The SmarK Rant for WWE Vintage Collection – 11.04.11

The SmarK Rant for WWE Vintage Collection – 11.04.11

The theme this week is the Best of Rowdy Roddy Piper, and your host is Rowdy Roddy Piper!  He’s looking much healthier than he has as o late, which is good to see.

First up, Gene and Piper talk about the first Wrestlemania, and Piper recounts the argument with Paul Orndorff (“We didn’t lose, YOU lost”), and that leads right into…

Rowdy Roddy Piper & Cowboy Bob Orton v. Andre the Giant & Paul Orndorff

From MSG, September 1985.  JIP with Piper unleashing a devastating series of still images against Andre (oh, that wacky international censorship), which involves his wrist tape to choke him out.  Andre casually swats the heels away and brings Orndorff in for the hot tag, and he hits Orton with an atomic drop and pummels Piper in the corner.  It’s a brawland the heels collide, leading to Piper and Orndorff slugging it out in crazy fashion until Piper gets dumped.  Orton goes up to hit Andre with the cast, but the Giant gets the boot up, and Orndorff pins the Cowboy at 2:49 shown.  Crowd was going crazy for all of this.  To this day I wish they had done a proper blowoff for that Piper-Orndorff feud, because it was just electric every time they crossed paths in 85.

Next, Piper talks about the Pit and the imitators that followed, and this leads into a discussion of the Flower Shop.  YES!  Piper gets some funny lines about Adonis, but points out how tough he was, and we get the epic footage of Adonis breaking his leg, and then Piper returning the next week and DESTROYING the Flower Shop with a baseball bat the next week.  Piper’s acting here is amazing, as he RAGES against the set and smashes the shit out of it, hobbling around on a broken leg and barely being able to stand up, but still doing it because he’s awesome and MANLY.

Adrian Adonis v. Roddy Piper

From Toronto in Febuary of 1987.  Piper whips him around the ring to start (with Adonis loudly calling the spot on camera), but Adonis steals Piper’s belt and whips him with it.  This earns a warning from the referee.  See, they were MEN back then, and didn’t get DQ’d for not breaking at the count of five or kicking too much ass.  Piper of course gets the belt back and gets his revenge, then goes to kick the shit out of Jimmy Hart for good luck, giving us a funny spot where a terrified Jimmy runs into the post by mistake.  Adonis follows and sprays an excessive amount of his perfume into Piper’s eyes (a gag later stolen by Rick Martel) and they brawl into the crowd, where Piper is left blinded.  Thankfully, the helpful Canadian security force assists him back to the ring, and we take a break.  Back with Adonis getting a backbreaker, and he goes up and misses a flying splash.  Piper’s sight is RESTORED!  He runs wild and tosses Jimmy Hart at Adonis, but the ref is bumped.  That allows Jimmy to throw a chair into the ring, and Piper kicks it back at Adrian to stun him, then backdrops him to the floor.  That’s a good bump for a 300 pound guy.  Piper goes up with a bodypress and no ref, but Jimmy gets involved AGAIN and Piper is freshly blinded by perfume.  The ref finally revives and calls for the bell at 9:39.  Piper, still blinded, beats up the referee and ring announcer, and they both take it remarkably well.  Even the fucking RING ANNOUNCERS were tougher in 1987!  These days, they get choked out with a tie and people get suspended over it.  ***1/4

Gene and Piper discuss Roddy’s hatred of Canadians.  Nothing worse than a self-loathing Canadian.  Piper makes the case that Bret should not have won the IC title at Wrestlemania 8, because Piper was the one doing the sleeper, so the ref should have checked Bret’s arm before counting the pinfall.  That’s a long time to carry a grudge over a finish.  Good thing Bret never did that.

WCW US title:  Bret Hart v. Rowdy Roddy Piper

From Nitro in February 1999.  I assume Bret was champion here, but I honestly have no recollection of this.  JIP with Bret faking a knee injury and bailing out of the ring, and the announcers clarify that Bret is indeed the US champion.  Back in the ring, Bret gets a cheapshot in the corner and chokes Piper out on the ropes, but Piper goes low.  Bret fakes another injury to distract the ref, and then takes over again as a result.  Like Piper would be stupid enough to buy that.  We take a break and return with Bret beating up a fan at ringside, who I think is the fat guy from Mad TV.  Piper gets a backdrop suplex for two.  Piper gets the sleeper, and the ref is bumped.   Bret uses an international object to put Piper down, but Sasso gets involved and Bret is distracted enough that Piper rolls him up to win the title at 6:59.  Bret Hart obviously didn’t give a shit at that point.  ½*

Piper and Gene discuss his long relationship with Ric Flair.  Apparently, Flair takes two women to bed with him at a time because that way they have someone to talk to when he falls asleep.  BAZINGA.

WWE Tag titles:  The Spirit Squad v. Ric Flair & Roddy Piper

From Cyber Sunday 2006, this was the vote that was supposed to be rigged for Dusty Rhodes and ended up with Roddy Piper winning.  Piper pounds on Mikey in the corner, but Kenny comes in and takes over him with some smack talk.  Why would you talk shit to Rowdy Roddy Piper?  That’s just asking for trouble.  Mikey with an elbow for two, but Piper gets a backslide for two.  Kenny with the chinlock as I ponder to myself how fucking unlikely it was that a member of the Spirit Squad would end up being a future World champion and budding main event heel.  Piper continues taking a beating in the corner and Mikey goes up on Kenny’s shoulders for a double splash, but it misses and it’s hot tag Flair.  Everyone gets chopped and Mikey takes a double suplex, setting up the figure-four.  Kenny breaks that up with a flying legdrop.  Flair gets a small package on Mikey for two and goes back to the figure-four, and this time Piper chases off Kenny to give the vets the tag titles at 5:56.  Surprisingly watchable.  **

And finally, Piper’s favourite moment…

Intercontinental title:  The Mountie v. Rowdy Roddy Piper

From Royal Rumble 92, of course.  Piper attacks and Mountie runs away, so Piper beats him up on the floor instead.  Mountie gets a cheapshot and chokes him out in the ring, but Piper outsmarts him by dropping a fist to block a monkey-flip.  Bulldog gets two.  Stooge eyepoke follows, but Piper gets tripped by Hart and then misses a dropkick, and Mountie takes over.  Mountie runs him into the turnbuckles and adds a back elbow for two, then tosses him.  Piper comes back in with a sunset flip for two and slugs away on the mat while Brain goes on a hilarious rant about surviving a 113 degree fever with a single baby aspirin.  Piper comes back with the atomic drop to put Mountie out, but he skins the cat and attacks Piper.  Charge misses, and Mountie hits Jimmy, resulting in the sleeper and a new champion at 5:25.  Piper’s bemused expression, and then childlike excitement, at finally winning a WWF title, is wonderful stuff.  This was the end of Mountie as a singles star, as Piper beat him decisively and shocked him with his own stick to end any threat he might pose as a heel.  **1/2

This was a show that wasn’t the best technically, but had me smiling from start to finish.

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