Hello ladies & gentlemen sir & madam, welcome to The Superstar Report.
Tyson Kidd & Justin Gabriel vs. Curt Hawkins & Tyler Reks
Reks & Gabriel start the match. They lock-up and Gabriel is backed into a corner. The ref calls for a break and Reks takes a swing, Gabriel ducks behind him for the schoolboy pin but Reks holds onto the top rope and pulls Gabriel up by the hair. He waste time talking smack and gets dropkicked back into the corner. Reks comes out with the big boot, Gabriel gets behind him and successfully completes the schoolboy pin but only gets 1. Reks body slams Gabriel and tags in Hawkins. They Irish-whip Gabriel but Reks gets kicked in the chest and Hawkins gets an arm-drag into a shoulder lock. Gabriel tags out but before he leaves he drop-toe-holds Hawkins and Kidd follows-up with a running dropkick that gets 2. Kidd applies a front face-lock and Gabriel gets back into the action after a blind tag with a springboard sunset flip that gets 2. Gabriel uses another arm-drag into shoulder-lock combo and Hawkins screams out in pain. Kidd is the legal man now and they send Hawkins to the ropes; double elbow strikes, a double snapmare and simultaneous roundhouse kicks to the back and chest gets 2. Hawkins finds himself in a shoulder lock again but eventually escapes. He sends Tyson to the ropes and tries to catch him on the rebound but Kidd holds onto the top rope. Hawkins charges and Kidd uses his back-flip-kick-to-the-apron move. Reks tries to attack him but Kidd knocks him off the apron with a forearm shot. Hawkins uses the distraction to nail Kidd with a gamengiri. Reks makes the tag and picks Kidd up to drive his lower back into the ring edge. He throws him back in, stomps him in the gut, delivers a double-axe handle to the head and rakes his face with his right knee. Hawkins comes in and stomps Kidd’s gut and kicks him in the back for a 2-count. Kidd finds himself in a headlock but escapes by using an arm-drag. He then side-steps Hawkins and throws him out of the ring. Tyson tries to tag-out but Hawkins pulls Gabriel off of the apron and before he can climb back onto it Kidd is dragged to his opponents’ corner. Reks chokes him from the outside as Hawkins…holds him in the air by his feet while the ref is distracted by Justin? Wrestling…logic? Hawkins takes a bow and Superstars takes a commercial break,
Reks uses the ropes to do a jumping stomp to Kidd’s stomach and Hawkins adds a jumping elbow drop to said stomach which gets 2. Hawkins plants his right knee in Kidd’s back and applies a cross-face. Kidd attempts to fight out of it with rights to the gut but Hawkins puts a stop to that with a clubbing blow to the back. He sits Kidd on the top turnbuckle and goes for a backdrop suplex but Kidd elbows him in the face thrice and helps him down from the top with a flipping power-bomb! Reks and Gabriel get the tags and Reks is put on his ass multiple times with a jumping shoulder block, an elbow strike and a spinning back kick. Reks stumbles into a corner and Gabriel follows him in with an avalanche splash and floats over the top rope. A springboard cross-body gets 2 for Gabriel. Reks takes a swing, Gabriel ducks and drives him into the mat with the S.T.O. He goes for a springboard moonsault but Reks rolls out of the way! Reks stalks his prey, punt kicks him in the chest to force him to stand upright then plants him in the middle of the ring with a lifting reverse S.T.O. but only gets 2! Reks lands several punches to the head and Gabriel is forced to cover up. Reks pushes him to the ropes and Gabriel comes back with a head-scissors-no wait Reks was going for a tilt-a-whirl slam. Gabriel escapes and sets him up for an inverted ddt, Reks switches position and does…uh…this. I’m not sure what to call that but it only gets 2. Gabriel is picked up for a stalling suplex but he shifts his body weight and d.d.t.s Reks! Tyler appears to be out of it and Hawkins has to break-up the pin. Meanwhile Tyson enters the ring and throws Hawkins to the apron. Hawkins hangs on so Kidd takes him out with a gamengiri. Kidd becomes the legal man and Gabriel hold Reks in position for a springboard elbow drop and Tyson & Justin get the deciding pin-fall at 8m 58s.
Santino Marella vs. Micheal McGillicutty
Santino rolls forward and loads up The Cobra. McG tells the ref to get him back. There are a few collar-and-elbow tie-ups that lead to nothing. McG Irish-whips Santino and he uses a cartwheel to stop the momentum. Another Irish-whip, another cartwheel. McG puts up his right hand for a test of strength. This turns out to be a trap though as McG kicks Santino in the gut and takes him to the ground with a headlock takedown. McG maintains the hold and Santino gets to his feet to try to break the hold with a wrist-lock. McG reapplies the hold then they do the push-off-to-shoulder-block-sequence. Santino runs the ropes and gets hip-tossed after a few passes. McG does a cartwheel to mock Marella who…encourages the audience to give him a hand. Eh, works for me. They grapple again and McG knees him in the gut and punches him in the face. Santino is thrown to the ropes and he…starts to power-walk? McG is just as confused as I am as he ask Santino what the hell is wrong with him. Santino avoids the question and sweeps the legs and uses a jackknife pin to get 2. McG tells him this isn’t a joke and pushes him; Santino springs back and does The Cobra pose. McG wants no part of it and quickly exits the ring. It’s break time folks.
Santino is caught in a shoulder-lock but quickly gets to his feet and regains control with an arm throw, arm drag, and body slam. He looks to maintain the momentum but is told to back-off since McG is in a corner. Mike extends his hand in friendship. Well that was ni-and he just kicks Santino in the gut and punches him in the face. Santino gets more punches and kicks in the corner before being picked up for a back-breaker. A diving double-axe-handle gets 2 for McG. Santino is choked on the middle rope then gets suplexed for 2. McG applies a side head-lock. Santino gets to his feet, breaks the hold with right hands to the gut and tries to send his opponent to the corner. McG reverses and when Santino tries to vault over him he takes a northern lariat for 2. McG picks up Santino for a body slam but gets rolled-up for 2. McG quickly strikes with a standing dropkick and gets 2. Santino is put in position for another diving double-axe handle with a body slam but he rolls out of the way and uses a Saito suplex. I didn’t think he had it in him. Santino tees-off on McG with several left hands and a forearm strike. He ducks a lariat and catches McG with a hip-toss and a jumping head-butt. He pulls out the puppet and puts McG away with The Coooooobraaaaaaaa after 8m & 56s of action.
The Main Event: Zack Ryder vs. Lord Tensai
The bell rings and Zack is immediately pushed into a corner where he gets beaten down with a knee, head-butts, right hands and a throat thrust. Tensai whips Ryder out of the corner then throws him back in and goes for a splash. Ryder avoids it and hits the ropes but gets a shoulder-block. Tensai drops an elbow, bludgeons the back of Ryder’s skull with forearms and throws him out of the ring. Ryder ducks a short-arm lariat and delivers a forearm shot of his own before trying to climb into the ring but Tensai pulls him out back out; Tensai charges and Ryder drop-toe-holds him into the announcers’ table. Ryder lands a right but Tensai shoves him off so Ryder climbs back into the ring. When Tensai re-enters Ryder jumps on him and clubs him on the back multiple times. Ryder builds up a head of steam but gets another throat thrust. Ryder receives multiple head-butts in a corner. Tensai picks him back up for a double-arm suplex then drops another elbow. Tensai body-slams Ryder and applies a shoulder claw. Ryder tries to fight out of it but Tensai knees him in the chest and connects with the short-arm clothesline which gets 2. Tensai plants his right knee in Ryder’s back and applies a chin-lock; when Ryder gets to his knees he re-applies the shoulder claw. This eats up almost a minute-and-a-half and any joy that I had left. Ryder tries to soften-up the gut with a pair of punches but Tensai clubs his neck and takes him over the middle rope to choke him. Alb-Tensai has to break the hold and Sakamoto decks Ryder behind the referee’s back. Ryder gets whipped into a corner hard and falls down in the perfect position for a corner slingshot splash but Ryder avoids it by rolling out of the ring. Sakamoto gets shoved onto his ass when he gets too close and Tensai eats a right hand, which is probably the 8th thing he’s consumed within the past 6 minutes. Ryder signals for the Broski Boot which becomes a big boot since Tensai tries to stand back and Ryder, much to my surprise, only g-okay I couldn’t even type that with a straight face. Ryder clubs Tensai’s back but he’s shoved into a corner. Tensai charges but Ryder quickly gets the knees up. Zack goes for the Rough Ryder and…he’s caught and gets powerbombed into the top turnbuckle. Ryder gets picked up for the 2-handed choke slam and Tensai mercifully ends this travesty with the running senton splash at 5m 16s. Zack had a win streak going and it gets ended like…that? Yeah yeah, I know this is a throwaway show but still…THAT?!
Well that’s it for this week. Be safe out there.
