No Chance – WWE, and their Divas (Kelly Kelly, Karma, The Bella Twins)

Welcome. How are you? Yes you. The one reading these words. How’s it going? Have you been having a good day? That tuna you had for lunch looked really quite good. (Hopefully at least one person got freaked out by that) Anyway, This is No Chance, I’m Joel Leonard, and today we are going to take a look at something that I tend to avoid talking about if at all possible. The WWE divas.

I feel fairly confident that most of you, like myself, tend to view the weekly Diva segments in WWE to be something of a bathroom break opportunity. It not that I take delight in ignoring this entire piece of wrestling, but every single thing about the divas, from the storylines, to the character development, to the actual in ring wrestling to be almost unwatchable. Sure I would give the divas chance after chance, week after week but whenever I sat through a full diva segment, it was always a disappointment. That is up until the past month.

Ever since the announcements of Awesome Kong (eventually called Karma) joining WWE, I couldn’t help but have renewed internet in the Diva stories, and Karma’s promos only added to the excitement. Then her big debut added even more excitement. Finally, storylines, good storylines, were starting to happen. I didn’t know what WWE had in store for Karma, but for the first time in a long time, I was invested in the Divas. Then, this past week, an announcement was made, something that could prove problematic. For those who don’t know, Karma announced that she was pregnant and would not be able to get in the ring for the next several months. (Nine I’m guessing)

So WWE, here we are. For the first time in a long time, you finally have some momentum in your Diva’s division. But now, the person who has been spearheading that momentum is out. So please, I beg of you do not go back to before. Keep this part of the show interesting, at least as interesting as possible. How do you wonder? Well I’m so glad you asked.

Step 1: So Karma isn’t even out of the ring and you’re already starting to backslide. WWE, please understand that the Bella Twins are not LayCool. Two divas making fun of all the other divas is not an automatic formula for success. LayCool was a success because of Layla and Michelle McCool and their characters. (Also not that I am using the term success very loosely right now) If you want the Bella Twins to be heel characters that’s fine. But surely you can think of a way to get Divas over as heels without always resorting to fat comments again and again. Come on, lets work those creative muscles just a bit. I also have to wonder about the idea of hinting at a Karma and Bellas rivalry that we won’t get to see for another year. That is if Vince ever lets Karma back after she said the word wrestling so many times this week.

Step 2: It seems that WWE had really liked Kelly Kelly as of late, and more or less has made her sort of their female version of John Cena. While I don’t think Kelly Kelly is the best in ring Diva they have right now, I guess this can work. After all, Cena isn’t exactly the best technical superstar they have either. I have to wonder though if Kelly Kelly has any real microphone skills. I’m not exactly going through past episodes looking, but I can’t remember the last time she had a really great promo, or even just a good one. Was it during the stuff with Vicky a while back? Or maybe her part during the segment with Jerry Springer last year? And now with her getting a spot in Maxim’s Hot 100, I haven’t heard her say anything about that. Just Lawler telling us that she want to thank the fans, and being on the list is a dream come true. I’m willing to give Kelly a shot, but if you want me to get behind a character, then there has to be a character to get behind. This goes for all the divas.

Step 3: Now listen up because this one is important. Unlike the Superstars, all of the Diva’s are competing for one belt. There’s not a different belt for Smackdown, no Midcard belt, no tag team belts. Theoretically, every diva is a valid contender for the Diva’s championship belt. This should mean that whoever is the champion, really should be unquestionably the best Diva on the roster. This means that the quest for the belt should be an epic struggle. One that we can follow for months as we watch a character go through trials and tribulations as the fight for the prize. Instead we get the belt changing hands in unannounced battle royales that cant help but feel like time fillers.

What this should also mean is that there has to be some storylines without the belt, maybe a rivalry or two that is based on more than one person calling the other fat. A little bit of character building can go a long way. But how are we supposed to get invested in a five minute match that was unannounced, isn’t for the belt, and feels like the divas involved were simply drawn out of a that?

Unrelated though of the day: Is WWE really that pleased with their Obama press conference idea? So much so that they wanted to show it to me every single episode? And now this week, they’re pushing on with the idea with a brand new press conference. I can say that WWE has me counting down the Days to Capital Punishment but only so these videos will stop. Why are they there? If WWE is trying to make me laugh, then why is Zack Ryder still restricted to the background of the Cena walking bits each week. Right now, Obama is getting more screen time than Ryder on WWE television. Think about that.

Bonus Unrelated though of the day: Because of the extended technical difficulties at the beginning of Raw, and because R-Truth has been so great on mic as of late, I can’t help but wonder, what if we missed the single greatest promo that Truth will ever cut. Think back to your favorite promo of all time. What was it? Why did it work so well? Now take a moment and be thankful that you got to be witness to that promo, because as we saw this week, that’s never a guarantee.


Tags: , , , , , ,