I had an interesting piece on some more Star Wars bits, ready to go as an alternate because I thought I was going to buying a house this past week. Unfortunately…. Shenanigans.
Shenanigans ensued and my ascent into home ownership has thusly been delayed a week.
So that piece has been booted to next week, thus making this week a relatively easy one. It’s Oscar weekend, or was at least, and now for the rest of their careers a number of professionals will be able to forevermore call themselves “Academy Award winning” something or other. For some it becomes multiple time “Academy Award winning” something or other, of course, and decades of marketing will now make it more difficult to tell if something is good or not.
I wish I had something longer, or wittier, to write about the Oscars. Here are my 10 thoughts on the whole evening.
10. Wow … Seth MacFarlane isn’t funny. There’s a difference in being a stand up comic and being funny, of course, and he’s funny but obviously was never a good stand up. It’s in the delivery and this is poor delivery of mediocre jokes. Even his own jokes about how patently unfunny he is are more funny because they’re true as opposed to being funny for comic’s sake. It’s kind of shocking that a guy who could make so much good comedy would wind up being so patently unfunny considering the sheer volume of time he’s had to prepare. Usually it’s pretty hard to bomb this bad yet he’s done it. Looking back can we just let Hugh Jackman do a song and dance number of his choosing instead of doing the “obvious pandering to young viewers” method that MacFarlane is? I mean when you’re making Smokey and the Bandit jokes as the highlight of your monologue you’re not exactly aiming high. If they’re trying to appeal to this younger set of viewers to bump up ratings then you should be making better jokes than something a hack comic from the late ’70s would’ve used.
When you’re making people pine for Billy Crystal in blackface you know you done wrong, just saying.
9. 21 nominations, six awards in the Best Supporting Actor. That’s impressive in any right but this is a really amazing group of nominees. I just wish they had less total awards on screen so we could get a better sense of the performances. A quick blurb isn’t enough. I can live with Waltz with another win, as well. Shocked the Academy would award him one more time so soon but he was so good in it. Now watch as his next roll is as Ernst Blofield in the next Bond film, thereby raising the profile of perhaps the least known two-time Oscar winner ever.
8. Paperman was better than most films I saw this year. The Simpsons short was in that same spot; it was kind of a bad year for film when plenty of shorts are better than most of the films released. Glad it got an Oscar. Almost as good as some of the feature length animated films of the year. Pixar winning for Brave was a shocker. Great film, don’t kid yourself, but it didn’t have the same buzz as a number of their past winners. The fact that Brave was kind of an upset win is something.
7. Life of Pi was not a good film but a great technical marvel. Good thing that Academy got that right at least. But Ang Lee for Best Director? That was the shocker of the night.
6. They need better “play off” music than the orchestra. This would make the point a bit easier for everyone to figure out, honestly.
It’s either that or they install a trap door underneath the stage to get rid of someone speaking too long. That would be really sweet, though, as the sheer looks of fright would be awesome.
5. How do you make a tribute to James Bond without bringing together, on stage, the guys who actually played him? It can’t be that difficult, seriously. I don’t need a tribute from the gal singing “Goldfinger” as a sloppy tribute to the greatest spy in cinema history. Considering they’ve essentially ignored the franchise for 50 years the fact that they gave a weak tribute to it only makes it worse. My childhood consisted of two great literary characters: Sherlock Holmes and James Bond. Bond’s got 23 films and some of the greatest moments in movie history and THIS is what it gets as tribute? I’d rather see Channing Tatum, who looks like he has the emotional range of an invalid on stage apparently, do the laser scene from Goldfinger with sock puppets than what essentially amounted to them cutting footage from Bond films into a North by Northwest montage with a live musical performance of the theme from the greatest Bond film of them all. She was good but was it really necessary? Plus, as my buddy Nick the Stand Up said: “Using Halle Berry, Bond girl in maybe the worst Bond film ever, to introduce a 50 Years of Bond tribute is like having Jimmy Carter honor US Presidents.”
4. Best moment of the night? The tribute to movie musicals. I have a soft spot in my heart for the movie musical and it was just enough to wet the appetite but not enough to kill it. Except for Russell Crowe singing; I dig him as an actor but he’s not a gifted vocalist. It’s sad when he’s the weak point of a film. I did enjoy everyone sang live for the most part; lip-synching is easier and I understand why someone would want to do it. You don’t want to flub it on the biggest event of the year in your industry. I can respect someone more when they lay it on the line and do it without a net by singing live, though, and there’s an authenticity to it that you can feel. It felt right when Anne Hathaway won after crushing it during the musical medley.
I do wish Russell Crowe had finished off the Les Mis song by decapitating an extra with a sword and then screamed “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!? IS THAT NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE?” before getting into a scrap with Jackman, Wolverine claws extended, as in the meat head version of Less Miserables that I’m trying to get a Kickstarter for.
3. Seth MacFarlane wasn’t funny … but his lending a voice to Ted as he presented with Mark Wahlberg was. Wahlberg reacting to the tie was interesting; the odds to tie for an Oscar are off the chart and has only happened three times in Academy history.
2. Quentin Tarantino got another Oscar … welcome to being Woody Allen, QT. It’s not a bad place to be but don’t get your hopes up for a “Best Director” award until you’ve been passed over more than Scorsese was.
1. And Argo for the win. Affleck may not have gotten a Best Director win, like he should’ve, but this should be a good consolation prize.
A Movie A Week – The Challenge
This Week’s DVD – Argo
I reviewed this theatrically right here
I thought it was the best film of 2012, of course, and thought it was going to win Best Picture from the first time I saw it. Incredible film, too, and something that put the final touches on Ben Affleck as the best director of his generation.
It’s a simple premise. During the Iranian revolution of 1979 that resulted in Americans being held hostage a group from the embassy managed to escape, hidden by Canada. They wound up getting out in one of the craziest stories that is so bizarre that it can only be true. The CIA wound up using the cover of a Canadian film crew making a Star Wars rip-off to smuggle them back into the United States.
Watching it on DVD is a different but similar experience to the theatres. The majesty of that opening shot and sense of dread feels a little different because you don’t have nearly as big a screen to view it on. However the claustrophobia of watching it at home, of knowing how little space they had (and you have) gives it a much more intense feel to it. It’s an interesting change for a viewing experience, of course, but the reasons why I loved it in theatres are the same for why I loved it on DVD.
Best film of 2012 by me and the Academy Awards. So see it … or if you see me, you can borrow mine.
What Looks Good This Weekend, and I Don’t Mean the $2 Pints of Bass Ale and community college co-eds with low standards at the Alumni Club
21 and Over – A nervous, twitchy type gets super-wasted on his 21st birthday. Shenanigans ensue.
See It – It’s got a pretty solid cast and R-rated comedies like this usually have some redeemable qualities.
Jack the Giant Slayer – Bryan Singer goes all “Jack and the Beanstalk” as a badass action film
See It – Outside of the Superman film Singer’s been absolutely money in his film-making.
The Last Exorcism Part II – The girl who gave birth to the thingie in the first film is back.
Skip It – Part 2? Really? Not quite as “last” as it was advertised the first time.
Phantom (2013) – A submarine with a secret weapon onboard leads to complications.
Skip It – I love the cast but the film isn’t being publicized heavily. For a wide release that tells you something, like they’re dumping it into theatres for a quick moment before it goes to video.
Scott “Kubryk” Sawitz brings his trademarked irreverence and offensive hilarity to Twitter in 140 characters or less. Follow him @ScottSawitz .
