Interinactivity: July 28th, 2011 – John Cena, The Hardys, Fixing TNA, And More

Welcome to “Interinactivity”. Let’s jump right in with both feet, shall we?

Owangotang: Regarding MITB I cannot agree with your assessment. Yes the main event was a uniquely great moment in wrestling history but the rest of the event was not forgettable. What about: Sheamus’ face pop for breaking SinCara in half? Daniel Bryan winning MITB? Miz sprinting back to the ring on one leg and desperately scrambling up the ladder? Orton’s “Hacksaw Duggan” face before giving Christian a second RKO on the Spanish announce table?

Blair: Orton’s face wasn’t forgettable? This has been done before. Many times. Don’t remember it being done before? That’s because it was forgettable, which is exactly my point. Also, Miz crawling to the ring on his leg means Miz wasn’t really all that hurt, so I don’t think that was a big deal at all. Shaemus didn’t get a pop. The bump itself got a pop, and deservedly so, as it was a good one. The MITB matches in general were spotfests for the sake of being spotfests. They had good stuff, yeah, but it was just spot after spot after spot, with no progression to them, and that just sort of implies that winning the match is nothing but blind luck and not who the best wrestler in there is. That’s my issue with all MITB matches to begin with. Having a few good bumps ALONE doesn’t make a good match. In my opinion.

Where you do have a point is Daniel Bryan winning his MITB. That surprised me quite a bit. And I’ll give you this – the PPV was better than most any show that WWE or TNA have done in the last couple years, in much the same way Destination X was. And in that exact same way, will MITB change anything in terms of how boring WWE has become? I’ve yet to see any evidence of that. And that’s the important part. Same with TNA.

Kon: My question (and it’s more for the readers, but you can get the ball rolling too, Blair) is this: Why does the same blogging community (myself included) that holds the opinion that WWE is bland as fuck & TNA is just trash also talk about nothing but WWE & TNA? Be it news, gossip, pics of their wrestlers on a fucking roller-coaster… if it’s so fucking bad, why aren’t they spending time promoting ROH, CZW, Chikara, JCW or any of the other Indy promotions?

Blair: The short answer is that WWE and TNA is all that’s in front of them. No one else is on TV, and no one else, at least to my knowledge, is offering traditional PPV’s. Not everyone is going to have the patience to seek out ROH, CZW, DGUSA, or whatever else, and, in some people’s opinions, if those guys don’t have TV, they must be crap. I don’t agree with that, but I think that’s a popular notion among wrestling fans.

Kon: Why is it that people only found out IWA Mid-South was closed in articles titled “former ECW wrestler now working at Taco Bell”?

Blair: Mostly because the majority of indy promotions out there, such as IWA Mid-South, much like it’s owner, was total garbage. Ian Rotten will be found the victim of a mob hit at some point. Like Dino Bravo.

ASGurl: Who has a stronger roster – WWE or TNA?

Blair:  TNA. Hands. Fucking Down. That’s just my opinion. I’m sure a ton of people will disagree with that. But I don’t actually think that WWE has a lot of guys, maybe 4 or 5, that people ACTUALLY care about, or would be upset about whether they’re on the show or not. TNA has a TON of guys that people actually want to see, but right now, they’re using them to job to guys that people don’t care about one way or the other, or just throwing them in a division that is booked as inferior. If the question was who utilizes their roster more properly, it would be closer, because neither are doing all that solidly right now in that area.

CB: While TNA might’ve had a better roster at certain points, they’ve had NO IDEA how to use it properly most of the time. WWE, meanwhile, doesn’t need the better roster, since they have the better mechanisms by which to promote their roster: more viewers, more programming, better production values, etc.

Blair: TNA still has a better roster, and they have had a better roster at MOST points. And amount of programming and production values have nothing to do with why more people watch WWE. More people watch WWE because it’s proven to suck a lot less than TNA does. Not that WWE is all that great, but so far TNA has never been better than WWE at any point in it’s history. They’ve been close, in my opinion, a couple times, back in 2005 or 2006 or so, but they always end up fucking it over in the end. TNA will tell you otherwise. Shit, I’m sure they genuinely believe it themselves, but they’re notoriously self-deluded. And it’s not that they’ve never had the potential to be better than WWE, because at most points in their history, they have had the POTENTIAL. When I look back on TNA, that’s what sucks the most about it – the sheer amount of wasted potential.

Joseph Hargrove: Who has the dumbest storylines, WWE or TNA?

Blair: Is that a trick question?

CB: my question for you this week Blair is: Who choked more, TNA against WWE after moving to Monday nights, or the US Women’s soccer team against Japan?

Blair: The US Women’s Soccer Team choked more. If they had shown the kind of balls that it takes to debut Ken Anderson, The Nasty Boys, Val Venis, Shannon Moore, Orlando Jordan, and Bubba The Love Sponge all in one night AND call that a win, they might have done better against Japan.

Joe: Good stuff, Blair. So my question: with CM Punk hotter than the insides of a freshly cooked Hot Pocket and being deemed the best at everything….as awesome as he is on the mic, who do you think is the worst active and worst all time on the mic? I’m not talking about John Morrison bad where they just cannot speak effectively and in turn are not given much mic time, but someone who does get the mic quite a bit but just grinds your gears? I have a hard, hard time making it through Orton’s droll promos and always found Zybysko just brutal. Wait….was he really a legit superstar? Yeah? For real? So who’s your picks?

Blair: Larry Zybysko – horrible wrestler, GREAT commentator. I always thought so, anyway. As far as the worst active wrestler on the mic currently? I’m tempted to say Ken Anderson or John Cena. All Cena’s promos are so superhero-y and embarrassing, and Ken Anderson thinks that he’s funny, and that yelling makes him good. But truthfully, I think Matt Morgan might be the absolute worst for my money. He sounds like an 8-year old girl talking about why she’s the best at hopscotch even though she quite often botches her hopscotch moves, and his promos consist of him explaining to himself and to others the storyline he is involved in, in case he or anyone else should forget. Kendrick is a close second. As far as the worst of all time goes, that’s a hole with no bottom, but I’m going with Dean Malenko or Lance Storm.

Michael: Cena does need to be turned heel somewhat. Basically, they need to do a similar split-alignment that what they did with Bret Hart. This one, however, is basically face to the families and kids, heel to the “real wrestling fans”/smarks/IWC/whateveryourwanttocallit. Basically, he could even use the Chain Gang Soldier motif and play off his promo with The Rock when he told him to take Team Bring It and shine it up nice and stick it up _HIS_ Candy Ass… “If you have Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect for me and what I do, we are together in all this. If you don’t…”

Blair: Maybe the lines aren’t as firmly divided as you say, but hasn’t he already sort of done this? I’m not entirely sure that JUST turning him heel is going to do the trick. I mean, it couldn’t hurt, but will it really fix the problem? Wouldn’t he basically cut the same promos that he does now? Would his matches still be the exact same? I don’t know, it could work.

Cena has always bored the shit out of me, so I don’t much care what happens to him, but I do think the guy works hard and I understand that WWE wants to continue to make a return on something they’ve invested so much in. I think a far better idea for WWE is to have Cena take a couple years off, and let WWE put him on the wrestling equivalent of a network holding deal. It will allow for the fans to have a break from his character, then they can bring some new guys to the top tier of WWE without having to job Cena out to them, then they can bring Cena back down the road, different or the same, to feud with whoever’s on top then. It would create some suspense as to whether Cena can beat the new kids on the block, plus, I’m sure Cena would LOVE some time off. If he gets bored, I’m sure Vince would love to put him in some more straight-to-the-car-wash-DVD-bin movies.

CB: I will say this: By the end of Raw Monday night, ALL of the fans were actually rallying behind Cena, for the first time in over a year. So maybe the end-game of Punk – Cena – Vince was to change people’s perspective of Cena from a company shill to his own man. But even with that, I do agree his character needs more layers than what has been presented since he became Super Cena. I also still HATE that he singlehandedly brought down the original Nexus when Nexus should have lasted longer and been stronger.

Blair: NEXUS?!?! I consider you guys to be some of the smartest fans that I know, which is why I was surprised to find that in there. Are you serious? The original storyline premise was okay enough, until they botched it like 2 weeks later. More importantly, those guys were horrible. All of them. Each and every one. No exceptions. Except Daniel Bryan, and he was kicked out after his first week, which is about the time the whole angle tanked, so I don’t count him. I don’t even totally blame the guys involved, because it’s not like they’d been field tested for that level.

I don’t even remember all of the guys, but from the Nexus members I remember, Wade Barrett could very generously be described as awful, and Wade Barrett was also the best guy in there. There was a redheaded dude who looked like someone left Pippy Longstocking in the microwave for twenty minutes too long, and a South African that the IWC jerked off to because he did one cool move. I seem to remember a big bald loser in there somewhere who had the agility of Giant Gonzales, eyes the size of dinner plates, and a spinning clothesline that would have made Matt Morgan proud. And David Otunga – a monkey with a stick wedged up it’s ass coming out it’s throat in it’s final death twitches could hit a bigger variety of moves more often than Otunga, AND could cut a better promo.

Regarding RAW, I didn’t watch, but kids always chant for Cena, and this is nothing new. They also chanted that Cena sucks. And they chanted for CM Punk. And yeah, once the angle started to spin out of control, they tried to make it more about Cena, with having him ask for the match against Punk and knocking out Johnny Ace. But this also is nothing new. Cena does this all the time, and it’s old and tired and boring. It sounds like they’re trying to give the whole show a new direction somehow, and it’s not entirely clear as to what that direction is, or whether it will involve anything new for Cena. I’m certainly not curious enough to watch, but it’ll be interesting to see what they do.

Michael L: I think it’s the fact that Cena’s been playing the same character for the last six years, without much of a change. He’s the plucky babyface who manages to overcome all odds–eventually. He’s a decent in-ring worker, although he needs better talent to have a classic match (HHH, HBK, Punk), but aside from the kiddies, who are excited by just about anything, the real wrestling fans are bored with his Jericho meets Rock meets the Marine schtick. The sad thing is that we know Cena can do better, but since the WWE is usually about playing it safe, we haven’t seen it out of Cena aside from a few flashes here and there.

Blair: Truthfully, I don’t know that Cena CAN do better with his matches. And I think WWE might be okay with that. It’s not that he’s not trying. His promos, sure, he can do better, but I’m sure it’s not actually him writing the promos. Your comment made me realize that when I was listing Cena’s best matches last week, I forgot to include his two big matches against Jericho. Anyway, yeah, Cena can do okay if he’s against several select few people, but I don’t think that makes him a decent worker. And of course people are bored with his character. Kevin Nash said once on a shoot DVD that he knows that in his heart of hearts, Vince McMahon still believes that people want to see his main guy come out carrying the American flag. It’s a totally outdated concept, and has been for a long time. I find this to be an extremely accurate statement, even just looking at John Cena and no one else.

Everyone always wonders what WWE is “going to do” about John Cena. Isn’t it possible they’ll just do absolutely nothing “about him” and keep things the way they are? It’s not as though it hasn’t been successful, no matter how many of us are bored to tears by it.

CB: Sin Cara was in Mexico trying to clear his name, saying he failed a test based on his knee medication. He also said he hasn’t met with WWE management yet about his future. However, some people think he’s going to be done, mainly because he doesn’t have the history and good will built up that Mysterio had.

Blair: You mean WWE fans won’t get to see him lose to Shaemus anymore? What a tragedy.

Foxxxy: Great point about the shelf life of top performers not being as long as in Hogans era. However, I don’t believe it is the audience’s attention span growing shorter. I believe it is an overexposure of the product. When I was a kid I got to see hogan wrestle on tv about 6 times a year. Back then there were only 4 ppvs a year. (the big 4 today) and a couple Saturday Night Main Events. Out of those 6 2 are gimmick matches Survivor Series and Royal Rumble. Saturday night Main Event would often be a tag match. Even some of the other ppv’s were tag matches for that matter. Summerslam match made in Heaven Match made in Hell comes to mind. Compare that to Cena being in 12 ppvs a year and on Raw every week. In ppv matches alone thats 3 years worth of Hogan era matches.

Blair: This is a good point, and that could work. However, can they just fill RAW with whoever Cena is going to be facing and the mid-card in this day and age? I would certainly help strengthen the mid-card if half an hour of the show wasn’t dedicated to whatever Cena was involved in, but are people buying into Cena enough that they’d purchase a PPV to see him on it? During wrestling’s last boom period, Austin and Rock were on the show pretty much every week. I’d be interested to hear other people’s opinions on whether this would work. Thanks for posting this.

Sideshowbob: I think you hit it on the head. You NEEEEVER saw Hogan wrestle except PPV or Sat Night Main Event. Or it was a total squash. Or a tag. But hardly ever a big 1 on 1 match. If you wanted that, you had to buy your ticket to a house show or order a ppv. Sure he’d come on for a prerecorded interview or commercial to shill his merch, but it took along time burn out that way… For petes sake, even Hogan vs Cowboy Bob Orton got the SNME treatment… That would be like letting Cena vs JTG headline Summerslam these days.. I think each week someone should add up the total amount of time each individual is on our screens…

Blair: That’s kind of my point. What kind of person is going to pay for Cena .vs. JTG? Who the fuck is JTG, anyway? And IS Cena actually a Hulk Hogan equivalent? I don’t think he is. I think they’d LIKE him to be. But he’s not. That’s what I’m trying to get at.

Sideshowbob: Also, and if I’m wrong someone will correct me I’m sure… The old WWF programming RARELY used authority figures. Sure Jack ‘on the take’ Tunney would make some appearances during Tues in TX thru Royal Rumble… Digitizing Flairs belt.. Oh and the Jake/Randy cobra stuff. But prior to that, people didn’t get ‘fired’. The term ‘contract’ was never used… Authority figures came to prominence and pretty much ruined the idea of ‘work hard and get a shot’… The Evil Boss routine has also grown beyond old and Teddy Longs ‘gonna shaft the bad guys playa’ routine ran its course as well… But was the Roberts & Savage timeframe the first time they had people get ‘suspended’ for their actions? Prior to that window (which was all within roughly a year) did they run ‘suspended’ or ‘fired’ angles? Maybe a loser leaves town as a goodbye match, but that really seemed to be it “from my recollection”… But my memory is NOT very good… Anyone?

Blair:  My memory isn’t the best either, but I don’t think they ran “suspended” or “fired” angles almost at all in WWE or WCW back in the day.  The problem with that is, once you introduce an authority figure in wrestling, it becomes very hard to take it away. However, much like Hogan and Bischoff in TNA, I believe you can have it be present on the show without it being the main premise of the show or a storyline itself.

Jader: Nice work yet again BD – question for next week – do you think WWE is a racist organization with how its mostly white people on top for most all the time?
Blair: Yes. No elaboration should be needed there. The answer is just yes.

DL Butcher: Well I read a lot of negative stuff on TNA, but wonder if some of these experts were booking TNA, what would they do to improve it. I mean REALLY improve it! I just think it is a waste of time to complain about a problem and not offer opinions that fix it. Would get a kick from a serious wrestling fan’s perspective. So if anyone wants to be a smartass, then nevermind…

Blair: I think that people have offered lots of opinions on how to fix TNA, it’s just that a lot of those opinions tend to be similar, so you won’t hear them repeated all that often. There are a couple questions regarding that issue for this week, so being that your question tends to lean more towards a singular idea that one would think could help, I would just say that TNA’s biggest issue is that they try to push guys that people don’t care about when they already have a big handful of guys that people DO care about. And when that doesn’t work, they scratch their heads and can’t figure out what they’re doing wrong. Gunner and Crimson are perfect examples. They hot-shotted Gunner over AJ and Sting, in one move, cleanly, for no reason at all. The guy had (and has) NO crowd. There is no debate to be had here. It’s not up for discussion. He doesn’t. At all. Period. Sorry. So when they finally realize that Gunner is worth absolutely nothing (at least with his current formula and character), they’ll push him down the card and eventually off the show. Aside from being a huge waste of airtime, money, and fan interest, the bigger issue is that the damage will already be done to guys like AJ and Sting.

The other glaring issue is their lack of consistency. They say wrestling matters, then a week later they have less than 25% of their show be wrestling matches, and the matches they do have are 3 minutes long. The entire show is a fucking swarm of bees. They say that Fortune is going to take on Immortal, then two weeks later the whole thing is forgotten about. They have a Winter show up as a ghost in a mirror, then she’s real, then she’s drugging Angelina, then she’s from the past, then she’s not drugging Angelina anymore, then the whole thing is forgotten about and Angelina breaks away from her. January 4th of last year, after AJ and Angle had a MOTY candidate, and the only passable segment on the show, Hogan came out and said that stuff like this was what we could expect to see on Impact. As we now know, that never happened on Impact ever again. Stuff like that – failing to deliver on what they promise – is their biggest detriment and it needs to stop. Fans have less patience for that stuff than they think.

Cynical Bastard: How to improve TNA is very simple, and it’s been talked about by others plenty of times. I haven’t watched with any consistency since they went from weekly PPV(!) to a cable show, but I’ve followed the recaps and skimmed the Monday Night… um… not “Wars”… is there a term I’m unaware of that means ‘a squad of well-armed and trained soldiers pistol-whipping a dozen paraplegic midgets?’

Blair: That’s fucking funny.

Cynical Bastard: No? Well, anyway, here are the bullet points:

-Fire Hogan.
Blair: They don’t need to fire Hogan. I’m not saying they NEED him or anything, they just need to find a good place for him on the show. Whatever that place is, it just doesn’t involve him in ANY main storylines, or anywhere near a wrestling match at any point for any reason. Have him do some promotion for the events. Have him sign some autographs and meet some fans. Do some appearances. Whatever. THAT would actually create some value for TNA.

-Have Sting drop the belt to someone with some talent (AJ would be my pick) after an extended feud and then let his contract run out. Maybe have a career match to put a second person over. Then don’t have him back on again as a wrestler.
Blair: Solid plan. I bet even Sting would be on board with that.

-Fire the writers. Magic HOF rings? Drug zombies? No.
Blair: Solid plan. I bet even everyone in the world would be on board with that.

-Fire Flair.
Blair: See “Fire Hogan.”

-If you’re going to insist on hiring WWE castoffs, then make it clear to them they they’ll be midcarders at best, and probably enhancement talent. Seriously. If they could get a WWE contract they’d ditch your company in a heartbeat. They can’t, so you have them over a barrel. Use them to build up your homegrown talent instead of the reverse.
Blair: This is the ONLY REASON that TNA should ever hire WWE Castoffs like Matt Morgan and Ken Anderson. Guys that left on their own are a different story. The other important thing I’d have included is that these should only be short-term contracts. 6 months to a year at most is more than enough time to put over TNA homegrown talent. If at some point you realize that the extremely rare castoff actually has value that WWE didn’t pick up on, 6 months to a year is more than enough time to pick up on this, then you can keep them if they’re ACTUALLY worth something.

-Go back to the product that got you a TV contract in the first place. If you had a stable, watchable product then you’d be able to continue the growth you were having instead of driving your fanbase away screaming and clawing at their own eyes.
Blair: This would require firing or clandestinely killing over half the roster and backstage staff.

-Fire Jeff Hardy. There are probably more things but since I admittedly only read recaps I don’t actually have them branded into my mind.
Blair: Only keep Jeff Hardy if he’s clea… oh yeah. Yeah, fire that dude. Don’t worry, fat girls on Jeff Hardy’s message board, someone will take care of him. Like the state. Or the police. Maybe his wife will pick up some slack.

Kon: Push people who need it & don’t give away the ending of your matches. That’s kinda “Booking 101″ i guess, but maybe (TNA will) learn from their mistakes.

Blair: No, they won’t.

DL Butcher: I feel TNA could make a go of it, if. If they stayed to the wrestlers mainstay fans tuned in to see in the first place. I agree that most former WWE talent should be enhancement talent. There could be a few that might break through with new gimmicks. I think they should start testing fan reaction ala WWE at their house shows to work out the kinks before turning the new gimmick loose on television.If you are gonna steal anything from WWE, it should definitely be that type of talent producing structure. The WWE might not always win doing that, but at least they weed out the really horrid stuff. Well maybe not all of it. I also think they should always work with a strong B plan that is adjusted routinely to their placement within storyline progression.
most important is build Joe, AJ and the rest of Fourtune as the top tiers of the promotion. As much as an old school fan as I am ( I remember wrestling before there ever was a Stinger and even when hogan was still AWA)these guys are not doing much but taking up TV time. Well again thanks for the honest non @$$hole replies..

Blair: You forgot to add “used to”. WWE USED TO be good at this. In the past few years, they’ve been terrible at it. Which is why we have The Miz, Alberto Del Rio, Shaemus, Wade Barrett, Alex Riley, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, and Cody Rhodes. Although, if they just wanted to do that old thing where they build guys up fast just to have them lose to Cena or Orton, then drop them down the card, then mission accomplished I guess. It worked in the 80’s and early 90’s.

Kon: I’d make Hogan v Sting be the last TNA Title match ever & drop the belt in favour of the x-division title. Not only would it set TNA apart from WWE, but it’d also stop all of us calling it TNA when they seem to want to be called Impact Wrestling (yet refuse to drop the logo). It’ll never happen though.

Blair: THIS… is just a fucking…

… brilliant idea.

But yeah. It’ll never happen.

Mike Gojira: There is no reason AT ALL for Sting vs Hogan to be a title match. You want to make it a marquee match at a PPV? Fine; it’ll draw in some eyeballs. However, neither man has any business getting involved in the title scene. It’s insulting to guys like AJ Styles and Samoa Joe.
Blair: Say what? Sting is already in the title scene. He HAS the fucking belt. Also, have you watched TNA at any time in the last 5 years? You actually believe they care about being insulting to guys like AJ Styles and Samoa Joe?

MC Brown: Since this is Interactivity, if you were given temporary control over TNA and were given 5 moves you could make to help either turn a profit or just entertain you as a fan going forward, what would be your first 5 or top 5 moves you would make either from a roster management or booking standpoint?

Swayze: Simple.
Step 1) Make all the wrestlers sign an insurance form on their life or be released. Most will have to do it.
Step 2) Book a show in a very mountainous area.
Step 3) Have the pilot parachute out as the plane is veering into a mountain.
Step 4) Look sad for the news.
Step 5) PROFIT!!!

Blair: MC Brown, my old nemesis. I’m going to try to take a stab at this WITHOUT killing the whole roster and committing insurance fraud.

Move 1) Fire the Knockouts. Yes, all of them. The idea that anyone watches wrestling for girls or for sex is a completely outdated concept. Or, better yet, create a separate show for them. I guarantee a network like Spike would love to pick it up.

Move 2) Bischoff, Russo, Dixie, Jarrett, and whoever else that has any kind of current creative control needs to be completely removed from that process. They’ve had their chance and have succeeded in absolutely nothing. Nothing has changed, and they’re worse off now than when they started. That’s all there is to it.

Move 3) Take everyone who the fans don’t care about, and this means Jeff Jarrett, Ken Anderson, Matt Morgan, Crimson, Gunner, and others, and spend 6 months having them do nothing but put over people who the fans DO care about, and this means Kurt Angle, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Samoa Joe, Rob Van Dam, and others. Then get rid of all of them. I know they can’t get rid of Jarrett, but keep him away from the ring, the booking, the cameras, and see how close you can get him to knives and fire as much as possible, as often as possible.

Move 4) When this is over, take the remaining guys who are clearly past their primes and who can no longer provide any long-term gain, (Flair, The Hardys, Steiner, Bully Ray, D-Von, and more. Not Hogan, as getting in the ring is too dangerous for him, but he can manage the stable maybe?) then turn them heel, and put them all in a stable of guys with the premise being that they believe they are better than TNA originals, because they were in WWE. Most of these guys have hit almost all the home runs they’re ever going to hit, and this is the only REAL value they have left. Have Sting lead or manage the TNA originals stable. Spend the next year on the two factions warring, with Kurt Angle and Rob Van Dam teasing what side they’re on, eventually side them with the TNA originals, who come out on top.

Move 5) Have Kurt Angle, Sting and Rob Van Dam enter programs with AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, and Christopher Daniels. Have AJ, Joe and Daniels eventually come out on top. In the meantime, they can elevate more of the undercard like Shelley, Sabin, Aries, Ki, Beer Money, etc. While they’re at it they can bring back Homicide, Jay Lethal, Petey Williams and Elix Skipper.

So in a year and a half, they’ll be where they need to be to move forward.

James Alsop: comrade, what are your opinions on Matt and Jeff Hardy? Specifically, do you think that those likely lads are worth anything to anyone now? I did think perhaps a move to ROH might be a prudent manoeuvre… Given all of the negativity surrounding the pair from internet fans, they would certainly draw immense heat as a heel tag team, and could match up very well against Haas and Benjamin (which would be a feud that I don’t THINK has ever happened before). Wait, no, a cheeky YouTube search just revealed that the Hardys and The World’s Greatest Tag Team mixed it up at One Night Stand 2007. My apologies. Still… that was four years ago, and I can’t have been the only one to forget all about it.

Blair: Matt and Jeff Hardy have both been to Ring Of Honor. Matt in 2005. Jeff in 2002.

They won’t be going back.

The ROH fans ate them alive.

It was hilarious.

Matt tried everything he could to suck up to that crowd. They weren’t having any of it. None. Jeff didn’t even try to suck up, because he was dumb enough to go out there with his silly Whillow Th’ Whisp costume, and he knew he was screwed. It was partly because they’re both self-trained, which a lot of ROH fans hate, and with Matt, it was partly because he’d already gone back to WWE after whining and complaining about them to anyone who would listen after Edge and Lita cuckolded him. Ring Of Honor fans are NOTORIOUSLY fucking snobby over shit like that. A lot of them are okay, but a lot of them are mutants.

Regarding their overall worth to the wrestling world, I would say that presently, their value is approximately negative twenty billion dollars. If Jeff Hardy gets clean, he has some value still, because he appeals to a segment of the audience that likes to be all different and goth and emo and Twilight or whatever the fuck it’s called these days. I’m not a Hardy fan, and I think they could easily have gotten someone who is less of a waste to appeal to that crowd, but just ask Vince McMahon – Jeff Hardy made Vince a LOT of money over his second run, especially during his year with and chasing the title. Could you re-create that after his legal troubles and diminished value? Maybe. Do a comeback story about it. But not in TNA.

Matt Hardy? Fuck that dude. He’s an idiot. He’s been riding his brother for years, in a metaphorical (although I wouldn’t be surprised if also literal) sense. When he was trying to get fired by WWE, he went on YouTube talking about how he was rich, and about how he was trying to lose weight while he was eating grapes. So he was talking about losing weight while eating food. Then he went to TNA to INVIGORATE HIS PASSION FOR PRO WRESTLING! So in other words, he went there, slogged ass, garnered TNA absolutely nothing in the process, took credit for stuff that had nothing to do with him whatsoever, then stopped showing up on time and got suspended 3 months later. Jeff Hardy basically did the exact same thing over a longer period of time, but replace “showing up late” with “showing up drunk and stoned off his fucking gourd”, although at least Jeff coming to TNA was actually news, as he had actually been a main-event success at WWE. But Jeff got thrown off the air as well. Now they’re both sitting at home, probably still getting paid something by TNA. Matt actually went on his YouTube and said that this is both where he and Jeff belong (at home) and that they are both doing better than ever. Matt is talking about the MATT HARDY MOVEMENT now, and no one has any idea what that means. I think it’s just him tazing Jeff, but I don’t know. The fat girls on his message board don’t even know.

The biggest problem with the Hardy’s is that they’re not aging well. When they first showed up, I think they were kind of viewed as alt-cool or whatever. Now, as they age, people are finding out that they’re basically trailer trash. Gothic trailer trash. Which is really the worst kind of trailer trash. On one of their WWE DVD’s, Matt talked about “THE BURNING”. This is a yearly event where Matt, Jeff and their friends go down to a river and burn a bunch of shit to “cleanse themselves from the old year and bring in the new year.” Seriously, how old are you two hicks? How many times has Jeff been found with drugs or busted on some kind of wellness violation now? I can’t even count.

And remember when Jeff Hardy’s house burned down? (And I use the term “house” loosely, because his “house” was basically a trailer parked behind Matt Hardy’s house.) His dog was inside at the time. Do you know how that fire started? No? Neither does anyone else. Do you know why nobody knows? Because there was no investigation. Do you know why there was no investigation? Because Jeff didn’t have any insurance. I bet the dog knows how the fire started, but he can’t help now. Jeff wasn’t home at the time. Was it arsen? Unlikely. Did Jeff leave the stove on? Also unlikely. Did he leave some lame nu-age eye-of-Thor candle that he got at Hot Topic burning? Likely. Maybe he was just cooking up some meth? Likely. Did he have an acid-fuelled hallucination that his dog threatened to go to the police over his obvious drug problem and decided that this was the quickest way to avoid having to do time? Also likely. Or maybe he was having his own personal THE BURNING, and the dog was just something from last year that needed to be “cleansed”. That poor fucking dog.

Now they’re on YouTube tazing each other, showing up high as a jet at diners, taking videos about how Jeff hates CM Punk in real life while Matt scarfs down 3 plates of food, 2 days after that video about how he’s gonna lose weight, swearing with his mouth full of a Moons Over My Hammy Skillet that Lita still calls him.

Dudes are in their 30’s. Grow the fuck up.

Swayze: I saw an interview with Ken Anderson where Ken actually claimed that he brought fans from WWE to TNA. And he’s not even half as delusional as Matt or Jeff. And also, that poor fucking dog.

I think that covers everything. Good questions this week, although no one talked about wrestlers wanting to assfuck me for my opinions. That was kind of a downer. So remember to leave some questions, comments, or some sweet, sweet sexual harassments here or at www.Twitter.com/BlairADouglas.

This has been “Interinactivity”. Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!