The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 04.18.13
Taped from Corpus Christi, TX
Your hosts are Todd Keneley, Taz and Mike Tenay.
Plugs! First up, I have a brand new Kindle book: “Scott’s Blog of Doom Presents: The SmarK RAW Rants 2012″ covering all my RAW reviews for the past year. Check it out on Amazon! It was supposed to have been live as of a few hours ago, but I haven’t seen it up yet. Also, I did a one hour podcast on shiningwizards.com today, covering my online career, the current product, and a bunch of other fun stuff. Check it out!
I switched from my beloved Office 2010 Starter to the fancy new Office 365 because amazingly you can’t insert a table of contents in Starter, and I kinda need that for creating Kindle books. So basically I’m renting Office from Microsoft for $10 a month now. It’s pretty swank, though. I love my shiny new toys, what can I say?
Meanwhile, Devon gives Team Brischoff a pep talk, and he wants assurances that they’re gonna get the job done.
Garrett Bischoff & Wes Brisco v. Kurt Angle
I have to wonder about the safety of the Aces guys working with chains hanging off their gear. Angle stomps on Wes in the corner and invites Bischoff into the match for a further beating. Angle dominates both guys and we take a break. Back with Brisco hitting a nutshot and allowing Bischoff to take over with a suplex for two. Brisco with a corner clothesline for two and we hit the chinlock, but Angle makes the comeback and suplexes the shit out of them with a double german. Angle Slam for Bischoff gets two and he applies the anklelock while the other Aces come to ringside. “Now it’s an even fight!” notes Taz. Bischoff hits Angle with a chain and pins him at 11:00. Pretty simplistic stuff, but that’s wise with the limitations of the heels. **1/2
X title: Kenny King v. Zema Ion v. Petey Williams
Ion gets dumped to start and the referee is wearing a camera on his head. Finally, the missing piece of the puzzle to get TNA into the big leagues! Petey quickly hits the Destroyer on King for two, but Ion breaks it up and steals a two count himself. Petey with a headscissors takedown for two, but Ion gets a neckbreaker for two. Petey cleans house, but Ion gets a jawbreaker and Petey hits King on the floor with a dive. Back in, Petey makes the mistake of messing up Ion’s hair, and a DDT gets two as a result. Moonsault hits knee and Petey gets a Sharpshooter in a nice sequence, but Kenny breaks that up and pins Ion at 5:47. Felt pretty disjointed, with mostly King on the floor. **1/2
TV title: Devon v. Magnus
This never happens, as the Aces lay out Magnus on the ramp and he doesn’t make it to the ring.
Miss Tessmacher v. Mickie James
ODB remains your special referee. The girls fight for a lockup and both of them bitch at ODB about it. Tess with a rollup for two, but Mickie takes her down with an armbar, forcing them into the ropes and onto the floor for some hair-pulling bitchery. Back in, Tess with a facejam for two and the stinkface, which gets two. This match is DEATH. I don’t know where this anti-chemistry is coming from. Mickie goes up with the senton for two, but they clothesline each other and Mickie makes the comeback. She counters a rollup and gets the pin at 7:30, by which I mean 7 hours 30 minutes. *
Meanwhile, Bad Influence are the THREE BEST FRIENDS THAT ANYONE COULD HAVE.
Meanwhile, Team 3D reunites to abuse Joseph Park in the locker room.
Bad Influence is out to celebrate Churro Guerrero’s team winning the tag titles back, because now they’re the #1 contenders and will soon be getting their belts back. Aries & Roode come out to argue, and Daniels notes that with the exchange rate, Roode’s opinion is only worth 3/4 of the others’. That’s a bold-faced lie. It turns into a HILARIOUS snark-fest with everyone talking over each other, but sadly, the champs chase them all off. Jesus, how much are they PAYING Chavo that we have to endure this neverending push?
TV Title: Devon v. Samoa Joe
So with Magnus out, Joe gets the shot instead, which marks the first time he’s defended the title almost since winning it. Joe attacks but Devon turns the tide with a cheapshot and goes to the chinlock, but Joe comes back with the enzuigiri. And here’s the Aces AGAIN, allowing Anderson to knock Joe out and put Devon on top for the pin at 3:30. This was nothing. ½*
James Storm v. AJ Styles
Kind of surprised they brought AJ back to the ring this soon into the storyline. Storm attacks him on the ramp and tries the helicopter slam out there, but AJ escapes and beats on him in the ring. AJ with a clothesline and we take a break. Back with AJ holding a chinlock, and they slug it out, allowing Storm to make the comeback. Storm with an F5 for two and they go up, but AJ escapes a superplex and crotches him. Bad Influence comes out to cheer on AJ and they fight to the floor, but Storm gets the codebreaker on the way back into the ring. AJ blocks the superkick and rolls him up with a rolling anklelock, ala Austin’s old Hollywood and Vine hold, and Storm taps at 10:40. **3/4 Daniels and Kaz offer their congratulations, but AJ turns on them, too. And then it’s yet another Aces beatdown as AJ walks away from the whole thing. NOT BAD INFLUENCE! They’re too beautiful for that kind of treatment!
The Pulse
Pretty average show. After months of the Aces looking like total losers, they’re going in the complete opposite direction with it, but strong heels are never a bad thing.
