The Bachelor – Episode 17-5 Review – “Man-a Montana”
by Jill Mader on February 7, 2013
bachelor girls

Ladies compete for Sean on ‘The Bachelor’

Yawn. Have we talked enough about how boring this season of The Bachelor is? Because it’s putting me to sleep. The best part of every episode is the silly “blooper” the show at the end. Genuine human moments get thirty seconds at the end of the show, and the rest is all milquetoast romance. I mean, this week they went to Montana. How drab. And we’ve got another whole episode to sit through tomorrow! Unfair.

Individual Date – Lindlindsaysay

This was maybe one of the most boring dates I’ve ever seen. Lindsay is the crazy girl who arrived in a wedding dress and got too drunk, and that’s all she’ll ever be known for. Sean took Lindsay for a picnic and dinner (I’m sure no food was consumed either time) and they talked. There were no sparks. No jokes. No memorable conversation. This single paragraph is all I have to say on the date.

Group Date – A 4H Club Competition

For the group date, the selected women were divided into two teams and had to compete in a series of outdoorsy events in order to stay around. What? The only man I’d do this for is Ron Effing Swanson.

I was rooting for the red team, since I know I like Sarah, Selma, Desiree and Robyn. I wasn’t sure who was even on the blue team. The red team won, which meant a bitter Lesley M. and three other gals were sent packing.

Sean, the wishy-washy softy that he is, spent about thirty seconds with the winning ladies before sending Chris Harrison off to pass a note to his other girlfriend. He wanted the blue team to join the cocktail party as well! I would’ve been like, no thanks man, I’m in my pyjamas now. When Sean broke the news to his dates, it seemed like all four women made a “McKayla is Unimpressed” face at the same time.

The most upset person, though, was Tierra. Homegirl wasn’t happy about getting stuck on a two-on-one date with Sean and Jacqueline (though she acted thrilled at the time) and moodily writing in her journal wasn’t cutting it anymore. So she threw on her boots and what I assume is someone else’s blue checked shirt, and she marched down there.

Tierra basically just said “How dare you stiff me with the two-on-one date?” but Sean refuses to see that as self-involved and rude, and instead thinks she’s just sensitive. He promised her it would be fun! Ugh. Poor Jackie never stood a chance.

daniellaOnce Tierra left, it seemed like a free-for-all when it came to getting solo time with Sean. I mean, how short are these dates? Can eight women not get ten minutes each? Rubbing salt in everyone’s wounds, Sean gave the rose to one of the blue team “losers”. This guy is really a sucker for tears, huh? As soon as Daniella broke out the water works, I knew Sean would give her the rose.

Two on One Date – Tierra vs. Jackie

If this date were the Hunger Games, Tierra would be one of those tributes who trains for years in preparation, and Jackie would be one of the sweet kids from a blue collar district who’s expected to get killed first.

jackieJackie did not take the right approach. Sean asked her where she sees herself in a year, and she guided that conversation towards outing Tierra as a two-faced meanie. She told Sean that Tierra was flirting with a cute guy at the airport. Clutch your pearls, ladies! (I mean…Sean is kissing like, twelve different women right now. I have lots of reasons to dislike Tierra, but flirting with a stranger is not one of them.) Sean told Jackie he was glad to know, but that move put her strictly in the friend zone.

Tierra knew she needed to up her game, so she broke out the big guns – a sob story. A sob story always buys someone more time on this show, and by now we all know that Sean loves a girl who needs “fixing”. So Tierra told Sean all about her dead boyfriend who’d been in and out of rehab. Boo hoo. I bet you $10 she was strategically saving that story for the right moment.

Immediately after, Sean handed out the rose. He thanked Tierra for “opening up” and, of course, gave her the rose. Ugh. This guy is the worst! Poor Jackie. She was too cute to be on this show.

Cocktail Party

Seeing Sean keep Tierra over Jackie put all the girls on edge before the rose ceremony, and that in turn made Tierra an even worse person. First, Des spoke to Sean. She insinuated that some of his decisions were giving her doubts, but she was too vague and left Sean questioning her rather than Tierra.

Later, Sean walked by just as Tierra was laying into the other girls for “attacking” her, or whatever. Frustrated, Sean asked Lesley to give him specifics on what the rest of the group dislikes about her. What will it take for a guy to realize that when a woman is disliked by all the other women who ALL like one another, she is almost always exactly what they say she is? At least Lesley was straightforward and honest without being cruel when she discussed Tierra with Sean.

Sean was left confused and frustrated, but it’s hard to have sympathy for a guy who’s being this boneheaded. Tierra’s constant need to reassurance, the fact that she frequently shows up for unscheduled visits during other women’s dates, and her reputation with the other women should all be major red flags.

Lindsay, Daniella and Tierra already had roses when the rose ceremony began. Sean then gave roses to Selma, Katharine, Lesley,  AshLee, Sarah (phew!) and Des. That meant Robyn was the only person going home. Ouch. I rather liked Robyn, and there are some other women who’ve certainly made less of an impression on screen, but apparently not on Sean. We all know this was because Robyn was too vocal about disliking Tierra. The minorities are dwindling on the most diverse season of The Bachelor we’ve ever seen, but let’s be honest – did any of expect that to last?

Sigh. I can’t believe I have to sit through another episode of this tomorrow night. I have badminton and New Girl and The Mindy Project on Tuesdays! I don’t want this crap to be a priority, but you know I’m gonna want to blog about whatever medical emergency Tierra is going to concoct.

PS: Last week we saw Sean unable to start a car, this week the episode ended with Sean unable to chop wood. This emasculating humor is what I want to see more of!



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Jill Mader

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