Owangotang’s TNA Impact Wrestling Report for Thursday, 2.2.12

Reviews, Shows, Top Story, TV Shows

Welcome to the Impact Wrestling Recap for 2.2.12! It’s IMPACT INVASION time as we are at Wembley Arena, London. It beats the usual venue!

 

We start tonight with Bobby Roode and Bully Ray in the ring. Roode confuses Ireland for England and asks what’s the difference? Roode brags about hurting Jeff Hardy and calls James Storm out. Storm comes out as Roode hides behind Ray. Now STING is out! He says Hardy will be OK for Against All Odds and makes a 4 way for the World Heavyweight Title with Storm, Roode, Ray, and Hardy! Finally, Sting says Storm gets Roode and Ray in two 1 on 1 matchups.

 

Commercial break

 

Garrett Bischoff is backstage on his cell, talking presumably to his trainer…brother.

 

Samoa Joe & Magnus vs. Crimson & Matt Morgan:

 

“Buckingham Brawl” where winner of a coin toss gets a 2 on 1 advantage but other team has to tag in and out? WTH kind of stipulation is that? Joe/Mag win the toss and get the advantage and start with Crimson. Crimson battles both but Joe hits an inverted atomic drop, Mag with a big boot, and Joe with a jumping backsplash for 2. Crimson beaten in the corner but after a whip Crimson comes back only for Joe to hit a kneedrop for 2. Joe misses a corner splash and Crimson hits an exploder suplex on Mag. Tag to Matt Morgan and he
takes control, knocking Joe out of the ring and hitting a sideslam on Magnus for 2. Crimson spears Magnus but Crimson and Joe then fight on the floor. Morgan misses the Carbon Footprint on Magnus and Joe hits a backsplash, headkick, and snapmare on Morgan which allows Magnus to hit the flying elbow from the top for 3!

 

The rules were atrocious and made the outcome meaningless. Joe still does not seem special.

 

Backstage Eric Bischoff walks to the ring. Is it revealamania time?

 

Commercial break

 

Eric Bischoff comes out and he talks down his son Garrett. He calls Garrett out and Garrett politely obeys and appears. Eric calls this a fantasy, says Garrett is not half the man Eric is. Garrett says if Eric has an issue with the trainer he can tell it to the trainer face to face. Eric says he is not here and Garrett looks as though he agrees…but the trainer IS here, per Garrett. The trainer will see Eric Bischoff later tonight! Whatcha gonna do, Bisch?

 

Commercial break

 

Mark Haskins video package, this guy looks like he can go.

 

X Division Champion Austin Aries v. Mark Haskins

 

I did not get all of the action here but come on. These guys move like overcaffinated squirrels. Austin has a wizard cape on as he comes to the ring? Ok…AA chain wrestles and takes Haskins to the mat. Haskins then chain wrestles and takes AA to the mat. Haskins thrown out but he skins the cat and flying headscissors to AA followed by a flying dropkick. AA tossed out but he cannot skin the cat as Haskins boots AA in the gut. AA then gets back in and takes control, goes to the apron and hits a plancha for 2. Haskins then retakes control as I begin missing stuff. Haskins hits a forearm to the corner then springboard 2nd rope crossbody for 2. Haskins then gets another takedown for 2. Haskins on the top, leaps, and BADLY botches a Shooting Star Press as AA moves. We’re talking 7/8ths Lesnar. AA quickly up and hits a brainbuster, holds onto Haskins, and jumps over to a bridging chinlock submission. Haskins taps and AA wins.

 

Austin Aries is impressive but a sparkly half cape? Haskins looked like he seriously compressed his neck on the missed SSP.

 

commercial break

 

Vote for Miss Tessmacher to be Hooters Girl of the year, or something. She is a Hooters Girl? Whycome every time I’ve ever been there it’s been full-on B-team crews running the restaurant with their hairy upper lips and sad bosoms?

 

Eric Bischoff wants a cab to get away from the arena but STING stops this and walks Eric back in.

 

James Storm versus Bobby Roode:

 

Storm is fat. I get that he drinks beer but so did Austin and he was not a pudge like this dude. Roode starts with a hammerlock but Storm reverses. Roode then with a knockdown but Storm comes back with a hiptoss, kneedrop, and legdrop for 2. Roode is whipped to the corner but elbows a charging Storm. Storm looks for Last Call but Roode bails and we get…

 

Commercial break

 

Back now with Storm beating Roode. Roode then takes control and hits shoulders in the corner. Roode with a front suplex for 2. Storm, fights back with rights but Roode hits a fireman’s carry drop for 2. Roode stomps Storm’s midsection for 2. Roode grabs a reverse bearhug on the mat but Storm gets up and out and gets a rollup for 2. Dueling punches and then Storm gets Roode on the second rope…Storm goes up and hits a dreadful huracanrana for 2. Storm
charges the corner, hits clotheslines on Roode, and then connects with a backstabber. Storm hits an elbow from the top for 2 1/2. Roode then gets a crossface on Storm but Storm rolls to the ropes. Roode’s fisherman’s buster is blocked into a weak Eye of the Storm, then Roode hits the fisherman’s buster for 2. Roode outside now, grabs his belt and comes in but Storm ducks the beltshot. In comes Bully Ray but the distractions allow a Roode spear
to Storm for 3!

 

Didn’t move me at all. OK match.

 

Commercial Break

 

Knockouts and tag team champ Gail Kim v. Tara

 

Madison Rayne is with Gail as Tara throws Gail to start. Tara hits a hiptoss and then takes her t-shirt off. Standing moonsault by Tara for 2. Kim charges the corner and Madison interferes. Kim hits two knees to the back for 2. Gail bending Tara’s knee around Gail’s neck to help. More back and forth until Tara hits the Widow’s Peak for 3!

 

Garrett Bischoff is walkking!

 

Commercial break

 

Garrett is out again with some really over the top canned cheers. Eric comes out now with Gunner. The trainer comes out AND IT’S HULK HOGAN!!! Hogan looks OLD. Hogan and Garrett punch Gunner The two then turn their attention to Eric but Gunner pulls Eric to safety. Hogan rips his shirt and poses for the welcoming crowd.

 

Commercial break

 

Hogan and Garrett run down Eric. Hogan thanks the English fans and says TNA is on the verge of total greatness. UH, OK.

 

Bully Ray vs James Storm

 

Ray looks like he is in great shape. Ray stalls but then locks up. Ray controls in the corner and then hollars about breaking Storm’s ribs. Storm spits in Ray’s face and Storm with a backbody drop. Ray knees Storm’s taped up guts and drops Storm from a front suplex to the floor. Ray stands on Storm and then has a Ray Recliner locked in. Ray rips Storm’s tape off as…

 

Commercial break

 

STING is now out with Cricket bat as Ray dominated. Ray with two elbow drops for 2. Ray with a big splash now for 2. Storm eventually makes the comeback with clotheslines and a high crossbody. Ray hits more offense but Storm bides his time. Finally Storm comes back with clotheslines. Storm hits a high crossbody. Bully Ray then with a sideslam but Storm is up after STING chases. Storm then hits the Last Call for 3!

 

Entertaining show, next week should be good too. I’m hoping the Star Wars edition has Eric Young dress up as Jar Jar…only to be swiftly stomped to death by an AT-AT.

 

Smell ya later!