Is everyone still writing about WrestleMania and pretending they’re excited? I passed on RAW and Smackdown this week, I don’t think anything important happened anyway. Impact? I gave up about forty-five mins in.
What the fuck am I writing about this week then? “Wrestling is Still Boring” was one idea, I’d just re-heat everything I said last week and serve it up with a side of sarcasm. “RAW is…” was what I named recaps when I was doing them on my own website, writing them almost put me in the hospital though. I have a recap of Chyna’s Youshoot that I could probably get away with, but wordpress gives me grief every time I try to import it. A fresh idea then?
Roughly 234098546238905489890342 years ago, the NWA had a group of characters called The Four Horsemen. Today, WWE have nothing like it. Let’s make a stable!
Take Ziggler away from Vickie, maybe put her on SmackDown with Yoshi or something. Ziggler is going to be our new Flair and work towards winning the WWE title.
Have Otunga re-team with Michael McGillicutty (under his real name, Joe Hennig) and give them back the tag titles.
Johnny Ace is gonna be our JJ Dillon here, so he’d need to lose this thing against Teddy at Mania and walk about for a few weeks in order to build this team.
We still need a Tully type guy to go for the US/IC belt and I don’t want this to become Nexus 2328342498, so The Miz will do.
Obviously, it’s a heel stable and they’d need some good faces to work against, but that’s Vince’s problem. The only flaw I can see is that they have no mouthpiece. Ace can’t cut promos, Ziggler hasn’t been given many opportunities to speak thus far, Hennig and Otunga aren’t intimidating if they’re going after the belts nobody wants and The Miz is just iffy. They have him do other TV shows and lots of interviews, but he’s a smug bastard and that’s just not the type of feeling a group like this need to put across.
Our JJ Dillon will be Arn Anderson, WWE have him on the payroll and he’s still able to cut promos.
Alberto Del Rio already has the limousine riding, jet-flying thing down and he has the ring skills, so he’s an obvious Flair.
Ted DiBiase is still employed. He can grow a beard, chase the mid-card belt and basically play his father’s character.
Tag Team? Our Arn and Tully will be Husky Harris and Joe Hennig. A repeat for Hennig, sure, but this is the role he was born to play. Both ex-Nexus guys again, but both of them have Horsemen blood running through their veins.
Problems? This might be the best option of the four.
William Regal is our JJ type guy. This makes so much fucking sense and needs to actually happen at some point (even if it’s just on NXT).
Mason Ryan and Drew McIntyre are our Tag Team. Drew needs to win some matches and this would be a good way of having that happen.
Flair? Gotta be Wade Barrett. Some people like him, or so I hear. His feud with Orton kinda whimpered out due to injuries, so this would give him another shot at the main event.
Our not-so-great-title chaser? Layla. SWERVE! Yeah, she’s the only other Brit on the WWE payroll and, if you haven’t noticed already, this will be a British version of the horsemen. I’m not ripping off WWE 12 here, I know Shaemus isn’t from the United fucking Kingdom.
Problems? Well it has a “Diva” instead of someone WWE actually give a shit about, but DX kinda worked as a 90’s take on The Horsemen. You had New Age Outlaws with the Tag belts, X-Pac with the European championship, HHH with the IC/WWF belt and Chyna with, well, didn’t they give her the IC belt at one point? Even the first incarnation had Shawn as Flair, Rude as JJ, HHH as Tully and Chyna with a clit bigger than her ego.
Christian would be our Flair in this version. He could do with another title run.
Our Tag Title holders will be Jimmy and Jey Uso. Primo & Epico won the belts at a house show, so why can’t The Usos?
The IC champ will be Cody Rhodes, he’s had the belt for eight months or something now.
The JJ of this group would be Edge. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it would be a way to keep Edge on the payroll and save us all from a string of shite buddy-cop movies.
The problems? This one is easy to throw together due to the use of existing champs and alliances, just have them all meet up backstage one night and start talking.
They don’t even need a horsemen calibre group, it’s not like that have anyone with Flair’s mic skills under contract anyway. Everyone is so fucking bland right now, just hints of personality will do. Vickie’s team would be fine if Ziggler had beat Punk for the title back in January… I’m starting to approach territory already covered by Ralph Hardin, so I guess it’s time to call it a day. Probably for the best too, as my deadline is roughly an hour and I still need to proofread this.
Like my choices? Say so in the comments and inflate my already massive ego.
Think you could do better? Post your own ideas for a new version of The Horsemen/DX/INSERT_STABLE_HERE and maybe we’ll get a little discussion going.
Tags: alberto del rio, Arn Anderson, ask ric flair, barry windham, christian, Chyna, cm punk, Cody Rhodes, curt hennig, David Otunga, Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre, DX, edge, Four Horsemen, HHH, husky harris, JJ Dillon, Joe Hennig, Johnny Ace, Layla, martyrshow, mason ryan, nexus, NWA, Raw, shawn michaels, Smackdown, ted dibiase, Teddy Long, The Miz, the usos, Tully Blanchard, Vickie Guerrero, Wade Barrett, WCW, William Regal, WWE, yoshi tatsu