Forever Heel: All the Wrestling News that’s Fit to Power Bomb

Columns, Top Story

Chris Sabin Leaves TNA: I gather we see much of Alpha Female either. I say good riddance. We trade Sabin and White Chyna for Angelina Love and the reforming of The Beautiful People. Finally little girls will have two more women to look up to, along with Eva Marie.

WWE Unhappy with the Audience’s Reaction to Undertaker’s Loss: It’s not all bad, WWE was happy with the audience’s shock, but they needed a better reaction. I can’t believe this was even reported. How the F’ do you measure shock and compare it to reaction? Why isn’t WWE analyzing the reaction to their boring tv shows and talent? Orton, Rusev, and Curtis Axel are not helping out the heel side either. Hopefully Bo Dallas, and a Dolph/Miz team up can get some hijinks in for the summer? Sorry this was a little rantish, but as we all know, heels are my thing.

Sting Signs Contract with WWE: Sting has signed with The WWE, but it’s unclear if he’ll be on TV. He may just work a few ppv’s, or have a backstage role. He also may join WWE Special Forces, and join the ranks of S.T.O.M.P. and be sent on a mission to space with Marc Mero (look this up it’s all there). I don’t care what he does as long as he stays out-of-the-way. Ever since he screwed Hogan out of the belt at Starcade ’97, I haven’t liked the guy. Fans didn’t even like Sting, but Eric Bischoff was nice enough to keep him in WCW.  Bisch had to do that because NWO Sting was so beloved in Japan, and had to stay.

Elijah Burke and Lance Hoyt May Join Jarrett’s GWA(I forgot what it’s really called.): Well I wasn’t going to watch Jarrett’s new Fed, but with these two stallions I’ll make sure to notice this Fed when it starts in 5 years. I also hear the big Tough Enough guy wants in GWA? Wow all they need is Commissioner Lugar, and someone to play Vice President of Bikini Relations? Hopefully they can have Scott Steiner and El Gigante debate the impact of Common Core Education on America’s children? We all know Russo will join as GWA’s food supervisor, and eventually begin to takeover for Creative? We will see Heidenreich VS Vladimir Kozlov in a WWII grudge match. I guess Kenzo Suzuki will join the roster later? He and Heidenreich can give Rene Dupree a beat down, and died with Rob Terry. See booking is just that easy, lads.

Ultimate Warrior Dies: I never cared much for this guy, but I started watching his promos on YouTube. I thought they were great. I’ve seen “Self-Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior”, and wasn’t impressed with WWE’s handling of his history. I don’t believe he held up WWE for money, because he would’ve been let go and blacklisted into oblivion. He probably would’ve been sued to He’ll too, this was in the 90’s. I may believe this story if it was in the USWA, and Warrior was dealing with Randy Gales, but come on Vince would’ve had Warrior for breakfast? I also find it funny that King was so annoyed by Warrior’s baseball cap. I do find Warrior’s weird homoerotic bondage love wired though. What was with that comic book? Also his run in WCW had him enslave The Disciple. Maybe it’s because I live in LA, but these scenarios scream “man love”. Bret’s book also mentions Warrior being a real dick to his young fans. I’m glad Sgt Slaughter took Warrior’s WWE Championship because it was time to give the belt to a real hero. All of you please stand for the Iraqi National Anthem!

Jason the Terrible Signs with GWA: This can’t be true, but the guy who wrote this went out of his way to fantasy book a new Team Canada. A faction lead by Vampiro that would also hopefully include Ryno, Petey Williams, and Jonny Devine. Winter would play Vampiro’s girl. This sounded cool to me, but I doubt Vampiro and Jason the Terrible can still go? Also I’ve had my fill of evil Canadian factions. Finally Jeff Jerrett hasn’t said much about the GWA. I would only believe press releases, or I turn into one of those guys that waits for Sting every Monday night.

CH Punk comes from Beverly Hills, California; but considers himself a citizen of the World. Punk also turned heel at age 5, after receiving a LJN Iron Sheik figure for Christmas. On that day he vowed he would stuff his Sheik figure up Hulk Hogan's nose, to ruin Hulkamania. By 1995 Hogan had already ruined it without CH's help.