Owangotang’s TNA Impact Wrestling Report for Thursday, 2.9.12

Reviews, Shows, Top Story, TV Shows

Welcome to the TNA Impact Wrestling recap for 2.9.12! We’re not-so live from Wembley Stadium Arena in London, England and not only is this the last Impact before Against All Odds this Sunday it’s a STAR WARS edition of Impact Wrestling!

The show begins with a Star Wars edition of TNA Impact Wrestling video package, complete with the Vader/Eric  Bischoff juxtaposition. Effective opening video but I couldn’t help but wonder who looks worse shirtless, Yoda or Ric Flair. I also wanted to see a Jar Jar Binks/Eric Young moment because both of those creatures ruin anything they touch.

Now we go to the ring and Bully Ray is coming out. I love the Stone Cold-meets-Black Label Society look he’s rocking these days, Ray has really hit his stride as a singles competitor. Ray wants to talk to Bobby Roode, a man who Ray feels did not have Ray’s back last week. Roode heads out but Ray is so fired up he meets Roode in the walkway to the ring, barking at production to cut Roode’s music. Ray wants to know why Roode is not watching Ray’s back, to which Roode says let’s go into the ring to discuss this. Both men enter the ring and Ray says Roode is only the champion because Ray has continually saved Roode’s ass. Ray says that last week Roode put a knife in Ray’s back. Roode tries to redirect Ray’s anger at Sting, blaming Sting for last week. This does not go far before Sting comes out. Sting wastes no time and announces both himself as a special enforcer for the 4 way World Title match at the PPV as well as a tag team match between Roode/Ray and James Storm/Sting, TONIGHT!!!

Backstage we see Hulk Hogan and Garrett Bischoff walking as we go to…

 

Commercial break

-No commercials for The Grey this week. I saw the film this past Monday. It is much more than “Liam Neeson punches wolves” as it made me think of Jack London 2012. Good movie, not great.

-Commercial for Wanderlust. I have heard that Jennifer Aniston gets naked in this. I approve.

-Commercial for Chronicle. No interest from me.

-Commercial for Ax Men. Those bastards are damn fun to watch, I highly recommend the show if you have not seen it before. Shelby is the man.

 

We’re back with a short video package chronicling the AJ/Kaz/Daniels conflict.

Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles:

Christy Hemme is the ring announcer for this match and, while hot, she just cannot pull off the navel neckline top like Lita did. Daniels ambushes AJ to start but AJ punches back and whips Daniels to the ropes. Both men avoid one another’s attacks until Daniels hits a jab. AJ then nails a dropkick sending Daniels to the floor, allowing AJ to run and dive over the top rope and front somersault onto Daniels. AJ tosses Daniels into the ring and somersaults over the top rope for a sunset flip 2 count. Daniels blocks a Styles Clash and then tosses an obvious foreign object to Kaz. Kaz does not look like he likes holding the object. Maybe it is a cursed tiki idol. AJ takes Daniels to the corner and chops away, backs off, charges, and Daniels lifts AJ over the turnbuckle to the apron. Daniels then knocks AJ to the floor then follows AJ out and punches him a few times on the floor. Daniels tosses AJ into the ring and then Daniels slingshots over the top into a legdrop on AJ. AJ gets up but Daniels hits a clothesline, then punches, and next locks in a somewhat unique chinlock on AJ. Daniels sets AJ down, drops a knee, covers for 2, then locks the unique chinlock back in. AJ gets to his feet now, breaks the hold, however Daniels hits an enziguri on AJ and covers for 2. Daniels with a kick to AJ’s gut and Daniels tries Angels Wings but AJ blocks it. Enziguri to Daniels from AJ, followed up by punches. AJ goes to the second turnbuckle, moonsaults to his feet and then hits a Scorpion Death Drop/inverted DDT in all one motion. AJ next nails Daniels with a springboard flying forearm but Daniels quickly drops AJ to the mat. Daniels misses the BME attempt and AJ hits the Pele! Daniels is now leaning out of the ring towards Kaz and ordering Kaz to hand him the object. Kaz reluctantly does so and Daniels whiffs with the foreign object punch on AJ. AJ goes for a powerbomb but Daniels punches AJ with the foreign object while being held aloft and Daniels falls onto AJ, covering AJ for the 3!

Winner: Christopher Daniels via foreign object punch, pinfall.

The end of that match is the Direct Auto Impact of the night. Good match and I was getting into it at the end but the finish was mediocre. I suppose AJ couldn’t just pin Daniels but a foreign object-aided win that was telegraphed early in the bout is kinda lame.

Backstage we see Gunner and Eric Bischoff. Eric wants Gunner with him tonight; Gunner says he will take “him” out. Does that mean Garrett or Hogan? No time to decide as we go to…

 

Commercials

 

Magnus and Samoa Joe come out now, dressed in street clothes. Magnus has the mic and says that everyone says that it’s great when TNA comes to the UK but he says everyone there is not in the UK they are in England. Big cheers for that. Magnus then says he is home and he’s brought his partner with him. He says you may have heard of him, the Samoan submission machine, Samoa Joe, as the crowd begins a Joe chant. Magnus says no one thought he and Joe would work out but that he and Joe are proving them all wrong. They are a well-oiled machine. Magnus says Crimson and Matt Morgan are only a team because they fear fighting one another, however he says he and Joe have no fear and that they will win the tag team titles Sunday! Crimson and Matt Morgan come out, also in street clothes, and Morgan says all of the talking is done as the two teams brawl. Joe gets knocked to the outside as Crimson and Morgan hit a double shoulderblock on Magnus. Joe then pulls Magnus out of the ring, saving him from a further double team, and then gives a very obvious middle finger and f.u. (beeped out) to Crimson and Morgan. I guess that’s why he is not called the Samoan Subtlety Machine.

Later tonight it is Storm/Sting vs. Ray/Roode, but next it is Austin Aries vs. Alex Shelley vs. Doug Williams in a 3 way X division match. My poor, poor brain and wrist are crying at the thought of keeping up with that as we get…

Commercials

We’re back as Tenay says that the Star Wars music was performed by the London Symphony Orchestra and was recorded at the Abbey Road studio. I’m beginning to think that this Star Wars thing was really tacked on at the last minute.

Austin Aries vs. Alex Shelley vs. Doug Williams:

I still do not understand why Aries wears a damn wizard cape to the ring. Aries hits a knee to the gut of Williams for a 2 count. All 3 men are tentative here before Williams and Shelley double team A Double. Aries is knocked to the floor giving Shelley a chance to rollup Williams for 2. Shelley tries Sliced Bread on Williams but Williams blocks it and knocks Shelley outside, then takes time to pose. Aries pulls Williams’ legs from the outside, dropping Williams to the floor. Aries in now but Shelley knocks him back outside the ring with a beautiful top rope dropkick. Shelley is knocked outside by Williams, who then runs and dives through the ropes onto Shelley. Aries then jumps outside onto Williams, then he gets Williams back into the ring for a 2 count. Aries drives an elbow into a standing Williams’ head, then takes him to the corner where Williams regains control. Williams hits European uppercuts on Aries however Aries then takes control back and goes up top with Williams. Shelley back in now and he hits Aries in the back and then gets Aries onto his shoulders. Williams is perched for a Doomsday Device but Aries drops from Shelley’s shoulders. Williams hits Aries from the top and then German suplexes Shelley for 2. Aries knocks Williams to the apron and looks to capitalize on a downed Shelley. Aries lifts Shelley for the brainbuster but Shelley blocks it and then hits the Sliced Bread and covers for 3!

Winner: Alex Shelley via Sliced Bread to Austin Aries, pinfall

Shelley is impressive and Aries is very impressive. If I could afford the PPV I’d get it just to see their bout.

Commercial

-Full metal jousting commercial…as if life is not dangerous enough.

Back to the show now as Hogan and Garrett are in the back. Hogan encourages Garrett as Sting approaches. Man-love between Hogan and Sting as Hogan thanks Sting for bringing Hulkamania back. Hogan says Sting does not know the target that Sting has on his back now from being the leader of the company. Sting says he thinks he knows but Hogan says he is there for Sting. Hogan then ushers the camera out of the dressing room.

A couple of UK fans basically say that they like wrestling. I’d have never guessed that. They’re JUST LIKE US!

Coming up next watch as Gail Kim assaults Tara on the streets of London, but first…

Commercial

-Russell Stover Valentine’s Day commercial: “I’d love to get Russell Stover chocolates for Valentine’s Day!” If you are a man and you need a commercial that blunt to get you to realize most women love chocolate then you are FOREVER ALONE anyways. Wasted ad dollars.

-Ghost rider commercial – I always loved Ghost Rider, especially the Rollins Band song by the same name, but after reading about what Marvel is doing to the character’s creator I will pass on this one.

Back now with Tara filming London from one of its’ streets as Gail Kim approaches and just assaults Tara. Tara tries to fight back but Gail throws Tara through two big wooden swinging doors. Tara, oddly enough, looks way better fully clothed than she does in gear.

Next we get a recap of a rambling Hogan from last week, hollering about TNA’s greatness and volunteering to be a hood ornament on the ship as TNA breaks through the ice in their way. Christopher Nowinski, line 1 please. Christopher Nowinski, line 1. Mr. Bollea is here to discuss chronic traumatic encephalopathy.

Hogan and Garrett come out to the ring. Hogan cups the ear and gets big cheers from the crowd. Hogan calls the UK fans the best in the world and says they cheered him despite his being gone from their land for 18 years, which only told him that Hulkamania will live forever. Hogan chant from the crowd now as Hogan pleads for the crowd to give to Garrett what they give to him. Yikes, that is shameless pandering at its’ worst. Hogan says from day 1 Garrett wanted to wrestle which leads to Eric Bischoff and Gunner coming out. Eric wants to know who the hell Hogan thinks he is but Hogan says it is about Garrett now, not Eric. Eric says if he has his way Hogan and Garrett have no future. Hogan says Eric does not get this business because he does not realize the Hulkamania Stroke (Good lord, they’re turning that into a real, talked about storyline point? YEESH…) is alive and well. Hogan got permission from Sting to book Gunner vs. Garrett for Against All Odds. Eric then low blows Hogan as Gunner pummels Garrett. Hogan gets back up though and he decks Eric and tosses Gunner out of the ring. Hogan holds Eric for Garrett as Garrett unleashes a terrible punch to his dad. Eric and Gunner then leave.

Next up we get an all new trailer for a decade-plus old 3D re-release of The Phantom Menace! Yea, this is not a Star Wars edition of Impact, it is Impact with Star Wars advertising mashed on top.

Commercial

Phantom Menace trailer. Not even trying to say anything here, waste of time.

Backstage Ray says he is in the red and thermonuclear at Roode but that they’ll be on the same page tonight. Roode says brothers don’t handshake, they hug! Both men hug but Ray pulls away, says 3 days, and leaves.

Backstage Hogan says he will be in Garrett’s corner and Eric Bischoff will be in Gunner’s corner. I smell someone double crossing someone else but I really could not care less.

Hardcore Country Mickie James vs. VELVET SKY:

I love Velvet Sky. She is hot as hell and has the best entrance I’ve ever seen. I have no clue why Taz keeps referring to dirty-ass pigeons when she wiggles her amazing ass but hey he’s probably inebriated. Mickie starts with an armdrag but Velvet grabs a headlock. Mickie rolls on top of Velvet for 2. Velvet hits a shoulderblock followed by a hiptoss and covers for 2. Mickie slips out of the pin attempt and gets a modified Oklahoma roll on Velvet for 2. Mickie and Velvet shake hands but Mickie holds onto Velvet’s hand and hits Velvet into a corner. Velvet gets a flying headscissors on Mickie. Mickie quickly comes back with a dropkick followed by two covers for 2. Mickie punches Velvet into the corner, then snapmares Velvet out of the corner and locks in a seated abdominal stretch. Mickie rolls Velvet over for a 2 count. Velvet gets up, breaks, and comes back with a jawbreaker and clotheslines on Mickie. Velvet drops Mickie with a modified Samoan drop for 2. Mickie then hits a clothesline and goes for her hollering DDT but Velvet slips out and gets a small package on Mickie for 3!

Winner: Velvet Sky via small package, pinfall

OK little match but despite how hot I think Velvet is it does not mean she can go in the ring. Still, she gets a pass from me.

A UK fan proclaims himself part of Velvet’s Pigeon Army. Christ, is this a thing? Pigeon army? Why not Velvet’s Society of Ass? BEE (best entrance ever)? Anything but pigeons. Oh, two other female UK fans say something. I have no idea what they said but whatever it was it sounded like Brad Pitt in Snatch.

Commercials

Back with a video package about TNA’s European tour. These types of events make TNA look more like a legitimate contender and less like WCW-lite. I still remain convinced that a live Monday night show opposite RAW is their ultimate destiny otherwise they’ll never reach the greatness Hogan has rambled on about, however TNA is not what I thought them to be either.

Video package about the 4 way World Title match with Roode saying he will remain champ, Storm saying he wants revenge, Ray calling himself a train and saying he wants to win to piss off the wrestling world. Jeff Hardy also speaks, saying that he needs to win to repay the fans who have stuck by him. Uh no, please no. Nooooooo.

Sting and Storm are backstage and they’re Cowboying up.  The main event is NEXT!

Commercials

Bobby Roode and Bully Ray vs. James Storm and Sting:

Roode and Ray both have very dissimilar yet equally striking looks and characters. I’m a fan of both. I HATE Joker Sting. Borash introduces the combatants and Sting takes off his overcoat to reveal…OK I am torn here. I loved Sting forever. He and the Ultimate Warrior were my favorites when I was little, however I gotta say it, Sting has the body of a middle manager now, not a wrestler. I know he is older now and I’m really not hating on the guy but it’s bad. Anyhow Sting and Roode start but Roode immediately wants to tag in Ray, who walks down the apron and avoids the tag in. Sting and Roode lockup  as Roode pushes Sting to the corner. Roode chops Sting but Sting does not sell a bit of it. UGH. Sting punches Roode and hits a clothesline, then goes for the Scorpion Death Lock. Ray comes in and goes for a boot to Sting’s face but Sting catches the boot as Storm comes in and he and Sting double team Ray, knocking him to the outside.

Final Commercials

-The Dictator commercial: I want to like this movie but I’m not moved either way…yet.

Back to the match as Sting tags in Storm to fight Ray. They lockup and Ray pushes Storm to the corner. Storm hits armdrags and eventually locks in an armbar. He takes Ray to the corner and winds up…for an eyepoke. Hmm. Sting is tagged in and he works on Ray’s arm. Tag now as Storm comes back in with a punch to Ray from the second rope, he then covers Ray for 2. Roode then interferes and gets in the match. He stomps Storm and then Ray comes back in using the old audible tag sound that apparently a distracted ref acknowledges as a tag tactic. Ray bodyslams Storm  and covers for 2. Ray lays in forearms to Storm’s injured ribs and back before tagging Roode in. Roode pounds Storm’s ribs and then locks in a reverse bearhug. Storm finally breaks the hold but Roode yanks him down by the hair. Ray back in after a tag and he locks in his own bearhug. Storm boxes the ears of Ray and pokes the eye to break. Ray knocks down Roode and goes for his chain but Storm avoids it and hits a side Russian legsweep. Storm tags in Sting and Sting hits punches and clotheslines on Roode and Ray. Ray accidentally drops an elbow on Roode. Ray gets knocked down and Sting takes Roode to the corner where Storm hits an enziguri on Roode…who falls forward and headbutts Ray in the pills. Roode eventually gets up, takes control over Sting and goes for the Fisherman buster but Sting blocks it and hits a Scorpion Death Drop! Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock but Ray comes in with the belt presumably to break it up…only he doesn’t. Ray tells Roode “See you in 3 days” and walks out, leaving Roode to tap out!

Winners: James Storm and Sting via Scorpion Death Lock on Roode, submission

I’ve only been doing this for 3 weeks now but I consider myself a TNA fan now. This was my favorite of the 3 shows I’ve seen. We had VELVET SKY, Austin Aries and Alex Shelley, a big UK crowd, and the World Title story advanced with Bully Ray clearly his own man going into the PPV. I could totally see Bully Ray as the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, however I think Roode is an amazing talent with much more potential. I’m not a James Storm fan and the less said about Jeff Hardy the better. All in all it was a good go-home show before the PPV. I hope you enjoyed the recap.

 

Smell ya later!