Hello boys and girls. Sorry for the delay. I’ve been miserably sick all weekend, and all I could put effort into was throwing a movie at the DVD player and hoping it would play. Well, I’m here (although, not recharged), so let’s discuss some Smackdown, shall we?
Senor Viper himself makes his way out to the ring to kick off the show. He’s barely a few sentences in when Christian’s music cues up, and he saunters down to the ring. He thanks Orton, and congratulates him. He claims that Randy deserves the title, and Randy finishes his sentence with a “but…†waiting for the flipside. Christian thinks he can still beat Randy, and challenges him to one more match.
Before we get an answer, Sheamus walks out to put his two cents in. He mocks Christian for his desperate attempts at regaining the title, and then demands the match for himself.
Right as I was hoping he wouldn’t, Mark Henry is next out. He picks apart the men in the ring, also feeling he deserves a shot. I feel like I have déjà vu.
Even more so, now. Because here comes Teddy Long. As if this entire segment wasn’t recycled enough, Teddy is going to poll the crowd to see who should face Orton, much like he did when Randy became the number one contender. But wait, apparently they’ll have to earn it. Triple Threat for the main event.
“This is how you keep Smackdown unpredictable and exciting!†says Josh Mathews. Really? Really?
Commercial.
Sin Cara on his way out, followed by Chavo.
Here we go! They stare each other down, and then pounce. Cara flips his way out of an arm drag to turn it on Chavo. Chavo rolls out of the ring as Cara taunts him, but soon Chavo picks it up. He targets the left arm of Cara, but is soon tossed out. Big moonsault from Cara from the top rope to the outside of the ring, and he’s back in control. Both men back in, and Chavo can’t find any offense. Big crossbody, but Chavo hangs on. Finally, the show is stopped for Chavo, as Cara picks up another victory.
Grade: B-
It’s amazing what happens when the styles match up. You get a pure display of what the two men have been trained for. Especially for one of my favorite styles. Chavo brings out a lot of good in Cara, and I fear for the day these matches stop.
Commercial.
Ah, Cody Rhodes. I look forward to his contributions every week. Another creative rant on the unattractive state of the fans, and the bags are passed out once more. He’s cut off by the great Daniel Bryan, and the match quickly begins.
Cody charges, but Bryan is quicker. Some interesting maneuvers precede the inevitable counter from Cody, who tosses Bryan out of the ring like a football.
Commercial.
When we return, it appears that Cody never lost momentum, and despite a good bit of offense tucked in between the beatings, Cody holds on to it. He grips his arm and uses it for leverage to continue his stiff attacks. Adding insult to injury, Cody locks in a submission on the Submission Specialist. Bryan starts gaining speed, missile dropkick from the top rope. Bryan wiggles out of trouble by scaling the ropes and flipping over Cody, but is met with a Beautiful Disaster. Cody goes for CrossRhodes, countered into the LaBell Lock and Cody taps before it’s fully locked in.
Grade: B+
I feel like it’s been a long time since we’ve seen Cody fully let loose on someone, without letting his gimmick swallow him whole. Don’t get me wrong, I love the gimmick, and he has been magnificent in this role. But I forget how much I like Cody, and definitely Bryan.
Cody attacks after—shocking—and is able to finally hit his finisher. What happens next? A paper bag, of course!
The announcers take a moment to plug Capitol Punishment…which sounds ridiculous. I might boycott it, simply for the insufferable videos with Obama.
Commercial.
Heath Slater is already in the ring when we return, and soon Big Zeke is walking out. Ready for some predictability?
Slater does his best to jump and wear down the big man, but it barely affects him. His agility proves to be the key, as he dodges Zeke’s attempts to fight back. This causes him to be in control for much longer than expected. But, naturally, it runs out. Zeke manhandles Slater, eventually locking him up in his torturous submission. This forces the Corre to run out, thus, a DQ!
Grade: D+
Surprising that Slater was as in control as he was. Doesn’t mean it was good, but it was good enough.
Zeke tears apart the Corre members. Same as usual.
Striker interviewing Christian, and he’s doing what he does best: talking. He brags about his kickball accolades and hot high school girlfriend, before promising to gain another shot at the title.
Kane is going to face Khali? WHAT!
Commercial.
Ugh. Here we go. Khali out. Kane out.
Khali moves around like claymation as Kane tries to make it watchable. Khali in control for most of it. Chokeslam position from Kane, returned from Khali, Kane to the top rope, big punch for an easy pin.
Grade: G
An F didn’t seem low enough.
It appears Jinder has some music now. But someone please, turn on the captions. Another bitch slap. Come on, Jinder. You’re actually pretty interesting. Quit slapping like two women fighting over boots on sale. Khali turns his aggression on to Singh, and the people boo.
Just to be clear, they’re not booing because Khali turned. They’re booing because this is just awful.
Commercial.
Video package for the demise of Big Show’s leg. Anyway…
Booker in the ring. He invites Cole up to the ring. After refusing to for about eighteen seconds, he trots on over to see what this is all about. Apparently, all Booker wants to talk about is the match at Over the Limit. Cole pouts in the corner as Booker gets the fans to chant “Kiss my feet!â€
And, I want the last two minutes of my life back.
Striker interviews Sheamus backstage, and Sheamus claims he’s the better of the three men in the main event tonight. We’ll see.
Commercial.
A recap of Kharma’s bizarre breakdown. Can’t wait for the story on Raw.
Alicia Fox and Tamina in the ring, and they’ll face…okay, I have good news and bad news.
Good news: KAITLYN!
Bad news: AJ…I was so thrilled to be rid of her after NXT. People were riding dirty on her bandwagon and for the life of me, I’m not sure why. Everything she does is over-exaggerated and sloppy. I’ve tried to be impressed by her from the start, but I’ve come to loathe her.
Well, moving on. The match begins. AJ gets the upper hand on Alicia before tagging in Kaitlyn, who seems completely at ease in the ring. She backs Alicia into a corner, and Alicia stumbles around. Kaitlyn goes for a pin, which Tamina breaks up. AJ comes charging in to take care of her, but ultimately falls down while attempting to do so. Any way both women are out of the ring, allowing Alicia to quickly hit her scissor kick to end it.
Grade: F
Kaitlyn was incredibly strong and impressive on NXThree. She was the only reason I chose to suffer through each episode, so I was thrilled when she won, and was on my favorite show. But seriously, let her showcase that talent. AJ was unbearable to watch, Alicia looked bewildered out there, and Tamina could barely find her footing. Kaitlyn was the only one who made it look halfway decent. (By the way, I know it’s coming, so bring it on, haters!)
Commercial.
Now we’re interviewing Mark Henry. I have to admit, I tuned it out.
From there, the announcers humbly honor Macho Man Randy Savage. And following that, the video tribute. I still have no words, as his charisma and excellence has always spoke for itself, and always will speak for itself. We miss you already, Macho Man.
Commercial.
Alright, who’s ready for this main event? Yeah, me neither. But here we go!
Sheamus out first, followed by Henry, and finally Christian. Very diverse. Christian is so yellow, he’s practically a Simpson.
Christian starts on both men, but both team up to return the favor. The two toss him out of the ring, so the fight moves out. Sheamus is thrown hard into the steel steps, and as Christian crawls in, he is tossed high in the air by Henry. Henry stands tall on Christian’s chest. He charges, but Christian pulls down the ropes to get rid of him, but Sheamus is right there for a surprise pin that Christian kicks out of. Brogue Kick, misses. Killswitch, connects but Henry pulls Christian out. At this point, Randy’s music begins. The three men stare cautiously as he makes his way down the ramp, and we go to…
Commercial.
And we’re back. Henry stomping on Christian in the ring. Big ‘ol bear hug from Henry now, Sheamus crawling in and setting his sights on Henry. That lasts about twelve seconds, as Sheamus is reintroduced to the hard floor outside the ring. Henry picks up where he left off. Finally, Christian manages to roll out of the way. He lands a missile dropkick. Again climbs the ropes, but Sheamus meets him there, halting him. He turns to Henry again, then back to Christian. Both men at the top rope, Christian fights out, Sheamus falls hard. Christian attacks but is caught by Henry and slammed hard. Sheamus breaks the pin for himself, and launches Henry out of the ring. He covers Christian, for two. Christian fights out of the “High Cross†(so difficult to call it that) and delivers a huge DDT, which Sheamus barely kicks out of. Henry shoves Randy and barrels over to the ring to clean up. But Christian sends him flying into Sheamus, hitting a Spear on Sheamus. Randy, still mad, jumps in and RKO’s Mark Henry. But while he was doing that, the ref was telling him to leave, oblivious to Christian pinning Sheamus. As expected, Christian eats the Brogue Kick, allowing Sheamus to win.
Grade: C+
I loathe triple threats, especially ones that involve Mark Henry. And honestly, I heard about this outcome before I watched the match. At first, I was angry. I thought this was just another way to bury Christian. But I can see what they’re doing here (at least I hope). They are planting those seeds. Randy was in the way once again of Christian’s success. This is one more reason for Christian to target Randy, and his temper will rise until he does. Well, at least that’s what I hope. What I described actually sounds interesting, which means WWE will go the complete opposite direction.
Credits roll.
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