One of the joys of being a freelance writer is that I get to do things just because I want to find out things. I’ve asked high school kids their favourite Beatles song (‘Help’ was number one, but number 10 was a concern – ‘Jumping Jack Flash’). I’ve driven a car at the speed limit and noted who overtook me (empty taxis and police cars predominantly). I’ve done a taste test with Pepsi, Coke, Schweppes Cola and supermarket brand cola and asked people to tell the difference (75% did).
This past fortnight I did another one of them.
I loaded a heap of songs onto my laptop and went to a place where a bunch of music lovers were hanging out. I split the music into three categories – classic rock, rap & hip-hop, and country. I then asked the people to look at songs from whatever categories they liked the music from and give them a score out of 10.
Now here’s the kicker: every song was sung whole or in part by a wrestler.
No: I didn’t make them listen to entire songs; I had 37 songs and a minute or so of each was enough. And each song had to have a video clip of some sort that I could get hold of AND that was at least a little bit related to the song, not just a still photo while the song played in the background. Only 5 people sat through the whole lot, stating they liked all music genres. Also, the people on the whole were split about 20-80 wrestling fans to non-fans.
I then asked participants if any of them knew of any other songs featuring wrestlers they liked. That is how the Rock and Wyclef Jean made this list. Enough people said it existed and gave it a score for it to appear here.
A few suggested wrestling theme songs, but this is songs that actually have a wrestler down as one of the performers. Quite a few did not make the top of each category (obviously), so if your favourite isn’t here, there’s a chance (a) the wrestler didn’t sing it, or (b) it didn’t make the top whatever, or (c) I couldn’t find a video, or (d) I didn’t know it existed.
Section 1: ROCK
Rock and roll, 80s rock, hair metal, that sort of thing. 15 songs were included, and here are the top 5.
5. Jesse Ventura – ‘I’ve Got The Body’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xt2KwpBbdWg]
Classic 80s bit of fluff rock. Play air guitar and do air body poses as this tune pumps out across the neighbourhood. “I’ve got the body and I’ve got the moves” indeed.
Average score: 4.9/10
4. WWF Wrestlers – ‘Land Of 1000 Dances’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Low82FuzJ7k]
A cheesy but fun version of the Chris Kenner classic. To quote one of the girls who watched it: “They can’t sing and they don’t care! I love that!”
Average score: 5.2/10
3. Junkyard Dog – ‘Grab Them Cakes’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3e_FPuBToU]
Oh yes! I loved this song when I was a kid, and I am so glad it got good votes.
Average score: 6.5/10
2. Koko B. Ware – ‘Piledriver’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXlOWjobOZU]
This guy has a great voice! It also has one of the better music videos from 1980s wrestling.
Average score: 6.7/10
1. Michael Hayes – ‘Badstreet USA’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emKxRo1a3cs]
A surprise favourite for the people I interviewed. One of the groups I showed it to insisted on watching the whole video and by the end of the second viewing they were doing the Michael Hayes impersonations and having a good time. What more can I say?
Average score: 7.1/10
Section 2: RAP/HIP-HOP
Let me say from the outset that this sort of music is music I dislike. But I know it is popular so I found easily the largest number of songs to play – 15 were included but there were more than 20 I could find. I picked the 15 I did purely by whether I had heard of the songs before. So there are 15 songs, but as I mentioned there was a 16th ring-in. Here’s the top 5, with a tie for 5th.
=5. MVP – ‘Holla To The World’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPY6yTHyaTs]
Viewer quote: “That’s pretty good for a wrestler.”
Average score: 6.8/10
=5. Zack Ryder – ‘Hoeski’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUkG7R9F8HY]
Viewer quote: “That’s pretty funny and cool. But that guy doesn’t look like a wrestler.”
Average score: 6.8/10
4. Randy Savage – ‘Perfect Friend’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1Jdtk_EicE]
Viewer quote: “Oh, that’s so sad. He must really have liked that guy.” (She was serious; she meant sad as in depressing, upsetting.)
Average score: 6.9/10
3. Wyclef Jean & The Rock – ‘It Doesn’t Matter’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAag-nlCJQ0]
Viewer Quote: “I love the Rock and this song is just so awesome.”
Average score: 7.3/10
2. John Cena – ‘Bad, Bad Man’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nnby-QFP53o]
Viewer quote: “I heard this before I knew he was a wrestler. He’s a pretty good rapper.”
Average score: 7.5/10
1. John Cena – ‘My Time Is Now’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JAa3NvP6f4]
Viewer Quote: “I heard that song at the basketball the other week. It’s not too bad, is it?”
Average score: 7.8/10
Section 3: COUNTRY
I could only find 7 country songs actually sung by wrestlers, so here are the top 4. I don’t mind country music, but it’s certainly not my favourite.
4. Hillbilly Jim – ‘Don’t Go Messin’ With A Country Boy’
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NMvRnpDCzo
(Embedding disabled – sorry.)
Old-fashioned country music that is really a bit of fun. Can’t deny it’s catchy.
Average score: 5.8/10
3. Mickie James – ‘Hardcore Country’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Q4i6m-afHQ]
This one featured much higher than I would have expected, but the people who judged it liked her and her voice. Seriously.
Average score: 6/10
2. West Texas Rednecks – ‘Rap Is Crap’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHihfxE0ZTk]
Like many of the country songs, it’s a little bit cheaty as the wrestlers only join in on the chorus, but I am glad this featured so high. Curt Hennig looks like he is having the best time. And what gets me is that, in front of southern USA audiences, this was supposed to be the song of a heel group.
Average score: 7.2/10
1. James Storm and Montgomery Gentry – ‘Longnecks And Rednecks’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hhGKdalPh4]
Another cheat with Storm only featuring in the chorus, but it came out well ahead.
Average score: 7.8/10
Section 4: REJECTED
This section is across the three genres, and features the songs that received an average score of less than 1 out of 10. Some surprises here, but some that fully deserve their position.
AWA Wrestlers – ‘Wrestlerock Rumble’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdnB7OLHNwM]
One of 2 songs that got not one single solitary vote at all whatsoever.
Average score: 0/10
Hulk Hogan – ‘I Want To Be A Hulkamaniac’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_VAmSsZRcs]
And the second song. One guy actually asked me if he could give a negative score and another what this was doing in the rap/hip-hop section. Fair call.
Average score: 0/10
Jerry Lawler – ‘Wimpbusters’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjgwAfi9eIo]
Let’s get the party started (or whatever the cool kids say these days)! Well, if you want to start your wrestling themed party, can there be any better than Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler do a poor man’s Weird Al Yankovic impersonation with a parody song of his own? Can there? Didn’t think so.
Average score: 0.4/10
Shawn Michaels – ‘Sexy Boy’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yx5NNwUwHEY]
This surprised me, but maybe some people just don’t appreciate narcissism in music.
Average score: 0.7/10
John Cena – ‘Right Now’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b94S-j6R4gk]
After featuring so well already, there is this. Ah well, swings and roundabouts.
Average score: 0.7/10
R-Truth – ‘What’s Up’
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ST_2pcI4Y8]
To quote one viewer: “What in the hell is he saying?”
Average score: 0.9/10
So there you go. 21 modern music classics (and that term here is used completely wrongly). Enjoy and I hope the ear-worms don’t kill you.
