Welcome to “That Being Said”.
Interinactivity
LAST WEEK’S IMPACT COMMENTS
Justin Gomez: Gunner’s new, they like him, they want to elevate him. He has a bit of credibility from holding a secondary title. The pin on Sting after dominating Sting for most of the tag match is, despite Sting’s age, a worthy accomplishment. He also had the most to gain here and, really, was the only one who *could* gain any credibility from a pin.
Kurrgan: Sting can easily take the pin from an up-and-comer with no loss in credibility at this point in (ie, the tail end) his career, and without looking too weak for later main events. By all accounts, he *wants* to put the younger talent over, though TNA insists on giving him the belt and booking him strongly. Sting would have gained nothing from pinning Gunner.
Patrick Spohr: But I do think Sting can take a pin from a mid or lower-mid card guy at this point and it won’t have any effect on his reputation. It’s only if they start jobbing him out like they have with Samoa Joe that it becomes an issue.
Blair: I agree that Gunner had the most to gain, and that pinning Sting was a worthy accomplishment. But none of that matters in the context of my complaint. First of all, Gunner did not dominate any match. Gunner hit one move aside from punches and kicks. Then the F5 beat Sting. That was it. It would have been ridiculous for Gunner to beat anyone above the lower card with that offense, whether it be Sting or otherwise. And my point was not that Sting was going to be hurt by Gunner pinning him. You’re right, Sting is bullet-proof when it comes to winning and losing, and Sting is probably one of the only bullet-proof guys who actually REALIZES that he’s bulletproof. So I’m sure he didn’t mind. None of that was my point. My point is that Gunner sucks. I think he’s had less than 20 TV matches on TNA. The fact that he’s been given a meaningless title doesn’t really help anything.
The Juiceman: Eric Young, as popular with the crowds as he is and as good in the ring as he is, isn’t really considered on the same level as Anderson, and couldn’t pin Gunner in this match. It would take shenanigans (such as the suprise Green Mist from last week) for Young to get the pin. (his prospects may improve now that it looks like they’re going to use a storyline to move him away from being comedy relief – at least for a while)
Blair: I dislike admitting this, but yes, Eric Young is popular with the crowd. I don’t really know why, but that’s me. However, Gunner is not only not popular with the crowd, no one cares about him. At all. On that basis alone, I don’t think it’s too crazy to say that Eric Young SHOULD be able to pin Gunner without shenannigans. If you think he can’t then fine, he needs shenannigans – so why not have him use shenannigans? They do them all Impact long. Why couldn’t they have just done one there? All of Impact is one long shenannigan. Can I stop typing shenannigan now?
Rich: Wow. Where do I begin…This was a bad read. Real bad. Seriously, it’s like Blair gave up. I feel bad for Inside Pulse. I suggest Inside Pulse finds somebody that actually wants to write about wrestling and wants to share his or her views to the great Inside Pulse readers. There are tons of guys who write recaps for their own little blog or other blogs that could substitute for Blair. IP should seriously consider doing that. It might be time for a change. I like the fact that Gunner, Robert Roode and Crimson are going to be the guys to get that push. They look ready for that top spot.
Blair: You DO realize that it was actually MORE work to do the recap the way I did it last week as opposed to doing it normally, right? I was trying to make a point. The point is that no one wants anything to do with TNA. That was the jist of the bit, Rich. Take a look at Mick Foley and Chyna. I think if there were EVER two people in wrestling at a mainstream level who were willing to do pretty much ANYTHING for money, it would be those two. Foley is willing to be set on fire, dropped through a cage, and take thumbtacks in his ass for money. I don’t even want to get into the things that Chyna will take in her ass for money. TNA couldn’t even hang on to THOSE TWO.
Also, with Robert Roode… fine. I don’t share that sentiment, but at least I understand it. Gunner and Crimson, I don’t understand. The dudes have almost no time in the fed and no TV matches behind them and the crowd DOES NOT RESPOND TO THEM. That’s why I don’t get. That’s what no one has been able to answer for me. The other thing I don’t understand is why TNA fans are using these guys as reasons why TNA is better than WWE when Gunner and Crimson aren’t better than ANYONE in WWE. They’re like WWE template wrestlers. What the fuck?
CB: Blair’s and M.C. Brown’s columns are perfect complements to each other, and I like them both equally.
Joseph Hargrove: I also enjoy Blair and M.C.’s columns as they are both entertaining and humorous.
Blair: Thanks guys! But… you like mine MORE equally, right?
Steven Gepp: You know what the problem is with this, though? I watched this episode with a TNA fan (yes, they have them here in Aus) and this is EXACTLY what he sounded like. Every time I tried to point out how retarded something was, he was like STD. *Exactly* like STD.
Blair: Well then, that dude must have loved WCW around 2000 or so. You should watch it with him and find out. I hope you like Mark Jindrak. Lots of Mark Jindrak.
Emperor Of Wrestling: TNA has to get rid of Styles and Samoa Joe! They are just taking the spotlight away from Crimson and Gunner!!! 2011 – The Beginning Of Crimsonmania!!!
Blair: Sarcasm is funny.
SLAMMIVERSARY COMMENTS
Michael: YES!! The one guy worth watching in the entire company gets the championship again!! (Not that it’ll matter — most of this website will crap on it, just like the report just did!)
Blair: Yes. We can only hope it goes over as well as his first reign. I think they’re still counting all the cash that brought in.
Phil: Best case scenario is that ROH can build a solid viewing audience within the next year and the good talent that TNA does have will have somewhere else viable to work if WWE is not their thing.
Joseph Hargrove: Considering the fact that ROH just signed with Sinclair Broadcast Group a month or so ago, viewership could eventually increase. We’ll just have to wait and see how it all turns out. I hope they do end up as viable competition because TNA sure as hell hasn’t meant a damn thing since Hogan/Bischoff came in last January.
Blair: I wish I were as optimistic as you guys, as I would LOVE for ROH to have a fighting chance, but Sinclair Broadcast Group is not looking so good these days. I don’t think it will help as much as most ROH fans think it will. Hopefully I’m wrong.
James Alsop: TNA could have been a wonderful chance for Anderson to prove why he deserved a top spot in the business. After all, experience can be learned, and immaturity can be overcome (see Orton, Randall). Instead, though, as with his time in WWE, Anderson has demonstrated neither the ability nor the drive to improve as an athlete and as a performer. By this stage in his career, he really should have shown some in-ring improvement from his early years, but he hasn’t. Consider the quality of men he’s been paired with since he arrived in TNA – how is it that he doesn’t seem to have learned at all? To make matters worse, his promos – the best thing about his Kennedy act – are now no longer scripted, and so TNA have effectively removed his biggest asset. Given the right material, Kennedy was hilarious! Without the support of a team of writers, however, Anderson has floundered on the mic. There’s no shame in having people write one’s material, provided one can perform it well (as any actor or talk show host could attest!). While he continues to do his own thing, though, Anderson isn’t impressing anybody. It’s a real shame, but that’s how it is.
Blair: This is the most accurate paragraph ever written about Ken Anderson.
Ernie Lupica: I am telling you folks, Crimson is very, VERY good wrestler. He is much more polished, more natural wrestler than Goldberg ver was at his early stage of his career. Crimson is the real deal.
Barbarash: I am convinced on Crimson getting a Goldberg like undefeated streak. The guy just looks menacing and he has the awesome power moveset that Goldberg had, this just screams success to me.
Blair: Okay. If Crimson IS a great wrestler, then TNA certainly isn’t letting him show it. At all. BUT… I am going to try to take what you’re saying under advisement, if you agree to answer a question for me. Why is it that the crowd is almost always dead for Crimson then? Take Sunday for example. Joe had WAY more of that crowd than Crimson did. This is not up for debate. Watch the match. Listen to the crowd. Whatever your opinion of Joe is, that crowd did not care about Crimson. Now, I’m not gonna be one of those guys that says that NO ONE was cheering for Crimson, because that wasn’t the case. He did have a few people cheering for him, and there were some “Sloppy Joe” chants. That’s totally fine. But they chanted for Joe at the beginning of the match. Then came the duelling chants, where there was no contest who had more cheers, and later in the match, when the duelling chants started again, people just stopped cheering for Crimson and started with “Joe’s gonna kill you”. When Crimson won, the crowd barely responded.
Kyle Sparks: And I’ve seen some recaps elsewhere that said it was absolutely the best PPV ever and well worth even 3 times the purchase price. So apparently crazy knows no bounds.
Blair: Take a look at Hulk Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior these days. OF COURSE crazy knows no bounds. Not in the wrestling industry.
Krans: Nice Recap, although I think you’re wrong on the botch in the title match, the Ref didn’t count to three, he counted once, paused when bischoff counted once and then the ref counted again for a two count. It’s a ridiculous angle and pretty stupid I think but it wasn’t a botch it was planned.
Blair: Okay, I guess you could be right on that, but doesn’t that make it WORSE? Bischoff doesn’t touch the ref. The ref gets distracted, so he has to start counting AGAIN even though Anderson didn’t move? It’s not like he had counted to a hundred and had to start over. He had counted to fucking TWO. How is it that they couldn’t have come up with something better than that? I’m not convinced it wasn’t a botch, but if it wasn’t a botch, then it was just dumb, and that’s much worse.
JustSomeGuy: Why do people keep acting like Samoa Joe can save the company? I haven’t seen any of his work in RoH, so all I can base my opinion on is what he’s shown in TNA… but he’s done NOTHING during his TNA run to prove he’s worthy of a main event much less carrying the world title. He’s got no charisma. He’s got no identifiable character. His personality, much like his physique, is an amorphous blob. He’ll be a heel, he’ll be a face, he’ll be whatever management wants him to be – and he can do that because he has no dominant personality of his own for casual fans to identify with. And frankly, I’d be more impressed with his submission moves if I wasn’t worried about him choking out his opponents with his belly fat. I’m the casual wrestling fan. I watch TNA once in a while, WWE a little more often. I don’t seek out tapes from RoH or Japanese feds. I don’t give a damn about impressing people with knowledge of obscure indy wrestlers. I just want to check my brain at the door and be entertained by interesting characters pretending to beat the hell out of each other. I represent the majority of wrestling viewers, and Samoa Joe as champion would NOT get me watching TNA week after week or buying any of their PPVs.
Blair: Let’s get the silly, easy parts of your statement out of the way first. First of all, I don’t think you represent the majority of wrestling viewers. I have nothing to back that up with, because that’s not the kind of thing that I can throw any data or facts at, but that’s my feeling. Second, I don’t recall ever saying that Samoa Joe can save TNA. I’m not sure anyone can save TNA. I DO believe that Joe has a prominent place in a TNA show that is run well. Third, if the reason you don’t like Joe is because he’s fat, then I’m assuming that you also don’t like Mick Foley, Bully Ray, Big Show, Mark Henry, Jim Duggan, Big Boss Man, or Vader.
If you assume that the only way to win a fight is to be in better shape physically than the other combatant, then I don’t even really know where to go with you from there. That’s kind of a silly thing to say. Under that logic, no one should have ever beaten Lex Luger, Batista, or Chris Masters, and WWE should have never hired Hogan in the 80’s unless he got abs. I don’t even know what to say if that’s the angle you’re going for. Most points, I’m willing to debate. This isn’t up for debate. This isn’t even a matter of opinion. This is like… logic… physics… something like that. I go to the gym 3 or 4 days a week. Not a lot. So let’s just say that you go twice a week or not at all. Does that mean that I can kick your ass, that’s it? Of course not. I don’t really know what else to say here. Like, you DO know that Cain Velasquez kicked the living shit out of Brock Lesnar, right?
Now for the part of your statement that made a bit of sense – let’s take the fat thing out of the equation for a second. I’m more than willing to admit that if you had only seen Samoa Joe since 2009 or 2010, that you are WELL within your rights to think that Samoa Joe is a waste, because during that time, that’s all TNA has ever used him for. But, you don’t need Ring Of Honor footage to know how good Joe is, and if you had seen TNA back between 2005-2007, then you would know that. And you would know that Joe was a HUGE draw for them back then. During those years, he wrestled in the main events of PPV’s on multiple occasions, had what pretty much every fan considers to be the best matches in TNA history with AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels, was undefeated, and had 3 amazing matches with Kurt Angle. Those matches with Kurt and Joe were some of the most anticipated matches that the promotion has ever had, and I haven’t seen too many matches since then in TNA that I would put up against them. Kurt stated on multiple occasions that ONE of the reasons he came to TNA was to work with guys like Samoa Joe and AJ Styles. Upon coming to TNA, Samoa Joe was the first person that Kurt Angle WANTED to work with.
What I’m saying is, that aside from the fat thing, you’re not wrong, if what you’re going by is Joe’s last few years with TNA. But that’s not Joe, that’s how TNA has USED Joe since that time. How do I know that? Not because of his indy work, not because of his time in ROH, not because of anything other than what Joe did in TNA between 2005 and 2007.
Sideshow Bob: Can the “knockouts†match start taking place on my 500-600 channel range? Or bring up some of them instead? Is that too much to ask? Some of those ‘other channels’ have better wrestling between wommenfolk… And TNA clearly doesn’t care about image, or making a ‘family’ product, so why hold back at all?
Blair: I’m pretty sure that people who TRULY enjoy the Knockouts probably have wives, girlfriends, or moms who don’t let them get those channels.
James Alsop: Anyone notice how the man who pinned Sting cleanly on Impact didn’t have a match at the Pay Per View? I think that in itself is as damning an indictment of Impact Wrestling’s approach as anything.
Lionshare: That was my first thought after watching sting take the pinfall to gunner, why in the blue hell would you want your top two dogs of your company lose in subsequent weeks to 2 jobbers, when none of them is gonna be in the damn PPV?
Blair: Because TNA has no idea what they’re doing. They don’t have the barest shred of a clue. I’m not there, so I’m not going to be one of those guys who pretends to know what the problem is, but if I had to hazard a guess, I’d say there are just way too many chefs in the kitchen. You may not like WWE. You may not like their product. I don’t. But at least at WWE, you know who’s in charge, and you know they’re at least going to be consistent most of the time.
Lionshare: The only saving grace of the ppv was the ray/aj match, i know that many ppl doesnt like him but to me this bully ray persona is working. He took his break with devon and push it, developing a new character and i dig it, devon is just the same ol devon.
Rhett Davis: I think for the most part people like Bully Ray. The persona fits him to a tee and he is one of the few reasons I can watch Impact. I think Blair just said he was 8 years past his prime, which is true. Past his prime, but he is still compelling. Although that may be on a different That Being Said article… If it wasn’t for Bully, AJ, rest of Fortune, Joe, and RVD, I probably wouldn’t be able to watch Impact.
James Alsop: Agreed, Bully Ray is a revelation. And I always thought that Devon was the more talented of the two…
Blair: I responded to this in the comments, but I’ll say it again – IÂ don’t recall ever saying that Bully Ray was past his prime. That doesn’t mean that I DON’T think Bully Ray is past his prime, but not so much that he doesn’t still have a place on the show if he is packaged and used the right way. And you know what, if you had told me 6 months ago that Bully Ray’s singles push would have worked out as well as it has, as one of the only things that TNA is doing right at the moment, I would never have believed it. It’s always pleasant to be proved wrong when it comes to TNA, because it certainly doesn’t happen very often. Some people are not into what’s going on with Ray right now. I’m not one of those people. I don’t think he should be main-eventing or anything, I think he should be using his current gimmick to help enhance younger and upcoming talent. Which is what SHOULD happen to AJ Styles after his program with Ray. If they don’t screw that up. Which they will.
Steven Gepp: Okay, finally caught the show. You overrated AJ/Bully Ray. It was mediocre at best. You overrated Sting/Anderson. It was the second worst TNA main event… after Sting/Hardy. I did like the tag match. I didn’t like much else. Easily the worst PPV of the year. Thank InvisibleSkyMan that I had RCW this weekend for some better than decent wrestling.
Blair: I thought AJ and Bully Ray were great, ASIDE from the shit finish of course, so unless the finish brought the ENTIRE thing down for you, which would be understandable, I have to say I disagree with you there. And I agree with you on Sting / Anderson – but I said that match was a slow aneurism, so I’m not sure how I over-rated it.
Corey Yuen: Good show. Got my money’s worth. Man I feel like a star seeing my name all over Mr. Financial Consultant article today. But I digress. Anyway, I find it hilarious that Blair is all, “Gunner sucks, why do peop[le like him…AARGH†and in a column on Inside Pulse, rhett davis nominate Gunner for WRESTLER OF THE WEEK! HAHAHAHHHAHAH. That made my day. of course, Blair, has to taje the guy to task for , heaven forbid, liking Gunner. How dare anyone not like Gunner. we should only like ROH guys. Please! I like watching good wrestling. Slammiversary was a good show.
Blair: Man, where to even begin with this one. I guess I should post Rhett Davis’ posted response to your comment first.
“For the record… Gunner sucks. I don’t like the guy and never claimed to like him. I chose him because last week there wasn’t any real obvious choices as no one stood out to me with the exception of Gunner. Gunner had the biggest win of his life when he pinned Sting because only a handful of wrestlers today can say that. It was a huge accomplishment for a guy who literally hasn’t done much except the lame Television Championship which doesn’t even follow it’s own rules. Just so I can stop being drug into the minority of those liking this guy.”
– Rhett Davis
So, I guess that’s that taken care of. Although I do want to mention that it’s not like I ACTUALLY care whether Rhett likes Gunner or not. I don’t care if anyone likes Gunner. That’s your perogative. I wasn’t “taking anyone to task”, whatever that even means, which you should have been able to tell by the sentance “I kid, I kid”, which was right there on the comment you’re talking about. Pulse has a ton of people with differing opinions. Have you ever read M.C. Brown’s TNA recap article? I don’t understand why anything like that should ever bother me.
Also, you’re making up opinions and attributing them to me again. Where have I said that I only like ROH guys? If that’s the case, then why do I not like Kendrick? Why do I like Angle, RVD, Sabin, Abyss, Pope, Hernandez, Storm, Williams, Generation ME, and Kaz?
Patrick Spohr also brought up a good point. This was also addressed to Cory, Corey, however the fuck he’s spelling his name this week:
“I do find it funny that you’re criticizing Jader for not liking Slammiversary, but you don’t make any substantive points about WHY you liked the show. Making a logical point requires you to actually analyze what is unarguably an issue of subjective personal taste. If you like botched finishes, then I guess I can understand why you liked Slammiversary. Saying “It was good, point me†wouldn’t garner you anything but contempt in a high school debate club.”
– Patrick Spohr
It’s not like the questions people are asking you aren’t fair questions. Don’t worry, I don’t expect a response or anything. I expect to see another comment from you on this article, not addressing anything that myself or anything that anyone else has said to you, and it will be some poorly-written set of pro-TNA ramblings that seem to be suggesting that I don’t think that anyone should enjoy TNA when that’s not the case. If you enjoy TNA, Corey, and you enjoyed Slammiversary, then good for you. You represent a breed of TNA fan that are all over every major website like this, or 411, and a ton of others. They say they love every TNA show that’s ever happened, but when asked what they liked about it, they can’t name a single thing on the show that they liked. Which is totally fine, it’s not like you owe anyone an explanation or anything. But then, rather than just enjoying it and having that be enough for them, they’ll try to take the piss out of whoever wrote the article who may NOT have liked it. That’s when comments like “OHHHH YOU DIDN’T LIKE IMPACT?!?! I GUESS YOU THINK YOU COULD FOUND A BETTER COMPANY THAN JEFF JARRETT OR WRESTLE A BETTER MATCH THAN GUNNER!!!” and other assorted feces like that come along. You’ll post your crap on my article, and you’ll mention another writer getting behind a wrestler I don’t care for, as if that’s some sort of a problem for you, but when we do a Roundtable with multiple writers from the site that hold similar opinions to mine, you certainly don’t mention that. WWE has these trolls too, and in many cases, they’re worse.
Finally, I guess I should just say that you will ALWAYS have a place on this article Corey, as long as you keep saying the things you do. It would be cool if you could at least spell your name consistently, but either way, you are more entertaining than the show itself. Everyone sees it. Everyone points it out. You only respond to me of course, which is fine, but I’d be hard pressed to find a reason NOT include your ramblings. You’re entertaining a lot of people here. I’m more than happy to spend the 5 minutes per week it takes to respond to you, since it’s not like it takes a lot of brain power.
Intro
I gotta say, I’m really not expecting all that much tonight. And for once, some stuff might actually be different. And not all negative changes. Sure, Stone Cold Ken Flair Anderson might be World Champ for no reason, but at least Angle / Jarrett is no more, and apparently there’s some kind of X-Division PPV coming up? Honestly though, at this point, it’s just hard to even get excited about anything that could potentially be good, knowing how TNA usually handles stuff that could potentially be good.
” No More Episode Titles”
We get a Slammiversary recap. Bully Ray appears to be impressed with AJ after their match. Then we get Jeff Jarrett saying it’s not over until he says it’s over. Oh for f… then we see Sting get screwed, without showing what I think was a botch with the ref, which pretty much confirms that it was. In this video, Ken Anderson cuts a promo, that is a bit less painful than usual.
Now we’re in the Impact Zone. Ken Anderson comes out. There’s a buffett, a pinball machine, a video game, and a stripper pole. Okay, the stripper pole is kinda funny. He says that none of the boys in the back came to his party but that he didn’t come to make friends. People are booing. He tries to cut a babyface promo. People are still booing.
Then Gunner comes out. Oh, fuck ME.
Gunner apologizes for ruining Anderson’s party. Apparently in exchange for beating Sting up last week, Gunner thinks he’s supposed to get a World Title shot now? Gunner cuts an extremely generic promo. Before you dicks jump on me, I’m not saying it was terrible. I’m just saying it wasn’t any good. There was just nothing to it. At all. Anyway, he says he’s not out there for a “love taff”. Anderson says that the ink isn’t even dry on Gunner’s contract, and that there’s a lot of people who are ahead of Gunner. The audience starts chanting that they want beer as Anderson drinks a beer. I know how they feel. He throws a beer in Gunner’s face. Gunner appears to have been cut with the plastic cup. Gunner doesn’t like this, so he and Anderson brawl and Gunner tosses Anderson through the table with the food on it. And in future news, TNA marks everywhere will use this segment to claim that Gunner is the future of professional wrestling.
Shit was like Basketball wives, with a bit more pettiness.
Commercial.
Sting is WALKING backstage. With shades on.
Hernandez (w lWo)Â .vs. D-Von
You’d think a guy who spent part of his life reporting on Mexican wrestling would have a bit better Spanish accent. Apparently Mexican America jumped D-Von recently, and Pope saved him. D-Von didn’t like this for some reason. Decent crowd reaction for D-Von. Apparently D-Von’s kids and wives are here because D-Von has a problem with pattern recognition. Hernandez jumps D-Von and does that neat whistling thing. Hernandez with chops, but D-Von hits a flying forearm and a flying clothesline that knocks Hernandez’s do-rag off. Spear by D-Von. Tenay is saying that D-Von dropped like 25 lbs. Impressive. Splash into the corner by D-Von. Pope is coming out with a chair. He shakes hands with D-Von’s kids and sits at ringside. D-Von yells at Pope for this. Pope says he is watching the show.
Hernandez with a roll-up that gets 2. Mexican America jumps D-Von, including the girls. The kids try to get Pope to help him. Pope waits a minute, then jumps in to help. D-Von is still mad about this. I guess he thinks Pope is fucking with his family or something.
Winner by Disqualification: D-Von
Backstage, Anderson wants Bischoff to put a leash on Gunner. They babble. Bischoff said that Anderson had his chance to join Immortal but didn’t. Is Immortal still around even? Bischoff talks about The Network for no reason. He puts Anderson in a match against Gunner. As the main event tonight. Anderson calls Bischoff a prick. Eeesh.
Backstage, Kurt Angle is walking around with his kids. Commercial.
Kurt Angle hits the ring. He says he was feuding with Jarrett for the last 8 months. Wow, that’s 2/3 of a year. He talks about why he put his olympic gold medals up at Slammiversary, winning a gold medal for his country, etc etc. He says he made Jarrett tap out at Slammiversary. Now he wants the world title. He also says he’s been training hard the past few months, and he is trying out for the US Olympics in 2012. He admits that he could be going through a mid-life crisis as he is 43 years old but that he wants to try it one more time.
Jeff Jarrett comes out. Sigh. He wants to fight in the parking lot. He says that TNA isn’t big enough for the both of them. I agree, they should have just fired him when this Karen nonsense started, instead of just suspending him and making him lose to Val Venis in a bathroom. Jarrett says he’d leave the country. I guess leaving TNA is like being deported to him. Kurt says Jarrett is annoying and that he’s a cheat. The then starts talking about Jeff’s ancestors and the business being in his blood for reasons I can’t figure out. Kurt says Jarrett should just leave. Kurt says that Jarrett told him a couple years ago that nothing was going on between him and Karen, so Jeff’s word means absolutely nothing to Kurt. Kurt says that if Jarrett gets a legal document saying that Jarrett will actually move to Mexico, and that there are lawyers in the back who can help him get that. HA, that’s hilarious. Angle says if he does that, he’ll fight Jeff in the parking lot. Jarrett says he’s in.
So… it’s a MATCH… in the parking lot. With a stipulation that says Jarrett will move to Mexico, if… what? If he loses? How do they figure who wins? I’m not sure “if I win the fight in the parking lot” is entirely legally binding. Does Jarrett moves to Mexico either way? This fucking show.
DID YOU KNOW? TNA is the number one cause of prevention of world peace in most major countries.
What the fuck is going on with Don West and some dumb kid now?
Something called the “Bound For Glory” series is on now. 12 wrestlers are in there. Whoever wins gets to fight in the main event at Bound For Glory PPV. They have a scoring system they don’t explain. I guess a fuckton of matches will happen over the next 3 months and all the matches count towards the scoring. Definitely not the worst idea I ever heard. Van Dam fights Samoa Joe tonight.
Backstage, Eric Young goes up to Morgan and says Morgan has a title shot against Young’s TV Title. Morgan explains the storyline he is involved in to Eric Young. The gist is that Eric Young wants to fight a TV star, which doesn’t make sense because he’s talking to Matt Morgan. Morgan tries to tell him that there’s a TNA executive producer who was a sitcom star? Or something? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Morgan and Young try to be funny. It doesn’t work. If you laughed at that, you’re fuckin’ brain dead.
82% of all reported herpes cases in Florida have Matt Morgan listed as the cause.
Taz is saying that X-Division stars from the past and future are going to be competing for an Impact Wrestling contract leading into Destination X.
Austin Aries .vs. Jimmy Rave .vs. Kid Kash
Holy fuck. Seriously? Awesome. Okay, so I’ve ALWAYS loved Austin Aries. Never been big on Kid Kash. Jimmy Rave isn’t my favorite, but is allright by me.
Chants for Aries right off the hop. Aries is rocking his Double A ROH heel persona. Kash and rave race around each other and go at it after knock Aries out of the ring. Aries pulls Rave out of the ring and drops Rave across the rope. Huge slingshot bodydrop and delayed elbow from from Aries. Kash tosses Aries out of the ring and into the apron. and Kash with a spingboard dropkick. Aries jumps back in and hits another flying elbow for a 2-count. Aries goes for his brainbuster, and tosses Kash out of the ring when Kash dumps him. Aries then tosses Rave out of the ring and hits his AMAZING suicide dive through the BOTTOM two ropes. I’ve yet to see another wrestler who can do that move. An amazing move if you haven’t seen it.
People are going fucking nuts for Aries. Loudest reaction all night long, there is no way Anderson or Gunner COMBINED will get that reaction. Watch it if you don’t believe me. Rave dumps Aries on the apron with a takedown that looked rough for sure. Kash does a hilo off the top rope to the outside. Damn. Aries takes Kash in the ring and starts working on him, Kash with a spinebuster for 2. Rave in the ring, he and Kash do some exchanges and Rave hits a finish that I’m not sure how to describe. Aries kicks this motherfucker in the head HARD, followed by a HARD dropkick in the corner. Brainbuster by Aries. Pin
Winner: Austin Aries
As nice as it is to see these dudes and an actual match again, that was a bit of a spot-fest for my liking. Don’t get me wrong, I thought it was good for a TV match, that’s for sure. All 3 guys looked good, and that crowd loved it. They went NUTS for most of Aries’ moves. The best thing about Aries is just how hard-hitting his moves look. Easily the best wrestling match I’ve seen on Impact in a while. I can’t say I really want to see Aries suffering in TNA though, since they’ll probably job him out to Crimson to no crowd reaction.
Velvet Sky and Tessmacher are walking backstage blabbering and ass-grabbing.
TNA Knockout Tag Team Titles
Velvet Sky & Miss Tessmacher .vs. Sarita & Rosita
Prestigious titles on the line here. Bitches scream and fall over each other while trying to perform moves. ODB is still around. 16 stars.
Winners: No One
Jaqueline is here. HA. Her and ODB beat Velvet up. Some serious comedy ensues when ODB and Jaqueline beat up like 20 security guards. 28 stars.
Backstage, Jarrett is talking to Hogan. Hogan says that Jarrett is 10 times the man that Angle is. He makes the match official. Hogan starts talking to himself after Jarrett leaves. But then Sting comes in, and Hogan is a babyface now. He says Sting gets a World Title rematch on Impact sometime soon. Sting is happy. They talk about their awesome history. But then they’re not happy. They talk about WCW and their not-so-awesome history. I don’t know where the change came from. I think Sting is still upset about Hogan being in nWo? I’m not so sure. Sting brings up Brooke and Nick Hogan and Hulk loses it. Then Sting loses it and starts calling him Terry. Then Sting climbs on Hogan in his chair and starts drawing on him or something? I don’t know. It looked like he was raping him. Then he started screaming about doing the right thing. It was wierd. Yep, turns out he painted Hogan’s face red. I THINK that the gist of this whole thing is that Sting wants to turn Hogan back into a babyface. I think.
92% of all TNA writing staff has a mental disability. 150% of that 92% is Vince Russo.
Commercial. Tenay is SHOCKED at Sting’s actions and that Sting never acted like that before. Except about a week ago when he did the same thing for Anderson.
Backstage, ODB and Jaqueling are talking a LOT of shit. They actually used the word “pooty-tang”. I wish I could erase that from my mind.
Backstage, Aries says that up until now, “Wrestling Matters” has been all about rederrick but that he is here to change that. Eric Young comes in and starts trying to fight the dude interviewing Aries. I guess Young says he was on Wonder Years or something? Oh, this is that Hervey guy that Bischoff blows? Anyway, Young starts beating up Wayne from Wonder Years. He makes Aries count the pin. Again, this was not funny IN THE LEAST. What’s different about this than my opinions on Gunner /Â Crimson is that a lot of people actually DO get into Eric Young. I readily admit that I think I’m in the minority on this one.
TNA has been the leading cause of lack of fun and eye cancer for four years in a row.
BFG Series
Samoa Joe .vs. Rob Van Dam
Tenay calls this a dream match. Joe comes down, and again, they’re chanting for him. Still have yet to hear that Crimson or Gunner chant. Van Dam gets a decent reaction as well. Duelling chants starting early. they trade punches and Joe hits some takedowns and elbows. Van Dam with a kick, but Joe catches a monkey-flip. RVD backs out and tries a roll, but Joe drops him into a pin for a 2-count. RVD goes outside the ring to chill. Mad chants for RVD.
RVD tries a dive into a ring which Joe turns into a powerslam. Van Dam into the corner with some strikes by Joe, followed by strikes from Van Dam. Joe takes control again with some headbutts, but RVD dodges a sloppy dive by Joe. RVD hits a low spin-kick to Joe. Van Dam tries a monkey-flip, but Joe counters and chokes him on the bottom rope. Joe then hits that HUGE suicide dive outside the ring. Crazy chants for Joe. Joe drags RVD in and gets 2. Joe posts RVD. Now they’re trading some strikes. Joe stops RVD’s momentum and slams him into the buckle HARD. Joe then hits a diving kick for 2.
They’re giving this match a lot more time than I thought they would. RVD tries a dive, but Joe moves and RVD crashes and burns. Chope by Joe and a fucking HARD kick to the face. Kneedrop gets 2. Joe and RVD both looking good tonight. More chants for RVD as Joe locks on a sleeper. RVD powers out but eats a hard elbow. Another 2-count. Stunner by Van Dam stuns Joe, followed by a kick, a sliding kick to Joe while he’s down on the mat, and a Rolling Thunder. This gets him 2. Crowd thought that was 3, even though Rolling Thunder never gets pins. Joe is up, and hits a headbutt, and an atomic drop. RVD catches that REALLY hard kick from Joe and hits another spin-kick. Chants for Joe and RVD. RVD dives at Joe, but Joe hits a yurinagi. (Taz’s words. Cool move.)
Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, then looks as though he’s going for a belly-to-belly off the 2nd. RVD knocks Joe off the rope and RVD hits the 5-Star Frog Splash for the pin.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
This match was actually better than the X-Division 3-way. Surprised the hell out of me. They managed to hit a lot of big moves, went back and forth, and it wasn’t a spot-fest. If the X-Division match had more time, it wouldn’t have had to be as much big spots packed into such little time, and maybe it could have been as good, but both matches were definitely solid. Still can’t believe I saw two decent matches on one Impact.
And now back to the pain. Backstage, Gunner is getting stitched up and he talks. “URGH, ROAR, DON’T LIKE ANYBODY.” Good character development there.
Commercial. Jeff Jarrett is taping his fists.
And now for Gunner’s title push. I’m sure this will get as good a reaction as the two decent matches on Impact tonight.
Ken Anderson .vs. Gunner
Gunner comes out talking to Bischoff. I thought he didn’t like ANYone? Ken Anderson actually is getting a reaction, surprisingly. It’s boos, but at least it’s a reaction, which is better than usual. Gunner backs Anderson in the corner. Strikes. Irish whip. PIN ATTEMPT?!?! No-count. Stomp. Wow, like 10 people are actually chanting for Gunner. Ken Anderson ducks a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker. Now it’s Anderson’s turn to stomp, kick, irish whip, and stomp some more. Wow, exciting match here. Crowd is dead for the main event featuring the world champion. NECKBREAKER!!! Highlight so far. 2-count. Anderson stomps on Gunner’s hand.
More punches. Kneelift. Shoulder strikes in the corner. Ooooh, a bodyslam. Match… moving… so… slow… oop, Anderson actually did attempt a top rope move. He missed. Gunner then hits with a running elbow… that actually gets 2. Then Gunner hits a clothesline… that also gets 2. Wow, world champ almost gets pinned off an elbow and a clothesline. Basically no other offense. This sucks. More punches. Kicks. ELBOW BY GUNNER!!! Ooop, he actually did a suplex that got 2. Anderson reverses a whip and hits him with that shit roll-through move that gets 2. Crowd is still dead. Punches by Anderson. Kick to the crotch. This is storytelling right here. TAKE THAT FLIPPY STYLES!!!
The mic comes down for Anderson in the middle of the match. Anderson says that he’s still the TNA World Champion. Fuck, I know where this is going. Gunner hits an F5. Pin.
Winner: Gunner
That. Was. Fucking. Terrible. I’m not saying that because Gunner won. It wouldn’t have mattered who won. The match was shit. Crowd was dead. They did like 4 moves total between the both of them. The F5, the suplex, Anderson’s shit roll-through move and his top-rope move, which he missed. Anyone who disagrees with this needs to tell me why the match got half the crowd reaction of the X 3-Way and the Joe / RVD match.
Kurt Angle is walking to the parking lot. Commercial.
Next week, Steiner and Bully Ray fight in the BFG series. Backstage, Steiner says he doesn’t have a match tonight, so he is working out. He says he has to work out because he has nothing else to do. He has no donuts or burgers for Bully Ray next week. He yells at Ray about how he doesn’t have any sugar. He hopes that Bully Ray finds his imaginary balls before next week. How can Ray find imaginary balls? That’s for the scholars to decide. Steiner is tremendous. Ray says that 2 years ago he crushed Steiner’s trachea.
Parking Lot Street Fight
Kurt Angle .vs. Jeff Jarrett
A lot of the wrestlers are there cheering both guys on. It’s an interesting touch. Angle pretty much dominates the fight, until he lets Jarrett get up. Angle does drop Jarrett on the cement, which looked rough. Jarrett knocks Angle against the hood of a car, then tosses him into the grill of a van. Jeff screams that he founded this motherf*cker. He gives him a Stroke on the cement. Angle is out on the cement, until Jarrett walks away, then Angle just gets up. Angle drops him on the cement again. He Angle Slams him on the hood of the van, basically he just sets him on top of it, which looked funny. He then chokes Angle out. Ray says Jarrett never gave up. Angle walks off.
Winner: Kurt Angle? Maybe?
Final Thoughts
I find I need to put final thoughts in here, because if I didn’t like the final thing on Impact, invariably people think I hated the whole thing. So here’s a brief synopsis.
Every interview and segment was terrible. As usual.
Hernandez .vs. D-Von wasn’t bad, but it also wasn’t good. It was just there. I didn’t bother watching the Knockouts match. I did learn a new word though, so that was cool.
That main-event was just shit-awful. It was the worst match on the show unless you count the Knockouts. The World Champion lost to 2 moves. And again, THE CROWD DID NOT CARE. The parking lot brawl was what it was. I don’t know if that’s supposed to finish the feud that was supposed to be finished on Sunday, but I’m all for anything that gets Jarrett off my TV screen. I will say that having the wrestlers there cheering them on was a nice touch.
I’ll end this on a positive note.Joe .vs. RVD was great. The X-Division 3-way was above average. Those two matches alone are better than pretty much anything that’s been on Impact for most of this year. I’m not saying that this means that I’ve got a lot of hope for TNA now or anything. TNA always follows up a good show with absolute shit like a Gunner push that no one cares about. But hey, I saw a couple good matches. I’ll take what I can get.
Oh, and no Crimson. Impact gets major points for that. Dude is the future for sure.
This has been “That Being Said”.
