Hey there, it’s James “I Destroy Everything I Love” Carter. That’s right, another nickname. My therapist came up with that one. Whatta court-appointed cut-up, amirite?
Anywho, this is “My Pinterest is Piledrivers,” Mike Gojira’s seventh favorite column but his first among names. He’s big on what the kids are doing on the internets, you see. Oh, but I tease. And hey, despite our ribbing and discussions, I have respect for these guys and this really is the only wrestling site I go to. The editors seem to have cleared out some dead weight and now what’s left is pure fucking magic. So don’t just worship at my feet, worship some other feet, too.
We have two weeks until Wrestlemania and I have two weeks until I can start my epic. I haven’t exactly calculated how many columns it will be, but I plan on writing a series on how the WWE can and should improve. Realistic solutions, too, none of this “drive a dumptruck of yellow diamonds and blow to the Rock’s Miami mansion” crap. Face it, he ain’t comin’ back. Although speaking of the Rock…
If you’ve been reading the columns on this site (which if not… hi people I went to college with!) then you’ve seen a big debate on the Rock versus John Cena. And people love the Rock. I mean, really love the Rock. To a degree that if he ever goes missing, they might start checking some basements around here. Also, if you’ve been catching up on YouTube (my preferred way of watching wrestling. No ads or Mark Henry matches) you’ll see a battle in the comments section as well. And probably some chain letter comments. Look, it doesn’t matter how many times you repost something, you’re not gonna get kissed by your true love on Friday. It just won’t happen… sigh…
Now frankly I have mild interest in the match. It’ll be interesting to see if they job Dwayne out in his hometown, which business-wise they should do. Personally I’m more interested in CM Punk vs Chris Jericho, or closing my eyes during the pointless GM vs GM match and pretending it’s Dolph Ziggler vs Cactus Jack like they should have scheduled. But what I do love is the enthusiasm. The sheer, unbridled enthusiasm of grown men acting like kids and cheering their favorite Superstars like they never care to ever see a woman naked again. That’s powerful. That’s awesome, and that’s something everyone should have with at least someone, even if it’s not the Brahma Bull or Marky Mark In Purple.
Who am I marking out for at the moment? This guy.
God he’s worth every penny they’re paying him and more.
You know when fans are doing remixes to your in-ring antics, you’re catching fire. As a bonus, the end of that video has the double date with the athletic Andy Samberg, Derrick Bateman. Why that guy isn’t in a tag-team with Ryder, Tatsu or Santino I do not know. But Daniel is running with the smarmy, smug “better than you” heel role. We last saw this with CM Punk as he touted his straight edge lifestyle and now they’re assigning it to Bryan, knowing his veganism and environmental consciousness will really rub the red states the wrong way. D-Bry is so hilarious that even though he’s getting booed, fans are internally admiring how entertaining he is. Check out Matthew Harrak’s news item on his most recent Facebook posting here. When he turns face again, he’ll be even bigger than when he first debuted. But that’s enough clips of him for now.
Couldn’t resist. YES! YES! YES!
The Great Beyond
“Return of the Mark? Is that a pun on something?” Yes, it is. You’re welcome.
Holy crap, over six million views? For a mid-90s dance one-hit wonder? Man, The Real McCoy must be licking their European chops right now…
Tags: Cactus Jack, chris jericho, cm punk, Daniel Bryan, derrick bateman, Dolph Ziggler, john cena, Mark Henry, Santino Marella, The Rock, WWE, yoshi tatsu, zack ryder