Welcome to “That Being Said”.
Interinactivity
Patrick Spohr: I do agree that Gunner sucks, but I think we can agree that he’s far from the only TNA up-and-comer with an astonishingly limited move-set. Second, the blame for the overworked ending to that match goes to creative and booking moreso than Gunner in my opinion.
Blair: I’m more than happy to admit that if Gunner is holding back some move-set that is the least bit above clotheslines and his F5, I’ll take everything back that I said about the guy sucking. Actually, I’ve heard from multiple sources that Gunner’s indy work is incredible. I haven’t seen it myself. But if that’s true, then the blame goes to TNA, again, for making him look as bland and as boring as humanly possible. Hey, maybe this week, Gunner with F5 someone! And then he can go “URGH, ROAR, HURT SOMEONE” again! That’s some intriguing character development there!
Patrick Spohr: The Sting/HH promo was okay (good intensity) until Stinger broke out the marker. When HH leaned into the frame with that red marker all over his face, I laughed pretty hard at that, though I don’t think that was the reaction TNA was looking for.
Blair: Before the marker, yeah, it would have been okay… IF the promo had been in front of the crowd. For me, having such an intense promo done backstage is a big part of what made it awkward. How many famous promos do you remember happening backstage? Also, a lot of it didn’t make a lot of sense.
Steven Gepp: The Slammiversary match between Angle and Jarrett was supposed to be “the final battleâ€. Now Angle is #1 contender and goes after Anderson (I’m typing that he’s champion again? why?) while Jarrett gets to fight his ego for whatever’s left of his sanity. Everyone’s happy, 6 months of fighting and all that is gone, over, yay! So why the hell are they fighting again? Come on, TNA defenders – why?
Blair: I actually didn’t mind what they did on Impact, even if the segment was a bit awkward. Jeff Jarrett had enough wins on Angle that it didn’t hurt to have Angle just kick the shit out of him in a parking lot for good measure. At least they didn’t drag it out until ANOTHER PPV. It’s TNA. I’ll take what I can get. Jeff Jarrett is off my TV for a while. Unfortunately, Double J is also now the AAA World Champion in Mexico. It’s just fucking unreal.
Iceman: Sting/Hogan confrontation was INTENSE! Any doubts as to why TNA keeps the Stonger around here was the answer. Oh and by the way several grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and typo’s in this column.Eric Bischoff was right about you guys “thay cnt speel vary gudâ€
Blair: Iceman. I’m not the problem. You’re the problem. You’re everyone’s problem. Because every time you go up in the air, you’re unsafe. I don’t like you because you’re dangerous. But, you’re right. TNA will probably get an Emmy for that Hogan and “Stong” segment. Stong should have done a Stonger Splish in Hogan’s office, that would have put it over the top. Also, Eric Bischoff is a genius whose success in TNA and WCW (despite getting dismissed multiple times from the latter) speaks for itself. So I guess I owe you an apology. You are still dangerous. But you can be my wingman anytime.
Also, why are you ragging on my spelling? I don’t make too many spelling mistak…
Mike Gojira: Blair, great job as usual. I do have one question for you: in the backstage segment with Aries, you mentioned “rederrick.â€Â WTF is “rederrickâ€? Did you mean “rhetoricâ€?
Blair: … dammit. I’m gonna need a beer to put these flames out.
CB: Blair you hit the nail on the head. TNA is tone deaf when it comes to listening to the crowd. Crimson and Gunner get NO reaction yet they get these big pushes, while others like Joe simply get shafted time and time again. Remember how Desmond Wolfe got the fan vote during their #1 Contender rankings phase and they just ignored it instead of running with it? Tone deaf…
Blair: Yeah, see, this isn’t surprising to me. It was bad enough before Hogan and Bischoff got there, but I knew they were in REAL trouble when Hogan turfed the six-sided ring despite everyone in the arena chanting “WE WANT SIX SIDES” right at him. Then he said he did it for the fans. Hogan would tell you he did his daughter’s best friend for the fans if he thought that’d buy him an instant of being anywhere near as respected as he once was.
CB: BUT… I think you are in the minority when it comes to Eric Young. After all, he is a TNA Original and he has done everything he’s been asked to do for ten years. He’s their version of Santino but he’s damn entertaining and actually can perform in the ring a LITTLE bit, enough to appreciate his whole gimmick. Maybe I just have a soft spot for EY because of the years he put in or because in 2006 he was one of my favorites in terms of entertainment value (DON’T FIRE ERIC was gold and way over with the crowd), but either way he is just not what’s wrong with TNA. He’s actually a small part of what’s right.
Blair: Yeah yeah, I know that EY is not what’s wrong with TNA. And to be fair to him, it’s not like HE’S the one writing the segments that he’s being asked to perform in. I get that. But remember that they DID give EY a main-event heel role when he was the leader of World Elite. That storyline was good, but that dude was not right for that role. Also part of what I have a hard time swallowing was how the guy didn’t stick up for himself when TNA tried to cut his pay, and he left. Then he tucked his tail and went back. Dude should have stuck to his guns, as while I may not be his biggest fan, he doesn’t deserve a pay cut, especially since guys at his level aren’t making that much to begin with.
Howard MacEachern: This has been said in various forms, but I felt the need to ask again – is there any particular reason why Gunner is getting this push? I fail to see the reason to have him pin both Sting and Anderson while they are/were champions (especially this being Andersons’ first match after winning the title.) He’s not even the number one contender. I could maybe understand pushing him as a title threat after Andersons’ first match with the actual number one contender, but giving him the wins here just takes focus away from who is and is not next in line for the title. Just a thought.
CB: The biggest difference (and there are plenty) betwen Sheamus and Crimson is that Sheamus had an immediate presence that just felt like he belonged. Also, thanks to a HUGE assist from Goldust in their ECW program (Sheamus’ test run if you will), he got way over as a heel and broke free from coming across as generic fairly quickly.
Ernie Lupica: To answer your question about why the crowd is silent for Crimson: Give it time. Allow Crimson to showcase more of his wrestling arsenal, give him better, more intense, Goldberg-esque music and then the crowd will slowly but surely fall for the trap, if you will. Like you said, Crimson did have a few people cheering for him in his match against Samoa Joe. All it takes is a few to start making a difference. The perfect example of this is Sheamus. WWE put Sheamus all over WWE universe and push this guy in the faces of WWE fans until they accepted the fact that this guy will be a main eventer. It’s like the WWE said to the fans, “you are going to watch him and you are going to pay to see him on the main event.â€Â The result? Sheamus is becoming a favorite WWE Superstar and he is turning into a legitamate main eventer. Give it time. Goldberg was not a hit in his first 5 months in WCW. It took time for him to become a star. Give Crimson at least 5 months. Gunner is new fresh face guy. Plus, the guy is a good talker and looks intense.
Blair: Sorry, Ernie. Fuck that noise. Gunner has said like 30 words on TNA TV, and I couldn’t tell you a single thing he said. The crowd was dead when he talked.
And in the case of Shaemus, it’s not like WWE had a bunch of guys underneath him that WWE fans WANTED to see that weren’t already at a higher level, except for Daniel Bryan. That’s a whole other can of worms of course, but is Shaemus REALLY what TNA should be shooting for? Last year, they guy won the belt like 2 months outside his ECW run, lost it, then fought Triple H in a mid-card match at WrestleMania a few months later. This year, the dude couldn’t even get on the ‘Mania card. Swagger had the same fall from grace. Next year, Miz and Del Rio will be as far down the card as those guys are today. And no, since you’re going to ask, the preshow or being a valet at ‘Mania doesn’t count. So yeah. I don’t see the whole Shaemus thing as some big success that anyone should be trying to duplicate. To say that TNA needs to find their Shaemus is silly.
I don’t claim to be able to book a wrestling show better than anyone running any wrestling company anywhere. But pushing guys is not fucking rocket science. I *HATE* the resistance to this concept. You think WWE didn’t try pushing The Ringmaster or Rocky Maivia down our throats? Of course they did. It didn’t work. They saw that it wasn’t working. So they stopped. Not everyone is going to hit the way they want them to. But the important thing was, they stopped. But they didn’t just move onto the next guys. They REPACKAGED Rock and Austin, and they took off. If they hadn’t, they’d have been gone. There’s nothing wrong with trying to repackage Crimson or Gunner and see if the crowd starts responding to them. Maybe it’ll work. I’m not saying TNA can’t give them another chance. I’m just saying what they’re doing with those guys right now isn’t working, and I’m also NOT saying that this is necessarily Crimson or Gunner’s fault. It could be. Or it could very well be TNA’s. Or most likely, some combination of the two. But, they got guys right now that the crowd WANTS to see, so I don’t get why they keep trying to repeatedly force a square peg through a round hole. WWE knows better, or at least they used to, which is why I can’t figure out the logic behind Shaemus / Del Rio / The Miz / Wade Barrett.
But even if I agreed with you on that, the bigger factor is that in the case of TNA, they got guys that the crowd ALREADY likes. I hate to keep using him as my example, as he’s not the only one, but I have to go back to Joe as he’s the one who took the loss to Crimson on Sunday. Then last week, he’s back in the ring, and the crowd loves him. And the crowd have loved him for years. They don’t give a shit about Crimson. So why the fuck bother? Why the fuck don’t they use someone who the crowd is already into? And don’t tell me it’s some individual problem with Joe either, because they do the same shit to AJ, Daniels, MCMG, tons of guys.
And you know what else, people blame Bischoff and Hogan for this shit that goes on with TNA guys. It’s not their fault, at least not entirely, as this was going on WAY before those two got there. This is just par the course. They push the TNA guys that people want to see aside for these wastes of time like Crimson, Gunner, Matt Morgan, Judas Mesias or X, and I could name a ton more, then no one buys into them, and they get fired or quit when TNA stop using them. Then repeat. Always repeat. Every time they expect it to be different. For a fan who’s seen this a bunch of times and absolutely can tell where it’s going before TNA even does, I compare it to being on the Titanic every signle day and being the only person who knows what is going to happen.
EWF_X29: Also had my favorite female wrestler of all time back on TNA. Miss Jacqueline.
Blair: As a manager, fine, but as a wrestler, Jackie is ridiculously over-rated, and her only memorable moment as such came when her tits popped out.
Incognito: Blair, I’d like to credit you with a good review this week. I liked the show more than you did but you didn’t go so over-the-top with the criticism.
Blair: I appreciate that. But, something tells me you’re only saying that because the show was actually a bit better last week. It’s probably going to suck again this week, which means there will be more to criticize, so does that mean you won’t find the review good again?
Incognito: Joe vs. RVD was really good, although I was a bit disappointed to see Joe lose (I usually am.) The BFG tourney-thing could be entertaining. Its nice to see them building for a show’s main event this early.
Blair: I don’t mind seeing anyone, Joe included, lose if they can at least have a really good showing, which I feel like Joe had last week. Good crowd support, he had a chance to get off a lot of moves that looked really good, and he came close to a win a couple separate times. I like the concept of the BFG tournament as well, but as with most things, it will be the follow-through that’s key.
Incognito: Oh, and I’d like to point out that to DC that no, Goldberg was not a huge deal after his first match against Hugh Morris. He got mediocre reactions and they actually piped in cheers the first few months to make him seem more over than he is. I’m surprised TNA hasn’t done this for Crimson, considering the show isn’t even live. I guess these days, with the internet playing a bigger role, there would be too big of a backlash once word got out, which wouldn’t take long. Crimson DID get a fairly big reaction when he debuted as Red’s brother to accept Jarrett’s open challenge, but I wouldn’t say he is anywhere near “Goldberg’s†level of overness and probably won’t be. I don’t think he’s as bad as some make him out to be, and he’s definitely better than Gunner, but he shouldn’t be beating guys like Joe at this point in his career. An undefeated streak would have been better played as a slow burn, with him beating lower card guys for awhile until the announcers could act like they just stumbled upon the fact that “This guy is 30 and 0!†and played it from there.
Blair: … and when no one cares about that, do they just dump him or job him out? I don’t mean that as an insult or anything, because I do think that would be better than what they’re doing now, but, it’s still going to come back to the same thing – that Crimson sucks.
Incognito: I like Eric Young, and he makes me laugh, but its cheap laughs and nothing really memorable. He’s solid in the ring and I see no reason to trash the guy, but I also can see why he would annoy the hell out of someone who didn’t think he was funny (like the effect Hornswaggle has on me.)
Blair: See, that’s the thing. I DON’T think that either he or anything they’ve given him has been the least bit funny. So yes, that’s why he annoys me. Hornswaggle annoys me too, although I will shamefully admit that the stuff that Hornswaggle did with DX is a guilty pleasure of mine.
Lionshare: It’s been a while since i saw ariess for the last time, it’s a shame he didnt make the cut in tough enough, would love to see him in the WEE. He’s flawless in the ring and has great personality in it.
Blair: Holy shit. Austin Aries got turned down from Tough Enough? That physically hurt to hear. Anyway, I agree that Aries is great, BUT remember that he’s got quite the reputation of being a complete dick backstage, which is reportedly what led to his previous troubles with TNA and ROH. I have no idea if that’s justified or not, but hopefully if it is, that stuff is behind him, because there’s not too many wrestlers I’d rather watch in the ring.
Lionshare: I guess we’ll have to see where gunner is headed now that he is endorsed by bischoff now, he could help him in the promo department, but im more worried about his development in the ring, because right now its just basic 101 wrestling.
Blair: Does anyone really want to see Bischoff being a manager of a bland heel wrestler who can’t talk on his own? Would that really improve it?
Mark Allen: I enjoyed the EY/Jason Hervey thing just cuz I’ve met Hervey and thought it was absurd in fun way.
Blair: I suppose if you had actually met someone in the segment, you could enjoy it on that level, in a sort of “wow, he agreed to this?” or a “is this really the only work that Jason Hervey could get?” or a “who the fuck is Jason Hervey?” sort of way.
Corey Yuen: I liked Slammiversary because it had a couple of very good matches like Gun Money vs British Invasion and Bully Ray vs AJ Styles was a fun brawl. I expected a great match between Jeff Jarrett and Kurt Angle and that’s what I got. Thses two have great chemistry and I think Jarrett/Angle is the best feud of 2011.
Blair: You had me, but you lost me at the Jarrett / Angle part. From what I saw, those two only had ONE good match, and it was not the one from Slammiversary. That’s just my opinion, mind you, but even the matches aside, it was FAR from the feud of 2011. It was all over the place. One second it was good serious, the next it was bad comedy, the next it was terrible serious, and the next no one could even tell what they were going for because it didn’t matter, because all that did matter is that it had been going on way too long.
Corey Yuen: Let me get this straight: You are knocking TNA for not holding on to Chyna and Mick Foley??????? HUH??? Don’t you complain that TNA has too many old guys, and gals on the roster and how they need to concentrate on younger, newer faces? They, in an unintentional great move, get rid of useless waste like Chyna and Mick Foley. That’s a great thing; neither was worth keeping around anymore. But somehow you are knocking them for not being able to “hang on†to them. Folks, you cannot make this up! Gunner is a pretty good talker. I was impressed with his back and forth with Mr.Anderson. And he was getting a reaction from the crowd.
Blair: No, I haven’t complained that TNA has too many old guys. You’re doing that thing where you attribute an opinion to me again. I’ve said that there is a place for the old guys, just not neccesarily in the ring. Also, “neither was worth keeping around ANYMORE”? They were there THERE WEEKS, Corey. Foley could have done some good on camera, albiet not in the ring. And I’m glad Chyna is gone. But that doesn’t mean it’s not hilarious that TNA couldn’t hang onto them, nor does it make it any less hilarious that TNA or their idiot marks pretend that TNA WANTED to get rid of them.
But, the icing on that cupcake of yours was that “unintentional great move” remark. Jader or ASGurl touched on it last week, but there is no such thing as an “unintentional great move”. An “unintentional great move” is falling asleep at the wheel and driving into a ditch when you would have driven off a cliff if you’d stayed awake.
MC Brown: Maybe I expected more or too much from RVD vs. Joe. I dunno. There seemed to be a couple of awkward spots that I’d attribute to maybe lack of chemistry. I do agree that most every segment outside of those two matches were either very forgettable, super odd or downright awful. Easily one of my least favorite Impacts in a while. If every show was like this or starts to resemble this show, I will retire from writing about it as it isn’t worth it. By two matches I obviously mean the X-Division and Joe/RVD.
Blair: When MC says that HE’S getting sick of Impact, that’s when you KNOW there’s a problem. Dude is more positive about this show than any regular person I know. It is disheartening to think that he might quit Impact before I do. Shit is gonna turn into Prison Break.
Everyone, thanks again for the comments. It’s time to watch some Impact. I see that the IWC is prematurely blowing it’s wad as usual after ONE show that had a COUPLE good matches on it, and they now expect that Impact will be awesome from now on and forever. They clearly have dropped their sense of pattern recognition behind the dryer. I’m certainly not getitng my hopes up based on ONE half-decent show with a couple good matches that they did last week, and neither should anyone else. Maybe we’ll be surprised, but I doubt it. We’re not breaking out of a Jamba Juice here, gentlemen.
“An Unintentional Great Move”
There’s TOO MANY BLUE FLAMES in your intro, TNA.
Bischoff and Jarrett are backstage. They babble about something. My sound was messed up. Ha, people thought that Jarrett was gonna be off the show. Someone told me that Bischoff told Jarrett he has to go to Mexico now.
Then Bischoff comes to the ring. He says Immortal is expanding since Fatt Lardy got suspended because he’s too busy tazering his brother to show up to events on time, Ric Flair is a fugitive, Double J somehow believes he can legally be deported because he got his ass kicked in a parking lot, and Hulk Hogan is hiding from The Ultimate Warrior. Sting comes out. He wants to turn Hulk Hogan back into a Jedi and away from Emperor Bischoff. Bischoff says that it won’t work, that Darth Hogan and him are 4life, and that the Death Star will be quite operational by the time Sting’s friends arrive. So Sting uses the force to kick his ass and Darth Maul’s his face.
Last week, AJ Styles, Matt Morgan and Gunner all got wins in the BFG series at house shows. AJ and Morgan both beat The Pope. Gunner beat AJ Styles. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I don’t care if Gunner has a fucking rocket launcher. He should never get near AJ Styles. Holy shit, that’s hilarious. However, to make it funny at least, they showed Gunner and all his charisma on his way backstage after that match, and whatever arena they were at made it look like Gunner won a swim meet.
BFG Series
Scott Steiner .vs. Bully Ray
If there are better promo guys in this company, I don’t know who they are. They trash talk each other the entire time, which was easily the highlight of the match. Forearms, kicks, punches are traded in the early-going. Steiner takes control after Ray complains that Steiner grabs him by the chain. He gives us some push-ups but then eats a boot by Ray. He drops an elbow and this gets him two consecutive two-counts. Then he drops another elbow and gets two more. Full nelson by Ray. Steiner powers out and they exchange right hands. Steinerline by Steiner. Kick by Ray, but Steiner gives him a T-Bone. Ray tries a charge, but takes out the ref. Belly-to-belly by Steiner. Steiner hits the recliner, and Ray taps, but there’s no ref. Steiner releases, to check on the ref, Ray grabs the chain, hits Steiner, as we re-live WWE heel wins from the 1990’s.
Winner: Bully Ray
Ray talks about how he just got 7 points. They show the scoreboard, I guess a lot of guys have 7 points already. AJ has 7 points too, which I don’t get, because losing to Gunner is like minus a million points.
Bischoff yells at Immortal, AKA Gunner and Abyss, to take out Sting. They say nothing and walk out. Gunner was INTENSE though, take my word for it. Bischoff wants pills. Anderson walks in. Bischoff says he put himself in harm’s way for Anderson. He’s trying to soften Sting Skywalker up for Boba Anderson. I guess. I don’t know why. It seems like they’ve done this before… like 2 months ago.
Backstage, Steiner has put his shades on and is yelling and trying to find Bully Ray.
Tonight, more X-Division guys will be facing off. I don’t know who any of them are. If it’s half as good as last week’s, then it will be 119% better than anything else that’s been on so far. THOSE NUMBERS DON’T LIE!
Velvet Sky & Miss Tessmacher .vs. ODB & Jaqueline
Velvet Sky says she’s tired of getting her ass kicked. She went to management and management said they could have a match with ODB and Jackie. She wanted it to be no-DQ. Management told her that it had to be a regular match since ODB and Jackie aren’t on the books. Sure, that makes sense. Miss Tessmacher should never be allowed to speak unless she’s saying “excuse me, that volcano is exploding”, her mouth needs to stay shut. Mike Tenay actually says “bring it, bitches!” during this match, which almost made this worth it. ODB and Jackie are dressed as the Hart Foundation.
Yeah, so this is a pretty lame brawl. There’s not much to tell you. They just kick the shit out of each other around ringside for a while, then they go to commercial. I swear to God I didn’t make that up. They went to commercial in the middle of THIS match. Also, they’re apparently re-making that terrible Ashton Kutcher movie already, with Justin Timberlake.
When we come back, Tess is getting her ass kicked verbally and physically by ODB and Jackie. What’s this fucking show rated, anyway? Anyway, about 3 seconds into the actual match, the whole thing breaks down when Velvet jumps off the apron and goes after Jackie. Then ODB and Jackie double-team Tess again. Tess hits a spear that’s better than the one that Crimson throws. Tag to Velvet, who cleans house for a while, until they all just start no-selling each other which is pretty funny. Also hearing ODB say “oh my GOD, you SUCK” as she got tackled by Tessmacher was pretty funny.
Then ODB grabs Hebner and they roll around the ring for some reason. Then Jackie kicks Velvet in the box and pins her.
Winners: The Hart Foundation
So, although I’m sure it doesn’t need to be said, anyone thinking that this show was on the upswing after one okay show last week… quite obviously, that isn’t happening.
During the commercials, they showed a HEARTBREAKING ad that is looking for donations for animal abuse. I donated, because animal abuse cuts through me like a dentist drill. It’s my kryptonite. They showed pictures of animals all beat up and shit. Anyone who beats up an animal should not be allowed to control their own limbs.
Tara is talking about beating up Madison Rayne at the next PPV. Madison comes up to her and offers her a last chance to get out of the match. Tara says no. Madison shoves her. So Tara picks her up, runs her into a wall, and calls yells BITCH at her. It’s like this show takes place in international waters or something.
Beer Money is backstage, they’re talking about how Roode is still hurt, and how they are a great tag team, but that they both want the World Title.
Now, Steiner is throwing scaffolding around Immortal’s locker room. They’re trying to calm him down. Bully Ray is trying to get him to listen for like 2 minutes, but Steiner can’t stop swearing. Ray wants Steiner to join Immortal. He says that Steiner has done the same thing to people that Ray did to him. Steiner immediately calms down and says he’ll think about it.
BFG Series
Beer Money .vs. Matt Morgan & Crimson
I do like how they’re building around this tournament, but wow, look at this fucking dream team right here. Another rock-star ovation for Crimson and Matt Morgan. Apparently it’s whoever gets the pin that wins the points in a tag-team match. Mike Tenay wants us to sign up for the free trial of the Impact Wrestling fantasy league. Free TRIAL?!?! That shit costs money?
Crimson punches and charges and shoulderblocks, before Roode jumps him and actually performs wrestling moves. Crimson doesn’t like this very much, so he just runs into Roode. You can’t confuse the guy like that. Storm tags in. Morgan tags in. Storm sticks with the winning strategy of doing wrestling moves, which the crowd likes, but Morgan has no idea what to do in a wrestling match. Morgan then does his retarded spinning clothesline and this gets him two. Crowd is dead with Morgan in control. RETARDED STANDING CORNER ELBOWS!!! HOW WILL STORM MAKE IT TO BFG?!?! Morgan tags Crimson, and people are chanting for Storm to get up. Not Crimson. Storm. Because no one cares about Crimson, for those of you just tuning in. Crimson hits a neckbreaker!!! Wow, that happened. He tags Morgan because he’s run out of moves. Morgan hits his sitout slam that gets him two. He tags Crimson because he’s run out of moves. So Crimson lays in some punches.
Roode hits the Carlito Backstabber, which I always thought was a very under-rated move. People are chanting for Storm to get to his corner. See? See? No one cares about Crimson or Morgan. Roode tags in, and hits a dropkick. Morgan misses his retard kick move, and eats some hard kicks to the legs by Roode. Flying forearm by Roode, then he knocks Crimson off the apron. Roode jumps into a chokeslam, but he reverses into the armbar until Crimson makes the save. Crimson never tagged. Double-suplex on Crimson by Beer Money. Morgan screams and clotheslines them both. KNEES in the corner by Morgan. Morgan eats a boot from Roode and hits a neckbreaker off the top rope, but Roode took way too long setting that up.
Storm gets Roode to back-drop him out of the ring onto Crimson. I like Beer Money, but that move seems Silly. Roode’s arm is in pain now. Morgan gives him the retard kick and pins.
Winners: Matt Morgan & Crimson
Matt Morgan is winning the BFG Tournament so far. I would be upset about this, but there’s a lot of tournament left to go.
Backstage, Abyss rips off Raven without paying proper royalties.
Earlier today, Eric Young is looking for Popeye.
AJ Styles hits the ring. Good reaction. Apparently AJ Styles has a huge announcement. AJ is awesome, and he’s gotten BETTER on the mic, but… there’s still something missing there. He says Destination-X is al all-X-Division PPV. AJ says he’s going home to the X-Division. Then he says they’re bringing back the six-sided ring. This gets a nice pop from the crowd. AJ says he takes pride in the X-Division, and he mentions Low-Ki, Jerry Lynn, and Elix Skipper.
Joe’s music hits, and he comes down. That dude had a baby boy today. Joe says that they have a lot to be excited about, and that AJ pioneered the X-Division, but that it wasn’t taken seriously until he showed up and destroyed everyone. For anyone who hasn’t seen it, Joe’s first year in TNA and his feud against the X-Division is AWESOME. Joe said he gave the X-Division it’s balls. Chants for Joe.
Joe gets cut off by Daniels, who comes out. I think I know where this is going. Daniels says they are the superior athletes in the company, which is true. He says they need to give the fans what they want, which is another match between Daniels and AJ. Joe is laughing at him. People are chanting “What About Joe?” which is cool. The crowd is really into this segment, more than anything else tonight anyway. Daniels asks AJ if he’s in, AJ looks hesitant, but then agrees to it. Joe is not happy.
Backstage after the ad, Kaz is asking Daniels what he was thinking about not including Joe. Daniels says that the best match that could main-event the PPV is AJ and Daniels. He walks off. Joe comes up to Kaz and says that he had no idea that they filmed “The Real Housewives of Fortune” in this studio. Ha, that’s funny. He says he hopes the girls can get back on the same page, but Kaz threatens to slap him. Joe grabs him and throws him into a wall. Lot of structural damage to that building going down tonight.
Destination X Tournament
Zema Ion .vs. Federico Palacios .vs. Dakota Darsow
I’ve never seen any of these dudes before, ever, although Dakota does look somewhat familiar. Someone in here is Repo Man’s kid. Shit starts fast, and I’m having a hard time identifying everyone. I’m guessing the crowd is too, either that or just that they weren’t that into this match. They tried, they brought out some claps and stuff. But something was missing. The fact that the crowd does not know these guys didn’t help. Darsow did eat a RIDICULOUS dropkick from Zema. Crazy suicide dive by Frederico. Zema does this CRAZY fucking corkscrew from the top rope to the floor. Wigger is insane. Nice moonsault from Darson, and he pins, but Federico hits a DOUBLE STOMP WHILE the dude is pinning. That was nuts. Crowd is a little more into it now. Federico gets pushed to the floor from the top rope, and Zema hits the Even Bourne 450 for the win.
Winner: Zema Ion
Match was okay, a bit less of a spotfest than last week’s X-Match, and it had a bit more time (I think) but it still fell short of last week’s match in my eyes, as last week’s spots seemed to mean a bit more. Great effort from all the dudes involved though, it’s not their fault no one knows who they are.
Backstage, Rob Van Dam is talking about the BFG Tournament when Jerry Lynn walks in. Wow, really? Awesome. Van Dam is surprised. Mike Tenay calls no attention to this, he is more interested in a Knockouts Falls Count Anywhere match that is happening next. Fuck, MORE Knockouts?
During the commercial, they ran the first Destination-X commercial that I’ve seen thus far. They’re sure setting these X-Division guys up for success.
Falls Count Anywhere
Mickie James .vs. Winter
This match started during the commercials… in the locker room. Winter is kicking Mickie around and whipping her. The ref is asking Mickie if she gives up. Is this an “I Quit” match? What the fuck? Then Winter chokes her. Now they’re out in the arena. Mickie gives Winter a Thesz Press off some platform thing that’s lower than the second rope. They roll down the ramp together, as we relive ECW circa whenever. ONE GUY is chanting for Mickie, which is funny. Mickie does launch her arms off the guardrail to hit a hurricanrana on Winter, which was kinda neat. Mickie hits a dropkick off the top rope.
Hebner is distracted. Angelina comes in and hits a fucking STIFF backbreaker thing. Okay, maybe it wasn’t stiff, but it LOOKED stiff. Good move, terrible finish. Again.
Winner: Winter
I’m going to go ahead and ask your guys’ opinions on whether or not there was a reason to distract the ref. It was Falls-Count-Anywhere, which, I’m sure some TNA mark is going to point out is NOT No-DQ… except that they were beating each other up with weapons. So, yeah. You make the call.
Sting .vs. Abyss
Thanks to the Knockouts, these two assholes now have about negative 8 minutes to work this match. Say what you will about Sting, that dude still gets some of the most solid crowd reactions that TNA has going right now. He got a bigger pop than the X guys. See? I might not agree with that. But it happened. So I said it. I meant it. I’m here to represent it.
Sting jumps Abyss and hits some strikes and some clotheslines. Kicks into the corner. Clothesline to the floor by Sting. Abyss ducks a strike and Sting’s arm hits the post. Clubbing blows by Abyss. Chants for Sting. Abyss hits a charge into the corner that is 10 times better than Matt Morgan’s. Mega boo’s for Abyss. Sting mounts a comeback, but eats a clothesline. 2-count. Abyss goes for his book, which he opens up and reads from. Sting gets up, and Abyss kicks him in the leg and continues to read. Okay, that’s pretty funny.
He continues to read, then brings out a glove encased in barbed wire. That’s in Art Of War? I’ve read that, and I didn’t see that in there anywhere. Abyss swings at Sting, but Sting is dodging him. Sting hits a couple clotheslines, then a Stinger Splash in the corner followed by the Scorpion Death Drop. 2-count! Didn’t see that coming. Sting puts on the Barbwire Glove. He hits Abyss with it, causing a DQ.
Winner By Disqualification: Abyss
Sting keeps beating on Abyss after the bell. Anderson comes out. Sting looks at him while he bludgeons Abyss. Show over.
Final Thoughts
Well, Impact was awful, yet again, as expected, aside from that X-Match and the reactions that AJ, Daniels and Joe got, yet again, as expected. But I have to say, I am looking absurdly forward to that Destination X PPV. However, it’s not like they’ve run a lot of promotion for it. So I’m guessing it won’t do all that well. Then, they can blame AJ, Daniels and Joe and be all “see, told you so” even though the failure of that PPV will not be their fault, and even though it will likely be one of the better PPV’s any company has run all year.
Before I go… Ring Of Honor’s “Best In The World” iPPV is this weekend. Homicide is there. Daniels is there. Lethal is there. Main event should be ridiculously good. 15 bucks. I know most of you will never order it. But, the matches you’ll see there are way better than ANY TNA matches you’ll see this year, at least possibly aside from this X-Division PPV. But I haven’t known anyone to order an ROH show and not get their money’s worth. If you prefer to see Crimson and Matt Morgan axe-handling each other to death, that’s cool too. I’m just saying.
This has been “That Being Said’. Thanks for reading, and have a great weekend.
