I had a lot of fun learning about Teddy Hart. I had heard of his shenanigans, but I never looked up a complete history until now.
Teddy’s mother is Georgia Hart. I’ve never heard of her either, but she’s one of Bret’s sisters who actually DIDN’T marry a wrestler. She didn’t stray too far from the ‘norm’ though, because Teddy’s father did own a gym, is a fitness guru, and… oh, okay, he IS a former wrestler, but one of of complete un-notariety. His name was blowjob-something, I guess.
If history has taught us anything, it is that wrestling as a Hart child is a proven curse. It has led to such tragedies as death, bitterness, dating your sister-in-law, divorce, brokenness, dating your brother-in-law, wearing sunglasses indoors, and dating your adopted brother.
Conversely, if Teddy Hart has taught us anything, it’s that starting wrestling as the Hart child of completely unknown Harts is not only no exception to the Hart family curse, but is actually an entirely different kind of proven curse. While he has managed to master Hart talents like a mediocre wrestling ability that completely deluded him into thinking that he was the best in the world, AND avoid Hart traditions like near-incest and death, he apparently was not able to avoid growing up to be a first-class, grade-a d-bag.
Teddy debuted in 1995, teaming up with his brother Matthew to defeat David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd. He wrestled for Stampede Wrestling until it’s second collapse. In 1998, he became the youngest person in history to be signed to a WWE developmental contract, and was sent to train with Dory Funk Jr.
Then Teddy was released due to attitude problems.
In 2000, he wrestled for and was a key creative figure in the Matrats promotion, which was produced by Eric Bischoff. Bischoff and Teddy did what they do best – do their part to help bring promotions to their knees. Matrats had an even shorter shelf life than Stampede Wrestling’s second run.
Teddy then spent some time in Ring Of Honor. In 2003 at a show, the Special K faction mocked Teddy backstage for not being a good high-flying wrestler. He said to himself “I’ll show them. I’ll show EVERYBODY.” After a match, he proceeded to ‘show everybody’ by climbing the top rope and randomly performing several moonsaults and shooting-star presses from the top of the cage, rather than selling the moves he had taken less than a minute after being pinned. This was one of his first few outtings with the company.
(Editor’s Note: This is akin to a very well-known strategy when starting work at a new company: on your third day, do a backflip off your desk. If a co-worker breaks your fall… you want to work there.)
So basically, his plan to make other wrestlers like him was to not TELL the wrestlers that he was going to do flippy moves AFTER a match. Unfortunately, there was a wrinkle in this so-far-bulletproof plan. Babyfaces and heels alike, none of them having any idea that any of this was coming and were no doubt wondering what the fuck he was doing, had to break kayfabe to run and catch Teddy so he wouldn’t break his neck.
Later, the wrestlers involved no doubt sat down talked amongst themselves, regretting questioning his high-flying ability and hailing him as the next Owen Hart (whom Teddy later said the moonsault was an homage to).
(Editor’s Note: Teddy also paid homage to Droz by vomiting at ringside afterwards… actually.)
Oh, and then he forgot about his Owen Hart homage excuse, and told everyone that he had a concussion and didn’t remember performing the moves.
Then Teddy was released due to attitude problems.
Also in 2003, Teddy went to TNA. He defeated Johnny Storm, but quickly lost to Juvi Guerrera. He was also a member of Team Canada, which we all remember as the very first and most awesome anti-American heel stable in any promotion ever. CM Punk was also working for TNA at the time, and Teddy did not appreciate CM Punk’s LiveJournal tirade about his ROH antics. Like a couple of teenagers fighting over an “In A Relationship” status on Facebook, they got into a fight at a restaurant, and had to be separated by… Sabu.
(Editor’s Note: Much like the Warrior, when Sabu has to be the voice of reason… you’re in trouble.)
Then Teddy was released due to attitude problems.
Here’s something interesting I read – in 2004, his professional wrestling career on the skids for the most part, Teddy started moonlighting as a personal trainer in Calgary. Having burned every major bridge possible, Hart went to Major League Wrestling. Here, Teddy was labelled “Loose Cannon” as an tribute to Hart family friend Brian Pillman, several years after it would have been a lame but relevant “worked shoot” style nickname. Continuing on with the completely outdated worked-shoot thing, Hart defeated Daniel Bryan in a match billed as “Shawn Michaels’ top protege (Bryan) vs. the last student of the Hart family dungeon” (I would have loved to have seen the 12-word headline on that poster), again, many years after the issue was relevant. No doubt this led to a huge erection for Teddy, as well as probably more vomiting.
He went to Japan, and beat Homicide and B-Boy with help from Jim “drunk and stoned off my fucking gourd” Neidhart, because Japan is apparently the only place where they don’t check you for coke when getting off the plane. He later teamed up with Homicide, and they won tag belts.
Teddy went back to the States to continue to try and find work. During an independant match with Jay Lethal, Teddy did a moonsault off a vending machine, in an effort to illustrate the dangers of doing a moonsault off a vending machine. The match was stopped, and Teddy went into the parking lot to vomit and recover. He then recuperated, returned to the ring… and won the match. Not a good night for Teddy, but a much worse night for Jay.
Then Teddy was released due to attitude problems.
In 2006, because Steve Corino is awesome, he turned on Teddy. This culminated in a grudge match, where, because 9 years later, it was still as edgy as the day after it originally occured, he re-created Montreal AGAIN. The referee rang the bell on Teddy even though he didn’t submit. I couldn’t find where the feud went after that, but I imagine it involved vomitting and backflips.
He then did a whole bunch of other not-noteworthy shit, which included bringing his curse to the MTV Wrestling Society, which shut down very quickly. He had not lost his job due to being with a wrestling company that went out of business, for like… 5 years. So it was kind of a ‘throwback’ for him, as the kids say. Plus, it was a refreshing change from getting released due to attitude problems.
Then, one day, Teddy once again found work because his last name is Hart, and not just because he’s one of those losers with a good attitude or workrate. Vince McMahon was looking at the sales figures for his Bret Hart DVD, and went “HOLY FUCK!!! GET ME SOME HARTS!!! AND A BIGGER HOUSE!!!” and proceeded to masturbate himself to exhaustion until he was out of fuel.
As a result, Teddy got a developmental deal and was sent to FCW. He actually wrestled John Cena and lost, and he actually wrestled Crime Tyme with DH Smith and lost.
Then Teddy was released due to attitude problems.
He went back to Japan in 2008. He fought with LAX. He teamed with Samoa Joe.
Then he went to Mexico. He teamed with Sabu. He joined Konnan’s heel stable Legion Extranjera, because if there’s anything we Canadians resemble, it’s hispanics. Part of his villainous character was that he could not speak Spanish, so during his promos, AAA captioned his remarks in Spanish. That admittedly is pretty awesome.
At least it was, until Teddy was released due to attitude problems.
In 2008, Teddy attended WrestleMania XXIV as a guest of the owner of CBM Films, who was working on a documentary on Teddy entitled “Ted Hart’s Truth and Reality.”
Then this project was shut down by the creator, due to… yep… attitude problems.
He is currently working on the American independent circuit for promotions such as Jersey All Pro Wrestling and Dragon Gate USA, until… well, you get hte idea.
I am now ending this article due to attitude problems. Would anyone like to wish me the best of luck in my future endeavors?
I’ll be in my trailer.
