THE RAGER! Eliminating Thoughts to Make Space for ‘Mania (Rock, CM Punk, John Cena)

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In 2012, we saw a surprisingly good year for PPVs in WWE with the only exceptions being last year’s Elimination Chamber and Summer Slam and that had more to do with not living up to the high expectations. Then we saw on the flip side, the PPVs that we had very low expectations ended up being some of the best. Will this year’s Elimination Chamber fit that mold since I had incredibly low expectations for it in the days leading to the show?

Pre-Show Match: The Dancing Bears vs Rhodes Scholars
Yes, I’ve adopted the name The Dancing Bears for Tensai and Brodus because it’s what Matt Striker called them in the preshow. When I first heard about it, I thought either he is completely oblivious to internet porn or the guy is completely addicted to internet porn and it’s slowly making it’s way in his on-air references. Either way, the content of that particular brand of internet shenanigans is a perfect analogy of them being on a pre-show (it’s essentially foreplay) and it also represents how I feel about that particular tag team (they suck…a lot). Don’t judge me, I’m simply your typical warm-blooded American that finds an enormous amount of humor in fringe internet obsessions that involve bachelorette parties and dudes in a bear mascot costume. And just like those videos and this match, the match ended exactly how we thought it would.

Porn references within the first 200 words of this week’s RAGER, +10 points for me.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Alberto Del Rio(c) vs Big Show
Remember last year when Big Show was annoying the crap out of everyone and left for a few months and then magically wasn’t annoying us as much anymore? I feel like he’s getting back to that point and it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if he decided to leave for a bit again. The best thing about this match was the fact that this would be the last one for these two. Well, I take that back. Del Rio missing the bucket was probably the best thing about this match.

US Championship Match: Antonio Cesaro(c) vs Miz
As always, Antonio was impressive and Miz did his best not to screw-up. And I know the shot to the Mizfits was planned and all but it still looked confusing.

#NotAFace

Elimination Chamber Match: Daniel Bryan vs Chris Jericho vs Randy Orton vs Jack Swagger vs Kane vs Mark Henry
Not a bad match, I thought. The down side of it was the beginning of the end for Team Friendship but at least that ensures that both will have something to do at Mania, right? And seeing how Ziggler didn’t cash in, that threw my Jericho prediction out the window, although I thought Jericho did a really good job holding the entire match together. And I am pleased with Swagger’s recent work, a man who has apparently taken it upon himself to empower the racist, homophobic homeless. Obviously, he’s just doing his Christian duty, right? And now we’re set up to see Swagger and Del Rio at Wrestlemania because arguments over racial equality and hegemonic mindsets is exactly what we were missing on our little wrestling shows.

The Shield vs Super Friends
A good match with an unexpected ending and I am left thoroughly impressed with The Shield. Yes, they impressed us with their TLC match in December but we have yet to see the 3 of them in a simple wrestling match as a team and seeing them hold their own and then rejuvenated a dying story. The has story has been dying out because of the revolving door of opponents opposing them, basically whoever felt like coming to Ryback’s aid week after week. They threw in Cena after Rumble (because they interfered with a match he had nothing to do with, that makes sense) because the guy needed something to do for a month. Then last night, sinister Cena made no mention of being part of the losing team, even though he was fully conscious and right next to the guy getting pinned. Instead of being super face Cena and admitting he cost his team the loss, he ignored it and talked about Rock. I guess I can’t complain too much because we got Jericho in his place and Shield put on another really good match.

Dolph Ziggler vs Kofi Kingston
I’m pretty sure the only reason this was put together was so we could see this spot again.

Diva’s Championship: Kaitlyn(‘s boobs)(c) vs Tamina
I blinked and missed this match but Kaitlyn won and I have no idea if this is continuing. The Diva’s division needs a lot of work and I don’t mean that in the “WWE needs to get their act together and blah blah blah” because they’ve already shown they can’t pull this off on their own. No, we need women in the division willing to step up and develop their own character and find some way to make their matches compelling so that WWE has no choice but to put them on television every week. It’s easy to blame those in charge but what are YOU doing to change it?

WWE Championship Match: The Rock(c) vs CM Punk
First off, Punk as a troll is just fun to watch some times, especially the jabs at Rock getting winded. I don’t wanna dog Rock too much so I will try my best to say nice things about him…

The Rock has always been really good at getting his ass kicked throughout the entire match before he swoops in and wins.

That’s it, that’s my attempt. The more I look at all the evidence around this match and on Raw, the more I’m convinced that we will get a triple threat match at Mania and I’m okay with it. Sure, I was warming up to the idea of Punk/Taker but I was really not looking forward to Twice in a Lifetime at all. If we don’t get Taker this year, I would rather see Punk in the title picture rather than try to fit him in an inorganic feud with a random person before Mania. Plus throwing Punk in would add a new element to Rock/Cena so it’s something different from what we’ve seen already. Besides, do you really think WWE is comfortable, at this juncture, for Cena, Rock or Punk to lose cleanly in a one-on-one contest? Sure, some could say that Punk/Rock II kinda ended cleanly but it left some doubt after Punk had a 14 count after the ref was knocked out.

With it being my birthday week, after Raw this week, I started a twitter idea. If it were your birthday and you could grant any WWE-related wish you wanted? What would it be? I went with a Cody/Goldust match at WM29 (not exactly earth-shattering, I know but it would be good to see). Follow us on @CRAttire and let us know what some of your #WWEBirthday wishes would be. And speaking of Classy Ring Attire, be on the lookout for this week’s podcast with Blair Douglas.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: Revenge

Chris is a writer from Fayetteville, NC. He's the co-creator of Irrelevant But Awesome Productions which produces podcasts you all know and love like Classy Ring Attire, Trashy Ring Attire and The Disney Magic Podcast. You can keep up with everything on twitter by following @IBAStudios and @CWSanders39