Before we being, I haven’t done this in a while:
The song of the week (that has nothing to do with this column or its contents) comes from Priestess
So I gave TLC a lot of crap last week based on that minor thing know as “the card” and “the lack of build” but it turned out to be a pretty good PPV, closing the final chapter to what I consider to be a really good year for PPVs for WWE…at least compared to the past few years. But TLC was fun and had plenty of gif-worth moments (you’ll see).
Pre-Show Match: A Christmas-themed Divas battle royal aka excuse to have the Divas dressed in skimpy Christmas outfits that haven’t been attractive since the 50s (it’s a long title but very specific)
Interesting move going with a Funkadactyl, just glad they went with the one that actually wrestles and doesn’t have an arrest record. I know they’re still building a thing between Eve and Kaitlyn(‘s boobs) and I guess this is a way to do so without spending any actual Raw airtime to do it. Kinda lame but we got to see somebody new that wasn’t completely horrid (she’s still pretty green, though…or that’s due to the fact that she’s only been dancing for the past year).
Tables Match for #1 Contender for Tag Team Championship – Rhodes Scholars vs Masked Half-Willing
I’ll give it to Cara, for once, the guy actually did take a nasty bump onto those tables. Matter of fact, this outdoes the last time Cara did something decent, the time Sheamus powerbombed him through a ladder last year. I’m getting the feeling that the only thing Cara doesn’t screw up is falling, so he has that going for him (watch him find a way to botch that too). Rhodes and Sandow are working so great together right now and it’s good to see WWE not getting in their own way on this…only matter of time, though.
US Championship Match: Antonio Cesaro(c) vs R-Truth
Not a bad match but certainly gets downplayed on a gimmick PPV, especially on a decent gimmick PPV. Again, one of those matches where everybody wants to talk about everything other than the match itself but that’s nothing new. I saw the picture Truth tweeted about his knee, it’s pretty gnarly but I’m still trying to figure out when did that happen in the match because it seemed like he was moving around pretty well the entire time.
So ADR turned face? Not that I really care because it’s gonna take a lot of damage control for me to actually give a crap about him once again. Pairing him up with another recently turned face probably isn’t the best strategy either seeing as how fans are still trying to get used to face-Miz.
Intercontinental Championship Match: Kofi Kingston(c) vs Wade Barrett
Decent enough match, seemed like they rushed through it pretty quickly but that might’ve had something to do with that it seemed like the fans weren’t getting into it. Either way, I still think Wade should’ve gotten the belt because it’s not like Kofi is doing anything of note…but then again, neither is Wade.
Punk cut a pretty decent promo but the only thing the internet seemed to take away from it is wanting the t-shirt
The No-DQ Match that Happened to Have Tables, Ladders and Chairs in it But I Still Don’t Consider It to Be a TLC Match: Shield vs Ryback and Team Friendship
Here comes the point where I just show off a ton of gifs because I just don’t even know how to put some of those moments into words. Yes, I still give this match grief because it was billed as a TLC match but in spite of that, it still was a fantastic match. Of course, a bunch of people are already over-analyzing this match and making it out to be something so much bigger than it actually is so don’t expect me to do that. All I know is that this was the best way to debut young talent without completely burying current talent. This was one of those rare matches where everybody carried their own and each were rewarded with a great moment. Of course there were spots that stood above the rest. Of course there was Roman tackling Kane, Rollins pulling out the blackout on Daniel Bryan, and of course let us not forget about Ambrose Face.
However, the obvious spot of the night has to go to Rollins biting it hard on a few tables. I thought it was odd that just before that moment, Roman and Dean just kinda walked away back toward the ring but some people had said that was them sacrificing Seth so they could pick up the win on the remaining opponent. Whatever the case is, great match and all 6 participants have something to be proud of.
Divas Championship Match: Eve(c) vs Naomi
Naomi had some strong moments but, again, she’s either green or rusty (maybe a rusty green? sounds dirty).
Chairs Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Big Show(c) vs Sheamus
To be fair, this match might’ve been better than some would give it credit for but everyone just still recovered from the non-TLC match high. Let me just say this, We have still yet to see the giant chair actually be opened up and sat in so I’m skeptical that it’s a working chair (you know, a chair on the streets). But now that I say that, I have a feeling we will see a picture of Hornswaggle sitting in the giant chair…why did I even put that out in the universe, I’m sorry.
Nice moment for Brawler, the rest was just embarrassing.
MitB Ladder Match: Dolph Ziggler vs John Cena
The most impressive thing about this match was how the commentators seemed to kinda give up trying to deny that the crowd was firmly behind Ziggler (by completely ignoring the audience the entire time except for one brief moment when Cena was coming to the ring). Of course, Ziggler can get a great match out of pretty much anybody and he managed to do that with Cena. However, I will not be one of those people giving Cena an “A for effort” for this awkward bit of business. Oh wow, Cena left his feet for once!
As for the big swerve, I really should have seen that one coming. I had a feeling back when Ziggler gave his big diatribe a few weeks back that those two would end up getting paired together and from what I’ve seen, it’s a good fit.
Random Thought: I was gonna come out on here and complain about the outcome of the slammy awards just like most everybody is currently doing but then I remembered that they’re rigged, horrible and only relevant when it’s the time of year when they’re promoting the slammys.
Finally, with the holidays drawing nigh, I will be taking next week off so try another healthy outlet for your RAGE. Enjoy your holidays!
Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris
The Answer: Staged or not, this is simply metaphorical about Tensai’s current run with WWE
