The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 09.13.12
Forget HHH, Dan Gheesling is the REAL Game and Cerebral Assassin. I want to blow up the look on Danielle’s face and wallpaper my living room with it.
Live from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz
Austin Aries joins us to start, talking about being the World champion and fighting off Aces & Eights for the past few months. This brings out Jeff Hardy, but Bully Ray quickly interrupts the mutual admiration society. Aries is lucky that he’s not facing Bully at the PPV, and Jeff is lucky because he lucked into winning the match due to Bully’s integrity. Aries thinks that Bully and Jeff should do a rematch tonight, but Bully is less enthused (“DON’T TAKE THAT SHIRT OFF!”) and it’s apparently on.
X title: Zema Ion v. Sonjay Dutt
The announcers offer best wishes to Jerry Lawler before the match, which is a very classy move. Taz even uses the line about pulling the strap down and making the comeback, which I’ll take credit for. Dutt hits a dive and throws Ion around the ring, then snaps off a rana for two. Ion misses a charge and Dutt goes up, hitting a headscissors from the top. Nice little sequence with Ion escaping a standing monsault and hooking the Rings of Saturn, but Dutt escapes and gets a neckbreaker. Dutt gets the double stomp moonsault…but Ion has his foot on the ropes. Ion bails and Dutt tosses him back in and goes up again, but this time Ion knocks him down and pins him with the ropes at 3:28. Zema’s not exactly setting the world on fire as champion, but at least he’s got a personality to carry things until the Jesse Sorenson feud. **
Meanwhile, the World tag champions enjoy some appletinis and mock Hulk. Hulk isn’t impressed with the drink quality, and leaves their fate in their own hands. Daniels faces either Chavo or Hernandez, and Kaz faces either AJ or Angle, and if they can win both they don’t have to give either team a rematch.
Meanwhile, Angle gives up the match to AJ, and meets up with Wes Brisco again.
Meanwhile, we get a video package showing the Storm-Roode war at No Surrender.
Bobby Roode, impeccably dressed as always, makes his return and explains his attack on Storm. Basically, if he can’t ever get a World title match again, then neither can Storm. Works for me. Storm comes out to offer his rebuttal in the form of fisticuffs and the brawl is on.
Kazarian v. AJ Styles
AJ takes him down with armdrags and Kazarian bails, so AJ slingshots him back in and tries a Styles Clash in one move. That would have been slick. Kaz escapes it, so AJ dropkicks him out of the ring and they fight as we take a break. Back with AJ hitting a backbreaker and then blocking a suplex attempt on the apron with a DDT. That looked pretty nasty. AJ misses a charge and hits the railing, and Kazarian monkey-flips him off that. Back in, Kazarian gets two. AJ comes back and gets the flying forearm in the corner, and then a springboard forearm. Kaz takes him down with the corner pin for two, but AJ hits the Pele and Styles Clash at 9:00. ***
Meanwhile, Hulk wants Brooke to have bodyguards at all times, and Joseph Park claims that he’s got evidence to blow the case WIDE OPEN…but it won’t be here until next week. Hulk appoints Joseph as the bodyguard in the meantime.
Meanwhile, Bully Ray goads Jeff Hardy into putting up the BFG title shot tonight.
Hulk Hogan joins us to make the Hardy-Bully match all official-like, and he declares that the Impact Zone is locked down FOREVER, brother. However, the Aces appear on the screen, questioning whether they’re locked out…or in.
Christopher Daniels v. Chavo Guerrero
They slug it out in the corner and Chavo grabs a headlock, and a backbreaker gets two. Daniels bails and Chavo hits him with a dive off the apron, but Daniels sends him into the railing to take over. Back in, that gets two. Knee to the gut gets two. STO gets two. Chavo comes back with a flying headcissors and hiptosses Daniels to the floor, so Chris grabs the belt. Chavo gives him the rolling suplexes and frog splash to finish clean at 6:25. So now the Mexicans also get a title shot. Rough night for the World tag team champions of the World. **1/2
Meanwhile, we meet next week’s Gut Check contestant. He’s out of the Killer Kowalski school, so he’ll either end up a three-time WWE champion and best-selling author, or else an embittered former star working at Target. I don’t see any middle ground.
Tara calls out Miss Tessmacher to offer her love and congratulations, and surprisingly doesn’t turn on her. Oh, wait, that comes after Tessmacher does her celebration, sorry. So Tara is all EVIL again.
Meanwhile, Hulk rallies the troops against the Aces & Eights, including a conspicuous D-Lo Brown. The dramatic cuts were a bit silly and the payoff would work better if D-Lo had actually been on TV before this, but I like that they’re building it up.
Bully Ray v. Jeff Hardy
Bully attacks to start and gets overwhelmed, as Hardy pounds away in the corner and takes him down with a rana for two. Bully bails and Hardy follows with a dive as we take a break. Back with Bully hitting a big boot for two and dropping an elbow for two. Big splash gets two. Another elbow gets two. Jeff tries the Twist of Fate, but Bully runs him into the post and Jeff takes some time to recover on the floor. Back in, Bully with a corner splash, but Hardy hits him with the Whisper in the Wind. They slug it out from their knees and Hardy makes the comeback with a low dropkick for two. Bully hits the Bubbabomb for two. Bully tries it again, but Jeff reverses into a DDT for two. Jeff goes up and Bully brings him down with a superplex for two. Pump splash misses and Jeff goes up and misses the swanton. Bubbabomb gets a close two. Bubba misses the big boot and Jeff hits a pair of Twists and the swanton to finish at 12:27. Usual good match between these two, although this is the third one in a week we’ve seen. ***
The Pulse
The build begins with their usual good show and good matches. I don’t know that Austin Aries v. Jeff Hardy will light the world on fire or anything, but I’m just happy to see Aries get such a long reign.
