Welcome to another edition of CB’s Open Mic and another American Idol Recap.
Tonight’s auditions take place in Aspen, Colo.
Before we get started, I was not around Sunday to recap the last episode, but the only thing that seemed to happen is that Jim Carrey’s daughter auditioned. Because, you know, she really needs that break (not like she lives in a tent or anything).
Anyway, I digress, so let’s get this thing started:
–Celebrity Exemption Alert! Jenny Schick is about to audition, but first we find out that Steven Tyler is on her Celebrity Exemption List. Yes, seriously… (nothing like being a rock star)
–Jenny Schick, 24, Heartbreaker — Jenny’s audition segment was more about sizzle than steak, and I just don’t think she has all of the ingredients to cook herself up an Idol crown. The Yes is a formality, as is the obligatory kiss for Steven Tyler.
–It’s 6 o’clock in the morning, the Idol auditions got boring … and since it did check out the S’mores American Idol Radio Show right here. Our first new episode for Season 11 is coming next week, but we have our full archives for you to scour in the meantime!
–Curtis Gray, 28, Yesterday–Curtis channels Boyz II Men with his R&B-infused cover of The Beatles’ Yesterday. He may have looked awful at 6 am, but who doesn’t? Curtis gets a quick (if not rushed) sendoff to Hollywood.
–McCreery Alert! Richie Law sounds like Scotty McCreery and looks like a cross between Scotty and Clay Aiken … and he also kicks off another golden ticket montage.
—No twin magic here — Sorry, yellow sunshine lady / Mrs. Mustard, I think you just killed the Idol judges’ in the audition room with the vocal pipe. Put that verdict in the envelope and never unseal it!
–Haley Smith, 18, Tell Me Something Good— We already had Tent Girl, now we have Log Cabin Girl, or Three Jobs Girl, or Deli Sausage Girl. Whatever nickname we decide, Haley Smith just may stick around awhile, or at least I hope she does. She’s got that kind of raw untapped talent that really makes me hopeful for this show after 11 years, and I hope she doesn’t crash and burn next round. Haley has to send out at least three resignation letters, because she’s going to Hollywood.
—Shelby Tweten, 17, Temporary Home– Shelby has bipolar disorder, and music has helped her connect with her mother and reclaim a part of herself that she felt was missing when she wasn’t singing. You’re not a human being if you don’t applaud Shelby’s guts for getting on that stage knowing that her condition will be exposed to the world. If I’m being objective, the song choice and accompanying vocal was a little bit too monotonous for me, but it is good enough for me to understand why she’ll get a chance to move onto the next round. Shelby is an ALL CAPS YES for the judges, and a regular yes for me.
—Jairon “Don’t Forget The” Jackson, 19, Original Song —If you are going to sing an original song, you better stand out. Also, the notes towards the end sounded sharp and therefore the vocal fell way short for me. And no, he is not an artist. But what do I know? The judges give Jairon a pass.
Little Monster Alert! Good to know that if Lady Gaga ever went into permanent seclusion, Angie Zeiderman could try and fail to take her place…
—Angie Zeiderman, 25, Random Show Tunes, Etcetera–…or maybe not, at least according to the judges. Although if Jairon Jackson can get through on a subpar vocal, then why can’t Angie Z. score a ticket? And she does.
And the 2012 “Tries-Too-Hard-To-Get-On-TV-and-Isn’t-Actually-Funny-No-Matter-Where-He-is-Slotted-On-the-Episode-And-Really-This-Is-An-Awful-Austin-Powers-Imitation-and-Mike-Myers-Should-Sue-For-Trademark-Infringement” award goes to Magic Cyclopse.
And I’m out, especially after that nonsense.
Until next time — CB.