Before I get started…
So, thanks to some shenanigans, be they thievery or just a forgetful Papa, I can’t find the adapter to my laptop. Therefore, I’m typing this column in an e-mail and relying on my Brother From Another Mother, Aaron “Giddy Up” Glazer to post this. Hopefully we’ll be able to find an adapter type residual for my lappy soon because autocorrect is sure to wreak havoc at least twice during the writing of this column.
(also, officially, just for the record, I haven’t ruled out Gremlins or Future-Me-In-A-Bill-And-Ted-Scenario as the culprits in the Missing Lappy Cord Caper)
Anyhoo, thanks for all of the positive feedback on last week’s column. I had fun writing, I had fun reading, and I’m giddy to be back here at Pulse Wrestling.
I had a good day at work, a good week overall, and while I’m letting my stomach settle after eating something from Taco Bell that had a bunch of steak and zero nutritional value, I’m gonna focus on rasslin’ today.
(also, autocorrect just tried to turn “rasslin'” into “tweakin’,” but I caught it. you’re welcome.)
Suspension of Disbelief begins… Now!
As I watched this past Monday’s Raw, filmed before a live studio audience in a town called Liverpool, famous for being the home of a rock band called The Oneders, I took particular joy in the performances of the heels on the show. It got me to thinking about how much fun it is to root for the bad guys nowadays, and even the ones in the past.
My favorite heel today is probably Dolph Ziggler. He loves the heck out of being a heel. He’s not a chickenshit or a cool heel, he’s just a flat out dick, like Paul Walker’s character from, “She’s All That,” which, yes, would make Zack Ryder Freddie Prinze Jr.’s character. He’s a jerk and he’s cocky and he walks around calling himself the best and a show stealer and it’s great because, well, he is.
Also of note is the current WWE Champion, Alberto Del Rio (or as my buddy James calls him, “Alejandro Del Taco.” Don’t worry, James is half puerto rican so it isn’t racist.
Alberto is your classic arrogant, cheating, short-cut taking heel. He reminds me a lot of “The Model” Rick Martell, only instead of a giant sprayer of Arrogance cologne, he’s got an Uncle Fester lookin’ ass ring announcer with an alliterative last name. I love Del Rio’s mean streak, his meaner-than-most-in-WWE promos (the best insults coming en español), and how devastating his cross arm breaker submission hold looks.
Of course, WWE doesn’t have a monopoly on good heelery. TNA might have more “shades of grey” than the first twenty minutes of Pleasantville, but their bad guys are stellarly bad.
Right off the bat you have your typical trendy douchebag heel Robbie E. This dude cracks me up. Sure, his is a pop culture gimmick that will be dated this time next year, but his obliviousness and sense of entitlement are highly entertaining.
Also on TNA’s roster is Bully Ray. Some of his act falls in the “Tries Too Hard” category, but he also does a lot of classic heel stuff that the bad guys from the “WWF Wrestling Challenge” days did. He thinks he’s the best, he talks smack about his former tag team partner, That Piece Of Crap Devon, he relishes sneak attacks, and he’s even got his trusty wallet chain that he uses to gain an advantage.
There are other notable heels in both companies:
The Awesome Truth (so much fun to watch), Jack Swagger (“How ’bout a ham sandwich, Wocka Wocka?” is mean and hilarious. He’s cutting a promo on Kermit The Frog and insults his best friend and his girlfriend in one statement. Kudos, Mr. Swagger.), Mark Henry (gigantic, mean, unstoppable, and his off the cuff banter with the crowd is ten times better than his in-ring speeches), Christopher Daniels (your classic whiny, “what about me?”, jealous of his more beloved and/or more successful friend heel), Mexican America (completely racist, but the fact that they’re cashing a check thanks to xenophobia is amusing), and Jeff Jarrett (smug, cowardly, and makes us put up with his annoying wife) all make for bad guys you can’t wait to see, and then can’t wait to see get beaten up.
Call Reynolds, cuz it’s a wrap.
Alright folks, that’s it for today. If you have any heels from today or from your youth, feel free to leave them below in the comments section.
You can also leave your picks for cinematic or television bad guys too–villains you love to hate it villains you kind of agree with.
(for me, it would be Gaston from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. He was a complete and total narcissistic jerk, and he succeeded in personally killing The Beast, who was only saved by the cartoon love of my life, Belle. He’s the only Disney villain to pull off killing a star of the movie, and don’t you dare say Scar killed Mufasa because he had wildebeasts do his dirty work!)
Anyway. Comments below, and if you want to get to know the man behind the Mundo, you can follow me on Twitter: @ElKatook
Thanks for checking in!
This has been Suspension of Disbelief
