Welcome, once again friends, to another edition of The Rager. As always, I am your humble host and lead Rageist and teacher of Rageism…sorry, that got a little outta hand but can you blame me? So much has happened since our last gathering, some good, some bad and some…well…meh. I’m all raged up, you’re rage hungry so lets get down to it:
Lord of the Rage: The Fellowship of the Wrestlemania
Following the conclusion of Wrestlemania, I found myself sitting motionless for a while. Was I stunned from an amazing show? Was I unable to move because it was beyond any notion of terrible? The answer to each was “eh, not really” and that was the problem for me, it didn’t wow me. I motionless because something felt wrong…maybe wrong isn’t the correct word for it but something was out of place and just didn’t seem right. After conversing with several friends and colleagues, I came to realize that I was only one that felt this way but they too couldn’t put their finger on what exactly the problem was.
I rewatched Wrestlemania the following morning (because I’m jobless recent college grad so I have that kinda time…I’m not bitter about the terrible job market at all) and after the first 45 minutes/hour I suddenly realized what was wrong and it was the absence of the Money in the Bank Ladder match. It never occurred to me how much the previous Wrestlemanias have depended on opening (or close to) with that match in order to get the live audience into the show early on and make things interesting for the people watching at home but instead for a pep-rally from The Rock. As much as I enjoy the MITB pay-per-view, I think the match is best served as a Wrestlemania tradition because they won’t always have a streak match to depend on.
Of course, that wasn’t the only thing wrong with the show but I feel like its been beaten up enough by everyone (and mostly rightly so) and me throwing more dirt on it wouldn’t do anything at this point. I will say this, its bad when my favorite thing was the staging setup and the lighting (yes, even the evil cube of judgement prying above the ring…but seriously, who wouldn’t love one of those…I’d name mine Charles). And to be honest, I thought the past few Wrestlemanias have been stellar and they can’t all be better than the last and there has to be one thats not quite up to par, its the way of the universe. Was it bad? Nah, it just had its head-shaking moments. Was it brilliant? Not by a longshot.
Lord of the Rage: The Two Announcers
What started out promising turned into what I feared most. When King yanked Cole’s arm through the hole of the Cole Mine, I about passed out from the abundance in laughter and immediately sang the praises of the wrestl….um I mean Entertainment powers that be that came up with that as well as the ensuing entrapment of Cole in his Cole Mine with Lawler. That added with all of Cole’s orange kinda gave me a prison fight vibe and I was waiting for someone to get shanked. But the instant the two men made it into the ring, everything fell apart. Absolutely everything, all of the great buildup that was utterly superb leading up, all for naught. It was in that moment that it turned into the very thing I fear it would: Vince McMahon vs. Bret Hart.
What really scared me about all this was the following night on Raw. Everything that happened between the two seemed scrambled and it gave me the impression that creative came up with this great storyline and buildup without thinking about the actual match nor did they come up with an exit strategy on how to end it. As much as I enjoyed the buildup and as much as it pains me to say this but I’m officially done with the rivalry. Cole can remain a heel but I liked him better wearing clothes inside the Cole Mine. Maybe its the grumpy old man I’m turning into but I’ve just had enough and I’m ready for something new.
Lord of the Rage: The Return of The Rock
Here’s where Wrestlemania missed big time for me and that was the overuse of The Rock. I get it, he’s a HUGE deal but we didn’t the entire pay-per-view all about him. We saw him for way too long (just talking) to open up the show, seeing him in goofy segments through-out the night and then again, taking matters into his own hand at the end. Maybe I’m over analyzing but from my point of view, it felt like The Rock and WEE (I’m assuming they want to be called World Entertainment Entertainment, right? anyone?) were making him bigger than their current roster, bigger than the WEE Championship, bigger than Wrestlemania and bigger than the company for that matter. Again I’m being a grumpy old man, but for a guy to leave the company and do his absolute best to separate himself from the company and The Rock character for the past seven years, only to have that company cater to his every need is ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing him in action just as much as anybody but just something didn’t seem right about it.
Follow all of that up with Raw the next night and we get the next Wrestlemania set in stone a year in advance. The fact that WWE had this in mind but decided to just build up to the announcement (a la Mr. McMahon announcing that there will be an announcement) just shows to me that WEE viewed Wrestlemania 27 as a throw-away pay per view to lead up to next year and you know what, it showed.
A Little Rage on the Side
Just because I know you’re dying to know all of this but here are my Wrestlemania superlatives:
Match of the Night: Orton vs. CM Punk
Worst Match of the Night: The abomination of an 8-man tag match
Surprising Performance: Cody Rhodes
Lackluster Performance: the slowness of HHH and Undertake (not the entire match, just how long it took)
Best Entrance: HHH
Worst Entrance: Santino’s shimmy
Biggest Surprise: Del Rio not winning
Biggest Disappointment: The draw and restarting of Cena vs. Miz (with lack of Shawn Michael’s interfering into HHH/Taker being an honorable mention)
Best Promo: Miz pre-match (with his inflatable AWESOME getting an honorable mention)
Worst Promo: Snoop Dogg’s existence
BEST SIGN OF ALL TIME: “The Randy Orton Orange O’Meter”
Finally, I would like to mention that Miz was rockin a red ascot on Raw and that was 5 shades of awesome to me for reasons that I don’t know and that makes me slightly uncomfortable.
As always, feel free to discuss my Rages as well as bring up any of your own Rages you may want to get off your chest…its like therapy and I won’t even charge you.
If you have a certain topic that you would like to see make it into The Rager then shoot me an email
cwsanders39@gmail.com
or find me on facebook under “C.W. Sanders”
Hope you all have a wonderful and Rageful week! And be sure to catch articles later in the week such as Joel Leonard’s (the brains behind the genius Old King/Cole phrasing) “No Chance” and Rhett Davis’ “O’Really Report”
If the man who turnips cries/Cry not when his father dies,/’Tis a proof that he had rather/Have a turnip than his father.
