No Chance – Let’s Disagree on Some Things (Teddy Long, The Undertaker, CM Punk, Michael Cole)
by Joel Leonard on February 13, 2012

We all have an opinion or two that goes outside the norm. Maybe you aren’t as impressed with Ziggler’s selling as the rest of us. Maybe you think that Otunga really has a shot if they would just give him a fair chance. Maybe you think that whole “giving birth to a hand” storyline actually had some good parts about it. (Please don’t think that.) Whatever it is, most of us have an opinion or two that would not make us the most popular if we were ever to voice it, on the internet or otherwise.

Well this week, I must have decided I wasn’t getting enough negative comments on these columns because I’m putting down every crazy, off the wall, backwards idea that I’ve got just to stir the pot a bit, so let the yelling and name calling begin.

Undertaker Needs To Lose at WrestleMania: Well that’s not all that controversial is it? I mean sure some people would like for a 20-0 Undertaker to ride off, undefeated into the sunset this year, but it’s not that uncommon for people to think he needs to lose. So what’s so off the wall about my idea? The Miz should beat him. Ending the streak will be a calling card that will propel whoever does it into the Main Event forever. And that needs to go to somebody who can get the most mileage out of it. What can Jericho claim with an achievement like that that he can’t already do with the undisputed champion thing? Or Triple H, or Cena, or any of the guys already at the top of the card. It needs to be somebody young, worthy of that push, and who likely won’t leave the company the way that Brock Lesnar did. The Miz fits all this. So do other guys though such as Wade Barrett or Cody Rhodes. These guys would work as well. The only reason I picked Miz is because he’s already 2-0 at WrestleMania, so he can claim in promos that he will break the streak in his career even if we know that most likely won’t be happening.

Michael Cole Isn’t the Worst Announcer:  We like to blame everything that’s wrong about commentary on Michael Cole, and for the better part of a year now, that’s been true. But recently Cole seems to have returned to focusing on the action in the ring, calling matches and keeping the unnecessary, annoying heel themed comments to a minimum. But then Lawler has to come in and make some unprovoked comment that drags the whole thing back to where it was back when we had the Cole Mine. We’ve got a long way to go before we have truly good commentary again, and short of a complete team overhaul we might not ever get there. But Cole seems to at least be trying while Lawler doesn’t seem to realize that nobody else in the world is in any way invested in feuding commentators anymore.

CM Punk is Not Golden on Mic:  This takes nothing away from what Punk did last summer with his promos. I stand by saying that both his initial one and those leading up to Money in the Bank were the best mic work of the year, and that includes the Rock’s return promo. But you can’t expect a man to deliver company-shattering promos on a weekly basis. And so, Punk had dropped from a level of near perfection to really, really, really good. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still the best mic worker in the company right now (though an argument could be made for Jericho now that he’s talking again) but I’m starting to see cracks in his perfection. There are only so many PG level insults that Punk can throw around to seem edgy without dragging the whole company back to TV-14. And the grand thoughts that were thrown around about fixing the company never seemed to get turned into actual ideas. I’m hoping that with Jericho as a new rival both in ring and on mic, this new feud will bring back out the best in Punk and we can see the same level of performance that was so captivating last June.

I Don’t Like Teddy Long: I actually don’t know how outside of the norm this is because I haven’t heard that many opinions voiced about Teddy Long, but I can’t stand the guy. I’m willing to cut a lot of slack on wrestlers acting abilities. After all what they can do in the ring is most important and reciting lined well is just an added bonus. That’s why we had managers for so long. Well, whatever actual backstage pull Long may have in the real world, anybody can be hired to play the GM of Smackdown, but we still have Teddy Long who can’t seem to put on a convincing performance to save his life. Every week both in front of the crowd and backstage, Long seems to stumble over his lines as he struggles to book this week’s tag team match or partake in another one of those terrible, terrible skits backstage. Is there nobody else available that looks slightly less awkward delivering lines that could fill that part?

Today Wrestling is the Best it Has Ever Been:  Ok this one isn’t actually true. It’s just using a catchy headline to grab your attention. Wrestling is a lot like SNL in that the best incarnation of it is always going to be around the time you first started watching it. This is because over time, you tend to forget all the mediocre and bad things that you had to watch and instead just focus on the highlights. So yes sitting through week after week of less than stellar Raw episodes today can’t compare to the best parts of the attitude era but I’m not sure the average episode today is really any worse than the average episode ten or fifteen years ago. And I don’t actually think that we are watching the best wrestling the world has ever offered right now, but twenty years from now someone who just recently started watching will think that because he remember the summer of 2011 as the time when Punk ran away with the belt and not the time that WWE dedicated a large portion of a PPV to an Obama impersonator.

I Like John Cena: So this one could quite possible get the most people mad at me, but I’ve honestly never gotten the blind hatred of Cena. People complain that kids like him (So what? Kids like Toy Story and that was awesome) or that he always resorts to the five moves of doom (like every other guy on the roster brings a brand new move set each week) but there’s nothing there to get me all riled up. I get that WWE had been shoving him down our throat for the past few years, but there are worse guys on the roster that could be forced upon us. Neither his mic skills or his in ring work is the top of the line but I’ve always found it good enough, at to be honest when he has an opponent that can bring out the best in him, Cena can have match of the year contenders. If nothing else, I hope that people can at least agree that Cena is good for the company. It’s a company that he works hard for and is a good guy to make the face of your business when you may have been associated with some



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