THE RAGER! Extreme Thoughts! (CM Punk, Brock Lesnar, Daniel Bryan)
by Chris Sanders on May 2, 2012

The soundtrack for THE RAGER this week comes to you from the mind of Brendon Small (creator of Metalacalypse).

I’m Chris and I’m coming from an undisclosed location (that suspiciously looks like my parents’ house in Fayetteville). Follow me on the twitters @cwsanders39. Guess what?

THIS IS THE RAGER! (and this week I desperately try not to steal anything out Gojira’s brain before he has a chance to say it first).

EXTREME RULES!
Kane Vs Randy Orton (Falls count anywhere but they REALLY super duper count when they’re in the ring)
This wasn’t a bad match to start things off. I will say this would probably be one of the low spots of the night and that’s definitely not a knock on this match, but just because the rest of the night was so much bigger. Randy got the win and Kane is more than likely gonna start a program with Zack Ryder.

Ziggles vs Brodus Clay
This match had two people that I thoroughly enjoy watching but too bad there were other people around that tried to ruin it. The crowd went nuts for Ziggles and it just made me love Chicago that much more for having good taste.

Tables Match for the Intercontinental Championship: Big Show (c) vs Cody Rhodes
I did enjoy the derpy ending and the priceless look on Show’s face. I was hoping Rhodes wouldn’t get the belt again because Rhodes needs to go on to bigger and better things that don’t involve Big Show. However, with Cody in possession yet again of the title, I’m hoping he has a good couple programs with younger talent and ultimately breaking Honky Tonk’s record.

2/3 Falls for Heavyweight Title: Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus (c)
I know my opinion will more than likely go along with the majority of others and say that this was the match we were wanting a month ago. Daniel Bryan pulling the DQ and gaining a submission right after plays perfectly in the weasel character he’s built over the past 6-7 months. I wasn’t entirely happy with the outcome but now that I’ve watch Raw, I understand but more on that later.

Ryback vs oh I don’t care and shrug
Glad to see WWE carry this story into the PPV (a la Brodus’ squash match at Royal Rumble). It was quick and everything but I’m just ready to see him face some real competition and see if he can pull off some of those moves with guys that weigh more than my sister’s boston terrier.

The Chicago Street Fight: CM Punk(c) vs Chris Jericho
Before I dive into this match, I will say that the only thing out of place in this entire match was that both men were wearing jeans under their pads and I highly doubt that was comfortable at all but moving on…
Great match, obviously. The involvement of Punk’s sister (hottie) was a bit predictable but I was on-board (which may or may not be do to her hottie status). I felt like it was a good mixture of the street fight elements for the majority of it but still coming down to good ol’ fashioned wrestling. Sure Punk may have botched a couple of moves but just think about everything he did or had done to him prior to. I think him botching a spot here and there is understandible, yes?

Divas Championship: One of the Bellas(c) vs Beth Phoenix Layla
Gotta admit, I’m glad to see Layla back but I know this is just temporary until Kharma runs over everyone to lead to Beth’s return and their faceoff. Right now, it feels like WWE is just teasing us.

Extreme Rules Match: Brock Lesnar vs John Cena
THIS wasn’t a wrestling match, it was just a fight and I don’t say that to diminish anything from what these two did but there just doesn’t seem to be any other way to describe it. Sure we got a bit of ridiculous Super Cena at the end but this one seemed a little bit more legit compared to Over the Limit last year against Miz. This was something we really hadn’t seen involving Cena to my knowledge. I’m not really a big fan of Brock in any sense (I mean I don’t hate the guy or anything, just indifferent) so I’m ok with the ending. I will say this that Brock launching himself off the stairs was quite the spot.

Overall, I enjoyed the pay per view almost as much as MitB 2011 because it had the big booking like Wrestlemania but they didn’t have as much riding on the outcome so they felt more comfortable taking more risks and that is a great combination in my book.

RAW!
Gotta hand it to WWE for sticking to the “starring Brock Lesnar” schtick, if only they had done that with CM Punk’s spoons and ice cream bars.
I felt kinda meh about the whole HHH/Lesnar business at the start of the show, they’re really trying to sell the Kimura and seems to be working. This gives HHH an excuse to stay off camera a little longer, same can be said for Brock.

I am a fan of the Beat the Clock challenges, it gives a bit more of a purpose to all the matches throughout the night and keeps my attention (hard to do) through most of the show.
Miz vs Santino: Miz (much like another Ohio native) seems to only win when (haha win win) gold isn’t on the line (yes, that was a slam on Bron Bron).

Jericho vs Big Show: I really can’t tell if the ending was just botched by the ref or if that’s exactly how it was meant to play out…either way, everybody had a confused look on their face, included me. Not like it matters due to the end result…unless that wasn’t suppose to be the end result.

Randy Orton vs Swags: I would like to point out the total BS that Ziggles was not included in any of the 5 Beat the Clock matches. There better be a good reason, that’s all I’ll say *shakes fist at WWE*
Anyways, Orton pulls off the win just in time. Turns out the company really doesn’t care that much about the brand split anymore (not that its a new thing, just more evidence).

The Bellas get fired during the show and the fact that they felt the need to go ahead and announce this but didn’t feel the need to come up with a reason seems a bit odd to me.

New tag team champs! I really have no feelings towards this other than this may be the reason the tag division is in the shape that it’s in, the fact that an established team drops their belt to a team that was put together on a whim a few weeks ago. *sigh* Oh well.
However, I am ok with it because maybe this means less of Rosa Mendes. Not that I have anything against her, I think she’s a gorgeous woman but everytime she’s ringside, we witness Lawler’s Perv-o-meter rise straight through the announce table.

Great Khali vs Kane: …next.

Daniel Bryan vs Jerry Lawler: I’d be interested in figuring out the story behind the booking of this match and maybe that’ll come out within the next few weeks, maybe it won’t. Bryan wins with plenty of time to spare and he will face Punk for the WWE Championship and I’m sure everyone at home started drooling immediately (guilty). Over the Limit is being held a little over an hour from my apartment but I really had no desire to buy a ticket and drive all the way there. However, I heard of this match and immediately reconsidered. That was until this…

John Cena is facing Johnny Ace (apparently with help from Tensai and his labradoodle). Its been over 25 hours since I witness the booking of this match and I still have nothing worthwhile to say about it.

Side note:
Next Monday Night, Myself, Joel Leonard and several friends are going to Monday Night Raw and I’m beyond excited for it. I think I’m most excited to make signs and we have plenty of ideas but there’s one in particular that I’m most excited about.
“Ziggles could sell drugs to CM Punk” (Can’t take all the credit for that one, most of it belongs to Joel). But part of me doesn’t think I’ll be able to get by with that sign so I’m trying to think of an alternative like “Ziggles could even sell Tensai.” Any ideas?
Also, we have decided if Tensai does make an appearance, we will turn our backs to the ring (we encourage everyone else to do this as well). And no, Albert Tensai, we are not booing you because you’re a heel, we’re booing you because you’re terrible.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: When Brock had HHH in the Kimura and Cole keep talking about that audible snap of HHH’s arm? Yeah, doesn’t exist and Santa is really your “Uncle Bob” “dancing” with your Mom. And by “Uncle Bob,” I mean me. Ho Ho Ho #perv-o-meter



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