I should point out that the cover of the DVD is one giant spoiler, in case you’re going in not wanting to know who wins the title matches. Not having sampled any of the WWE DVD releases in the HD era yet, I’m relieved to see that they look fabulous and finally take full advantage of DVD’s audio capabilities by offering true 5.1 surround like on the original HD broadcasts.
Live from Long Island, NY.
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & Matt Striker
Vince McMahon joins us first of all, to announce that Bret Hart will not be here due to the actions of the group now called The Nexus. When will the limo abuse on pro wrestling shows end?
Intercontinental title: Kofi Kingston v. Drew McIntyre
I find it really hard to buy Drew as an evil mastermind, what with his babyface looks and cool Scottish accent. Kofi throws kicks in the corner to start, but gets pounded down by Drew. He comes back with a monkey flip and dropkick to send McIntyre to the floor, and follows with a plancha. Drew clips him from the floor and runs him into the post to take over, and that gets two. He works him over from the floor, and Kofi has a slick skin-the-cat move from the inside of the ring, allowing him to kick McIntyre in the face from his back. Drew goes to an armbar, however, and goes to work on the arm to take over again. This gives us a boring heat segment until Kofi comes back with a sunset flip attempt, which is cut off by McIntyre. And he gets a single-arm DDT for two. Kingston gets a cool reversal of a clothesline, right into a floatover DDT. He’s growing on me, I’ll give him that. They slug it out and Kofi makes the comeback off that, and gets a rollup for two. Springboard bodypress gets two. McIntyre gets a backbreaker for two. Kofi with a legsweep into the boomdrop, but Drew backdrops him to the apron after Kofi makes the classic babyface mistake of going “Boom boom boom” before a big move. I can’t count the number of times you see that in bar brawls. McIntyre follows witha big boot and sets up for his DDT, but Kofi gets his own DDT for two. Kofi pounds away in the corner, but gets powerbombed for two. Matt Striker notes that Kingston used his bad arm to kick out, showing there’s still life in him. Considering he stopped selling that arm 6 minutes ago, I somehow doubt it. Kofi with the SOS for two, but the ref is bumped. So they spend the whole match building up the damn SOS as his big finish and it only gets a near-fall? Drew takes advantage of the dead ref to hit his variation on the DDT for the visual pinfall, but without an official Teddy Long gets pressed back into service as a referee again. He only decides to count two, even though Kingston has now been unconscious for more than a minute and is probably suffering serious brain damage judging by how long he’s been out. So now Matt Hardy runs in and hits McIntyre with the Twist of Fate, and Kofi finishes with the wacky kick at 16:23. This was going OK for an opener until the ref bump, but it was horrifically overbooked for an opening match with a pair of B-show midcarders. **1/2
Divas Title: Eve Torres v. Maryes v. Gail Kim v. Alicia Fox
Outside of Kim I really have no idea who any of these women are and if they’re any good. They do a messy brawl to start and trade pinfall attempts before Fox and Maryse work Torres over in the corner. They trade some really embarrassing armbar submissions on each other, like Wrestlelicious-level stuff, and then we get a verbal showdown between Maryse and Fox that stands as an improvement because at least they’re not trying to wrestle. Gail Kim breaks it up and goes up with a missile dropkick on Maryse for two. Torres gives Maryse a spinning neckbreaker and follows with a moonsault for two, but Fox tosses Torres and gets the pin on Maryse at 5:43 to win the title. *1/2
Meanwhile, Rey Mysterio informs Big Show that his heart is bigger than Show’s fist. Yes, and that’s a major side effect of steroid use. He should probably see a doctor about it.
Chris Jericho v. Evan Bourne
You’d think with the PG direction that they’d be pushing Bourne to the moon. He’s an exciting, clean-cut babyface who appeals to the under-15 crowd, like the Hardys before they got old and broken down. Bourne with a flying headscissors and seated dropkick for two, but he runs into a clothesline and Jericho gets two off that. He misses a blind charge and lands on the floor, and Bourne hits him with a dive from the top. Back in, Jericho dropkicks him off the apron. It’s really weird for me to hear Jericho described as a “veteran”, since I’ve literally been following his career since the day it began. I’m not THAT old. Jericho gets two back in the ring, and wraps him up in a chinlock. Bourne escapes and gets a rolling kick in the corner, but Jericho hits a german suplex for two. He goes up, and Bourne snaps off a rana from the mat, which gets two. Jericho rolls him into the Walls, but Bourne gets to the ropes. Jericho sends him into the announce table, but Bourne sends Jericho into the stairs, and back in for a flying kneedrop that gets two. Bourne throws kicks, but Jericho hits a backbreaker for two. Lionsault misses and Bourne puts him down with a high kick, then goes up and misses the Shooting Star Press. Codebreaker follows from Jericho, but he’s too slow to cover and it only gets two. Jericho’s getting pretty upset now and he pounds away in the corner, but he misses a charge and Bourne rolls him up for two. Jericho tries the Walls again and Bourne counters into a guillotine choke, which he turns into a DDT. To the top, but Jericho recovers and sets up for a superplex. Bourne sends him down again, but Jericho won’t die and he goes back up for the superplex again. Bourne sends him down AGAIN and follows with the Shooting Star for the clean pin at 11:58. Now that’s how you use a veteran guy to put over a new star. Jericho still looked like a threat to win several times, Bourne got to kick out of his finisher, and they made it clear that Jericho was focused on winning and lost to the better man that night. ****
Smackdown World title: Jack Swagger v. Big Show v. Rey Mysterio v. CM Punk
Punk and Swagger attack Mysterio, but Show fights them off. Rey puts Punk on the floor with a headscissors, and Show dumps Swagger. Show palms Rey’s head and tosses him into Swagger, which gets two. Everyone charges Show and he knocks them down, but Rey manages to get a tornado DDT for two. Punk hits Show with a kick to the head for two, and Swagger moonsaults Show for two. Punk and Rey work together to beat Swagger down and dropkick Show out of the ring, but Swagger clotheslines Rey for two. Swagger stomps away in the corner and gets a belly to belly suplex for two. He wraps up Rey in a double-arm submission, but Rey escapes and sets up for the 619. Punk cuts that off with a high cross on Rey for two, and then covers Swagger for two. Backdrop suplex into a backbreaker gets two on Rey. He pounds on Swagger and Rey with spinning backfists, and that leads into a wacky double german suplex spot where Swagger basically suplexes both guys at the same time. That gets two for Swagger. Rey tries the 619 on Punk, but Show reappears and catches him, sending him into the table. Was he off getting nachos all that time? So Show cleans house in the ring, but Rey hits him with a ringpost 619 (albeit a bad-looking one) and Show’s out of the match again. Back in the ring, Punk hits Swagger with the GTS, but now Kane comes out with a casket and the match screeches to a halt. His victim is CM Punk, who escapes getting stuffed into a casket and then runs away. Back in the ring, 619 on Swagger gives Rey his second World title at 10:15. Show was barely even in the match, which again shows the weakness with these things, as one or two guys basically have to play dead for minutes at a time. Too short to be very good and it didn’t have any particular flow or story to it. **3/4
US title: The Miz v. R-Truth
Miz rhyming “blossom” with “awesome” in the pre-match promo makes this at least *1/2 right off the bat. Truth sends Miz to the floor, and back in for two. Miz boots him coming out of the corner and goes to a chinlock, but Truth fights out and slugs him down from the apron. Miz sends him off the apron in turn, and Truth barely beats the count back in at 9. Does anyone really care about countout finishes any more? Why not just go to the Japanese model and do a 20 count or do like ECW and forget the rule exists? Anyway, Miz goes to a bodyscissors and then boots Truth down for two. This match is boring the shit out of me, so I stop to ponder: Who in their right mind would wear a thick chain around their neck while wrestling? Why not just wear a sign saying “CHOKE ME” while you’re at it? They slug it out and Miz wins that and goes to an armbar. Truth escapes that “potential submission move” (according to Striker) with a backdrop suplex, but Miz suplexes him right back. They slug it out and Truth gets a front suplex, but Miz sends him into the corner and they fight on top. Truth wins that battle and gets a missile dropkick, so I guess they’re finally wrapping it up because Truth makes the comeback. Flatliner gets two. Suplex into a stunner gets two. Which leads me to wonder yet again: Steve Austin has been retired for SEVEN YEARS now. Why doesn’t someone just steal the Stone Cold Stunner as a finish? Benoit was barely dead a year before the crossface got re-appropriated, so why is everyone afraid of using the stunner again? Miz comes back with a neckbreaker for two. Miz with a crossbody, but Truth gets a small package for two. Rollup gets two. Miz blocks a rollup for the pin at 12:15, however, to retain the title. Overly long filler match that didn’t do Miz any favors. **
The Hart Dynasty & Natalya v. The Usos & Tamina
Great, more Samoans to keep track of. The Vanger family tree in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is easier to keep track of than this family. Are there even any other regular teams in the WWE at this point? It’s now to the point where they need the offspring of the Hart Foundation and Headshrinkers in order to keep the division alive. Tamina starts with Natalya and they trade wristlocks before tagging out to Smith and Jey. Smith gets a rollup for two and goes to a headlock, then follows with a belly to belly suplex for two. Smith puts him in the Tree of Woe and Kidd comes in with a dropkick there that gets two. The Usos trap him in the corner and work him over, but Kidd hits Jimmy with a somersault kick for two. He dumps Jimmy and follows with a pescado, but Jimmy catches him with a samoan drop into the railing. Ouch. Back in, Jey gets two. He goes to a chinlock and Jey comes in with a butt splash in the corner for two. More dull heat on Kidd, and it’s hot tag Natalya. Falcon Arrow suplex gets two on Tamina, and it’s BONZO GONZO. Kidd hits the Usos with a flip dive to the floor, while Tamina catches Natalya with a samoan drop in the ring. She goes up and misses the Superfly splash, and Natalya gets a spinning lariat for the pin at 9:25. Not sure why you wouldn’t put the hot young team over in a non-title six-man, but the tag division seems pretty dead anyway. **1/2
RAW World title: John Cena v. Edge v. Randy Orton v. Sheamus
Michael Cole listing off all the World titles between the competitors is supposed to sound impressive, but really all it does is emphasize how cheap and meaningless the titles have become. Cena starts with Orton and almost gets the FU, but Edge and Sheamus toss Orton and double-team Cena. They stretch it out so the crowd can do a dueling Cena chant, but Edge turns on Sheamus and rolls him up for two. Second rope clothesline gets two. He goes up again and Orton follows for a superplex attempt, but Sheamus breaks that up. The end result is Edge getting a high cross on Sheamus for two. Orton clears the ring, but Cena returns from the dead and gets suplexed back into the ring for his troubles. Orton slowly works him over, but Sheamus comes back in and takes Orton out with a clothesline. So now Orton gets to roll out and play dead for 10 minutes while Cena and Sheamus do their sequence. Sheamus with a backbreaker for two and sets up for the finish, but Edge breaks it up and then gets tossed again. Orton hits Sheamus and Cena with the hanging DDT and gets two on Sheamus, but Cena comes back with his VINTAGE CENA offense on Edge. Orton dumps him and goes after Edge, but Sheamus dumps Orton and beats on Edge himself. This match is going nowhere. Cena clears the ring now and puts Edge in the STF, but Sheamus breaks it up and gets two on Edge. Clothesline gets two. Can we just skip to the NXT run-in already? This is boring. So magically the ring gets down to two guys again, with Cena trying the FU on Edge, but Orton sneaks in with the RKO on Cena for two. Sheamus grabs the ref to stop the count, and Cole points out that there’s no DQ in a Fatal Four-Way match. Really? Sheamus with the bicycle kick on Orton for two. Everyone brawls to the floor and it’s a big trainwreck, but backstage the NXT guys attack the poor guys who have to stand there pretending to watch the match instead of showering. So with Cena alone in the ring, the NXT crew storms out and destroys everything, and Sheamus pins Cena to win the title back at 17:27. *** The whole match was just the setup for the run-in, much like the nWo days.
The Pulse
What do you get when you change both World titles on the same show and no one cares? The WWE in 2010! Bourne-Jericho is well worth seeking out, but the four-way match gimmick PPV is a loser. Nothing terrible here, at least. Mildly recommended, but just rent, don’t bother buying.
