melissa. His troupe of surgeons, between muttering horrible jokes of their own when Bailey’s out of earshot, remain stone-faced and awkward when he dares jest. Lovely. Bobby’s unemployment-depression-induced weight has caused him to contract necrosis, and he’ll be needing surgery, but he doesn’t want it as Melissa’s pregnant and he’d rather be dead than have a kid with such an enormous (sorry) letdown of a dad. Melissa overhears the residents snarking like varsity jocks in the cafeteria about how they possibly managed to have sex, and later tears Alex a new one when he offers her a half-assed apology. Alex, to make up for it, laughs at Bobby’s latest joke and then emotionally twists his arm into agreeing to surgery.
The only saving grace in the episode is Cristina, who confides in the girl that she knows what she’s going through, as she lost her dad in a car accident when she was nine. Just then, the mom gets gurneyed past as her condition rapidly worsens; Teddy shouts for Yang but unbelievably, recognizing the panic in the kid’s eyes, offers to stay with her instead. Later, while they’re playing a card game, Avery comes out of the OR, catches her eye and shakes his head. Cristina gently explains to the kid how she will feel “if” her mom doesn’t make it. The kid nods soberly. Hearts break.
Afterwards, she collapses sobbing into Owen’s arms. “I miss my dad.”
More hearts might break when Callie arrives home with a cute girl patient’s phone number permanent-markered onto her palm and shows Arizona: she can’t help but wonder if the cute girl wants to have a baby someday. Arizona understands, and thus Calzona dissolves. Unfortunately, their recent storyline has alienated most of my caring about them, so I’m just glad it’s over with.
Closer to the season finale. I’m predicting drama with a chance of tearjerking.
